Of Christmases Past…. And gift giving…

So this would be our 3rd Christmas since we started dating. First year too soon for gifts, but we did give cards. Perfect. Second year bowling bag for him, wireless router for me. Stories behind these? Yes. Practical gifts? Yes probably.

Now we are staring down the barrel of another holiday/gift giving season and what do you give someone who really needs very little, that you don’t live with but have known for going on 3 yr?? Oh and are super crazy about!

I know I’m clueless too.

He and I recently discussed this. He brought it up saying he was going to write about it and it was funny because I have been thinking about writing about this very topic.

We talked briefly about gift giving and our exes. Mine was not very good at this but not because I had high standards. I love kitchen items but honestly folks they make shredded cheese for people just like me (read: LAZY!)…. What do I want with an electric cheese grater? No not a food processor because that would make too much sense…. A gadget that you have to hold a button on each side of, push at the same time and then a blade moves up and down while you hold the cheese with your other hand. Awesome.

My list has almost always been the same basic list….. Candles, bath stuff (go to Bath and Body works and buy just about anything, I’m happy), pajamas and books (I read just about anything!)….. That’s it! I always told him the same things each year because he had “themed” gift giving. “Oh look a workout video…. Oh and another one…. Oh and workout clothes…. Wait, hmmm what are you saying? Oh I get it.” Then the Christmas everything was apple stuff for the kitchen. Yes I liked apples and thought they were cute in the kitchen, and yes I bought a few items but that was all I wanted…. If I was at the store and said, “Oh that is cute.” I didn’t mean “oh that is cute please buy me every piece possible.”

But I digress.

You will notice though that jewelry is not on my list. I am not a super big jewelry girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love jewelry and I think it is fun to get it but at the same time, it kinda makes me panic and I have a hard time breathing if I receive it. Why? Baggage. My ex went through a spell when he gave me a lot of jewelry. It was in 1998 which I identify as the turning point in my marriage. The point when I knew this was not the person I was going to grow old with. He bought me a $3,000 ring. Why? I don’t know… I called it the guilt ring. At first I wore it because I really did want my marriage to work but at some point I took it off, put it back in the box and gave it back. He didn’t take it so in a box it sat most of the time. Sometimes I would take it out and look it. Usually I would shake my head and put it back.

I’m a simply gal. A simple ring, a simple necklace, earrings, bracelet… these are the things I like but simple or even unique is the key. I don’t even know what the difference is in jewelry from this store or that. I hear all the commercials for this big chain or that one but truly have no idea the quality difference or even if there is one. And what do I need with fancy jewelry anyway? I go no where fancy and have no clothing to match it!

Sadly I typically by jewelry at Claire’s, Icing, Charming Charlie’s or even Target. Places like this.

Does this make it hard to buy me gifts? Gosh I hope not! I am really not picky and would be happy with anything that I thought the giver had put thought into, especially if it is something like a wireless router. That was probably one of the coolest gifts I have been given…. Why?? Because it was very thoughtful and given for a great reason. I use it everyday! What could be better?!

As to what I might want this year….. hell I don’t know!? I need almost nothing. Like I said I am simple and practical. I have been on my own too long, I just buy the things I want and need. Like I told the kids I want something to put my make up in but then I said but I’ll probably buy that. Then I want a new bird feeder but this time I want to actually hang it or attach it to the tree or fence some how. But I will probably end up doing that too. Or a wind chime for outside my new window or a new teddy bear…. My kids keep stealing all mine! Or a new spatula…. Yes seriously!

But this doesn’t solve my problem…. What do I give this amazing man?! :)

Crazy week and it is only Tuesday!

I have not seemed to sit my butt down to blog lately. I have a ton to write about but I just can't slow my brain to focus.

And then Monday was just plain weird.... I have been getting busier with work and it is exhausting but fun so no I am not complaining but just sayin'.....

So then I get home and I can't deal with dinner so Papa John's to the rescue. Get dinner eaten and cleaned up but before I can get to dishes I start to smell something.

