To continue or really let this blog go....

That really is the question.

I have thought about this over the last few months. I don't know what to do. I know that I will miss blogging as I have these last few months of not doing it. I don't just want to let my blog name go either. I love that name and it really is who I am.

But I also wonder this, would another blog/blog name fit me better at this point? I have come so far from Finding myself to having found everything.

I am comfort with myself and who I am as both a woman and mother. I have found closure where there was pain and wounds. I want to help others though and that right there stops me from moving on.

Given the divorce rate in the country (and others)..... there are newly divorced/divorcing families everyday. Very sad but reality is what it is. And like me, there will be mothers looking for the person they feel they are and trying to find the person inside of them that was lost or bring out that strenght from within to be the best single mom they can be.

There are unique and not so unique things about being a single mom, and I know hearing from others who had been there, done that, really helped. Having a place to vent and just say whatever I wanted helped too! Best therapy ever.

Soooo if you still read me, if you still care, know I haven't forgetten either but I am just trying to decide if I should relaunch as Single Mom finding or find myself a new niche. :) Until then know I haven't abandoned ship.... just took a much needed step back.

The one in which I forget to name it....

Gotta this from A Single Mom's Life. Love her blog!

7 things I plan to do before I die

1. Go to Europe!
2. Go on a cruise to Alaska
3. Go to Africa!
4. Get my MBA
5. Write (and actually finish) a book
6. Landscape my backyard!
7. Australia! Need I say more? (lots of travel)

7 things I do now

1. Work
2. Clean
3. Raise kiddos
4. Kiss a sexy guy! (whenever I get a chance)
5. Drive kids around.
6. Sleep
7. Hmmm, work?

7 things I can’t do

1. Keep my house clean! :)
2. Keep up with my children.
3. Spend enough time with a sexy man. (a specific one-BTW)
4. Find enough time to do things for myself
5. Keep my house clean!
6. Get organized.
7. Save for a rainy day.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1. Gotta make me laugh (even if it isn't completely outward laughing)
2. Great eyes.
3. Someone that is respectful, treats me great.
4. Great hands.
5. Is in to me!
6. Loves kids!
7. Loves animals, especially doggies.

7 things I say most often

1. Awesome.
2. Whatever.
3. Don't hit your brother. Don't yell out your brother. (etc)
4. "Feed the dog." "Would someone feed the dog!?"
5. I don't know, what do you want to do?
6. Down! Off! Stop! Leave it! (to the dog)
7. When I have enough time, I'll.....

7 celebrities I admire (This one is hard for me... I don't really admire many celebs)

1. Queen Latifah
2. Ellen Degeneres
3. Will Smith
4. Kevin James (he is sooo damn funny!)
5.
6.
7.

Keeping kids out of the middle

I was asked by TLC Book tours to read and review, Keeping Kids out of the Middle by Benjamin Garber, Ph.d.

This is my first so I hope I do a good job! I haven't talked much about it on this blog but I am a big time reader. I used to have more time for reading. I could always be found with a book. I typically used to read a book a day, sometimes two a day, depending on what was going on in my life at the time (more free time, more reading time!) I have books all over the house so I feel like I am well prepared for this review! :)


What is this book about?

The book is about being child-centered, not pulling our children into grown up fights and putting them in the middle of our issues. We are the adults, they are the children.


Who is this book for?

This book is for all parents (and that includes step parents)! While it is geared more towards parents that are separated or divorcing, it has a lot of great tips for all parents. Every one with kids or a big part of a child's life should read it.

What I thought:

This book was about two to three years too late for my divorce and much of the information is not completely relevant to me anymore (such as the parts about how to set up the custody agreement.) However, that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it or that I didn't get anything out of it. I realized that many of the things that I thought I was doing was right were actually wrong! Wow, eye openers all through the book. I do wish this would have been around 3-4 years ago so I could avoid those mistakes.

Anyway, throughout the book, Dr. Garber gives examples of what to say to the kids when they have questions. He uses a grading scale of A - F, just like from school days. He would give different scenarios and then gives you various responses, saying things like if you say this, then you get an F, say this and you get a B, etc. He also had some interactive sections with quizzes. Always a plus with self-help style books (and yes I have read my fair share of them!)

