Lions and Tigers and ..... Okapi... Oh my!

From the zoo this past weekend.... I wish I could take credit for the first two pics, I can't. Those were K. She loves taking pics but especially of animals.

Good or bad mom?? I am not sure

This weekend I went to the zoo with my kids, my aunt and her two grandchildren. It was a great day! Cool but not cold, just warm enough and not tooo sunny either. Just perfect.

The kids range in age from 14 to 2 yrs old. They all enjoyed it!!

So to back up a step or two, my daughter has never been very maternal, even for a child her age (now 14). I am not expecting her to be like all "Ooohhh babies!" and know what to do. However, I remember babysitting at age 11 and really knowing what to do most of the times... I mean as moms (and dads) we don't always know what is wrong for our kids.

Anyway, you know what I mean, some people just have a natural maternal/nurturing instinct.

Back to the day at the zoo. K was trying to keep up with her little cousin S. S is a typical 2 year old, busy and as a lot of new things to see and do. Now K, she likes little kids but like I said, no maternal instinct, very clumsy and looks to me like what the heck do I do? It was cute.

I mentioned to my Aunt my observation. She agreed but then said everyone used to say she would be a great mom and then she wasn't (or didn't feel like she was.... My cousin was a bit of a troublemaker. I love him but.... he got in some trouble. He is a great man now).

I said, I understand because I feel the same about me.... Not sure I am a good mom. I don't feel like I am. I get a lot of negative feedback. I have an ongoing self-esteem issue left by their dad. Many people comment how many boys are so loud or have to be kept very busy or they get bored, etc. I second guess myself all the time. I don't feel like I do enough or it isn't good enough and I am not as involved or they aren't.

I want someone, just one person, to reassure me. Someone that knows me, knows my kids, knows deep down, maybe, they are good kids. I mean really they aren't bad. There are some things I could do better but I am on my own against 3 so I pick my battles and it seems to work okay for us, and really isn't that what matters.... I just wish I could be so confident in my life and choices as I am writing this.

Me and my brother

This is a picture me and my brother (I actually have two). He is 2 yrs younger than me and we used to be close. Now, not as much.

Anyway, he is in the Army and is deploying this week for the second time to Iraq.

I am so proud of him but at the same time, I am scared for him, for us.

He has three children and a new wife. He has just come back into our life's in the past few years and now will be gone for another year. I am not sure exactly when he is leaving, he could be gone now. I just know it is this week. His oldest and only son's bday is on Thursday.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He said if we do pull out of Iraq this year, he will be there longer than a year.

Thanks.

The bumps in the road....

I am often surprised that years after the divorce, years after being well over and ready for the divorce.... I still hit bumps in the road.

So today is would be my 15th wedding anniversary, instead, it is just another day. Small bump but not huge. I am definitely much happier post-divorce and away from him. That was a very bad relationship and I knew it for a long time. It was long over due but.... I see couples at the store, at the park, at restaurants, with their children or just each other, and it is another small bump.

Then because I am insane or nosy or both.... but the stepmom and I are "friends" on Myspace. Well she posted new pictures of them.... Christmas pictures of them. Happy, smiling couple. This is a big bump for me. Something I always wanted to do but only once did we take pictures together. One time. There they sit in their perfect house, fire, Christmas tree, stockings hanging on the mantle. Their dogs sitting with them.

Turns the stomach I tell you.

*sigh*

And I am not saying I really want that, for sure not life with him. I really do love my life and I am happy with my choices. It is just some little bumps of life after divorce... nothing more.

In a blink of an eye....

If you have read my blog for a while, you know I have three children. K is 14 and a 9th grader and my only girl. H is 12 (nearly 13) a 7th grader..... and L is my surprise blessing, is age 6 and in 1st grade.

People tell you to enjoy them while they are young and I never understood that or the idea that "Time Flies" or "They grow up too fast." until I had kids. When I had my children, my life seemed to have sped up. Each year it goes faster. Especially with L. He is so much younger than the others that all his life he has done things faster than them. Rolled over, sat up, crawled, walked.... ran! All of it faster to try to keep up with his sister and brother.

