Realistic, Optimistic, Pessimistic

I was going to say Realistic versus Optimistic versus Pessimistic but I think you can be Realistic and Optimistic and you can be Realistic and Pessimistic.

Why am I bringing this up? To be quite honest, I don't know. It has just been on my mind lately. Just some baggage and some current thinking and well just life in general.

I feel like I'm a very optimistic person... for the most part. I do think everyone can have a down in the dumps, mad at the world day, week or month BUT for the most part I try to see the good and try to have hope. I'm a glass is half full type of girlie!

But, I also think I'm realistic. I understand real life. Sometimes life is great. Sometimes life sucks. But, it is how you deal with life that matters. Am I right?

So I used to be married to a flat out pessimist. He could find very little good. But, he always said he was a realist, not pessimistic. Maybe but he still had a pessimistic side of realist.

Personally I think being a realistic, optimist is the best way to live. Not telling ya what to do out there but it just feels good!

A Public Thank You

I wanted to send a public thank you to Goofball. Yeah, I know I thanked you via the phone and email yesterday but you just don't realize how much I do appreciate you taking the time out of your day to make me feel special.

Sooooo yesterday, I came home to a rather large bag. It was balloons with a teddy bear and a card. It was a congrats for completing school.

Anyway, I just wanted to say a big huge THANK YOU!!!!!!

I am lucky

Lucky, lucky, lucky! And, I know it!

Lines are just a suggestion

Today at work, a co-worker asked me what the red line down the middle of the steno pad was for. Honest to gosh, I don't know.... I thought it had something to do with short hand but honestly I don't know and never really paid much attention to the line or any lines for that matter (except when the kids' school list says wide-ruled only and all I can find is college ruled.... but that's something completely different!)

See I think lines are just a suggestion. Why should I be confined to just this little bitty space, when I want to be so big!!!! At least in my words, at least in how I feel, at least in how I want to live.....

It is so weird because if you know me, I am quiet but this I guess is just one of my many contradications. I am quiet and I am loud! Just honestly depends on my mood and who I am around. Most of the time, I think I am quiet. And, you may also remember I don't like to be the center of attention so does being big really describe my personality?

Well I think it can. I want to see things, everything I can! I want to experience things, everything I can! I don't want to be held back or told I can't. I want to express myself and in some ways I want to make a difference.

I just don't think staying in the lines fits my plan for me.... Do you?

LAST DAY OF CLASS!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe I'm actually typing this! But, today is my last day of class!!!!

After just over 4 years, it is finally over! What am I going to do? Well no problem there, I have already started to fill my time with kid activities. They have been kind of on hold for so long so now it is their turn.

I won't have my final grade for about a week but I don't care! I'm done! Done! DONE!!!!

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

Since becoming a single mom, I have connected with other single moms. At some point talk always lands on guys and dating. What I have noticed is that we seem to classify them by "Mr. Right" and "Mr. Right Now."

This does not mean that Mr. Right is the "one" but just that this is a person that we can see ourselves with long term or that this person has certain things we are looking for. If it works, it does. If not okay.

For Mr. Right Now, this is more a fling or someone that maybe is just fun but if it got serious, it would be over. This might also be someone that we just keep in the "friend" catergory.

We also seem to have a "list" of things we want in the other person. There may be "must-haves" and then there are "Optional" or "bonus" items. For the most part, my list has stayed the same since high school. I'm not going to list them here or at least not right now. But most of my list is personality and character of the person more than looks. For looks, my taste varies so much.... From Kevin James to Dale Jr to Chris Daughtery (from last season's American Idol)..... But, really bottom line for me is how you treat me, children and animals. But, the other thing that really matters is kissing. I love to kiss. I could just do this forever with the right person.

So anyway, that is all I had to say on that. There was no true point to this, just something I was thinking about after several conversations with some of my friends.

NASCAR!!!!

Okay so it is Sunday again (okay I'm cheating and doing this on Saturday night!).

This means another race! This time the Auto Club 500 out at the California Speedway. I may end up missing a lot of this race because of plans I have tomorrow but we shall see. If I'm at my parents' house maybe I can talk them in to letting me watch it.

So I was checking out the NASCar website and saw that they had the commercials on there from the Daytona 500. My own personal opinion (could be a bit bias here) is that these were better than the batch from the Super Bowl this year which I normally like.