As I read through, I highlighted lots of things! Many of it were mistakes I felt I made or things I had done right! Some of it was statements that left questions in my mind. Like how to explain to the kids about why the divorce happened (is happening). In the book, on page 110, he writes about the various responses to give for why did you get a divorce. Here is what the A answer was: The A answer? "What do you think?" opening the door to "We stopped loving each other," followed up with reassurance: "But your daddy will always love you, and I will always love you, no matter what."

I have a bit of a problem with this answer. This is exactly what I did with my kids but they immediately asked me "But if you can stop loving daddy, that means you can stop loving me." They believe that love ends. I have tried to explain that it is a different kind of love. Parent to child but they don't seem to buy it completely.

Then when they fight with their each other, they have asked if they can get a "divorce" or why can I divorce their dad and they can't divorce their sibling. I have explained that too but not sure if it fell on deaf ears or not. If you know me, you know that I complain a lot about the fighting between my kiddos and it is getting worse. So Dr. Garber, what do I say them?

There was also a section about when the child wants to go live with the other parent and how to handle it. If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know I have dealt with this. According to Dr. Garber, we did the right thing. Since I am the POD (parent on duty), I was the initial contact to this news. It caught me off guard so I basically tabled it until I could discuss with her dad. Then we agreed together that she was doing it for the wrong reasons. On pages 121 and 122, there is a highlighted section that talks about "Can some children choose." Dr. Garber gives 5 "if this, then yes" type of statements. We were spot on with our reasons for not letting her go. I think that if she were to make this choice now, it would be for the right reasons. We shall see what the future holds.

I guess the other thing that caught me off with the book but not because it was bad or wrong but because it was a hard thing to hear. There are rarely any true single parents. Basically it said if you have any support, you are not a single parent. He says if you are a single parent (no support) find it, even online. So for me, I have my parents, aunts and uncles, two grandmothers, friends and co-workers, as well as online friends. And while these people don't really help me with the care of the kids (my parents do some), they help me because I can vent and get advice from them. But really the parenting is all mine to do. I work, I come home to feed them, I do all the running around.... All of it. So I just don't know what to think about Dr. Garber's statement but I don't think I disagree.

Overall, I really liked his writing style. I really thought it was a well written and thought out book. It flowed well (and that is very important to me in a book!) While I didn't think much of it was useful for me, I still did find things that I can use and things I can change.

I do recommend this book to anyone who is conflicted in a marriage, going through separation or starting the divorce process. Even if you are happily married, I do think there are a lot of things in the book that you can use.

So check it out!

Trying to get back to blogging!

I miss it so much but I just can't seem to get organized enough again to do it. I have 50 million ideas and 50 million things I need to post about....

But I guess first things first....

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I will be doing highlighting some stories and highlighting some companies that support Breast Cancer Awareness.

I am offering a challenge to all the bloggers out there. Post at least one day about Breast Cancer Awareness. I am sure you know someone that has been touched in some way by Breast Cancer. So.... If you plan to post, let me know.

I also have at least one product review to post and will very, very soon! I think it is a good product and I hope you like it.

Thanks for sticking with me as I get back to normal. There are many, many of my neighbors, friends, family, and just fellow Texans who are not back to normal yet. I just want to keep them in my thoughts and hope that they are able to find some sort of normal....

Blog Trip - Day 5 - Let's go sightseeing!

Welcome back to the final day of the blog trip!!! I hope you have enjoyed yourself and I really hope you will come back after the trip is over. I have learned a lot and meet a lot of great people! I definitely found some people that I will keep on readin'.

Anyway on to my town.

This really isn't a sightseeing type of town. Other than the new mall and the soon-to-be .... hmm mall? There isn't too much. Some movie theaters, a bowling alley, a place called Pitch-Putt-n-Play and a skating rink. That's pretty much it. We do have some good parks, one near my house has a great dog park and a sprinkler park for the kids. Awesome.

But, we do live in the shadow of Houston. There is a ton to do in the city. Museums, the zoo, Reliant Stadium and Minute Maid Park. There is the Toyota Center. And these are just a few things.

Then you could always head south to Galveston. This is my real hometown. I was born and raised there.... more or less.... So in Galveston you can visit the Strand, the beach, the Railroad Museum, Moody Gardens and Schlitterbahn. Just to name a few things. Check out that first link to find all the things there are to do!

The Johnson Space Center and Space Center Houston, Kemah Boardwalk and just something in every direction little things here and there to do and see.

So if you ever make your way to my little dot on the map, I will make sure you are fed well, get in some good shopping and get you enough life experiences to last a life time!

