I'm fine! :) The "Sometimes" entry was suppose to be more of an almost poetic type of writing. Do I feel that way? Yeah a little bit. I mean I do get really lonely being a single woman. Last night I was feeling it a bit more than normal. But I have been thinking about the below piece for some time.
I actually feel pretty darn good about life. Things aren't exactly the way I want them. I miss Goofball more than I see him but when we do hang out, it is great. I have my babies too! I have a wonderful family. I have a job.... tomorrow, in fact, heading out to California for a week. No blogging for sure this week....
So yeah, sometimes I get sad and lonely and throw a pity party for one. Really? It is just an excuse to write!
I know I am lucky. Very lucky.
Showing posts with label I am crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I am crazy. Show all posts
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I'm a planner so sue me!
I am a planner. I like routine and while I sometimes worry that I get in a rut.... well it isn't a rut exactly the way some people think. It is more like a depression or something missing feeling than a true rut.
Sooo anyway, I don't like to be in limbo, not knowing what tomorrow brings. No I can't tell the future and I don't expect to but as long as I have a plan, I feel safe. I usually have more than one plan for any given time. This helps keep my anxiety disorder under control.
For example, to go to the grocery store, I have to talk myself through the steps.... Where to park, then park, which door I am going to go in, where I will start, etc. I visualize each of these steps too, not just talking myself through it.... It is a very detailed process in my mind but it helps me to get through it. It is easier for me to go if I take one or more child with me. When I have to go alone, I actually have to force myself to go. It almost hurts to go sometimes. I tend to park in the same general area, go in the same door, walk the same path.
And it isn't just the grocery store. It is everywhere.
My days are like this too. If my mornings don't go just right, I have a hard time shaking it. I can barely keep my anxiety under control .... but I do. I do it almost everyday.
However, sometimes some thing will come along and shake everything I know. Just one situation and everything goes haywire. Something big, like my divorce, losing my job, financial issues.... like big ones, not just everyday ones. When those things happen, I can fall into my rut, depression, anxiety, just fall into myself and I can't climb out easily. I have to get my balance again, I have to steady myself and then put one foot in front of the other.
It might sound crazy. Maybe I am. I make it work most of the time but I just have to have a plan (or two or three... as back ups, just in case).
Sooo anyway, I don't like to be in limbo, not knowing what tomorrow brings. No I can't tell the future and I don't expect to but as long as I have a plan, I feel safe. I usually have more than one plan for any given time. This helps keep my anxiety disorder under control.
For example, to go to the grocery store, I have to talk myself through the steps.... Where to park, then park, which door I am going to go in, where I will start, etc. I visualize each of these steps too, not just talking myself through it.... It is a very detailed process in my mind but it helps me to get through it. It is easier for me to go if I take one or more child with me. When I have to go alone, I actually have to force myself to go. It almost hurts to go sometimes. I tend to park in the same general area, go in the same door, walk the same path.
And it isn't just the grocery store. It is everywhere.
My days are like this too. If my mornings don't go just right, I have a hard time shaking it. I can barely keep my anxiety under control .... but I do. I do it almost everyday.
However, sometimes some thing will come along and shake everything I know. Just one situation and everything goes haywire. Something big, like my divorce, losing my job, financial issues.... like big ones, not just everyday ones. When those things happen, I can fall into my rut, depression, anxiety, just fall into myself and I can't climb out easily. I have to get my balance again, I have to steady myself and then put one foot in front of the other.
It might sound crazy. Maybe I am. I make it work most of the time but I just have to have a plan (or two or three... as back ups, just in case).
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Feeling better
Thank you for all the great support! I have taken it all to heart.
I had a chat with my most special friend tonight and she gave me the talk I needed. I appreciate her very much. She is one of my dearest friends and though we have been apart for a long time, it is only distance. She still knows me very, very well. And she isn't the type that tells me WHAT I want to hear but what I NEED to hear and I really love that about her. But sometimes what I want to hear is the hard stuff that is hard to swallow but I need it just the same.
She knows that I have times that I just get depressed and it has nothing to do with anything but my typical depression cycles and when that happens, I tend to magnify one or two problems to something huge... It isn't a big deal and I just need to remember that.
Ack! I hate depression! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!
But I have a plan and she thinks it is good so we go from there... err, I go from there. :)
Thank you for listening (Reading)!!!
I had a chat with my most special friend tonight and she gave me the talk I needed. I appreciate her very much. She is one of my dearest friends and though we have been apart for a long time, it is only distance. She still knows me very, very well. And she isn't the type that tells me WHAT I want to hear but what I NEED to hear and I really love that about her. But sometimes what I want to hear is the hard stuff that is hard to swallow but I need it just the same.
She knows that I have times that I just get depressed and it has nothing to do with anything but my typical depression cycles and when that happens, I tend to magnify one or two problems to something huge... It isn't a big deal and I just need to remember that.
Ack! I hate depression! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!
But I have a plan and she thinks it is good so we go from there... err, I go from there. :)
Thank you for listening (Reading)!!!
Thick skin/thin skin
I feel like I am a pretty strong person and I love myself very much. This wasn't always the case and while I feel this way most of the time, sometimes I allow myself to get down on myself and give into being weak. I think it is normal.
I also feel like I am fairly thick skinned, meaning I don't take things to heart when people talk bad about me or tell me I am wrong. Heck I know I am not perfect and I know what areas I could improve on. If I was perfect, I wouldn't be human and I wouldn't be me.
However, once I open my heart to you, be it family or friend, I get a very thin skin and can be hurt by you. I think this is also a normal part of being human. We have emotions and I don't think as a whole we were meant to be reclusive. I realize there are exceptations to ever rule but my point is we seek out people to be around and have in our life, and therefore we can open ourselves to being hurt.
Not sure where I was going with this.... Hmmm... Let's change direction a bit... I am trying to explain my recent absence a bit but it is very scrambled up.
I just feel like my life is spinning around me right now and I do not feel like fixing it at the moment. I might whine a bit or complain, heck I might even cry or worse get sick from it. But I know it is a moment in time and I know that I will get back to me. I call these times my depression moments. I am down in this hole, just looking up and watching, waiting for the skies to clear. I can only focus on one area in my life at a time when I am like this. It has to be work most of the time or else I can't support the family.
The house is the first thing that takes a back seat. Gosh I want my house clean but if I just hide in the hole for a bit, I can't see it. I am not a great housekeeper, never have been. I see the pet hair. I see the 100 glasses and the trash and the laundry.
I just want to pay someone else to do it who either 1. is good at it and/or 2. does a good job because it is their job. I don't care which just so long as I have a clean house and I am not the one doing it....
Cooking is not fun for me anymore either.... heck it wasn't, even before I climbed on down this hole. I used to enjoy it and I used to have pride in it, but I also worked a lot fewer hours and had people that actually appreciated my efforts. I do eat "bad" several times a week but for the most part, I do okay. I try to eat several veggies and some fruit in a day. I try to balance my carb intact and my proteins. I do drink one soda a day but I drink a lot of water. When I don't have a soda, I will drink one glass of milk or juice.... there are rare days I do both in one day (Sunday for example was a bad food day).... But truly I know what to eat, how to eat and how much. I know why I am overweight. Just right now, in this hole, it is not a priority.