I have tried to keep him little in other ways. I have spoiled him and not stuck to the same way of doing things as I did with K and H. I know I shouldn't and yet I keep doing it. I was an older mom and with the other two being 8 and 6 when he was born, I knew all too well how fast time flies. I felt like I enjoyed them but I realized I made them grow up too fast.... but I can't hold any of them back and I realize that....

However, yesterday showed me just how grown up he is getting and I really realized I can't stop it.

He was asked by a neighbor/friend to go help them pick out a Christmas tree and then go to lunch. My heart was screaming, "NO! He is not old enough for that." But my brain couldn't come up with one good reason why he couldn't. I know the mom and he and the boy are friends. Sooo I said yes. Then I gasped. What had I just said?? My baby could go with someone else! OMG! What was I doing? But I said yes.

As they left, I let out a sigh and my older two were like, "Wow he is growing up."

And so he is..... so they all are....

Finally House pics!

The remodel has been complete for a few weeks now but I have been lazy in taking pictures. Today I finally slowed down long enough to do it!!!!

So this first one is from the doorway looking into my room! Isn't it big? It is hard to see the color on the walls but it is gorgeous! You can kinda get an idea on the left side of the picture.



This one (below) is of course my bed. Don't you just love the lights and curtains! Thanks to Goofball for putting them up for me. Isn't he sweet!?


Below is a picture of the view from my bed.... well one of them. This is the back of the closet! I would like to move the tv/dresser here but my cable isn't there right now. Darn!



The other view from my bed, towards the door.



This is looking into my bathroom.



My closet!

Bathroom sink. I am a bit sad that I couldn't get better pictures of the colors but hopefully you can tell.

So that is my new room/bathroom. It is great! OMG! I can actually come home and hide a little bit. Just relax which I haven't been able to do for a long, long time!

Holidays Post-Divorce

I was reading a new to me blog. She posted about the holidays and how this year would be here second since her divorce and she will have her daughter instead of last year when she didn't. Then on a message board I belong to, they have been talking a lot about custody and holiday schedules.

And yeah I complain that my ex doesn't have the kids regularly but that just means I get the kids for most of the holidays! Not to mention that we worked it out so that we each get them for the Christmas time. Last year they picked up the kids late afternoon on Christmas Day. This year they will get them until Christmas eve.

It isn't perfect but it works for us. This will actually be the 3rd Christmas that we have been apart.... or is it the 4th? I really don't know and I really don't care!

But I know many people will be going through this for the first time or even the second time and it is one of those hurtful moments when being divorced. I wish for them peace in this situation. That they can find some comfort and just try to enjoy the moments they do have.

A scared child and one that sleep walks = Long nights!

Soooo L has always been scared to sleep in his room. At first I gave in a lot because one he was cute (just 3 yrs old) and two I wasn't sharing my bed with anyone else. Okay so really I guess it started long before that even but I really gave in when his dad and I separated in 2005.

Anyway so it has been an uphill battle to get him to sleep in his bed for the past 1-2 yrs.

Well tonight was one of those battle nights. And as I listed for the billionth time that our house is safe (doors and windows locked, big brother in the room, big scary doggie... etc).... I took him by the hand and started to walk him to his room.

When I turned the corner and was eye to eye with a person. "HOLY CRAP!!!"

It was just his very sleepy, disoriented brother who has a very bad sleep walking habit and has since he was old enough to walk. Scared the crap out of me! I sent him back to bed.

And here I was trying to tell the little one how safe our house is only to squeal like I saw a mouse or something.

Crazy stuff.

I got his sister to sleep on one couch and him to sleep on another. No, no not some torture for her. She has actually said she prefers to sleep there. It is I who forces her to sleep in bed.

So everyone is finally tucked in. I just hope they all stay put!

Happy Thanksgiving!

So I got this from a friend....

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!


I thought it was really cute!