Like a burned rubber or plastic smell. GROSS! It was horrible and was stronger in my kitchen/laundry room area but I just couldn't find it.

One of my biggest fears is a house fire.

So I checked the stove, dryer, water heater, frig.... everything I could think of. Called the folks for their opinion. They had no idea either. Crap.

About five minutes later, pow..... No power. Damn!

I knew exactly the problem. Breaker box (or circuit box or whatever you call it). Called the folks and they came to the rescue. Dad said, "Yep breaker box. Why don't y'all pack and come say with us?" Alrighty then.... Packed by flashlight and just hoped we got everything we would need.

Couldn't take the pets so of course I worried all night.

Had to be home early enough in the morning to take care of Cowboy and kitties. Also to get everyone on the bus.... K at 6:30 (yikes), I have to leave by 7, H takes L to the bus stop at 7:15 and H catches his bus at 7:40. Soooo that was interesting this morning.

Anywho, called the contractor this morning, "Hey breaker box is fried, what's the plan?"

It is fixed now.... Awesome.

Today was another busy day at work and I am wiped but I am smiling so at the end of the day that is all that matters, right?

Work will only get busier but finally coming to a screeching halt for the holidays and by holidays I mean after Thanksgiving, not before. Fun, fun!

Random Mom Stuff

I will admit I am a nerd for commercials and really any marketing. I should so write a marketing blog (analyze commercials or something). When I go back to school, I am leaning heavily towards marketing.

So anyway, I have been seeing a commercial for a pre-packaged/cooked meat. This woman (mom) is describing her day. Her tone and body language suggest that she is tired and stressed by her day. Here is how it goes (sort of, I don’t remember each line):
* Wake up call 6:00 AM
* Kids up and off to school
* Then her 9-5 job
* “And then home to dinner that is waiting for me (pause for dramatic effect… long enough?) for me to cook it.”

Oh yes, this is soooo my day! I am exhausted by my day, my life most of the time. And, despite the fact that I love my job, I’m exhausted most evenings. I have a fairly flexible work schedule with every other Friday off. I truly enjoy what I do, though most of the time it is a high stress, fast-paced job. It is what I love to do! (Okay aside from my interest in marketing…. I would soooo be all over that!)

Then I go home to be the mom. Again I love my kids and I love being mom but….

I saw this Lifetime movie once, Fifteen and Pregnant, Park Overall’s character says “Babies take more than they give.”

Ahem, sista! This doesn’t just stop with babies either. And while the balance does start to shift slightly closer to being even the older they get, it is still way off balance….

Like, for example, K will make me a hot cup of tea sometimes. But I also run her little social butterfly self everywhere. To school for this or that activity. To church (sometimes). To a friend’s house. To a party. Whatever it is.

H helps me by taking the garbage out and carrying the laundry for me.

And L is just… well comic relief at this point.

They all help with feeding the dog and cats (but there is a lot of whining). They have chores (again much whining).

But what do I do? All the “grown-up” responsibility stuff (bills, laundry, scrub the toilet) and hey let’s not forget who “grew” them for 9 mths. (Okay maybe that doesn’t count…. )

But I do have to admit the thing I like about having older kids is that I can have actual conversations with them. In the store the other day, K and I were discussing the election (she will be old enough to vote in the next Presidential election…. How scary and exciting is that!) She was saying, “People shouldn’t just vote for a person because they are a woman or African American or whatever. They should be listening to what they have to say and doing research on them.” And yes folks she has an opinion on who she would vote for this year and she has done the research and is still doing that research, watching, listening and discussing.

I also encourage my kids to question things like beliefs and politics and whatnot. I have heard so many people praise their children for believing exactly what the parents believe…. Not because the child came to that opinion on their own but because the parents believe that. I mean that is okay for them and I am not really criticizing but I am saying for me, I want them to challenge my beliefs on things. I don’t go to church but K does and H had on occasion. I have my own set of beliefs that don’t match any church I have been to. But that isn’t the point, it took me years of research and going to church after church to come to this conclusion for myself. I talk very freely with them about religion and don’t try to sway them one way or the other. If they have a question about something, I have an answer or get them one. Politics the same. I have no intention of saying they have to believe the same as me. If they do, I want to know why. If they can say anything other than “Because you do.” Then awesome. I feel I then did my job.