If you check out the commercials.... You have got to check out the Oreo Yum one. In fact, just check it out!!! It is soooo worth it. Page 2.

Oh and Dale Jr qualified 5th again. Let's just hope he has a better week. Finish this race without wrecking, Dale, please?

UPDATE: Okay Dale is out. Damn! Something is going on with engines out there because several of the top drivers are struggling. While others are doing really great. GO TONY!!!!!

Weight Issues

I guess this is the topic of the day. From the MILF checkin that many of my friends do to people that just have it on their minds.

So I guess I will jump on the bandwagon and share a few of my things.

First and foremost, I will not for one second post my weight, but let's just say.... yeah I need to lose big time.

Secondly, I am very educated in this area. I know what to eat, how to eat, how much to eat and that I should be eating far more meals in a day than I do. I know how I should be exercises, etc.... It used to be part of my job to stay in shape. And, except for some flabby spots from having the kiddos, I did really well. I ran 4 miles everyday. A few times a week I even did step aerobics. I also used to take my huskies running too...... or maybe I was just pulled. Never really checked to see if my feet were touching the ground. I used to bowl. I used to play volleyball. I used to just be a lot more active person.

And, here is my issue..... I was never, ever accepted for who I was and how I was. Well here let me back up a step more. After having K at age 21, I was able to fit right back into to my size 7 jeans. Still looked pretty damn good too! Then I had H at age 22 (19mths later).... I gained so much. He was so big for me. It settled mostly in the flab of my stomach, bigger hips and thighs. But, this is when I started really working out. Up to this point, no problem.

The ex started putting me down. Telling me he was going to divorce me for gaining weight. Oh really? F$%^ you.... So my weight bounced a round but for the most part I stayed around a size 10. Not too bad!

Well on one of my runs, I stepped funny and hurt my foot really bad. I didn't realize it until the next day. I tried to run but it was so bad. I got home from that day-after run and I could barely get my shoe off. Military doctors aren't always great..... but nobody really could figure out exactly what was wrong. Even now if I walk a lot, it will hurt that bad again so though I have tried to run in the years since, I can't or I will not be mobile for days after. I miss running so much! I tried everything. New shoes, different surfaces.... everything I could think of. Even a treadmill doesn't work..... but to me that's not the same. I love to run outside. Hot, cold, rain, snow! Love it! Anyway......

Well I got out of the Navy and got an 8-5. No opportunities with commuting and my work schedule and now his new work schedule. I couldn't seem to fit my work out in. I tried but it was harder than being in the Navy when I was granted time during my work day to do it.

So I slowly got bigger.... size 12, size 14..... this is where I stayed most of the time (now too)..... Well at some point I got pg again.... got huge again! Huge, huge! Well that was it. My stomach is a mess now. Oh well!

Anywho, I have lost a lot of weight over the years and done great things but I was still told the most horrible things. A person that is suppose to be in love with you should not say those things to you. Period. And please if someone is actually trying as hard as the can. Working out, doing the whole lifestyle changing diets, etc..... do not tell them they are ugly and do not tell them they are fat. They know it. They feel bad about it. They really want to change but life happens.


So if you are wondering. I am happy as is. I love me!!! I would love to lose weight NOW. But it took me a long time to get like this and I am slowly working on it. It is on my mind every freakin' day. I do think about what I eat even when I eat something "bad" for me. I do think about the exercise that I can do. And, as a small milestone for the week, I did wear a smaller size of dress pants to work this week. This is probably my true size but I have been wearing ones that are a tiny bit larger. But, hey good is good!

And, yeah if you were also wondering, I almost don't want to lose the weight right now because if someone doesn't like me, than too f$%^ bad! This is who I am. And, when the time is right, that person will love me and accept me as is and than who knows!?

That's me! Happy as a duck. :)

Gotta get out of my head!

Because I can't hear the other voices anymore... just mine. (Just kidding! or am I?)

I am overthinking everything, stressing about everything and I just need to chill the F#$% out!

At least I received my tax return so now I can FINALLY get caught up on bills. I can go buy the kids some clothes that they need for school and maybe, just maybe I can get a few new things for work. But, here still, I need to be very careful, I will get behind again quickly if I'm not careful. But, honestly, we all need just a few items.

