Lack of friends discussion.... again....

Not sure what to say. I am feeling a bit depressed at the moment. Not sure if it is because I have been sick for a week now and haven't been sleeping well but tonight (or really early this morning), I am feeling particularly lonely.

And lately I have been thinking about friends a lot, again. I have talked about my lack of friends, or at least in the immediate area and my lack of.... gosh, I don't know. Just friends.

So yesterday K and I were talking about friends, and what makes a best friend. She said it was time she has known them is the first factor, then how they treat her, etc.

I have one friend that I rarely talk to that I have known since 5th grade. I give her the credit for teaching me all the bad words and how to use them. Love her! But sadly our life's just don't cross as much as I would like and she has expressed the same. She lives about 30-40 mins from me which might as well be on the other side of the world. She has 3 small children and I, of course, have mine. It is just kind of sad because when we have been able to get together, it is great, like time had not passed so much.

Then I have another friend. She is one I will always consider my best friend because she just gets me like nobody else ever has. K's middle name is for her. I haven't seen her in person since 2000.... How sad is that? I miss her a lot but have a funny way of showing it because I rarely email her anymore. I don't call. I don't text. I suck!!!! She is just the best person though and I know that if I need anything, I can just say the word and if possible, she does it. Usually I just need to talk because like I said, nobody gets me like her.

I also have another local friend who I used to share an office with in my first post-Navy job. I love her a lot!!! Our life's have taken different paths but we have tried to stay in touch. She is just a sweet person and I love having her in my life because I think in some ways she is so different from me and I admire her for that. But in others, we are so much alike. She has one little boy (just turned 2!!!) and a little girl on the way soon. She also lives about 30-40 mins from me. Hard to get together.

Then I have all my Internet Friends.... I just don't even have the words to describe what they mean to me. They have gotten me through some very tough times because they are always there. The Internet is never closed. It is on even in the middle of the night. There are select ones that I have been closer to at times than others and some I am not close to at all but I know that if I need a slap back to reality someone will do it or if I need a pick-me-up, they will do that too. We live all over and have been part of a group for over 6 years now. I would soooo be lost without them.

I would mention Goofball here but this is really about female friends. He is awesome despite the fact he wanted me to write about what an ass he is, just to see what the reaction is from my readers. Even if you can be an ass, you haven't been to me!!! (yet?) You are so amazingly sweet to me, more than any guy has ever been. I can't believe a person like you exists and that you are into me??? It just blows my mind to think about it. I have had some really crappy dating experiences, let me just tell you.

So back to the post......

I guess I have always been kinda a social butterfly in that I never really stay in one "group" or with one set of friends. I don't really get super close to any friend(s) for long and just kind of flit around. One person might fill my current need in my life and then another. I don't spend much time on the phone with people (except my mother and youngest brother). I don't have regular email chats with anyone besides Goofball. I guess it just isn't who I am to have just a long time friend that is just .... I don't know. I can't seem to express it and maybe that is why I don't have it and sometimes I think, am I really missing anything since I have never had this??? But then there are times like now that I feel that missing piece and wonder, should I try harder???

I like having friends but I guess I am not the all the time social type. I guess that is the way to say it.

I would rather hang out with my kids and my guy (oh and don't forget my dog). I would rather spend time with that one special person, that guy in my life and be happy with that. If we have friends around from time to time, awesome. I love to entertain or to go out with friends. But I just guess I am not the on the phone all the time, emailing daily, over each week, shopping pals kinda girl. It is great in spurts but that's it.....

Does that even make sense???? I will probably read this later today and say, What the heck was I talking about!!!!????

My Social Network

I have gone to both my primary care and my therapist recently, and both have told me that I need to extend my social network. I was shocked! Why? Because I feel like I have a great social network but really they said it because I need more support so I can deal better with my depression, stress and anxiety, as well as just the divorce in general.

I have my family and while they haven't always been my best support, we have a lot of social gatherings and I can call just about anyone to do something. And, I do know they will always be my family. The things that they haven't supported me on were minor really and with merit so whatever. Though I think that my parents look at me as the stronger of the three of us (out of me and my two bros). So they think I can handle myself better.

Then I have Goofball but I don't like to burden him as a support exactly, just the social part and oh yes, sex! Anyway, he has his own things and responsibilities that he doesn't need to be burdened with supporting me. I do vent to him sometimes and I really enjoy our time together!

There are also my PIMs! I met them here and have "known" them for 6 years now. They have been my go to girls. They have been my support through so much. I trust them with my life, to be honest with me, to be there for me, everything. They live all over the country and even one outside of the U.S. I have met most of them in person but not all. We have annual trips to met up. I have been to 3 out of 5 so far. I have also had two of the girls come to my hometown for their work and I got to meet them then as well!

I have also made some friendships through blogging and even some that live close to me! I also have in "real-life" friendships. I have friends at work even.

However, I don't go out with folks on a regular basis, other than Goofball. I just don't make time for it. I'll admit it. I have that working mom's guilt over leaving my kids since I work 10-11 hours a day (that includes commute time). If I had a more "normal" custody arrangement, then I would at least have every other weekend to myself to form and build relationships. I wouldn't have that guilt over leaving the kids and going out. So then when I do have time off, I have no idea what to do with myself because I haven't formed lastly friendships.

And how the heck do I make friends as a grown up? I don't even know! Not many of the people I do know have children my kids' ages. They are younger or older so it makes it hard to do stuff as families. Or our town is so big it is hard to find a meeting place. And everyone seems so busy. Weekends are for laundry, house work, errands and just in general down time.

I also don't have a house that is great for entertaining. Don't get me wrong, its cute but doesn't have the floor plan for entertaining. Oh plus I need living room furniture.... ya know, that helps.

Sooooo anyway, I'm at a loss. What do I do? How do I make in "real life" friends? And once I make those friends, how do I keep them and do things with them and build a social network and support system???

Both the PCP and the therapist have challenged me to work on this so I have a few weeks to come up with a plan and even put some to action. Oh joy! Any ideas on how to get past my shyness and step out of my introverted self to make friends?

Breast Cancer Support

I am a big supporter for Breast Cancer Awareness. I always donate to the Susan G. Koman Foundation.

So recently, one of my very good friend's went for a check-up and was told there was a lump in her breast. It is a tumor.... cancer. She is one of the most amazing people I know.

I am throwing all my support to her now. So my blog will remain pink until she is in remission and I will be displaying this badge in honor of her!!! Her name starts with "L" which explains the letter on the badge.

Please show her support by displaying on your own blog and not just for her, but all who have or have had breast cancer.

Love ya, L!