Again, not downing others…. It works for you. I give my kids soda and you probably don’t believe in that. Everyone is different and I love that. Oh and for the record I am not trying to raise people that listen to just one resource or believe everything the media says. I have taught them to get as many points of views as possible. They have seen first hand how the media will overplay something for ratings or edit something to look worse than it is.

Back on point, I enjoy my kids and enjoy the people they are turning into, but it is true they take more than they give. I am exhausted by my dual roles as mom and fulltime worker but it has its rewards.

So while most night’s dinner is waiting for me…. (Pause for dramatic effect) to cook it. There are some rare nights that it is waiting for me to just eat it. And those nights are the ones to cherish the most because some day the kids will be gone and I will go home and eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal or a sandwich because there will be no one to cook for but myself (unless, hmm…. Well??….the future is a question mark after all).

People on pedestals

.... are bound to fall off.


This is something I have dealt with before and this post is in general. However, I am writing it now because I recently let go of a friendship.

There is a lesson that I have learned from Goofball. Well several but one of the most valuable is "No expectations." It took me a while to figure out what that meant or how to apply that to my life. But now that I have, I see things very differently.


However, most of these people on pedestals were pre-no expectations living. They were people that I admired, looked up to and/or that gave me strength.


Only later did I realize that they were human. Only later did I realize that they had faults. Only later did they fall from those pedestals on which I put them.


It is really heartbreaking to feel this way but I let it happen. I had the expectations of hero/heroine. It wasn't them that climbed up there, they didn't ask for such glory in my life. I did it.

Sooo I have definitely learned a lesson in regards to myself and expectations for people. While it isn't wrong to look up to people or admire them, don't expect perfection or hero behavior. Expect that at times they won't live up to it and just accept that.

Or something like that! :)

Wake up to Breast Health

This month Folgers is partnering with the National Breast Cancer Foundation in support of breast cancer awareness.

Look for the pink cans in stores. They are only out of a limited time!

Here is some information directly from Folgers:

This October, Folgers will partner with the National Breast Cancer Foundation to support breast cancer research and education for underserved women with its limited edition Pink Can, which will be available in grocery stores and convenience stores nationwide. In addition to the Pink Can, consumers will be able to visit folgers.com to send a “wake up call” e-card to loved ones to make them aware of breast health and the importance of early detection.

Look around the store for other great companies offering products with special pink labels and/or ribbons on them. I will be posting other great reminders and products through out the month!

But tomorrow back to "normal" Single Mom Finding herself content.

Also note to those who have commented about other forms of cancer. I completely and totally understand because I have lost loved ones to other forms of cancer.

October Mean - Breast Cancer Awareness!!!

Hello all! It is that time of year again. Time to think about boobs and health, well honestly, you have to think about it everyday, or at least once a month.

This isn't just a problem that effects women, men can be diagnosed. So learn the facts! What are your risks?

With early detection, you have a good chance of becoming a survivor!! There are a lot of treatments.

As you may have noticed, my blog is pink. This is in honor of a very dear friend of mine who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been through a lot.... chemo, surgery, radiation. She has been doing great and has had some down moments (mostly in the beginning) but her spirit is one to admire and look up to.

I am dedicating this month to Breast Cancer Awareness and I have issued a challenge to all the bloggers to do something during this month. Post about Breast Cancer.... a story or an article. Something.

All cancer sucks (and tons of other diseases). I have lost a few close to me to other forms and someday I will dedicate time to those but for now I am doing this. I have always been very passionate about this.... I mean I have boobs and I like them. I like that a certain guy likes them.

Soooo bloggers, I hope you take me up on my challenge. Spread the word! :)

Trying to get back to blogging!

I miss it so much but I just can't seem to get organized enough again to do it. I have 50 million ideas and 50 million things I need to post about....