And that, my friends, concludes a fun, busy, exciting yet exhausting blog trip. I do hope you will come back to Single Mom Finding Herself again.

Blog Trip - Day 4 - Let's go shopping!

So it is day four! This Blog Trip is fun! (exhausting) but FUN! I know I have found some new blogs I will definitely be reading! and hope I have some new readers. For my regularly, we will be back from the trip soon and back to normal.

My town has some new shopping. It didn't have much of anything before that. We had to drive into Houston or over to Baybrook Mall (this is where I grew up shopping). But there were a few places around. Hidden Treasures for antiques. I have been in their old store in Pearland but not since they moved.

For clothes there is and has been for almost as long as I can remember a Palais Royal. I had never actually been there until a few months ago though. I don't know why. But they do have cute clothes!

We also have a new mall, just opened. It is an outdoor place and in the Texas heat, I am not sure what the developer was thinking but it is laid out nicely and has nice landscaping. There are great stores there too. I know that I will be spending some cash there come Christmas time! and I am always on the look out for great shoes.... okay great to me.

There is so much development that there will be tons of shopping! Something for everyone. So if you come on for a visit, I will take you shopping until you drop!

Blog Trip - Day 3 - Hungry?

Welcome back to day 3! I hope you are enjoying your trip.

One thing we do here is eat. There is no lack of a place to go. The only problem you may have is just making a decision. I know the guidelines were to just name a one or two of our faves but.... Well you will see!

We have everything from fast food to need a reservation to get in. Among the typicals, McDs, Burger King, Sonic, Whataburger, Subway, Quiznos.... I could go on with quick places like this.

But of the faster places, I would recommend though Panera's Bread for breakfast or lunch. If you don't know what it is, it is not a fast food in the sense of having a drive-thru but it is fast service usually. If you want something quick and simple for breakfast, it is a good place for some coffee and a muffin or good breakfast bread. Then for lunch you can't beat a half a sandwich with some soup.

We have a lot of Mexican or Tex-Mex places too. I like Juanito's which you will find on Walnut, just over Highway 35. It is good food, family owned and I like it! There is also Don Pico's, not great service but pretty good food. And then a newer place for us out here, Los Cucos. It is pretty good. I took Goofball here for his Bday not too long ago. There are more, several more but those are the ones I have been to.

Then we have Saltgrass Steakhouse, Joe's Crabshack, Fuddruckers, Jake's Grill, Olive Garden, Chili's, Red Lobster, TGIFridays, On the Border, Red Robin and BJ's Brewhouse.

We have an Ihop and soon we will have a Denny's. But for a good breakfast try, Busy Bee near the railroad track on 35. The reviews online aren't great but I have been eating there for years and years..... and years!!! It is good but the service changes with the times, sometimes slow, sometimes great. Food is always good, I have never had bad food there.

We are getting a Cracker Barrel too. My kids like that place, but I think it is mostly for the country store.

For a really nice dinner, go to Killen's Steakhouse. Call for a reservation because it is a small place! and if you didn't know and were just driving by, you probably wouldn't expect what you find when you eat there. It is the best food I think I have ever had. I have only been lucky enough to go once but OH.MY.GOSH! Goood.

For dessert, try Marble Slab. There are now a few locations. But my now favorite one is at Pearland Towncenter. They have cinnamon ice cream at that one! Yum! We also have Cold Stone Creamery and Baskins Robbins. Not my faves but we have them. There are also two places now that serve gelato. One is new and I haven't been there. It is at the new Pearland Towncenter and is called Paciugo Gelato. I can't find the other so I can't tell you the name.... It is near Jake's Grill so if you eat a great burger at Jake's then walk down a few stores to it, it isn't bad.

These are just a few of the places you would find if you came to visit me here in Pearland, Texas. Seriously just a few!!! And then if we head in any direction from here, there are tons and tons of other great places to eat. It is overwhelming to say the least. No wonder I can't make a decision.

I hope that fills you up, you have no excuse to leave here hungry but I hope you didn't overeat too much!

Blog Trip - Day 2 - How much is it to filler up!?

So welcome to Blog Trip day two! This post is about the price of gas.

Well with a hurricane in the Gulf this week (yesterday) and Labor Day just ending, gas has been a varying thing. But it is far lower than it has been this Summer.