To update, I feel a tad better and I can't wait to go to my parents' house later. We are having a fairly decent sized crowd coming today! Originally it was only going to be my parents, me, my three, my two nieces and nephew and then my bro and his wife (maybe her two kids). Yeah that seems pretty big, huh? But now it is all those people plus my Aunt A, my Uncle J, my grandmother, my Aunt M and my cousin A and her husband C. Now that is more like it. Though we are still missing many people in my family.... I am thankfully so see so many. My Aunt D, Uncle E and my other grandmother (Dad's side of family) are planning to stop by later in the day to visit, but not have lunch.

And I will leave you with this.... For the record I am agnostic but I believe in a higher power of sorts and having a positive attitude is never a bad thing ....

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses;
Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes;
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears;
Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean;
Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself."


Happy Thanksgiving all!

The one in which I whine a lot or one sick puppy

Soooo I just got back from the doctor. 3rd urinary tract infection in like 2 mths. Ack! But if that isn't bad enough.... sinus infection. Awesome!

This is miserable. Fever. Aches. Pain. Whine, whine, whine.

My brother is coming tomorrow for lunch. He will be going to Iraq again soon and I want to see him so I have to feel better or at least well enough to see him tomorrow.

But despite all that.... I am pretty thankful for well everything.... My kids. Goofball. My family. My house. My job.... etc....

So even if things seem miserable and you feel like crap! There is a lot to be thankful for.

The one in which I forget to name it....

Gotta this from A Single Mom's Life. Love her blog!

7 things I plan to do before I die

1. Go to Europe!
2. Go on a cruise to Alaska
3. Go to Africa!
4. Get my MBA
5. Write (and actually finish) a book
6. Landscape my backyard!
7. Australia! Need I say more? (lots of travel)

7 things I do now

1. Work
2. Clean
3. Raise kiddos
4. Kiss a sexy guy! (whenever I get a chance)
5. Drive kids around.
6. Sleep
7. Hmmm, work?

7 things I can’t do

1. Keep my house clean! :)
2. Keep up with my children.
3. Spend enough time with a sexy man. (a specific one-BTW)
4. Find enough time to do things for myself
5. Keep my house clean!
6. Get organized.
7. Save for a rainy day.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1. Gotta make me laugh (even if it isn't completely outward laughing)
2. Great eyes.
3. Someone that is respectful, treats me great.
4. Great hands.
5. Is in to me!
6. Loves kids!
7. Loves animals, especially doggies.

7 things I say most often

1. Awesome.
2. Whatever.
3. Don't hit your brother. Don't yell out your brother. (etc)
4. "Feed the dog." "Would someone feed the dog!?"
5. I don't know, what do you want to do?
6. Down! Off! Stop! Leave it! (to the dog)
7. When I have enough time, I'll.....

7 celebrities I admire (This one is hard for me... I don't really admire many celebs)

1. Queen Latifah
2. Ellen Degeneres
3. Will Smith
4. Kevin James (he is sooo damn funny!)
5.
6.
7.

Keeping kids out of the middle

I was asked by TLC Book tours to read and review, Keeping Kids out of the Middle by Benjamin Garber, Ph.d.

This is my first so I hope I do a good job! I haven't talked much about it on this blog but I am a big time reader. I used to have more time for reading. I could always be found with a book. I typically used to read a book a day, sometimes two a day, depending on what was going on in my life at the time (more free time, more reading time!) I have books all over the house so I feel like I am well prepared for this review! :)


What is this book about?

The book is about being child-centered, not pulling our children into grown up fights and putting them in the middle of our issues. We are the adults, they are the children.


Who is this book for?

This book is for all parents (and that includes step parents)! While it is geared more towards parents that are separated or divorcing, it has a lot of great tips for all parents. Every one with kids or a big part of a child's life should read it.

What I thought:

This book was about two to three years too late for my divorce and much of the information is not completely relevant to me anymore (such as the parts about how to set up the custody agreement.) However, that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it or that I didn't get anything out of it. I realized that many of the things that I thought I was doing was right were actually wrong! Wow, eye openers all through the book. I do wish this would have been around 3-4 years ago so I could avoid those mistakes.