And then I could complain about my kids. They do not help me around the house as much as I would like and they are somewhat disrespectful to me. I have tried many different things except for whatever works. Rewards, consequences, grounding, etc.... Doesn't matter to them. And I am sure if I had cameras in my house 24/7, I could see what it is I am doing wrong. I am a push over and I have some typical mommy guilt that causes me to reduce groundings and reward even when there is nothing to reward. I get it. But overall, I have good kids and they do know when to stop pushing back and just pick up.....
That is just a few of the things weighing heavy on my mind.... and it isn't even the big, huge elephant in the room problem that I can't seem to deal with. These are the fixable things at least. My big elephant is not at the moment fixable. Well really it is but I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation and the clock is ticking. And this is the one that keeps me hiding in this hole. This is one that if I decide to fix, it will get me out of the hole but do I want to?
I told myself several years ago that if I was ever unhappy with something in my life I would fix it. Be it a job, a relationship, myself, the house.... It didn't matter, I would take control and fix it. I vowed that life was too short to live it unhappy, yet what if the thing that brings you the most joy is also the thing destroying you day after day, week after week.... Then what?
So you see why I live with an elephant.
I don't want anyone reading into this what they think my problem might be that needs fixing. You could guess and guess, and you would be wrong.... and heck even if it were true, am I ready to admit it? No, not yet.
I don't really want someone to fix it for me either. I have to solve this problem. It is my problem.
It took me eight years to fix my last elephant sized problem and before that it was also years. I am a patient person but I also believe in taking risks. So just like I knew it was time to move back to Texas, end my marriage, quit a job I didn't like.... I will wait until I feel I am ready and only then can I walk away thinking, "No regrets! and What a ride!"
I also feel like I am fairly thick skinned, meaning I don't take things to heart when people talk bad about me or tell me I am wrong. Heck I know I am not perfect and I know what areas I could improve on. If I was perfect, I wouldn't be human and I wouldn't be me.
However, once I open my heart to you, be it family or friend, I get a very thin skin and can be hurt by you. I think this is also a normal part of being human. We have emotions and I don't think as a whole we were meant to be reclusive. I realize there are exceptations to ever rule but my point is we seek out people to be around and have in our life, and therefore we can open ourselves to being hurt.
Not sure where I was going with this.... Hmmm... Let's change direction a bit... I am trying to explain my recent absence a bit but it is very scrambled up.
I just feel like my life is spinning around me right now and I do not feel like fixing it at the moment. I might whine a bit or complain, heck I might even cry or worse get sick from it. But I know it is a moment in time and I know that I will get back to me. I call these times my depression moments. I am down in this hole, just looking up and watching, waiting for the skies to clear. I can only focus on one area in my life at a time when I am like this. It has to be work most of the time or else I can't support the family.
The house is the first thing that takes a back seat. Gosh I want my house clean but if I just hide in the hole for a bit, I can't see it. I am not a great housekeeper, never have been. I see the pet hair. I see the 100 glasses and the trash and the laundry.
I just want to pay someone else to do it who either 1. is good at it and/or 2. does a good job because it is their job. I don't care which just so long as I have a clean house and I am not the one doing it....
Cooking is not fun for me anymore either.... heck it wasn't, even before I climbed on down this hole. I used to enjoy it and I used to have pride in it, but I also worked a lot fewer hours and had people that actually appreciated my efforts. I do eat "bad" several times a week but for the most part, I do okay. I try to eat several veggies and some fruit in a day. I try to balance my carb intact and my proteins. I do drink one soda a day but I drink a lot of water. When I don't have a soda, I will drink one glass of milk or juice.... there are rare days I do both in one day (Sunday for example was a bad food day).... But truly I know what to eat, how to eat and how much. I know why I am overweight. Just right now, in this hole, it is not a priority.
And then I could complain about my kids. They do not help me around the house as much as I would like and they are somewhat disrespectful to me. I have tried many different things except for whatever works. Rewards, consequences, grounding, etc.... Doesn't matter to them. And I am sure if I had cameras in my house 24/7, I could see what it is I am doing wrong. I am a push over and I have some typical mommy guilt that causes me to reduce groundings and reward even when there is nothing to reward. I get it. But overall, I have good kids and they do know when to stop pushing back and just pick up.....
That is just a few of the things weighing heavy on my mind.... and it isn't even the big, huge elephant in the room problem that I can't seem to deal with. These are the fixable things at least. My big elephant is not at the moment fixable. Well really it is but I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation and the clock is ticking. And this is the one that keeps me hiding in this hole. This is one that if I decide to fix, it will get me out of the hole but do I want to?
I told myself several years ago that if I was ever unhappy with something in my life I would fix it. Be it a job, a relationship, myself, the house.... It didn't matter, I would take control and fix it. I vowed that life was too short to live it unhappy, yet what if the thing that brings you the most joy is also the thing destroying you day after day, week after week.... Then what?
So you see why I live with an elephant.
I don't want anyone reading into this what they think my problem might be that needs fixing. You could guess and guess, and you would be wrong.... and heck even if it were true, am I ready to admit it? No, not yet.
I don't really want someone to fix it for me either. I have to solve this problem. It is my problem.
It took me eight years to fix my last elephant sized problem and before that it was also years. I am a patient person but I also believe in taking risks. So just like I knew it was time to move back to Texas, end my marriage, quit a job I didn't like.... I will wait until I feel I am ready and only then can I walk away thinking, "No regrets! and What a ride!"
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Looking at the past to find myself
I have been spending a lot of time on Facebook. I originally joined for work as a networking thing and also to learn the ins and outs of it because I have teenagers and I need to know about these social networking sites.
For a long time I resisted looking for my high school classmates. I hated HS and was very socially immature back them. I remember so many embarrassing things that I did or said and I hate to think that people will remember that way. But there are many people that I truly do want to know how they are doing and others I have gotten in touch with through the years, and then lost touch.
Heck I don't even think I will be going to my 20th HS Reunion but it is still about 2 yrs away so who knows. Maybe by opening this door to my past I can mend some of the bridges, fix the fences and just in general get some closure on my past. I figured if people get a look at my life now and who I have became, they would also forget the way I used to be.
I do realize we all change from the people we were in HS. After all, it was 18 yrs ago and we were still children though trying to be adults. We went to college or to work, we have gotten married and some divorced. We have kids now and have responsibility that we just didn't have in HS.
I do like me now. I like me a lot. I think I am a good person, fun to be around and I know when enough is enough..... most of the time! I would be my friend if I were me. So maybe in a few years when it is time for our reunion and due to the fact that I have now opened that door, I might just go and I might just have fun!
For a long time I resisted looking for my high school classmates. I hated HS and was very socially immature back them. I remember so many embarrassing things that I did or said and I hate to think that people will remember that way. But there are many people that I truly do want to know how they are doing and others I have gotten in touch with through the years, and then lost touch.
Heck I don't even think I will be going to my 20th HS Reunion but it is still about 2 yrs away so who knows. Maybe by opening this door to my past I can mend some of the bridges, fix the fences and just in general get some closure on my past. I figured if people get a look at my life now and who I have became, they would also forget the way I used to be.
I do realize we all change from the people we were in HS. After all, it was 18 yrs ago and we were still children though trying to be adults. We went to college or to work, we have gotten married and some divorced. We have kids now and have responsibility that we just didn't have in HS.
I do like me now. I like me a lot. I think I am a good person, fun to be around and I know when enough is enough..... most of the time! I would be my friend if I were me. So maybe in a few years when it is time for our reunion and due to the fact that I have now opened that door, I might just go and I might just have fun!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
In a rut?