So current stressors:

1. SCHOOL - only a few, just a few more days!
2. Kids - Its mostly over the clothes. They need them, I haven't had money... problem is now solved!
3. The ex - Can't do much about this but I chewed his butt out about not seeing his kids more.... so it might help. But, it is probably more of a band-aid, didn't resolve the true problem.
4. WORK! - We are soooo busy and I'm still waiting to hear about a permanent position. Ugh!
5. Car - It is falling apart slowly.... I need a new(er) one. Gotta wait on the job situation.
***(update below)6. Something I don't really want to talk about but I'm sure it will be fine..... If its not..... I can't even let myself think that because that is what is TRULY driving me crazy.
7. My house - Its a mess. Its just a plain wreck. Not much to do about it until the weekend.

So mostly petty stuff. All of it is either something I will deal with or it will go away so no bigs.

But, ya know, sometimes ya just gotta lay it all out there to make yourself feel better.

And, if that doesn't do it, have fun with the kids. We were blowing bubbles...... but not outside! Nope, right in the house. Second night in a row too. My kids think I'm so cool, okay well sometimes.


UPDATE: #6 is no longer a problem so that is just another stressor that can be checked off the list! Whoohoooo! TGIF!!!!!

Bumper Sticker - Quote of the Day

I am posting this one especially for some.....


Sex is like a pizza. When its good, its very good. When its bad, its still really good!



And, I'm just going to add that if he could some how combine the two or have them in the same day.... I bet he would be in heaven. :)

When life hands you lemons.....

I think I had this ine on my dating profile... when I had one. But, nobody would know where I got it or why I say that. But, when I hear this I think of this.....


1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. (I still don't get this one! but I do like the idea of being loved!)

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.


And always remember..... when life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!



Okay so this was just an email chain once upon on a time. And, yeah the end is just funny and if you know me, you would know tequila and I probably wouldn't mix well. I think it just means to celebrate what you do have rather than dwell on the bad things.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you today. I read this everyday when I'm at work. It is posted in my office, currently it is hanging out with some Mardi Gras beads so it looks festive!

6 Odd things about me

Tagged by Esmerelda to do 6 odd things about me. I have been thinking about this for a few hours now.... It actually took some thinking about I think I have picked the best odd things. Enjoy!

1. My favorite part of boot camp was going in the gas chamber. Yes really. They march us into a room where we are actually wearing gas masks. They start the gas and then make us take the masks off!

2. When I was 4, I cut my finger off by pulling a table saw over on myself. They were able to put it back on....

3. Until now, I haven't dated a guy with brown eyes. I have dated roughly 30-ish guys. 2 with green eyes and 1 with gray but the rest were blue.

4. I was in the Navy for 8 years and except for visiting my best friend on her ship, I was never on a ship.

5. I was in Girl Scouts until I graduated high school. I was a good cookie pusher!

6. When I'm in the car, I get bored.... so I play a game with myself. Here is how it goes. I try to make words out of license plates, well really what ever pops in my head first..... Today I saw one that was ### - TYL..... So I don't do anything with the numbers but the letters I said "Thank you letter."


So those are my 6. Now, guess what? Tag you're it!!!! You now have to do 6 of your own.

Thanks Es, that was actually kind of fun!

Celebrate the day

Yesterday I was having a crappy-a$$ day! I even went to sleep frustrated.....

But, today is a new day and I tried to wake up with a smile and a new attitude. I was told once that we will never get this day back. There will be only one Feb 19, 2007 so I need to make the best of it. The weather looks amazing. My children are happy and healthy. I have a lot to be thankful for!

I hope that anyone reading this will try to do one thing today to make yourself happy but not only yourself, but do a random act of kindness today. Just something as simple as holding a door for a stranger. Greeting everyone with a "Hello" and a smile.

You just never know what that person has going on in their life's that they can't share with others. (and, before you ask, I'm fine! Just money and school stress.... as always! both will be better soon.)

DAYTONA 500

Today is the DAYTONA 500!!!! This is just the biggest race of the year!

I have been trying to decide who I think will win.... and honestly, I don't care! As long its a good race!

I'm sooooo glad it is race season again!!!! Whoohooo.