But I guess first things first....

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I will be doing highlighting some stories and highlighting some companies that support Breast Cancer Awareness.

I am offering a challenge to all the bloggers out there. Post at least one day about Breast Cancer Awareness. I am sure you know someone that has been touched in some way by Breast Cancer. So.... If you plan to post, let me know.

I also have at least one product review to post and will very, very soon! I think it is a good product and I hope you like it.

Thanks for sticking with me as I get back to normal. There are many, many of my neighbors, friends, family, and just fellow Texans who are not back to normal yet. I just want to keep them in my thoughts and hope that they are able to find some sort of normal....

Second guessing myself

A recent conversation with Goofball turned into me thinking and questioning myself.

I am not very word for word but basically I was saying I needed to swing by the store to pick up hot dogs, buns and Fritos.... I was making chili. I said the boys could eat hot dogs, K would have chili and I would have chili dogs. He said my meals were too complicated. Well we discussed and fine. I then mentioned that my ex used not like me to cut up/add onion and peppers or anything to spaghetti sauce. It had to be out of a can or jar.... nothing else.... Now I found out he eats it with stuff added. Goofball's reasoning "New wife".... Yes probably. He has changed a lot and that's fine. He is allowed, I guess....

But I honestly don't remember what it was that he said but it was basically that I didn't push to make them all eat the way I want them to..... as in, I want chili dogs, we are having chili dogs. Why should I do that when I can separate the ingredients and everyone is happy.

Does this make me a bad person? I mean I know my kids are picky eaters.... they are getting better but still not nearly to the point I want them at but I don't push them. I am too sensitive to eating disorders which they already have signs of (emotional eating) and I hate that.

Ya know when they were babies I did all the "right" things. I offered a variety of foods, veggies and fruits. They ate everything for the most part. H didn't eat spinach but that wasn't a big deal to me..... More for me! But this was really the only restriction.... Then suddenly around age 4, they both stopped eating like the used to. They became picky. They got to the point that they wouldn't eat at all... Just refuse. So I started just adapting my menu. So spaghetti became either with sauce or mac-n-chz. (Noodles with cheese on them). Chili dogs became choices.... but basically the same meal, just changed a bit.

L offered a new challenge for me. I made all his baby food. I didn't buy one jar of food for him. With K, I ONLY feed her baby food. I followed the book to the letter.... What can I say? I was young. With H, he was hard to get full so I started feeding him pretty much straight from the table around 6 months. But with L, I thought, "I can totally make all his food!" See my thing was I had a really hard time breastfeeding. I wanted to but I always seemed to fail. I didn't realize all the great resources that could have helped me or I would have tried anything. So when I heard how easy it really was to make baby food (easy peezy!!! I swear), I did it. I worked every Sunday making sweet potatoes, butternut squash, pears and apple sauce.... etc... It was so much fun and he ate so well! His fave was avocado and banana. Turns out avocados are a great first food, then added with banana makes a great "second stage" food. It was great. He was not picky until...... age 2..... He has been my worst one of them all. He often doesn't even eat the adapted meals I make. I can't get this kid to eat period. So I adjust.... I'm easy.

But I often feel like I am a terrible parent for not pushing this. I decided a long time ago that I would pick my battles. If this doesn't bother me, why push the issue? Like I said it is easier for me to just cook what they like rather than what they don't. And now nobody else put the four of us live here so why not. Oh and trust me it was worse with their dad here.... He was King of the Picky eaters. I figured it was my punishment for being picky as a child..... but I learned that I am not a picky eater.... Oh don't get me wrong there are things I would prefer not to eat (why waste calories) but my mom has said that I wasn't picky. She said if I didn't like say the onions in something, I would just push them to the side a little and not say a word. Then when I cleared my plate, I threw them out.