Sometimes I feel like my life is in a rut. I do the same things everyday. I see the same people. I wear the same clothes. I have the same worries. I eat the same foods. My life doesn't change much. And most of the time I am okay with that.
But there are others times I get itchy, restless. Not ready to settle on what life has handed me. I want to take risks and step out of my comfort zone but....
For some reason I lose my nerve. I stay in my comfort zone. I keep doing the same things. I do try not to complain most of the time either because I know I did it. I know I am the one and only holding me back.
I guess this is one of those times that I miss having a partner next to me (girl or guy, just a friend to take risks with). I don't have a best friend, I don't have a sister and I don't have a spouse.... though this could easily be a role that Goofball could fill if time and schedules were not an issue for both of us. (and no I don't mean spouse, just partner in crime type of role).....
I need that moral support to help me get over my fears. Fears of what? Oh looking stupid! Falling down. Tripping over someone. All those things.
It is silly really but it is all part of my mental health (healthy and unhealthy)....
But honestly I have no idea how to fix it. So basically I am just whining for nothing right now.
But there are others times I get itchy, restless. Not ready to settle on what life has handed me. I want to take risks and step out of my comfort zone but....
For some reason I lose my nerve. I stay in my comfort zone. I keep doing the same things. I do try not to complain most of the time either because I know I did it. I know I am the one and only holding me back.
I guess this is one of those times that I miss having a partner next to me (girl or guy, just a friend to take risks with). I don't have a best friend, I don't have a sister and I don't have a spouse.... though this could easily be a role that Goofball could fill if time and schedules were not an issue for both of us. (and no I don't mean spouse, just partner in crime type of role).....
I need that moral support to help me get over my fears. Fears of what? Oh looking stupid! Falling down. Tripping over someone. All those things.
It is silly really but it is all part of my mental health (healthy and unhealthy)....
But honestly I have no idea how to fix it. So basically I am just whining for nothing right now.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Happy New Year!!!! 2009
I can't believe it is 2009!? Is that right? It used to seem such a long time ago. Wasn't it just yesterday we were all singing how we were going to party like it was 1999? And 1999 was ten years ago now. So now how are we suppose to party? Like it is 2019? 2029?
Well anyway, I can't say I am exactly sad to see 2008 end though. It wasn't really a bad year but it was pretty rough and at times I wasn't sure if I would ever get through the moments. After all, though, they are just moments in time and if we wait long enough and think positively, we will get through.
Easier said than done when you aren't sure where the money is going to come from or why your body is suddenly betraying you but still.
I have pushed past and kept my eye on the prize and now my life looks so much better or at least to me.
I sit now in my newly remodeled bedroom after showering in my new bathroom. I am getting ready to hop in my new car and take my three beautiful wonderful children to visit their grandparents and new Aunt and two new cousins. Afterwards, we will come home and hang out with Goofball this evening and no doubt we will be tackled by our 60 lb pup!
Yep, 2008 wasn't too bad but I am so looking forward to the surprises that await me everyday in this new year. And yes, I truly believe that everyday is a chance for a new surprise. Nothing special but just a beautiful sunset or a hug from my child or a special word from a friend or even finding a penny on the ground. Everyday can be that way if you look at it that way.... and this is actually how I think each morning.
But human is as human does, I do let other things get me down.... traffic, mean people, my ex or just worry in general. Worry that I can't protect my children. There are so many things that I have no power over and few I would even if I could. They have to experience some hurt in life, right? I do try to push those thoughts from my mind as much as possible though because if I worry about what could be or what might happen, then I might miss what is right now. Because that, my friends, is what life is about..... enjoying the here and now.....
I have heard that..... the past is the past, the future is the future, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Enjoy it, my friends. Blessings and best wishes for a happy new year.
Well anyway, I can't say I am exactly sad to see 2008 end though. It wasn't really a bad year but it was pretty rough and at times I wasn't sure if I would ever get through the moments. After all, though, they are just moments in time and if we wait long enough and think positively, we will get through.
Easier said than done when you aren't sure where the money is going to come from or why your body is suddenly betraying you but still.
I have pushed past and kept my eye on the prize and now my life looks so much better or at least to me.
I sit now in my newly remodeled bedroom after showering in my new bathroom. I am getting ready to hop in my new car and take my three beautiful wonderful children to visit their grandparents and new Aunt and two new cousins. Afterwards, we will come home and hang out with Goofball this evening and no doubt we will be tackled by our 60 lb pup!
Yep, 2008 wasn't too bad but I am so looking forward to the surprises that await me everyday in this new year. And yes, I truly believe that everyday is a chance for a new surprise. Nothing special but just a beautiful sunset or a hug from my child or a special word from a friend or even finding a penny on the ground. Everyday can be that way if you look at it that way.... and this is actually how I think each morning.
But human is as human does, I do let other things get me down.... traffic, mean people, my ex or just worry in general. Worry that I can't protect my children. There are so many things that I have no power over and few I would even if I could. They have to experience some hurt in life, right? I do try to push those thoughts from my mind as much as possible though because if I worry about what could be or what might happen, then I might miss what is right now. Because that, my friends, is what life is about..... enjoying the here and now.....
I have heard that..... the past is the past, the future is the future, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Enjoy it, my friends. Blessings and best wishes for a happy new year.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Mommy needs a time-out!
I am such an introvert that when things in my world are in chaos, I get depressed and can't seem to recharge. Right now my house is just a mess, making my whole life feel like chaos.... but the good news is we are about a week from it being finished! (Hurray!!! and pics soon)
I sooo CAN.NOT.WAIT!!!
I hate not having a place that I can go "hide"... My boys are very loud people. Most boys I have been around are loud and noisy and busy and it wears me out! But right now I can't get away from them for a "time-out" or anything. So I am just stuck in the loud, noise and business. Oh and don't get me wrong, I love the noise and enjoy it being here because if it was gone, I would so not be myself but I really need that downtime to recharge and refresh myself.
I feel like I am on the edge of just collapsing or crying or both. I'm exhausted all the time, edgy and I feel like I can't relax.
But very soon, very, very, VERY soon! I will be able to hide a little. I will be able to lock my door, climb in bed and just relax.
You have probably noticed I have been quieter, not commenting much on your blog (or yours or yours or yours).... I am truly sorry. I just do not have words right now. It has taken me days to just get this short little post put together.
Anyway, soon I hope to be back to normal and back to writing and commenting.
I sooo CAN.NOT.WAIT!!!
I hate not having a place that I can go "hide"... My boys are very loud people. Most boys I have been around are loud and noisy and busy and it wears me out! But right now I can't get away from them for a "time-out" or anything. So I am just stuck in the loud, noise and business. Oh and don't get me wrong, I love the noise and enjoy it being here because if it was gone, I would so not be myself but I really need that downtime to recharge and refresh myself.
I feel like I am on the edge of just collapsing or crying or both. I'm exhausted all the time, edgy and I feel like I can't relax.
But very soon, very, very, VERY soon! I will be able to hide a little. I will be able to lock my door, climb in bed and just relax.
You have probably noticed I have been quieter, not commenting much on your blog (or yours or yours or yours).... I am truly sorry. I just do not have words right now. It has taken me days to just get this short little post put together.
Anyway, soon I hope to be back to normal and back to writing and commenting.