Anyway, throughout the book, Dr. Garber gives examples of what to say to the kids when they have questions. He uses a grading scale of A - F, just like from school days. He would give different scenarios and then gives you various responses, saying things like if you say this, then you get an F, say this and you get a B, etc. He also had some interactive sections with quizzes. Always a plus with self-help style books (and yes I have read my fair share of them!)

As I read through, I highlighted lots of things! Many of it were mistakes I felt I made or things I had done right! Some of it was statements that left questions in my mind. Like how to explain to the kids about why the divorce happened (is happening). In the book, on page 110, he writes about the various responses to give for why did you get a divorce. Here is what the A answer was: The A answer? "What do you think?" opening the door to "We stopped loving each other," followed up with reassurance: "But your daddy will always love you, and I will always love you, no matter what."

I have a bit of a problem with this answer. This is exactly what I did with my kids but they immediately asked me "But if you can stop loving daddy, that means you can stop loving me." They believe that love ends. I have tried to explain that it is a different kind of love. Parent to child but they don't seem to buy it completely.

Then when they fight with their each other, they have asked if they can get a "divorce" or why can I divorce their dad and they can't divorce their sibling. I have explained that too but not sure if it fell on deaf ears or not. If you know me, you know that I complain a lot about the fighting between my kiddos and it is getting worse. So Dr. Garber, what do I say them?

There was also a section about when the child wants to go live with the other parent and how to handle it. If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know I have dealt with this. According to Dr. Garber, we did the right thing. Since I am the POD (parent on duty), I was the initial contact to this news. It caught me off guard so I basically tabled it until I could discuss with her dad. Then we agreed together that she was doing it for the wrong reasons. On pages 121 and 122, there is a highlighted section that talks about "Can some children choose." Dr. Garber gives 5 "if this, then yes" type of statements. We were spot on with our reasons for not letting her go. I think that if she were to make this choice now, it would be for the right reasons. We shall see what the future holds.

I guess the other thing that caught me off with the book but not because it was bad or wrong but because it was a hard thing to hear. There are rarely any true single parents. Basically it said if you have any support, you are not a single parent. He says if you are a single parent (no support) find it, even online. So for me, I have my parents, aunts and uncles, two grandmothers, friends and co-workers, as well as online friends. And while these people don't really help me with the care of the kids (my parents do some), they help me because I can vent and get advice from them. But really the parenting is all mine to do. I work, I come home to feed them, I do all the running around.... All of it. So I just don't know what to think about Dr. Garber's statement but I don't think I disagree.

Overall, I really liked his writing style. I really thought it was a well written and thought out book. It flowed well (and that is very important to me in a book!) While I didn't think much of it was useful for me, I still did find things that I can use and things I can change.

I do recommend this book to anyone who is conflicted in a marriage, going through separation or starting the divorce process. Even if you are happily married, I do think there are a lot of things in the book that you can use.

So check it out!

Howdy peeps!

Things are slowly getting back to normal in my neck of the woods. I have time to sit and think. Hurray!

The house is near done. Waiting on my custom shower door and my mirror. I have started moving all my stuff in. I should say I am nearly done moving stuff in. Thankfully Friday is my day off so I plan to work on it a lot. Also my mom and I are going to find some lights.... I have a plan in mind for what I am looking for so crossing fingers I find it! Then once I get it all set up, I will definitely take pics for y'all to see.

Tomorrow I will have posted a book review. My first! I was approached to review this book and I am really excited about it. I'm not going to say much about it.... but hope that you will come back tomorrow to check it out!

Sooo that is right now an update from Single Mom....

Mommy needs a time-out!

I am such an introvert that when things in my world are in chaos, I get depressed and can't seem to recharge. Right now my house is just a mess, making my whole life feel like chaos.... but the good news is we are about a week from it being finished! (Hurray!!! and pics soon)

I sooo CAN.NOT.WAIT!!!


I hate not having a place that I can go "hide"... My boys are very loud people. Most boys I have been around are loud and noisy and busy and it wears me out! But right now I can't get away from them for a "time-out" or anything. So I am just stuck in the loud, noise and business. Oh and don't get me wrong, I love the noise and enjoy it being here because if it was gone, I would so not be myself but I really need that downtime to recharge and refresh myself.

