Change is good!

I changed my blog template (just another random one.... need to custom that more). I have changed my tag line to better fit me but I am keeping the name.

Final decision!

Wow I can't believe how long it has been since I really, really posted much other than my random "Should I keep or dump the blog" thoughts.

The past year has been both very sad and very good at the same time. Funny how things change and how life just kinda passes by.

Nothing really big has happened in my life though. My kids are still the same, though growing more and more independent and into grown ups everyday. Even the little one has changed so much in the past year. He is so funny and is learning so much! My daughter is nearly driving age which I just can't even imagine at this point but it is coming faster and faster. My other son is so smart and so funny but so misunderstood by his peers and even some adults. He is very special and very unique.

I guess that was a little backwards in posting about them but it was how it came to me.

Goofball and I are good. He is so amazing. Such a great person, treats me so well and I just can't imagine that this was missing from my life for.... well ever until June 2006.... and it just seems like it is better everyday. We don't live together but we get together often and just hang out. My kids think he is great and they are starting to try more foods because of him. I can't take credit at all!

My pup is not really a pup anymore. He is over 2 yrs old and is so smart which is awesome and frustrating at the same time. He has learned our morning routine and knows the days we are going to school/work meaning he will be in his kennel all day. He gets so sad on those mornings. He isn't allowed in my room on work day mornings because he hides under the bed.

I still struggle with daily things (as you read in my below post) but time doesn't stop so I just deal and move on.

For those going through a divorce now, new to the single mom thing, just give yourself a break. Do what you can, know and understand you can't control everything and try to be civil for the kids. It has made a world of difference in my life. I still have road bump moments but overall, life is good.

Good or bad mom?? I am not sure

This weekend I went to the zoo with my kids, my aunt and her two grandchildren. It was a great day! Cool but not cold, just warm enough and not tooo sunny either. Just perfect.

The kids range in age from 14 to 2 yrs old. They all enjoyed it!!

So to back up a step or two, my daughter has never been very maternal, even for a child her age (now 14). I am not expecting her to be like all "Ooohhh babies!" and know what to do. However, I remember babysitting at age 11 and really knowing what to do most of the times... I mean as moms (and dads) we don't always know what is wrong for our kids.

Anyway, you know what I mean, some people just have a natural maternal/nurturing instinct.

Back to the day at the zoo. K was trying to keep up with her little cousin S. S is a typical 2 year old, busy and as a lot of new things to see and do. Now K, she likes little kids but like I said, no maternal instinct, very clumsy and looks to me like what the heck do I do? It was cute.

I mentioned to my Aunt my observation. She agreed but then said everyone used to say she would be a great mom and then she wasn't (or didn't feel like she was.... My cousin was a bit of a troublemaker. I love him but.... he got in some trouble. He is a great man now).

I said, I understand because I feel the same about me.... Not sure I am a good mom. I don't feel like I am. I get a lot of negative feedback. I have an ongoing self-esteem issue left by their dad. Many people comment how many boys are so loud or have to be kept very busy or they get bored, etc. I second guess myself all the time. I don't feel like I do enough or it isn't good enough and I am not as involved or they aren't.

I want someone, just one person, to reassure me. Someone that knows me, knows my kids, knows deep down, maybe, they are good kids. I mean really they aren't bad. There are some things I could do better but I am on my own against 3 so I pick my battles and it seems to work okay for us, and really isn't that what matters.... I just wish I could be so confident in my life and choices as I am writing this.

Hurricane Ike

He is on his way but where will he land!? Could it be here.... See the blue and gray line, they both come here. Yikes! I really, really hope it doesn't only because I am a bit anxious. No matter how many of these I go through, this would my first with just me and the kids. I am scared out of my mind to do this as a single mom. I have no plan at all and a million questions. I am prepared to stay put but what if I need to leave? I can't even take all my pets if I leave. How could I just leave my cats behind? How do I entertain three children if the power goes out.... alone?

Okay so I know there are people worse off than me and I hate to wish this storm on others but I really want it to stay far south of us.... or heck just disappear.

But it is coming near enough that we will have effects from it. We are suppose to get winds and rain starting Friday afternoon/evening. (Means I don't get to see Goofball on Friday, whah! but that's okay, we got children to take care of)

I got water, batteries, flashlights, snacks for if the power goes out. I got a couple of puzzles and a new game in case we have to entertain each other without power (I also have stacks of other games). I am going to make sure the cell phones are charged, MP3 players charged. The car is already full of gas. Yard is clean. I have emergency numbers that I need for work. My parents are close. My aunt and uncle are close. We have a couple of secure rooms if needed.

And, really I have done this several times before so I can do it. I have done it.

Now we wait.

I thought I would going to try to write something for each day through Saturday and have them automatically publish. But I have decided to take a temporary break instead. Just until the Hurricane passes and we get back to normal. I just can't think of anything else right now.

Please keep us all in your thoughts. I will keep checking blogs as long as we have power but I won't be writing until after.

UPDATE: It has taken a shift more East.... Towards us. Going to Freeport, Tx at this point. Freeport is where a lot of my Beach pics were taken. It is not that far.... well about an hour or so from here. Ack! I honestly don't know what to wish for because I don't want to wish it on the poor folks that got Rita, Gustav or Katrina.... They have had enough.... but who really says, "Cool, bring it on!" Okay maybe some but not most. Trying to stay calm for the kids. They are nervous enough.

Where do they all go?

So I have noticed lately that all my plastic food storage containers have gone missing, and really not all of them, just the lid or just the container. I either have one or the other but in very few cases do I have both!

What’s up with that?

It is a mystery for sure, like where the missing socks are, or what happened to the dinosaurs, or what’s that thing in the night sky?

I know not too long ago I had almost every single one. I know this because my oldest niece went through my cabinet and matched everything! There were a few that didn’t have a mate but most all of them did. Now just the opposite is true.

This is not good because I have to make some really big changes in my life; most specifically in what I and the kids eat. I know it and have known it for a long time…. And really it takes a lot of organization for me to do this and stick to it. Hence the need for the storage containers (as well as baggies and well a whole list of things)

I want to and have to start taking my lunch to work (like I did today). I need to cut up veggies and fruit to make them more readily available and need to be able to pack these items easily. I also need to get something to carry drinks with me. I guess I could just buy bottled water but (and this is not a bad thing exactly) the kids just plow through the water bottles so sometimes we run out long before I can go buy more. The rule will be that bottles only when taking drinks out of the house. Water in the house can come from filtered water into a cup! (Yes I need to explain in that much detail to them!)

Why the sudden need to eat better? I have always been a bit of a slacker here. Trying to save myself some frustration, time and energy; however, I am going to the doctor next week and I know I will need to make these changes in order to fix what is wrong. I have not felt right for a while, and I’m pretty sure it is food and weight related (like totally duh! Right?) It is also probably stress, lifestyle and depression/anxiety related. I am just hoping that this is it; that this is all that is wrong…. These are easier fixes!

So I am taking small steps now to get to the goal I want (happy and healthy and feeling good). So far I have almost completely eliminated sodas which are my biggest problem and I have almost completely cut those out. I had one today but I haven’t had one in ….. well just less than a week but it was several days in a row without and then before that slip it was several days in a row…. The one I had today I only took a few sips before I realized, I just don’t like this anymore! That is huge!

Anyway, this is not a resolution because of the New Year. It is just a realization that my health is in jeopardy right now and I do not want my ex to get the kids!

So now, I just need to make a shopping trip to get more storage containers! Oh and a few other things but organization is going to be huge in getting this to work and stick.