Monday, October 20, 2008
The death of Customer Service
Who killed customer service? Where did the good customer service go?
I have thought about this post for quite some time but haven't written it until today.
Today I had two bad, very bad experiences with customer service.
The first. We have an outsourced company that does our benefits at work. I called as a HR representative on behalf of another employee. I just had a question nothing major and I forgot I had made the call!
Today they called me with a satisfaction survey. It did not go well from the minute I answered the phone. I know I won't be able to get her tone across in this but trust me she was not happy to be doing her job.
Her: This is "Sally" calling from the benefits company to ask you about the call you made last Thursday.
Me: Call?
Her: Yes the call you made last week to us.
Me: Hmm...
Her: YOU called on behalf of an employee. Do you remember THIS CALL?
Me: Oh yes. Sorry. I remember now.
(she kept interrupting me so I never got to ask a question or complete a sentence)
Her: I need to ask you a few questions about you satisfaction with that call do you have a minute.
Me: Yes.
Her: On a scale of 1 - 5, 1 being very dissatisfied and 5 being very satisfied, how would you rate the representative's effectiveness to answer your question?
Me: I guess average so 3.
Her (mean, frustrated tone): ON A SCALE of 1 -5..... (repeat above)
Me: I'm sorry I said 3, average service.
Her: (repeating the scale again)
Me: Hey if you are going to be rude I am not going to answer your questions.
Her: (even more rude and like she is just about to lose it): I am not being rude, if you would just....
*click*
That's enough of that. I just do not have time for this right now. I barely had a minute to talk to her in the first place but if she was just going to get angry when I tried to answer the questions!
Okay fast forward to tonight. I called one of the credit card companies. I have a payment plan with them that I pay a set amount each month. I can call in advance and change it if needed but I always pay. Always.
So here is how that went.
Me: Yes I would like to change my payment date to Nov 7th.
Her: Okay let's see. We can do Nov 5th. How is that?
Me: Well I don't get paid until Nov 7th is there anything you can do to change it to that date?
Her: No it would be a new billing cycle so just make sure you have money in your account. Then you can just pay back whomever you get the money from.
Me: (stunned) Okay well I guess Nov 5 will be fine. I'll figure something out.
Her: Yes so just make sure you get the funds in there or it will end your agreement and you will have to set up a new one.
Me: Oh so can I just cancel this one and start a new one then?
Her: Yes but just make sure the money is in there on Nov 5th.
Me: I don't have a way to get money by then.
Her: Okay well just make sure it is there. Is there anything else I can do?
Me: Nope thank you. I will make sure the money is in the account. I guess I can sell a kid.
*click*
And yes I really did say that!
Okay so maybe in that last call I was a little bitchy but OMG! I will have to call back tomorrow to make sure it all got changed. I do get my child support by the 5th so it is fine.
My head is still spinning though from the first call. Seriously I was just stunned by this call. I seriously wanted to ask her when I would get the call about how satisfied I was with her call.... It would not have been good!
Do you have any stories to share?
I have thought about this post for quite some time but haven't written it until today.
Today I had two bad, very bad experiences with customer service.
The first. We have an outsourced company that does our benefits at work. I called as a HR representative on behalf of another employee. I just had a question nothing major and I forgot I had made the call!
Today they called me with a satisfaction survey. It did not go well from the minute I answered the phone. I know I won't be able to get her tone across in this but trust me she was not happy to be doing her job.
Her: This is "Sally" calling from the benefits company to ask you about the call you made last Thursday.
Me: Call?
Her: Yes the call you made last week to us.
Me: Hmm...
Her: YOU called on behalf of an employee. Do you remember THIS CALL?
Me: Oh yes. Sorry. I remember now.
(she kept interrupting me so I never got to ask a question or complete a sentence)
Her: I need to ask you a few questions about you satisfaction with that call do you have a minute.
Me: Yes.
Her: On a scale of 1 - 5, 1 being very dissatisfied and 5 being very satisfied, how would you rate the representative's effectiveness to answer your question?
Me: I guess average so 3.
Her (mean, frustrated tone): ON A SCALE of 1 -5..... (repeat above)
Me: I'm sorry I said 3, average service.
Her: (repeating the scale again)
Me: Hey if you are going to be rude I am not going to answer your questions.
Her: (even more rude and like she is just about to lose it): I am not being rude, if you would just....
*click*
That's enough of that. I just do not have time for this right now. I barely had a minute to talk to her in the first place but if she was just going to get angry when I tried to answer the questions!
Okay fast forward to tonight. I called one of the credit card companies. I have a payment plan with them that I pay a set amount each month. I can call in advance and change it if needed but I always pay. Always.
So here is how that went.
Me: Yes I would like to change my payment date to Nov 7th.
Her: Okay let's see. We can do Nov 5th. How is that?
Me: Well I don't get paid until Nov 7th is there anything you can do to change it to that date?
Her: No it would be a new billing cycle so just make sure you have money in your account. Then you can just pay back whomever you get the money from.
Me: (stunned) Okay well I guess Nov 5 will be fine. I'll figure something out.
Her: Yes so just make sure you get the funds in there or it will end your agreement and you will have to set up a new one.
Me: Oh so can I just cancel this one and start a new one then?
Her: Yes but just make sure the money is in there on Nov 5th.
Me: I don't have a way to get money by then.
Her: Okay well just make sure it is there. Is there anything else I can do?
Me: Nope thank you. I will make sure the money is in the account. I guess I can sell a kid.
*click*
And yes I really did say that!
Okay so maybe in that last call I was a little bitchy but OMG! I will have to call back tomorrow to make sure it all got changed. I do get my child support by the 5th so it is fine.
My head is still spinning though from the first call. Seriously I was just stunned by this call. I seriously wanted to ask her when I would get the call about how satisfied I was with her call.... It would not have been good!
Do you have any stories to share?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Remodel hell
Okay not really hell but I didn't know what to call this post....
We have been remodeling the house since Mid-July.... and yes when I was truly in hell, I was having men in and out of my house. Joy and fun, joy and fun!
Well we are getting there but still a few weeks away from completion.
I am going CRAZY! I want my house back. I want my room back! I mean it is worth it, or hmm, it will be worth it. I will have a lot more privacy.
But OMG!
Next month I have to go to California for work, the ex is coming to stay in my house to watch the kids. (Yes he is the father but I feel like he is a babysitter.... Bad? Probably!) Anyway, I want my house done and back in order before that! How can I have my ex-husband who thought I was a bad wife and mother, and least we forget horrible at cleaning, in my house when it has been a wreck for several months.
It is gross. It is so gross. It is cluttered. It is a flat out mess!
I asked the contractor would it be done by November and he seems confident it will be. I wish I felt as confident....
Send good thoughts my way!
We have been remodeling the house since Mid-July.... and yes when I was truly in hell, I was having men in and out of my house. Joy and fun, joy and fun!
Well we are getting there but still a few weeks away from completion.
I am going CRAZY! I want my house back. I want my room back! I mean it is worth it, or hmm, it will be worth it. I will have a lot more privacy.
But OMG!
Next month I have to go to California for work, the ex is coming to stay in my house to watch the kids. (Yes he is the father but I feel like he is a babysitter.... Bad? Probably!) Anyway, I want my house done and back in order before that! How can I have my ex-husband who thought I was a bad wife and mother, and least we forget horrible at cleaning, in my house when it has been a wreck for several months.