Lately it has been between $3.30 and $3.60.... I know $.30 difference but what can I say. I live out in what used to be country and I drive into the big city often. Price can be hugely different street to street, corner to corner around here.

On every one's mind is how to save on gas. Well sadly I don't have a strategy for this. This summer I lost my mind so that helped because I wasn't driving as much. But, typically no strategy.

Our town isn't really set up well for walking or biking anywhere, no sidewalks or shoulders to do this. I would have to walk in the ditch or on the very overcrowded roads to do it. I would love to see this change as they start to work on the roads in the area. Even to walk to our neighborhood park, the sidewalk ends before you get there so kids, dogs and grown-ups are forced to walk on the road. Not such a bad thing unless you are walking said road and the idiots that don't realize that it is a neighborhood not Daytona International Speedway go speeding by. Or when you are driving the people that think they can walk 3-4 wide on the street so that cars can't drive by.... Well it just isn't made for foot traffic and motor vehicles to travel together. But I digress.

I have lived in areas that I walked everywhere. I walked to work. I walked to the store. I walked to the park. I walked. I walked. I walked. Now I don't live close enough to work to do that. The stores aren't close enough and like I said, no good infrastructure to do it either. And frankly I have gotten lazy too.... :) There I admit it!

There is no public transportation out of here that I can catch either, though up in the Big City there is so just getting up that way, you can park and catch rides to other destinations around the city. These are all things are little town gone big town is working on but I think they are spending too much time talking and less time doing. There was a huge population explosion over the past 10 yrs and development is out of control, people are struggling to catch up and get their minds wrapped around the change. Change happens people, get on board or get out of the way. (Did I say that out loud?)

Goofball wanted me to mention that we live about 22 miles apart so gas prices have an impact on seeing each other. I really thought it was more schedules and kids and stuff like that but yep, now that he mentions it, gas prices too. I think he said it costs like $7-ish each way. Not sure because I never thought about it. But I trust him..... :)

At any rate, that is the gas situation here in my town. I hope the lack of infrastructure doesn't deter you from visiting us. As you will see during the rest of this trip, there is a lot to see here!

Blog Trip - Day 1 - Welcome! This is me!

Today is day one of the blog trip. I hope you are here for it, or join in!! Day one is kind of an intro to who I am and what I am here for or really any thing I want to share about myself. Me, I think I will share my story.... I think I am also suppose to talk about my town but I am sorry, this is all about me!

Soooo me! 35 and a half (remember when the half used to be so important?).... I am a single mom to three lovely wonderful monsters that I love so much! K is 14 and just started high school.... 9th grade! H is 12 and is in 7th grade this year. L is my youngest at 6 yrs old (yes he has the same father as the older two... nature is a funny thing).... He is starting 1st grade.

We live just south of Houston, TX and have for 3 yrs. I am from here, joined the Navy, had my first two in Florida, moved to Virginia, move back to Texas and then to North Dakota and now back here. Shwooo, that is exhausting just thinking about.... 8 total places we lived in between all those states and that is counting from our first move from FL to VA in 1996 to our last move in 2005 from ND to TX. I hate moving but I am good at it.

I have been divorced for 2 yrs, separated for 3... Was married in total just short of 13 yrs. We both would tell you that it went on far longer than it should have. For me, I had my moment in 1998 but people tell you things like:

Marriage is hard. It takes work. Never give up. Keep trying. Everyone goes through phases like this.

But when is it okay to give up? Say I have tried enough, we just aren't good for each other. We do not make each other happy, etc? It was when I actually felt this way that I was able to say enough is enough. A good friend of mine (one of my PIMs) asked me something like, "If you are so unhappy, why do you stay?" or something like that.... I am not good with the word for word. It was then I said, "Enough." We were living in Fargo, ND at the time.

His story is I left for vacation and never came back. He says I called and just told him I wasn't coming back.... or something like that.

My story is that I was coming home for vacation AND to look for a job, if I found one, I wasn't coming home and we would all move back here.

The truth is somewhere in between that.... (three sides to every story afterall)

But he DID know I wasn't planning to come back when he said good bye the morning I hopped in the car with the three kids and as much as I could pack into it.

Then he moved here a few weeks after we moved in to this house. The plan was for him to find another place to live. 2 mths later, he was still here but hadn't unpacked. So one night I asked him, "Are you going to unpack here or move out like we planned?" He moved out.... Good boy.