UPDATE: The race is nearly finished. Most of the drivers that I would like to have seen win are out. Most recently Dale Jr, my fave all time driver. Tony Stewart is out. Even the Nextel Cup winner for 2006, Jimmie Johnson is out. And, so many more. The race is now red flagged, which means they will stop until they clear the track of the debris from the most current wreck that took Dale Jr out. At this point, I am cheering Mark Martin to win! He is a veteran of the sport and has been driving amazingly well. So once they green flag the race, it will be 3 laps to go.

FINAL UPDATE: Kevin Harvick won. Mark Martin second. Damn! There was a wreck just before the final turn..... Kevin won just by a tiny bit. He became the driver in place of Dale Sr. when he passed away Feb 18, 2001.

Next week at California Speedway.

Girls Rule and Boys Drool

A new Nick show is on right now called the Naked Brothers Band. The current episode is about one of the main characters, Nat Wolfe, having a crush on a girl that is part of their band, Rosalina. He is trying to figure out how to get her attention. He mentions to her, "Remember that night in Chicago when you kissed me?" She says that wasn't a real kiss it was just on the cheek, it doesn't count. There is a whole theme around this. She goes around and starts kissing all the boys on the check. One of the other boys says, "Why is she doing that?" Nat says, "She is proving a point." "What point?" "That girls rule and boys drool."

This brings me to another thought. My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Maria, the mom, is telling her daughter, Toula, about men and women. "Men are the head and women are the neck. The head thinks it is in charge but the neck tells the head where to look." (Or something like that) Basically just means that women are in control though they make the man think he is.

Just a follow up to a recent conversation I had. No true point, just some thoughts on why girls rule and boys drool! And, why even though us women want men to think they are in charge and making decision..... We are really in control! :)

Or maybe I'm just full of it.... Afterall, I am about to get my BS!

Hot Monkey Sex Friday

So I keep wanting to post in celebration of Fridays as Esmeralda does.....at Soon to be just me. Each week I either forget or last week I was going to post some very personal stuff about myself but chickened out!

This week I am not only going to post in celebration but I got to celebrate it as well! (But that's all I'm saying!!!! No deets!)

Today was a good day for me! It was a Friday off, which means I get to sleep in, spend a little extra time with the kids in the morning before they head off to school. I get to go to the store (Target and Petsmart today) without the "I wants" of the children. It also means that I got to see Goofball. (maybe that's why I'm still smiling even though L just wrote all over the wall and K has her BFF over and there is all kinds of crazy girl stuff going on. Giggling and squealing and the cell phones!)

First while I was out shopping a good friend of mine called. I'm so glad to be back in touch with her!!! And, so amazingly happy for her. She has the cutest baby! He was in the background just making all kinds of happy baby sounds!

So then met Goofball for lunch and just general hanging out.... After lunch, I picked up L at day care and took him to speech. After that, we grabbed some drinks and a snack and headed over to the park! A little chilly but not too bad a day at all. We blew bubbles, rolled down a hill (seriously!) and I learned my little baby can do the monkey bars.... without help! He is 4.... er 4 1/2! When did he get so grown.

Wrapped up with taking the kids out for dinner and then ice cream. Oh and a phone call from Goofball just to say Hi.

So to all, I hope you had a good day and if you didn't, that's okay. The sun will come out tomorrow.....

Quote of the Day

Normally when I do the quote of the day, I will just give you the quote and not say anything but OMG! this one is just sooo perfect for me from the past year-ish. I say it all the time, "Why did I waste so much time being unhappy?" It wasn't until I made the decision to get a divorce, that I truly realized/felt what happiness was again.

Enjoy the quote. I really hope it helps someone out there!!!!



Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there cause you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. Then one day you feel something else, something that feels so unfamiliar. Then you realize you are happy!

Valentine's Day

I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I think it was created to sell greeting cards, like a few other holidays that we celebrate…..

I think celebrating love and relationships/friendship is GREAT, but do we really need a separate day for this? Shouldn’t it be something you do everyday? Do we really want to make single people feel like they are almost not worthy because they ARE single? That they must be in a relationship to be happy? Ya know, its all about couples.....

I know, just speaking of my marriage, had we put love first and celebrated it more often, things might have been different. Maybe not, but that was really my one complaint in my marriage. I didn’t feel like he was into me, like I meant anything to him, he didn’t make me feel like I was an important part of his life.