It is gross. It is so gross. It is cluttered. It is a flat out mess!
I asked the contractor would it be done by November and he seems confident it will be. I wish I felt as confident....
Send good thoughts my way!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Chaos is as chaos does
I have been quiet for several days without meaning to be. Life has just been busy. Kids, work and remodel have me feeling exhausted (but happy). And well actually while I am happy about the remodel, it is taking far too long and I am ready to have my house back.
At any rate, I have very little say right at this moment. I am working on some ideas but just trying to tweak them.
So in the meantime, just remember, it is still Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Have you done your self-exam yet?
At any rate, I have very little say right at this moment. I am working on some ideas but just trying to tweak them.
So in the meantime, just remember, it is still Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Have you done your self-exam yet?
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Random Mom Stuff
I will admit I am a nerd for commercials and really any marketing. I should so write a marketing blog (analyze commercials or something). When I go back to school, I am leaning heavily towards marketing.
So anyway, I have been seeing a commercial for a pre-packaged/cooked meat. This woman (mom) is describing her day. Her tone and body language suggest that she is tired and stressed by her day. Here is how it goes (sort of, I don’t remember each line):
* Wake up call 6:00 AM
* Kids up and off to school
* Then her 9-5 job
* “And then home to dinner that is waiting for me (pause for dramatic effect… long enough?) for me to cook it.”
Oh yes, this is soooo my day! I am exhausted by my day, my life most of the time. And, despite the fact that I love my job, I’m exhausted most evenings. I have a fairly flexible work schedule with every other Friday off. I truly enjoy what I do, though most of the time it is a high stress, fast-paced job. It is what I love to do! (Okay aside from my interest in marketing…. I would soooo be all over that!)
Then I go home to be the mom. Again I love my kids and I love being mom but….
I saw this Lifetime movie once, Fifteen and Pregnant, Park Overall’s character says “Babies take more than they give.”
Ahem, sista! This doesn’t just stop with babies either. And while the balance does start to shift slightly closer to being even the older they get, it is still way off balance….
Like, for example, K will make me a hot cup of tea sometimes. But I also run her little social butterfly self everywhere. To school for this or that activity. To church (sometimes). To a friend’s house. To a party. Whatever it is.
H helps me by taking the garbage out and carrying the laundry for me.
And L is just… well comic relief at this point.
They all help with feeding the dog and cats (but there is a lot of whining). They have chores (again much whining).
But what do I do? All the “grown-up” responsibility stuff (bills, laundry, scrub the toilet) and hey let’s not forget who “grew” them for 9 mths. (Okay maybe that doesn’t count…. )
But I do have to admit the thing I like about having older kids is that I can have actual conversations with them. In the store the other day, K and I were discussing the election (she will be old enough to vote in the next Presidential election…. How scary and exciting is that!) She was saying, “People shouldn’t just vote for a person because they are a woman or African American or whatever. They should be listening to what they have to say and doing research on them.” And yes folks she has an opinion on who she would vote for this year and she has done the research and is still doing that research, watching, listening and discussing.
I also encourage my kids to question things like beliefs and politics and whatnot. I have heard so many people praise their children for believing exactly what the parents believe…. Not because the child came to that opinion on their own but because the parents believe that. I mean that is okay for them and I am not really criticizing but I am saying for me, I want them to challenge my beliefs on things. I don’t go to church but K does and H had on occasion. I have my own set of beliefs that don’t match any church I have been to. But that isn’t the point, it took me years of research and going to church after church to come to this conclusion for myself. I talk very freely with them about religion and don’t try to sway them one way or the other. If they have a question about something, I have an answer or get them one. Politics the same. I have no intention of saying they have to believe the same as me. If they do, I want to know why. If they can say anything other than “Because you do.” Then awesome. I feel I then did my job.
Again, not downing others…. It works for you. I give my kids soda and you probably don’t believe in that. Everyone is different and I love that. Oh and for the record I am not trying to raise people that listen to just one resource or believe everything the media says. I have taught them to get as many points of views as possible. They have seen first hand how the media will overplay something for ratings or edit something to look worse than it is.
Back on point, I enjoy my kids and enjoy the people they are turning into, but it is true they take more than they give. I am exhausted by my dual roles as mom and fulltime worker but it has its rewards.
So while most night’s dinner is waiting for me…. (Pause for dramatic effect) to cook it. There are some rare nights that it is waiting for me to just eat it. And those nights are the ones to cherish the most because some day the kids will be gone and I will go home and eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal or a sandwich because there will be no one to cook for but myself (unless, hmm…. Well??….the future is a question mark after all).
So anyway, I have been seeing a commercial for a pre-packaged/cooked meat. This woman (mom) is describing her day. Her tone and body language suggest that she is tired and stressed by her day. Here is how it goes (sort of, I don’t remember each line):
* Wake up call 6:00 AM
* Kids up and off to school
* Then her 9-5 job
* “And then home to dinner that is waiting for me (pause for dramatic effect… long enough?) for me to cook it.”
Oh yes, this is soooo my day! I am exhausted by my day, my life most of the time. And, despite the fact that I love my job, I’m exhausted most evenings. I have a fairly flexible work schedule with every other Friday off. I truly enjoy what I do, though most of the time it is a high stress, fast-paced job. It is what I love to do! (Okay aside from my interest in marketing…. I would soooo be all over that!)
Then I go home to be the mom. Again I love my kids and I love being mom but….
I saw this Lifetime movie once, Fifteen and Pregnant, Park Overall’s character says “Babies take more than they give.”
Ahem, sista! This doesn’t just stop with babies either. And while the balance does start to shift slightly closer to being even the older they get, it is still way off balance….
Like, for example, K will make me a hot cup of tea sometimes. But I also run her little social butterfly self everywhere. To school for this or that activity. To church (sometimes). To a friend’s house. To a party. Whatever it is.
H helps me by taking the garbage out and carrying the laundry for me.
And L is just… well comic relief at this point.
They all help with feeding the dog and cats (but there is a lot of whining). They have chores (again much whining).
But what do I do? All the “grown-up” responsibility stuff (bills, laundry, scrub the toilet) and hey let’s not forget who “grew” them for 9 mths. (Okay maybe that doesn’t count…. )
But I do have to admit the thing I like about having older kids is that I can have actual conversations with them. In the store the other day, K and I were discussing the election (she will be old enough to vote in the next Presidential election…. How scary and exciting is that!) She was saying, “People shouldn’t just vote for a person because they are a woman or African American or whatever. They should be listening to what they have to say and doing research on them.” And yes folks she has an opinion on who she would vote for this year and she has done the research and is still doing that research, watching, listening and discussing.
I also encourage my kids to question things like beliefs and politics and whatnot. I have heard so many people praise their children for believing exactly what the parents believe…. Not because the child came to that opinion on their own but because the parents believe that. I mean that is okay for them and I am not really criticizing but I am saying for me, I want them to challenge my beliefs on things. I don’t go to church but K does and H had on occasion. I have my own set of beliefs that don’t match any church I have been to. But that isn’t the point, it took me years of research and going to church after church to come to this conclusion for myself. I talk very freely with them about religion and don’t try to sway them one way or the other. If they have a question about something, I have an answer or get them one. Politics the same. I have no intention of saying they have to believe the same as me. If they do, I want to know why. If they can say anything other than “Because you do.” Then awesome. I feel I then did my job.