The rest of the story goes really quickly.... He lived here, as in Houston, for another 7 mths. He then moved to Dallas/Ft. Worth area. He started dating someone as was I, he moved in with her and then almost immediately broke up.... He then meet a new girl and is now married to her.

I have been seeing the same guy for a very enjoyable 2-ish yrs.... Not sure where it is going and most of the time I don't care.... because I just enjoy him. Some of my best days are with him. I can't imagine life now without him. He is great and I am crazy about that man.

Well this is me. Single mom finding herself....

An Award..... Coool!

Sooooo I got a blog award. I never get these things (okay one other time)....



Thanks Charlene! I would totally give it right back to you if I could.

So the rules are simple. I have to answer the following questions but just with one word each and then tag 7 people with the honor. Only 7 might be hard so I hope I don't make anyone feel left out. I love all the blogs I read!

So without further ado.... The questions:

1. Where is your cell phone? Here
2. Where is your significant other? Home
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? Home
5. Your father? Home
6. Your favorite thing? Kisses
7. Your dream last night? Vivid
8. Your dream/goal? Reachable
9. The room you're in? Messy
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Alone
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Arms
14. What you're not? Anxious
15. One of your wish-list items? Everything
16. Where you grew up? Beach
17. The last thing you did? Write
18. What are you wearing? Clothes
19. Your TV? On
20. Your pet? Three
21. Your computer? Loved
22. Your mood? Amused
23. Missing someone? Always
24. Your car? Orange
25. Something you're not wearing? Bra
26. Favorite store? Shoes
27. Your summer? Over
28. Love someone? Completely
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Minutes
31. Last time you cried? Daily

Soooooo peeps I tag.... Wow.... the difficult part. I want to give it to everyone that is in my blogroll.... Can I just do that? No?

Damn!

Okay here goes.....

Belinda/Shuttle Mom - you totally rock and I can't wait to meet you some day. I love reading your blog.

Karen - You know I love ya girl. I can't wait to get to the other side of the pond to meet you too! It must happen... I have known you too long.
Avonlea - Glad I started reading your blog again. I really enjoy it!
A Single Mom's life - I know you are busy but I just love what I have read on your blog. Can't wait for more.

how many is that??? Four? Okay....

Lisa - I am so glad I did that Fun Monday.... I really love your blog, all the pics, even if the bugs creep me out a bit.
Jen - Chaos is my middle name and ya know I love ya! so I have to hit you on this one. Can't wait until we can hang out again..... someday....

and last but certainly not least..... and the one I wasn't sure I should tag but I will.....
Trapped in Time - Cuz you know why. You rock.


Take the award, post your answers (don't worry if you can't tag others, it is just for fun!) and Have fun! Keep up the great work and know I *heart* your blog (or maybe just you!)

Lazy Saturday blogger

So I have been doing pretty good with writing stuff up and scheduling it to post. This way I have something for each day. I am not saying it is written last week or a month ago, but a few days or even the day before. Though somethings are ideas I had from a week ago, a month ago or longer.

Anyway, I am not prepared for Saturday.

I know, I know everyone is disappointed. I am very sorry. You came here with expectations of advice, wonderful stories and inspiration.

But instead you get my rambles at 1:00 am.

Instead of writing today (err, Friday) I went out with Goofball and had a good time. We just hung out and I really like that. I miss him like crazy all week so when I do get to see him, I don't really like being around a bunch of other people. I want some time to just reconnect with him. No outside distractions, just me and him.

It is good and bad. Good because we get that special time together, bad because well.... I don't know, we just never do anything so I know I wonder, "Is he disappointed?" He mentions it a lot but like tonight or hmm, last night (Friday), he said that he thought I would have expectations that we do something. Why, I asked? Because you are a woman. Yep but I don't have expectations of anything but some one on one time with you (him.)

My expectations were met and then some.

At any rate, I don't have anything really great to say for Saturday. No funny stories or words of wisdom, though I am working on it so check back! I need to sort through my notes, yes I keep notes of things I want to talk about, discuss and share. Writing has always been a passion for me and I really enjoy it even more now that I have people reading it. But sadly I got nothing for you....

So there you have it my nothing for Saturday.

Why I do Wordless Wednesday.....

I recently asked a good friend who also happens to be an amazing and popular blogger for some advice. She mentioned that she does not participate in things like "Wordless Wednesday" and others as she has too much to say.... Yes and she rocks at it!