At any rate, I am always questioning my decisions, especially now.... It is almost 100% on me to make decisions for them, 100% for the day to day things, only like 80-90% on bigger things. So I question and second guess everything. But I have to just say this, I am not sorry that I have adapted my cooking and menu to fit their tastes. I picked my battles and this is not worth my time. I do feel like I put my foot down when it counts. (Like just a minute ago with the dishes)

So I guess what I am saying is that I am just doing the best I can and hoping they turn out okay. What more can I ask for?

Hurricane Ike and the Single Mom

Okay this MIGHT be the last hurricane post..... I almost promise.

I have noticed that I am mildly depressed. Is it post-storm related or is it just my "normal" cycle with depression. I do not know. But I noticed I am not able to make eye contact as much as normal. I am withdrawing from people, withdrawing from my interests and just in general feeling blah.

Anyway, that is not exactly what this is about! This is about me and Hurricane Ike.

Pre-storm I was so nervous. Could I be strong enough for the children? Could I stay calm even though I was scared out of my mind at what was going to happen? I mean you just don't know what these storms will do or what they will be like. So back to my questions in my mind..... Was I prepared enough? Did I have enough supplies? Oh yes, there were more questions but I will spare you.

At any rate, I was strong enough, I was calm, I was prepared and I got us through it all. I am so proud. Now granted we were also EXTREMELY lucky!! Very little damage. Got power on rather quickly, etc.

But despite how easy it was for us, I also feel good that I was able to get us through the days I did. I calmed fears enough though I was scared too and needed the comfort. I know if this were to happen again, I could do it and I know I will be prepared. I will be more trusting of my own ability.

I do have to brag a little.... Goofball was a good support and an inspiration (via phone mostly). He still doesn't have power, so send him some "electric" vibes! I miss him terribly! It was almost 2 weeks from when I saw him last until I did get to see him again..... and I did get to see him a few days since. But right now it is ifie on when I will see him again.... Hopefully this weekend.

Anyway, that is how I learned just a little more about myself.... Everyday I find myself a little more!

Getting back to normal

This is pretty much the only damage I had to my house.... and this isn't even the house. I feel lucky. I have power, Internet, hot water. I have a frig full again with food.

We are getting back to normal but many of our neighbors, friends and family are not. Goofball, for one, has no power and no good sign of it coming on... At this point it sounds like he won't have it until next Friday.

I have a co-worker/friend that was in one of the hardest hit areas (Seabrook) and she will have a long recovery time.

Then I have family that live in Galveston (we are all from there originally!). My cousin lost his year old washer and dryer. They had some other damage in their house but last time I talked to them, they hadn't been able to get in.

I still don't know for sure about going back to work or the kids back to school. Right now I am planning to be back at work on Monday but they will have an update Sunday evening. The kids are suppose to go back either Tuesday or Wednesday. I have no idea. They said update on Sunday or Monday.

So that is an update from us. Please keep everyone in your thoughts!

Soon more normal Single Mom Finding Herself content! Promise!

Sorta back, sorta not

So we have power and now Internet. Whoohooo. Only I am not quite ready to be back to blogging yet. Not ready to comment. I just don't feel like I have anything productive to say or add at the moment, not with so many of my friends, family and neighbors still having issues. No power, low on supplies, no homes, loss of possessions.

But we are good. We were some of the lucky ones and I feel blessed for that.

I will check back in soon and I will visit all the blogs I love but for now, I just want to keep those in our thoughts who are still trying to get back to normal..... I hope soon.

Ike is nearly here!

Yikes! I wasn't going to post because I wasn't sure I would have time. But I do so just a quick update.

We are ready!

We are waiting!

We are driving each other CRAZY!

Or maybe that is just the boys driving me crazy.

Anyway, will check in when I can. Keep us in your thoughts. It will be over soon, I hope! (maybe nearing the end this time tomorrow??)

Hurricane Ike

He is on his way but where will he land!? Could it be here.... See the blue and gray line, they both come here. Yikes! I really, really hope it doesn't only because I am a bit anxious. No matter how many of these I go through, this would my first with just me and the kids. I am scared out of my mind to do this as a single mom. I have no plan at all and a million questions. I am prepared to stay put but what if I need to leave? I can't even take all my pets if I leave. How could I just leave my cats behind? How do I entertain three children if the power goes out.... alone?