Again, not downing others…. It works for you. I give my kids soda and you probably don’t believe in that. Everyone is different and I love that. Oh and for the record I am not trying to raise people that listen to just one resource or believe everything the media says. I have taught them to get as many points of views as possible. They have seen first hand how the media will overplay something for ratings or edit something to look worse than it is.
Back on point, I enjoy my kids and enjoy the people they are turning into, but it is true they take more than they give. I am exhausted by my dual roles as mom and fulltime worker but it has its rewards.
So while most night’s dinner is waiting for me…. (Pause for dramatic effect) to cook it. There are some rare nights that it is waiting for me to just eat it. And those nights are the ones to cherish the most because some day the kids will be gone and I will go home and eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal or a sandwich because there will be no one to cook for but myself (unless, hmm…. Well??….the future is a question mark after all).
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Another September 9th post.
If you are new, September 9th is a very special day for me. It was a huge turning point in my life. It was when my life changed direction and took off. This is the third year that I have written about this.
I still miss that life and it has been 16 yrs since I left for Boot Camp. There are so many things I still remember from those days. (giggle, giggle....)
But this year there is a twist, ya see the stepmom's birthday is today too. She knows it is "my" day too.... in a way. We actually laughed about it when I found out.
I sent her a card. The kids will probably call to wish her happy birthday.
I know some people think it is weird that I have this relationship with her but honestly it works for us and like I told my friend today (who questioned me on it), "It is better than fighting." I do it for the kids. And in another time and another place, she and I might be friends so why let a little thing like an ex-husband stand in the way.
And next year, 09-09-09!
I still miss that life and it has been 16 yrs since I left for Boot Camp. There are so many things I still remember from those days. (giggle, giggle....)
But this year there is a twist, ya see the stepmom's birthday is today too. She knows it is "my" day too.... in a way. We actually laughed about it when I found out.
I sent her a card. The kids will probably call to wish her happy birthday.
I know some people think it is weird that I have this relationship with her but honestly it works for us and like I told my friend today (who questioned me on it), "It is better than fighting." I do it for the kids. And in another time and another place, she and I might be friends so why let a little thing like an ex-husband stand in the way.
And next year, 09-09-09!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
An Award..... Coool!
Sooooo I got a blog award. I never get these things (okay one other time)....
Thanks Charlene! I would totally give it right back to you if I could.
So the rules are simple. I have to answer the following questions but just with one word each and then tag 7 people with the honor. Only 7 might be hard so I hope I don't make anyone feel left out. I love all the blogs I read!
So without further ado.... The questions:
1. Where is your cell phone? Here
2. Where is your significant other? Home
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? Home
5. Your father? Home
6. Your favorite thing? Kisses
7. Your dream last night? Vivid
8. Your dream/goal? Reachable
9. The room you're in? Messy
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Alone
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Arms
14. What you're not? Anxious
15. One of your wish-list items? Everything
16. Where you grew up? Beach
17. The last thing you did? Write
18. What are you wearing? Clothes
19. Your TV? On
20. Your pet? Three
21. Your computer? Loved
22. Your mood? Amused
23. Missing someone? Always
24. Your car? Orange
25. Something you're not wearing? Bra
26. Favorite store? Shoes
27. Your summer? Over
28. Love someone? Completely
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Minutes
31. Last time you cried? Daily
Soooooo peeps I tag.... Wow.... the difficult part. I want to give it to everyone that is in my blogroll.... Can I just do that? No?
Damn!
Okay here goes.....
Belinda/Shuttle Mom - you totally rock and I can't wait to meet you some day. I love reading your blog.
Karen - You know I love ya girl. I can't wait to get to the other side of the pond to meet you too! It must happen... I have known you too long.
Avonlea - Glad I started reading your blog again. I really enjoy it!
A Single Mom's life - I know you are busy but I just love what I have read on your blog. Can't wait for more.
how many is that??? Four? Okay....
Lisa - I am so glad I did that Fun Monday.... I really love your blog, all the pics, even if the bugs creep me out a bit.
Jen - Chaos is my middle name and ya know I love ya! so I have to hit you on this one. Can't wait until we can hang out again..... someday....
and last but certainly not least..... and the one I wasn't sure I should tag but I will.....
Trapped in Time - Cuz you know why. You rock.
Take the award, post your answers (don't worry if you can't tag others, it is just for fun!) and Have fun! Keep up the great work and know I *heart* your blog (or maybe just you!)
Thanks Charlene! I would totally give it right back to you if I could.
So the rules are simple. I have to answer the following questions but just with one word each and then tag 7 people with the honor. Only 7 might be hard so I hope I don't make anyone feel left out. I love all the blogs I read!
So without further ado.... The questions:
1. Where is your cell phone? Here
2. Where is your significant other? Home
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? Home
5. Your father? Home
6. Your favorite thing? Kisses
7. Your dream last night? Vivid
8. Your dream/goal? Reachable
9. The room you're in? Messy
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Alone
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Arms
14. What you're not? Anxious
15. One of your wish-list items? Everything
16. Where you grew up? Beach
17. The last thing you did? Write
18. What are you wearing? Clothes
19. Your TV? On
20. Your pet? Three
21. Your computer? Loved
22. Your mood? Amused
23. Missing someone? Always
24. Your car? Orange
25. Something you're not wearing? Bra
26. Favorite store? Shoes
27. Your summer? Over
28. Love someone? Completely
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Minutes
31. Last time you cried? Daily
Soooooo peeps I tag.... Wow.... the difficult part. I want to give it to everyone that is in my blogroll.... Can I just do that? No?
Damn!
Okay here goes.....
Belinda/Shuttle Mom - you totally rock and I can't wait to meet you some day. I love reading your blog.
Karen - You know I love ya girl. I can't wait to get to the other side of the pond to meet you too! It must happen... I have known you too long.
Avonlea - Glad I started reading your blog again. I really enjoy it!
A Single Mom's life - I know you are busy but I just love what I have read on your blog. Can't wait for more.
how many is that??? Four? Okay....
Lisa - I am so glad I did that Fun Monday.... I really love your blog, all the pics, even if the bugs creep me out a bit.
Jen - Chaos is my middle name and ya know I love ya! so I have to hit you on this one. Can't wait until we can hang out again..... someday....
and last but certainly not least..... and the one I wasn't sure I should tag but I will.....
Trapped in Time - Cuz you know why. You rock.
Take the award, post your answers (don't worry if you can't tag others, it is just for fun!) and Have fun! Keep up the great work and know I *heart* your blog (or maybe just you!)
Friday, August 29, 2008
Smooth moves and elevators
I am so cool but you knew that, right? Never mind, don't answer that.
Today I got to work all happy and kinda all in my head about what I had to do for the day. Got in the elevator and realized I hadn't turned my phone volume. I like to do that before I get to the office.
Soooo I am in the elevator, missing with my phone, then the doors open for my floor.... so I looked up (just straight in front of me).... I was looking at a guy's waist and in my shock, I looked up like a little kid looking up at a giant and was very obviously surprised by the VERY TALL MAN! He kinda nodded/smiled at me, like "Yeah thanks I get that a lot."
Very awesome.
I resisted the urge to look back to see if he could actually fit on the elevator!
You just can't take me anywhere. :)
Today I got to work all happy and kinda all in my head about what I had to do for the day. Got in the elevator and realized I hadn't turned my phone volume. I like to do that before I get to the office.