But, I got to thinking about this. Wordless Wednesday doesn't necessarily mean that I am not saying anything about myself, my world, life etc. Each week that I have done Wordless Wednesday I have thought long and hard about what picture to share from my life. Like last week when I posted a picture of our massive amounts of school supplies! It is a good thing I got so many, btw.

Anyway, I really enjoy seeing the Wordless Wednesday posts. I really feel like I get a glimpse of your life when you post a picture.... I also love abstract pictures or landscape or animals or anything! New or old. I love them all.

I would like to start "collecting" posts for Wordless Wednesday. I would like any that wants to do this, to post a comment saying that you have a Wordless Wednesday post to share. I will post a list for everyone to go and see all the great pictures!

What do you think? I just hope all the traffic I got today will carry over to tomorrow so people get the word.

I'll start working on a badge for it.... Can you advertise it for me on your blog too?

Even if you don't want to be on the list, I would love to see your Wordless posts. :)

Texas Independence Day..... or Fun Monday

So this week's Fun Monday is brought to you by Mama Drama.

The details of the assignment are can be found at their place but the question is....

What funny trivial fact do you remember that you probably should have forgotten a long time ago?

So with this in mind, here goes mine. Not sure that it is EXACTLY what they are looking for BUT.... I was born on Texas Independence day which also just happens to be Sam Houston's birthday too. Being a Texan I thought that this was awesome! Then to find out I was related to one of the Captains that fought in the battle that won Texas its independence from Mexico.

I know this might seem silly to some but I have always remembered the dates, I mean it was easy to remember, but I guess the silly part to me was that I feel a like a proud Texan to share this day with the Republic of Texas and Sam Houston.

Late Fun Monday - Assignment Aug 18

So I decided way late to do the Fun Monday assignment for this week! It is hosted by Lisa .

Here is the assignment: What is one thing you would like to ask your readers? Come up with a question to pose to your visitors and throw it out there on Monday. As we’re all visiting each other’s Fun Monday posts we should answer the various questions we come across.


My question is: if you could go back to 13 yr old you, what would you say to yourself?

Working hard on my blog

I have been reading, searching, reading, searching to find new things that I can use to make this blog bigger, better and get me some more traffic.

I ran across this on Problogger.com. I just found this website and I have a little crush on it now. It rocks. It is like the best of everything I have been wanting to/needing to know all rolled into one easy to read website.

Anyway, the link above says, basically, that only 1% of readers comment (give or take). Wow. That makes sense, since my number per day is much higher than my comments.

My biggest hits are Voodoo Doll Curse and What makes a man sexy.... Interesting. These weren't even that well written nor popular when I wrote them but a lot of people are searching for this. (Also single mom fingering herself or mom fingering herself..... Hmmm, yeah that isn't on this blog but thanks for stopping by....) But anyway these topics are highly searched for.

With that in mind, I am actively working on driving more traffic here but I know that just getting them here is only part of the battle, I need to write better and on more interesting topics. I need something to keep them here. I need to learn what those things are.

But what do I have to do, read on....

I do have a niche which is something people are looking for. Not just random crap. But when they come here, I need them to know what they will find. Not like Voodoo curses, that has nothing to do with being a Single Mom or dating or raising kids, ex husband and a new stepmom. These are the things I need to focus the most on. However, I think adding things that interest me, catch my attention or in other ways shape who I am, can be interesting and need to be added every once in a while. I think this just helps my readers and friends learn more about me. I'm totally like an onion. I have many layers. I add a little flavor to your life and I can sometimes make ya cry. (okay maybe not that last one)

But what else do I need to do, read on.....

I have openly admitted I need to let the inside voice out. This is forthcoming as I work behind the scenes on some ideas and tweak my writing. In addition, I also need to work on my writing style, which I think has evolved a lot since I started but still needs some work, like writing more with my inside voice and working on my vocabulary. I have thought about rewriting/republishing a few things from my past that I thought were good but I didn't really have the readers back then. I am not so arrogant that I think that people go back too often in archives.

The other thing I am working on is a new blog design and layout. Something a bit more me! Something that screams "Single Mom Finding Herself!" I just don't know how long it will take to get it together.... I still need to learn just HOW to do that.