Okay so I know there are people worse off than me and I hate to wish this storm on others but I really want it to stay far south of us.... or heck just disappear.

But it is coming near enough that we will have effects from it. We are suppose to get winds and rain starting Friday afternoon/evening. (Means I don't get to see Goofball on Friday, whah! but that's okay, we got children to take care of)

I got water, batteries, flashlights, snacks for if the power goes out. I got a couple of puzzles and a new game in case we have to entertain each other without power (I also have stacks of other games). I am going to make sure the cell phones are charged, MP3 players charged. The car is already full of gas. Yard is clean. I have emergency numbers that I need for work. My parents are close. My aunt and uncle are close. We have a couple of secure rooms if needed.

And, really I have done this several times before so I can do it. I have done it.

Now we wait.

I thought I would going to try to write something for each day through Saturday and have them automatically publish. But I have decided to take a temporary break instead. Just until the Hurricane passes and we get back to normal. I just can't think of anything else right now.

Please keep us all in your thoughts. I will keep checking blogs as long as we have power but I won't be writing until after.

UPDATE: It has taken a shift more East.... Towards us. Going to Freeport, Tx at this point. Freeport is where a lot of my Beach pics were taken. It is not that far.... well about an hour or so from here. Ack! I honestly don't know what to wish for because I don't want to wish it on the poor folks that got Rita, Gustav or Katrina.... They have had enough.... but who really says, "Cool, bring it on!" Okay maybe some but not most. Trying to stay calm for the kids. They are nervous enough.

Wordless Wednesday - Sometimes a daydream

More guys and relationship tips.

Amira at memoirs of a single mom made this list of lessons learning about guys.

I could not agree more with this list. I am not completely on board with 2, maybe I just haven't been screwed over and no that isn't an invitation to but still. and yeah I do agree with it a bit, not completely. And, that is not a slam to others who have. I just have gotten lucky!

Then numbers 3, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 13! Yes, yes, yes. Ladies, don't nag them, criticize them and don't expect mind reading. Sometimes they get lucky and do what we were thinking, but it isn't mind reading at all. Words are nice but actions are what counts.

At any rate, go over and visit her. Great list!

** Rewritten since this morning. I was half asleep and didn't have my "eyes" on yet. (read: no glasses or contacts)

Another September 9th post.

If you are new, September 9th is a very special day for me. It was a huge turning point in my life. It was when my life changed direction and took off. This is the third year that I have written about this.

I still miss that life and it has been 16 yrs since I left for Boot Camp. There are so many things I still remember from those days. (giggle, giggle....)

But this year there is a twist, ya see the stepmom's birthday is today too. She knows it is "my" day too.... in a way. We actually laughed about it when I found out.

I sent her a card. The kids will probably call to wish her happy birthday.

I know some people think it is weird that I have this relationship with her but honestly it works for us and like I told my friend today (who questioned me on it), "It is better than fighting." I do it for the kids. And in another time and another place, she and I might be friends so why let a little thing like an ex-husband stand in the way.

And next year, 09-09-09!

Dating Online is okay..... if....

I know a lot of people are hesitate about the online dating thing. I had several reasons why I did it. The first is that I just don't go out much. I did the "club" scene years ago and it is just isn't for me now. Even if I went this route, I don't think this is a good way to get to know someone. They are there for a hook up, not a meaningful relationship of any type. The very few that might be there for that, get caught up in the "meat market" effect of these places.

Second my only other choice was to meet people are work. Hmmm, yeah, soo not going to happen. It is almost ALWAYS a bad idea to date someone at work. Been there, done that.

I also went to school online and I have friends online. To me it just made sense that I find someone online.

So online I went. With my mind open and not to take everyone for who they put out there.