Soooo I am in the elevator, missing with my phone, then the doors open for my floor.... so I looked up (just straight in front of me).... I was looking at a guy's waist and in my shock, I looked up like a little kid looking up at a giant and was very obviously surprised by the VERY TALL MAN! He kinda nodded/smiled at me, like "Yeah thanks I get that a lot."
Very awesome.
I resisted the urge to look back to see if he could actually fit on the elevator!
You just can't take me anywhere. :)
Monday, August 25, 2008
Texas Independence Day..... or Fun Monday
So this week's Fun Monday is brought to you by Mama Drama.
The details of the assignment are can be found at their place but the question is....
The details of the assignment are can be found at their place but the question is....
What funny trivial fact do you remember that you probably should have forgotten a long time ago?
So with this in mind, here goes mine. Not sure that it is EXACTLY what they are looking for BUT.... I was born on Texas Independence day which also just happens to be Sam Houston's birthday too. Being a Texan I thought that this was awesome! Then to find out I was related to one of the Captains that fought in the battle that won Texas its independence from Mexico.
I know this might seem silly to some but I have always remembered the dates, I mean it was easy to remember, but I guess the silly part to me was that I feel a like a proud Texan to share this day with the Republic of Texas and Sam Houston.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Summer of Unfortunate Events
This summer was like one unfortunate event after another but mostly just all health related. I am not planning to name all the bad.
Really, spending a little more time and better quality of time with Goofball was probably the ONLY thing that went as planned but even that was a little off this summer at times.... I doubt he would deny it. This was mostly me. I was much grumpier than usual.
It was suppose to be the summer that I take care of myself and get some things done that I wanted to do, many projects not done. I feel like I pretty much slept the summer away. I was soo sick from about Mid-June until .... well really just this past week. I finally feel human again.
It was such a long, hard battle to get here. I thought I was losing my mind and to be honest I thought about just giving up.... No, no not on life but just on being plugged into life/reality. I thought about letting the ex have the kids, me turning into a bum and just checking out of reality...maybe even getting a few more cats and a couple more dogs and maybe a snake. A crazy lady should have at least one snake.
But somewhere in my mind a voice was screaming, "NO, you aren't like that. This is not you. You aren't going to give up."
I am glad I didn't because this was all temporary caused by medication. I am finally going back to work on Monday, the kids are back and start school on Monday as well. Also, I didn't mess up with Goofball so that is good. I would be lost without him at this point. I am crazy for that boy.
Now let's just hope I can get back to work and not have screwed up too badly there.
And I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. So if your doc wants to start you on something that you don't know much about, research it, research it, research it and ask a lot of questions. I wish I would have questioned more, spoke up more but I have NEVER had that kind of reaction to a med before.
Anywho, wish me luck!! I am nervous and excited.
Really, spending a little more time and better quality of time with Goofball was probably the ONLY thing that went as planned but even that was a little off this summer at times.... I doubt he would deny it. This was mostly me. I was much grumpier than usual.
It was suppose to be the summer that I take care of myself and get some things done that I wanted to do, many projects not done. I feel like I pretty much slept the summer away. I was soo sick from about Mid-June until .... well really just this past week. I finally feel human again.
It was such a long, hard battle to get here. I thought I was losing my mind and to be honest I thought about just giving up.... No, no not on life but just on being plugged into life/reality. I thought about letting the ex have the kids, me turning into a bum and just checking out of reality...maybe even getting a few more cats and a couple more dogs and maybe a snake. A crazy lady should have at least one snake.
But somewhere in my mind a voice was screaming, "NO, you aren't like that. This is not you. You aren't going to give up."
I am glad I didn't because this was all temporary caused by medication. I am finally going back to work on Monday, the kids are back and start school on Monday as well. Also, I didn't mess up with Goofball so that is good. I would be lost without him at this point. I am crazy for that boy.
Now let's just hope I can get back to work and not have screwed up too badly there.
And I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. So if your doc wants to start you on something that you don't know much about, research it, research it, research it and ask a lot of questions. I wish I would have questioned more, spoke up more but I have NEVER had that kind of reaction to a med before.
Anywho, wish me luck!! I am nervous and excited.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
My prized possesion
So yesterday was Fun Monday around the blogosphere. I keep hoping to hop in there one of these weeks!
Anyway so Lisa was the host. She asked folks to pose a question to their readers. Mindy at Mama Drama asked a great question! If she could see everything we owned, what might she like for herself? Check out her post.
I had to really think. What could she possibly want in my house? I like my shoes but they surely can't live up to Mindy standards! She has the best shoes. I have a Wii but she doesn't strike me as a Wii or video game person.
I have tons of toys, and by me, I mean the kids. They are EVERYWHERE! This is just a few shots of them.... Yes that one is in my bathroom.
Family photos? Maybe. The painting my grandfather painted? Nay it has a broken frame right now. My Navy memorabilia? Could be. (Most is packed away though).....
I thought.... and thought.... and thought....
Finally I answered that she might like my special Teddy Bear.
Treasure was a gift to me from an Aunt and Uncle when my first of two younger brothers was born in 1975. She quickly became my best friend. She seemed so big to me when I was a child. She would hide me from monsters in the closest or under the bed. She made the hurt go away when I cut my finger off or had my tonsils out. She was there when I needed someone to listen and not talk. She kept all my secrets.
She has been with me through everything, slept on with me until K was born (seriously), then just slept on my bed during the day and next to my bed at night.
She has caught so many of my tears and shared my joys. I wish I had the pictures of her next to me just about every Christmas morning. The Christmas I got my first camera, she was happy to smile for me and let me practice.
Now she just hangs out on my dresser, ready for me and wearing one of K's dresses from babyhood. She is the reason I love teddy bears and why I have a huge collections of them. K's nickname from me is K---Bear, yes for that reason.
I can't even remember how or when she got her name. Was it when I was 2-ish yrs old? Was I older? Did I have help?
Well all I know is she is a treasure to me and I will have her for my whole life. I hope once I am gone (I want to be cremated so no burying her with me).... I hope my kids will keep her to remember me by, and hopefully pass her down to their kids.... if she makes it that long, that is.
Do you have one? Do your kids? Please feel free to leave it in the comments or share on your blog! (leave a comment with link to your blog, if you do)
Anyway so Lisa was the host. She asked folks to pose a question to their readers. Mindy at Mama Drama asked a great question! If she could see everything we owned, what might she like for herself? Check out her post.
I had to really think. What could she possibly want in my house? I like my shoes but they surely can't live up to Mindy standards! She has the best shoes. I have a Wii but she doesn't strike me as a Wii or video game person.
I have tons of toys, and by me, I mean the kids. They are EVERYWHERE! This is just a few shots of them.... Yes that one is in my bathroom.
Family photos? Maybe. The painting my grandfather painted? Nay it has a broken frame right now. My Navy memorabilia? Could be. (Most is packed away though).....
I thought.... and thought.... and thought....
Finally I answered that she might like my special Teddy Bear.
Treasure was a gift to me from an Aunt and Uncle when my first of two younger brothers was born in 1975. She quickly became my best friend. She seemed so big to me when I was a child. She would hide me from monsters in the closest or under the bed. She made the hurt go away when I cut my finger off or had my tonsils out. She was there when I needed someone to listen and not talk. She kept all my secrets.She has been with me through everything, slept on with me until K was born (seriously), then just slept on my bed during the day and next to my bed at night.