And, last but not least, I have also read that I need to identify what my goals are with blogging.... Well besides finding myself, sharing my struggles with raising three kids, dating and depression/anxiety, my other main goal is to make a little money. I will be adding some more ads. I realize this can make it look crowded and almost seem like a push to click here, click here, click here! but I am hoping that I will add items and products of interest to most so maybe we can help each other out, especially with the holidays coming, maybe some ads about shopping can help. I know I shop online! It saves a lot of time and even money.

If you have a tip for me or ideas on how I can make this blog better, I would love to hear those! Or if you have any words of encouragement, leave me a comment. Thanks!

My inside voice

No not the one I use while indoors nor voices in my head, but secret thoughts, weird thoughts, even potentially intelligent thoughts! Things I never or rarely say to people in real life.

There are so many awesome bloggers who can let their inside voice out. And again, things an indoor voice is not... Not really personal thoughts, deep secrets and skeletons in the closest type of posts, that would be "blogging naked." That I have done.

However, what I mean is those thoughts that seem too morbid or too insane to let out in normal life. But with blogs, you can do it and others use their inside voice to comment. They don't judge or at least if they do it is different somehow.

Not to leave anyone out but one great example of a blogger that can do this is The Bloggess aka as Jenny. She rocks. She is the type of person that you meet and just know she is awesome but then she writes and you KNOW she is awesome. I have had the honor of meeting her.... She is everything you would imagine you to be, like Mother Teresa, only better. No really!

I want to/need to do this but I just keep holding back. There are reasons I guess I don't. I sometimes believe I truly am crazy but that doesn't seem like a reason not to, just a really good reason to do plus I would have great material, right?

But, I guess I don't want to be judged because people have told me I am crazy and meant it, not in a good way. I was so emotional beaten in my marriage that I just want to surround myself with people that tell me how great I am. But there are ways to say I am crazy but make me feel good about it.

So what to do, what to do?

I know the answer. Really I do.

Looking at my goals for this blog and me, I am trying to get more traffic to my blog and trying to write a book. To make these two efforts successful, I must/have to open up and let that inside voice out. People like that. I will also have to really focus (or refocus or whatever) on what this blog is about: being single, being a mom, balancing work and family and also dating.... but I also want to do more. I want to write about all the crazy things I think of or some of my beliefs without getting all "You will believe this too!" on you. Cuz that ain't me!

Soooo stay tuned.... and if you are new or haven't commented, please, please, please (don't make me beg) do it! so I know you are out there! My numbers have slowly been going up and I want to keep them going up!up!UP!

This week in blog history....

.... is when I first started my blog. It was actually on the 22nd but I thought I would post a few things pre-blogaversary.

Today it is a request to my lurkers. Give me a hi! I see you on sitemeter.... and while I don't know exactly who you are, I see some "regular" lurkers. I know that sometimes it is hard to relate to posts and make comments but this one here. Is just for a quick shout out.

How did you find me? How often do you read? (some I know you stop by daily) And then anything else you might want to share.

I have an average of 25 clicks a day (unique clicks that is). But I don't get nearly that many comments. Again, I don't expect daily comments but every once in a while, it would be nice to "hear" from you. It keeps me motivated! :)

-----------------------------------------------

In other news, I have to get a new car sooner rather than later. As in my car is acting up yet again. It was just in the shop a few weeks ago to the tune of $712. Before that it was back in October with a price tag of around $800. I cannot keep doing this every few months or so. I just can't. It is just one reason for my bad credit.

Speaking of which has me really concerned about getting a loan for a new car. Ack! Oh well, some people do it.... I guess I will just try it and see what happens. I plan to start my search outside of my research on the Internet, coming up on this Friday. I will see if I can get financing and if not, not sure what I will do. Sink more and more into this Tank. I just don't know. But it isn't an option any longer. I have put it off for too long waiting to get "back on track" or "get ahead".... Like I tell people who wait to have children until they are financial ready.... You never will be, just do it.

Okay than, car dealers..... Here I come!

Taking a break but....

Not from blogging, just from all the things keeping me from blogging for the last several days.

K has been a part of a play at school. I was really happy that she was part of it.... running crew which if you don't know means that she helped back stage and when there were scene changes, she was part of that.

Last night was the last performance and I helped out back stage too. It was a blast! The kids were fun and it was great to be around the other parents because I almost never get to do stuff like that. I always have the other kids to take care of so if I want to do something for one, I have to have the other two in tow. It makes it near impossible to do anything this way because in this case, it was K who had something going on so it was the boys left out. Well I tried to go help with set building and they were WILD so I had to leave. They were actually jumping off the stage, crawling around in the seats, running all over. They have no will power to stop and punishment does not work.

