Thursday, July 31, 2008

Feeling like a whiny baby!

and hating it! But I can't help it right now. I feel like crap! and I just want to lay down.

I have noticed my mood lately is either a big cry baby or I am pissed as hell. I am like mood swinging queen right now. I hate it! I hate it! I double hate it! (or maybe that is triple)

I feel like I am seriously fighting with myself. I keep thinking I should write about it (maybe a short story), call it the turmoil of a brain, or something cheesy like that. Maybe about how I can "hear" myself, the self I feel I am, in there somewhere but just barely because I have crazy me and angry me and wrapped up in herself me all fighting. And just so many other things that don't make sense.

I told my dad last night something like, "Well if you could hear what is going on in my head, you would know I am crazy." and I really believe that I am losing my mind.

And everyone keeps giving me well meant advise but what I need is for myself to get stronger and quiet the rest of the emotions and feelings in my head. Not so that I don't feel but so that I feel like me again. I know it will take some time, some rest and a lot of sorting it out as well as a lot of support, or at least as much as I can get.... Some people seem to be supporting me from as far away as possible. Some people just seem hell bent on keeping me down. And I am sure there are many more who are the same place as me.... "What can I do to help?" the answer..... I don't know.

If you got this far and still want to be my friend, woohoo! I will make you cookies or maybe a homemade ice cream sandwich. Or at least I will really appreciate it.... Thanks.


Margaret said...

You aren't crazy. Really.

I, myself, think you are incredibly normal.

Hugs to you.

Charlene said...

I made it through, can I have some Cookies and Cream, please! Heehee!

I think you're totally normal, not crazy at all. You just have a lot going on now, that's all!

Sizzle said...

You aren't crazy. I feel like that a lot and it's pretty impossible to tell anyone the workings of your brain. It's maddening to actually try!

I hope things shift for you.

TxGambit said...

Thanks ladies. It makes me feel a lot better to hear (see) people say that.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Crap on a crap cracker, chica. I feel like that a lot too. Usually a few weeks of upping my meds helps but until then I just want to stop existing.

This will pass. I promise.

PS. Have you been tested for mono?

belinda/shuttle mom said...

I'll take the homemade ice cream sandwich please!
Yeah, you are normal. My mind has been a battle field all summer. It will get better. Mine got worse before things calmed down though.

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