It is from this lesson that I have grown though. I try to make sure that I tell people “I value you. It means a lot having you in my life.” People aren’t mind readers (okay some give the illusion of mind reading) so you have to tell them and not just tell them but show them! I have said it before and I will surely say it again, Actions Speak Louder than WORDS! Words are great because it just gives confirmation of the actions but actions, baby, actions are the key. Anybody can give lip service, but not everyone can actually do the action. Walk the walk AND talk the talk. Not one or the other but both!

So I just give this advice to anyone reading, celebrate your relationships and friendships everyday. Make those people in your life, no matter how big or a small a role they play, know you value them. Use your actions AND words.

Happy Valentine’s Day, all.

Randomness

Stealing this from Esmeralda. But, I am deleting the last two questions about who will respond. I just did this for fun so don’t care if you reply or not, just hope you enjoy reading about me.

Not sure if I will do any type of follow-up on things but if you want to know, ask! I would be happy to answer questions.


Copy and Paste.Put an X in front of all the things you have done.Remove the X from the things you have not.
This is for your entire life:
( ) Smoked a cigarette
(x) Drank so much you threw up
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
(x) Been dumped
(x) Been laid off/fired
() Been in a fist fight
( ) Been shot at
( ) Been stabbed
(x) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) Gone on a blind date
() Skipped school
() Seen someone die
() Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Recently colored with crayons
() Sang karaoke
() Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't...
(x) Made prank phone calls
() Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about or love
(x) Blown bubbles
() Made a bonfire on the beach
() Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
() Ice-skating.

1. Do you have any nicknames? EJ, Eri (like Airy), Mommy Erica
2. What is your favorite drink? Dr Pepper
3. Tattoos? No
4. Any piercing? Two in each ear.
5. How much do you love your job? Stretching arms way out to sides and saying, “This much….”
6. Favorite vacation spot? Texas Hill Country
7. Ever been to Africa ? No, would love, love, LOVE too
8. Ever steal any traffic signs? No
9. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
10. How many doors does your car have? 6
11. Salad dressing? Italian or Ranch
12 Favorite number? 9
13. Favorite holiday? The one that celebrates me! Ha, just kidding. I love Thanksgiving.
14. Favorite food? Mexican
15. Favorite Day of the week? Anyone that I get to see Goofball on.
16. Favorite brand of body soap? Dove
17. Favorite Tooth Paste? Crest, I guess?
18. Favorite smell? Anything clean and fresh
19. What do you do to relax? Color or play with play-doh or play video games or scream.
20. Message to friends/family reading this? Take Risks. You only live once.
21. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Wow, I have no idea. Happy, I hope.
22. What do you do when you are bored? Sleep
23. What’s the farthest you will send this? Space the final frontier.

The Weekend Update

Well I am sure everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for the big weekend update... Right? Oh come on, throw me a bone here. Say, "Yes we have been waiting all weekend to know how it went!" Much better. :)

So the ex got here mid-day Saturday and immediately took the kids out! I sat in silence for a bit and then got the heck out of here! Did some running around (bought Vodka for Sunday Night) and then came home for the race.

Sunday woke up, hopped in the car and took a ride down to the beach. It was awesome! It was really windy and the water was choppy. There was almost no one around. I just drove down the beach a bit and parked.... Sat with my eyes closed just breathing in the air and listening to the waves and the birds. Aaahhhh. I was feeling really relaxed. Recharged. I was also able to make a lot of notes for future blog entries!

Headed home after that to pack up. Had a hotel room for the night and a date with Goofball. Kissed the babies and head on my way.

Had a few hours before Goofball would get there. So chilled with some Lemonade and Vodka, and watched TV. By the time he got there, I was pretty giggly. Amazing, amazing night. Thankfully I didn't get all sad when it was time to say good-bye. 1. Because I will see him again on Friday (barring any schedule problems/changes). 2. I was about to puke my guts out. Niiiice.

So the weekend is over and I'm exhausted but smiling ear to ear.

A few things I did realize this weekend:

Well first the obvious and I actually knew it but still..... Vodka and Smirnoff Ice should not be drunk in the same night.

The next thing is that I do not have not one feeling for the ex anymore. The last time I saw him there was still some hurt and jealousy, though it was just a tiny bit. This time.... nothing. Cooooool!

So there you have it. Great weekend. Mom is recharged and ready for the little monsters! I love them babies.