She has caught so many of my tears and shared my joys. I wish I had the pictures of her next to me just about every Christmas morning. The Christmas I got my first camera, she was happy to smile for me and let me practice.
Now she just hangs out on my dresser, ready for me and wearing one of K's dresses from babyhood. She is the reason I love teddy bears and why I have a huge collections of them. K's nickname from me is K---Bear, yes for that reason.
I can't even remember how or when she got her name. Was it when I was 2-ish yrs old? Was I older? Did I have help?
Well all I know is she is a treasure to me and I will have her for my whole life. I hope once I am gone (I want to be cremated so no burying her with me).... I hope my kids will keep her to remember me by, and hopefully pass her down to their kids.... if she makes it that long, that is.
Do you have one? Do your kids? Please feel free to leave it in the comments or share on your blog! (leave a comment with link to your blog, if you do)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
A mother's plea..... The Baby
Great! So Goofball thinks I am raising a wuss. Niiiccceee.
He says one reason is because I call my youngest "Baby." Well damn he is my baby, what can I say? Right? He just is the youngest and therefore is called the baby. But hey, I call my other ones baby sometimes too. In fact, K just fussed at me because she said she can never tell who I am talking to. I called the dog baby and K answered, I said No, the dog.... see the confusion....
Anyway....
I know that he needs male role models in his life, since his dad is only in it once in a while. I try to get him around good, positive male role models as much as possible.
Also, I honestly don't baby him as much as I used to either. He is doing things for himself that I used to do for him. So we are getting there.
Yet, I just have to say, I am doing the best I can. I won't be having any more children,and I am finally starting to accept that fact, so please let me morn that in my own way. Please let me relish his "babyness" as long as he will let me. He has already grown-up way faster than my older two. He crawled at 5 mths old. He was running by a year old. He has been trying to be 8 and 6 yrs older than himself since birth.
Please, please don't make me feel bad about how I am raising my children. I already question my every move like I am being followed by a camera crew and every child rearing expert.
He will grow up into a fine man, I am sure of that. He is a great kid. There is NOTHING wrong with him. Nothing.
He is just "The Baby."
And then I just have to pass the mic over to Mr. Blake Shelton to tell the rest of the story for me..... Blake is a hottie! but I like him better with his short hair more than this long.
**** Most of this is written in teasing, sarcasm....
He says one reason is because I call my youngest "Baby." Well damn he is my baby, what can I say? Right? He just is the youngest and therefore is called the baby. But hey, I call my other ones baby sometimes too. In fact, K just fussed at me because she said she can never tell who I am talking to. I called the dog baby and K answered, I said No, the dog.... see the confusion....
Anyway....
I know that he needs male role models in his life, since his dad is only in it once in a while. I try to get him around good, positive male role models as much as possible.
Also, I honestly don't baby him as much as I used to either. He is doing things for himself that I used to do for him. So we are getting there.
Yet, I just have to say, I am doing the best I can. I won't be having any more children,and I am finally starting to accept that fact, so please let me morn that in my own way. Please let me relish his "babyness" as long as he will let me. He has already grown-up way faster than my older two. He crawled at 5 mths old. He was running by a year old. He has been trying to be 8 and 6 yrs older than himself since birth.
Please, please don't make me feel bad about how I am raising my children. I already question my every move like I am being followed by a camera crew and every child rearing expert.
He will grow up into a fine man, I am sure of that. He is a great kid. There is NOTHING wrong with him. Nothing.
He is just "The Baby."
And then I just have to pass the mic over to Mr. Blake Shelton to tell the rest of the story for me..... Blake is a hottie! but I like him better with his short hair more than this long.
**** Most of this is written in teasing, sarcasm....
Thursday, August 14, 2008
My inside voice
No not the one I use while indoors nor voices in my head, but secret thoughts, weird thoughts, even potentially intelligent thoughts! Things I never or rarely say to people in real life.
There are so many awesome bloggers who can let their inside voice out. And again, things an indoor voice is not... Not really personal thoughts, deep secrets and skeletons in the closest type of posts, that would be "blogging naked." That I have done.
However, what I mean is those thoughts that seem too morbid or too insane to let out in normal life. But with blogs, you can do it and others use their inside voice to comment. They don't judge or at least if they do it is different somehow.
Not to leave anyone out but one great example of a blogger that can do this is The Bloggess aka as Jenny. She rocks. She is the type of person that you meet and just know she is awesome but then she writes and you KNOW she is awesome. I have had the honor of meeting her.... She is everything you would imagine you to be, like Mother Teresa, only better. No really!
I want to/need to do this but I just keep holding back. There are reasons I guess I don't. I sometimes believe I truly am crazy but that doesn't seem like a reason not to, just a really good reason to do plus I would have great material, right?
But, I guess I don't want to be judged because people have told me I am crazy and meant it, not in a good way. I was so emotional beaten in my marriage that I just want to surround myself with people that tell me how great I am. But there are ways to say I am crazy but make me feel good about it.
So what to do, what to do?
I know the answer. Really I do.
Looking at my goals for this blog and me, I am trying to get more traffic to my blog and trying to write a book. To make these two efforts successful, I must/have to open up and let that inside voice out. People like that. I will also have to really focus (or refocus or whatever) on what this blog is about: being single, being a mom, balancing work and family and also dating.... but I also want to do more. I want to write about all the crazy things I think of or some of my beliefs without getting all "You will believe this too!" on you. Cuz that ain't me!
Soooo stay tuned.... and if you are new or haven't commented, please, please, please (don't make me beg) do it! so I know you are out there! My numbers have slowly been going up and I want to keep them going up!up!UP!
There are so many awesome bloggers who can let their inside voice out. And again, things an indoor voice is not... Not really personal thoughts, deep secrets and skeletons in the closest type of posts, that would be "blogging naked." That I have done.
However, what I mean is those thoughts that seem too morbid or too insane to let out in normal life. But with blogs, you can do it and others use their inside voice to comment. They don't judge or at least if they do it is different somehow.
Not to leave anyone out but one great example of a blogger that can do this is The Bloggess aka as Jenny. She rocks. She is the type of person that you meet and just know she is awesome but then she writes and you KNOW she is awesome. I have had the honor of meeting her.... She is everything you would imagine you to be, like Mother Teresa, only better. No really!
I want to/need to do this but I just keep holding back. There are reasons I guess I don't. I sometimes believe I truly am crazy but that doesn't seem like a reason not to, just a really good reason to do plus I would have great material, right?
But, I guess I don't want to be judged because people have told me I am crazy and meant it, not in a good way. I was so emotional beaten in my marriage that I just want to surround myself with people that tell me how great I am. But there are ways to say I am crazy but make me feel good about it.
So what to do, what to do?
I know the answer. Really I do.
Looking at my goals for this blog and me, I am trying to get more traffic to my blog and trying to write a book. To make these two efforts successful, I must/have to open up and let that inside voice out. People like that. I will also have to really focus (or refocus or whatever) on what this blog is about: being single, being a mom, balancing work and family and also dating.... but I also want to do more. I want to write about all the crazy things I think of or some of my beliefs without getting all "You will believe this too!" on you. Cuz that ain't me!
Soooo stay tuned.... and if you are new or haven't commented, please, please, please (don't make me beg) do it! so I know you are out there! My numbers have slowly been going up and I want to keep them going up!up!UP!
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