When writing your profile, think about the words you use. If you say, "I want someone who is affectionate." Guys might read it as you are easy. Instead say exactly what you mean, "I like to hold hands." Some single parents wonder is it okay to say I have kids, YES! Do not surprise someone with this fact later. Honesty is the best policy. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't like kids? Also give just enough information about yourself to get some one's attention, but not too much that they have nothing left to find out about you.

Then when you put pics of yourself up, ladies, if you put a shot of cleavage, who do you think will be looking at your profile? Guys looking for someone easy. Think about it? You may have great boobs but let that not be your opener. Do put updated pics of yourself. Do put normal pics of yourself on there. It is up to you whether these pics include your children or not, but I didn't include mine. I wasn't looking for another father for them, just a friend for me! So why should I have their pictures up there?

Then as you start to browse and receive emails, keep an open mind but also stick to your instincts. If there seemed to be a red flag in their story, I took it serious. Also Google is your friend. Find out as much about the person (or people) you are talking to. And if you can or have a friend that can do a background check, do it! I know it sounds bad but you have to protect yourself and if you are a single parent like me, you have to protect your kids. Do your homework.

Then take your time getting to know this person and when it is time to meet him (or her), meet at a public place and let other people know where you are going and what you are doing. Then call as soon as you have left. If it doesn't work, there are tons of others out there.

Another tip, try different sites. There are tons of them out there. Be on more than one at a time. Makes sense, huh? Don't get frustrated or discouraged. It does take some time to find someone worth the time. There are just so many people out there that you can find someone that will like you and you will like.

Anyway, I know online dating isn't for everyone. But it can be fun.

Dating and Relationship advice

I get emails from time to time, a lot more lately, asking my advice on relationships and dating. Wow. Who would have thought that I would be giving such advice? I am no expert and I don't claim to be.

**** NOTE: This advice can go for men or women but I am writing it as if I am talking to women about men.****

And I have given out a lot of advice (only when asked for it) but not many people seem to have taken it. They ask me because what they have been doing isn't working and then ask me, and then don't take my advice.... and so the relationship doesn't seem to work. Not saying it would have worked but ya know, your way isn't working.

Seems weird to ask a Single/Divorced mom about relationships too, doesn't it? I didn't date much before getting married. Enough but just a lot of casual sex.... Yeah I admit it. Then I was married for nearly 13 yrs and I really didn't date a whole lot after. I mean I meet Goofball (yeah he needs a new name) pretty soon after we filed for divorce. I did date though.

I guess what I know about my style of dating was I was doing it for fun and to have a grown up and a male to talk to. I went out with goals and an idea of what/who I wanted. I also really understood myself, though that does change over time, I am still finding pieces here and there of myself. I knew what I would put up with and what I just wouldn't. I wasn't going to settle.

Top on my list was respect. If you do not respect me, then see ya. I am not sure I can explain what respect is like for me, but I think it is little things like not asking me to change who I am to be who you think I should be.... Okay maybe that is a big thing. But, oh, oh what about opening doors for me. It doesn't have to be all the time, sometimes I get to the door first or am in a better position to open it, no bigs, but most of the time.... Awesome. Not walking in front of me like you "own" me. Again sometimes it will happen that I will just be behind but ya know, there is a difference.

Then there is affection, like hand holding, touching, little kisses. Even just telling me I am beautiful or sexy. Awesome. Yes words can be considered affection too.

And for activities and beliefs, well those don't have to jive completely but I want someone that likes music, likes kids and animals, that can be happy sitting around playing video games as he is going for a walk or to the zoo or to play tennis or bowling.

Really that is about it. Respect though is a big one.

So when I was ready to date I decided to do online dating. I do just about everything online as it is so it made sense to me. I also made up my mind not to get frustrated by it. If I found someone, cool and if I didn't, cool. Nothing serious either, I wasn't looking for a husband.

Then as I started to email with people, I wasn't pushy and if they stopped talking to me, well fine. I wasn't going to chase someone.