But, I did get to help a little and that was good for me. I hope that K stays with Drama and next time tries out for a part in the play because she would be sooo good. She had most every one's lines memorizes and had the acting of each down pretty well too.

So I am also getting ready for a big event at work. We travel this week to California for it. I am excited because this will be my first trip to our California office but this is not my first event like this so I am not worried in the least about this event. I am just excited about the trip!

This will be the first time I leave Cowboy. I am sure he will be perfectly fine but I know I will miss him terribly. In a week's time, he will probably grow so much! He is still a great dog. Soooo smart, I am just amazed. Very, very soon he will be going to puppy classes and then we will be on the road to advanced obedience classes. I really want him to do everything and anything. I am just so glad I waited to get a dog and I am really glad that I got him.... I took my time and did research and talked to breeders, rescue groups and others. When all was said and done, I got the best dog for us.

Anywho, I am hoping to blog while on my trip. I am taking both my work laptop and personal one. I just don't' know how busy we will be and if we will have to work late or not.

Sooo anyway that is me for now.... and the kiddos have found me so I have to stop hiding!

I love Site Meter but.....

So I have Site Meter now as I think I mentioned BUT it is starting to make me a bit paranoid. Is my ex reading this? It wouldn't take much for anyone that knows me to actually find my blog! I mean, hello! He and I used almost the same screen name on Plentyoffish.com... that was a weird feeling when we realized that we did that.

But, anyway, so I see tons of different places in Texas as hits. Whole bunch of places.... and a lot near where he lives. Yikes! Thankfully if he is reading, he isn't saying anything and I am glad for that. I hope he will respect this as "my place" and where I can vent and talk things out. In fact, I am sure he would feel that way.

I wish I would have started with Site Meter sooner too. It is soooo interesting! I am surprised by how people are finding me and how many people read my blog! I am surprised because I don't get that many comments.

Anyway, thanks to all that do read me and thanks to those that find me randomly and read. And really thanks to my friends that read and comment.

Divorced mom or single mom?

What is the difference between a divorced mom and a single mom? (or you can use parent instead of just mom) I'm not sure. I guess it is just a matter how you look at it.

I am a single mom as in I do parent pretty much alone though the dad isn't a deadbeat. He just isn't here for the daily stuff. But, then that makes me think of the difference between being "divorced" and "single"....Read on.... but be warned, I am just opening my mind and what falls out might not all make sense at once.

Some that are divorced have regular custody orders. If you know me and/or have read this blog for a while, you know we don't. He lives 4 - 5 hours away and sees them a few times a year with an extended visit in the summer. Fine.

I make most of the day to day decisions. I get the hugs. I get to discipline them. The school stuff, the extra activities, the missed buses, the sick kiddo needs to be picked up early... etc. I have to do these things on my own. I am also the type that picks my battles and sometimes I just get worn out and can't be firm. Sometimes I do give in and ya know what? Most of the time it works for us. Are they sometimes bratty? Yes. Do they know how to push my buttons? Yes. And I know I give in too much and I know I give them more than they probably deserve and yes some of that is guilt!!!! They know it and they also know when to stop because they have gone too far. Again, it works for us.... most of the time.

So yes, I am a single mom.... errr, divorced mom?

I say that because I feel far from single. So maybe I am a divorced mom?? Since I haven't really thought of myself as single for a very long time now. Goofball and I have been dating a while. Though we haven't gotten super serious, I care about him very much and feel VERY lucky to have him in my life. So as far as single goes.... I don't really feel it.

With that said, I don't expect him to be in a role of "step-dad" or I guess more like "step-boyfriend".... or I don't know, whatever. I just don't expect that though I like that he doesn't mind hanging out with them from time to time. I also don't mind when he gives me his thoughts, advise or opinions on situations with my kids, just so he knows I will do what makes sense for us, be it his idea or mine. I just like having that grown-up to bounce ideas off of and to vent too. But bottom line is he is my hang out guy, my friend, my boyfriend.... not my children's.

And why is this important? I have been trying to define who I am in this whole crazy single, divorced, parenting world. I know that I am far from alone but at the same time, each situation is different. I think a lot of single parents struggle with defining who they are and what they want.

And that was the main reason for this blog.