I feel like I am on the edge of just collapsing or crying or both. I'm exhausted all the time, edgy and I feel like I can't relax.

But very soon, very, very, VERY soon! I will be able to hide a little. I will be able to lock my door, climb in bed and just relax.

You have probably noticed I have been quieter, not commenting much on your blog (or yours or yours or yours).... I am truly sorry. I just do not have words right now. It has taken me days to just get this short little post put together.

Anyway, soon I hope to be back to normal and back to writing and commenting.

Doggie, doggie

For Mrs. Really Long Name! (LOL... Love it).... I am posting new doggie pics. Overall, I still say best dog I have ever had but he really needs his yard back.

He is getting very frustrated being tied up and everyone but L has gotten caught in the rope at least once! (Even Goofball.... Sorry!) He has broken the rope several times and I bought one of these. He bent it sideways within a week and straightened the hook thingy that the lead clips to within 2 wks. Awesome. Thankfully he didn't realize it and we were able to come up with another solution but OMG! I want my fence back. Now that the roads are pretty much cleared of debris, we can walk him again but the first couple of minutes is me letting him know I am in control (NO PULLING, dude!) He is a very, very strong dog. But I used to run with huskies.... One was 80 lbs so I think I got this one who is maybe 60 lbs.

A lot of people are scared of him but I guess if you didn't know him, I could see why but he is really sweet. He is a good guard dog so far. With all the construction people around, he has had chances to let them know, "I don't know you."

We are still working with him on some "manners" and learning that L is not his litter mate, the cats are not toys and please do not bite the broom when I am sweeping.

Well anyway, without further ado.... Cowboy at 9 mths old (these were Sept)

Isn't he cute!?!?!? My big baby!

Exhaustion!

Okay so it is our busy time at work so I am coming home just flat out tired each day. Then it is my second (or really first job).... being mom!


Sooo I haven't had the energy to even think of anything to blog about nor go to many of my favorites to comment... but I am trying to get there.


I will just do a quick 5 things for you!


1. Remodel update: We finally passed the inspection! and they did the insulation today! Drywall on Monday and the contractor is going to drop off samples for me to pick tiles and my counter tops. I also need to pick the paint color! We are close!


2. H had a cyst removed today. Yikes! that was gross. He is doing okay.


3. K is going to the Homecoming Dance tonight. When did she get so grown?


4. L has a cut on his finger that got infected. Gross. I didn't even know he had a cut on his finger. I normally clean them, put anti-bacterial stuff on and bandage. Nope, he shows me once it is all gross and infected.

5. It is like what 6 wks since Ike came through and we still don't have a fence. Many, many, many people do not. Again, still lucky because some people don't have a home anymore or their house is just a wreck.... but given the limited amount of damage we had, I thought the fence would be back up by now. I threatened the dog today "If you get out one more time, I am not coming after you." Okay, don't tell him but I will....today we were lucky because there were other dogs out in their own yard so he got really distracted with smelling butts. I then took him the long way home. He is now sleeping in his kennel.

The death of Customer Service

Who killed customer service? Where did the good customer service go?

I have thought about this post for quite some time but haven't written it until today.

Today I had two bad, very bad experiences with customer service.

The first. We have an outsourced company that does our benefits at work. I called as a HR representative on behalf of another employee. I just had a question nothing major and I forgot I had made the call!

Today they called me with a satisfaction survey. It did not go well from the minute I answered the phone. I know I won't be able to get her tone across in this but trust me she was not happy to be doing her job.

Her: This is "Sally" calling from the benefits company to ask you about the call you made last Thursday.

Me: Call?

Her: Yes the call you made last week to us.

Me: Hmm...

Her: YOU called on behalf of an employee. Do you remember THIS CALL?

Me: Oh yes. Sorry. I remember now.

(she kept interrupting me so I never got to ask a question or complete a sentence)

Her: I need to ask you a few questions about you satisfaction with that call do you have a minute.

Me: Yes.

Her: On a scale of 1 - 5, 1 being very dissatisfied and 5 being very satisfied, how would you rate the representative's effectiveness to answer your question?