But I will admit here that when I started emailing Goofball, there was a time when I didn't hear from him for about 24 hours and given the days (or the week) before, he had emailed me much more regularly. So I did end up sending him something that said, "What would you do if you were emailing with someone and they suddenly stopped?" I think there was more but I really can't remember that was the jest of it though. I know that sounds like a hypocrite but I honestly wanted a guy to answer me that question. If he wasn't into me, fine, just answer that question. Do I move on and just assume he found someone else? Was he the person that just got in a massive wreck on the interstate? I just don't know. I just had gotten the impression that this guy was the right one to ask that question too. He wrote back and the rest was history.

I also fully believe in the "He is just not that into you" theory of thinking. Don't chase a "dead" relationship. If he isn't writing you back, calling and making time for you, and only seems to come around for sex, he isn't into you. Move on! There is someone out there who will be into you! You rock. You shouldn't settle (Okay serious not talking to anyone specific).

Be yourself but don't be pushy. Do not email him 50x a day when he doesn't reply. This is being pushy.

Again, I will admit that I sometimes would email Goofball a few times in a row (still do). But I really tried to control myself and not be that girl. I have really tried hard to be the laid back, cool chic that I know I am but sometimes in a relationship I can go ape-crazy and be all needy. I have admitted to him when I have a weak moment or need some reassurance. It seems to work out because I just have my moment and he gives me what I am looking for, I move on. All happy.

I could go on and on but I will just say this one last thing. Do not ask other people to change for you. If he likes to watch football on Monday night, then just say, "Cool. I'll see you on Tuesday." Or whatever. This is who he was before you and do not expect him to change. NOW, if he likes to watch Monday night football and he wants to include you or misses it for you from time to time. Awesome but do not expect this to be the norm or that he is changing for you. He is adjusting to the relationship, he wants to spend some time with you and show you a different side of himself. It is an enjoy the moment type of situation. So enjoy it!

Have high standards but low or no expectations.
Enjoy the moments.
And bottom line love yourself and understand who you are.

Happy dating!

Nothing for Saturday.... Again!

Usually I write in advance and schedule when I want them to post or magically appear! But this week with the Blog Trip, I just wasn't ready. I would write something brilliant right now but I'm sleepy! Friday night's are Goofball nights. Tonight was no different. I went out and picked him up (Yes I did. He comes out to me a lot! It is only fair! Give and take baby, give and take). We went and did a little mini-golf, some ice cream and well great sex.

Great night.

We live about 20-25 miles apart. So after the great night, I am sleepy and then had to drive home, well my brain is shut down and after great, mind-numbing sex what can I say? I have no other words. Just enjoying the moments and wishing things that can't be.

So for now, I have nothing to say for Saturday. I hope you understand! :) But I will be live and loud on Sunday!

Blog Trip - Day 5 - Let's go sightseeing!

Welcome back to the final day of the blog trip!!! I hope you have enjoyed yourself and I really hope you will come back after the trip is over. I have learned a lot and meet a lot of great people! I definitely found some people that I will keep on readin'.

Anyway on to my town.

This really isn't a sightseeing type of town. Other than the new mall and the soon-to-be .... hmm mall? There isn't too much. Some movie theaters, a bowling alley, a place called Pitch-Putt-n-Play and a skating rink. That's pretty much it. We do have some good parks, one near my house has a great dog park and a sprinkler park for the kids. Awesome.

But, we do live in the shadow of Houston. There is a ton to do in the city. Museums, the zoo, Reliant Stadium and Minute Maid Park. There is the Toyota Center. And these are just a few things.

Then you could always head south to Galveston. This is my real hometown. I was born and raised there.... more or less.... So in Galveston you can visit the Strand, the beach, the Railroad Museum, Moody Gardens and Schlitterbahn. Just to name a few things. Check out that first link to find all the things there are to do!

The Johnson Space Center and Space Center Houston, Kemah Boardwalk and just something in every direction little things here and there to do and see.

So if you ever make your way to my little dot on the map, I will make sure you are fed well, get in some good shopping and get you enough life experiences to last a life time!

And that, my friends, concludes a fun, busy, exciting yet exhausting blog trip. I do hope you will come back to Single Mom Finding Herself again.