Me: I guess average so 3.

Her (mean, frustrated tone): ON A SCALE of 1 -5..... (repeat above)

Me: I'm sorry I said 3, average service.

Her: (repeating the scale again)

Me: Hey if you are going to be rude I am not going to answer your questions.

Her: (even more rude and like she is just about to lose it): I am not being rude, if you would just....

*click*

That's enough of that. I just do not have time for this right now. I barely had a minute to talk to her in the first place but if she was just going to get angry when I tried to answer the questions!


Okay fast forward to tonight. I called one of the credit card companies. I have a payment plan with them that I pay a set amount each month. I can call in advance and change it if needed but I always pay. Always.

So here is how that went.

Me: Yes I would like to change my payment date to Nov 7th.

Her: Okay let's see. We can do Nov 5th. How is that?

Me: Well I don't get paid until Nov 7th is there anything you can do to change it to that date?

Her: No it would be a new billing cycle so just make sure you have money in your account. Then you can just pay back whomever you get the money from.

Me: (stunned) Okay well I guess Nov 5 will be fine. I'll figure something out.

Her: Yes so just make sure you get the funds in there or it will end your agreement and you will have to set up a new one.

Me: Oh so can I just cancel this one and start a new one then?

Her: Yes but just make sure the money is in there on Nov 5th.

Me: I don't have a way to get money by then.

Her: Okay well just make sure it is there. Is there anything else I can do?

Me: Nope thank you. I will make sure the money is in the account. I guess I can sell a kid.

*click*

And yes I really did say that!

Okay so maybe in that last call I was a little bitchy but OMG! I will have to call back tomorrow to make sure it all got changed. I do get my child support by the 5th so it is fine.

My head is still spinning though from the first call. Seriously I was just stunned by this call. I seriously wanted to ask her when I would get the call about how satisfied I was with her call.... It would not have been good!

Do you have any stories to share?

Remodel hell

Okay not really hell but I didn't know what to call this post....

We have been remodeling the house since Mid-July.... and yes when I was truly in hell, I was having men in and out of my house. Joy and fun, joy and fun!

Well we are getting there but still a few weeks away from completion.

I am going CRAZY! I want my house back. I want my room back! I mean it is worth it, or hmm, it will be worth it. I will have a lot more privacy.

But OMG!

Next month I have to go to California for work, the ex is coming to stay in my house to watch the kids. (Yes he is the father but I feel like he is a babysitter.... Bad? Probably!) Anyway, I want my house done and back in order before that! How can I have my ex-husband who thought I was a bad wife and mother, and least we forget horrible at cleaning, in my house when it has been a wreck for several months.

It is gross. It is so gross. It is cluttered. It is a flat out mess!

I asked the contractor would it be done by November and he seems confident it will be. I wish I felt as confident....

Send good thoughts my way!

Chaos is as chaos does

I have been quiet for several days without meaning to be. Life has just been busy. Kids, work and remodel have me feeling exhausted (but happy). And well actually while I am happy about the remodel, it is taking far too long and I am ready to have my house back.

At any rate, I have very little say right at this moment. I am working on some ideas but just trying to tweak them.

So in the meantime, just remember, it is still Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Have you done your self-exam yet?

Product Review: Tiny Prints

This is something new for me and I wanted to get it in before people order all their Holiday cards!

I have never done a product review before and I am happy to say that my first is for Tiny Prints. People Magazine has done a review so I am thinking I am right up there with People mag! Awesome!

They approached me before Hurricane Ike but it took me a while to get to it plus the samples were delayed because of the storm.

However, I have to say, their product sample that I received was very good. I was impressed. The paper they used was what I first noticed. Great, thick card stock.

The picture quality was the next thing I noticed. Very, very good!

The different styles were very eye catching and modern. Love the colors used in most all of the designs.

I played around on their website too. Very easy to move around and find stuff. Lots and lots of great products, not just Holiday cards but birth announcements, invitations and personal stationary.

The prices vary. I saw some from $.99 on up. Right now they are offering a special on shipping if you spend $99.00.

So check them out!! You will be happy you did.