I don't like people - Part II

So back in January I wrote this. Now again, don't get me wrong, I am not like a crazy person talking under my breath about killing people.... but I do have issues. I will just smile politely and think "Idoit get a clue"

Today I went over to the caferteria at work. I was in line to get my food. (Chicken and veggies, yum). When it was my turn, I ordered and moved to the very end of the counter thingy, the "pick-up" part. The guy behind me should have stayed at the "order" part.... but instead stayed right with me like glue. "Hello moron, personal space. This is my bubble, get the f#$% out of it!" For the record, there was nobody behind him there was no reason for him to move forward or be soooo close to me. As it was he was yelling to people that were already sitting down. "Ah come on. Shut up and back the f$%^ up!"

I just took my food, smiled, paid and came running back to my quiet, empty office to hide!

I'm not having a good week with my whole anxiety being elevated. My anxiety level is near another breaking point and that really, really didn't help it at all. (I'm sure it is elevated because of taking the kids to the ex tomorrow but that's a whole other story.)

Oh well, what can I do? Nothing. It just gives me something fun to blog about!!!!

Okay honestly, I would love to write a book about depression, anxiety and mental health. I still believe there is a whole stigma (or maybe a different word... but what I mean is it is still fairly hush-hush, don't talk about it stuff) about mental health but so many more people than we realize suffer from it. People that on the outside look and act perfectly normal but are screaming on the inside. I do think with the whole blogging thing, more people are admitting to mental health problems but I still don't think there is enough awareness of it or how to fix it or signs you have a problem and on and on and on.....

I lost my point.... Oh yes..... I don't like people in my personal space or as my kids say "My bubble."

How timely....

So there are two radio stations that I like to listen to their morning shows. Both are located on the side of my blog under Websites I visit. The first is the Buzz and the Rod Ryan show! Love this show. He is a tell it like it is kind of guy. The other is on Mix 96.5 and is called the Sam Malone Morning Show. Sam is again a tell it like it is kind of guy. But they are very much different in that Rod is more edgy and Sam is more the guy next door.

So on Rod Ryan's show they were talking about things women do on first dates that don't get them a call back..... It was interesting and I don't believe I have ever done those on a first date. Like dominate the conversation, talk about past boyfriends/spouse (a mention maybe okay but not a whole thing about it), don't act too clingy/into him right then, don't get into "hot" topic or debate...... A caller mentioned something she likes to talk about (She likes sports, porn and video games). Rod said, "Don't try to be the cool chic. The dude will figure it out on his own if you are cool or not. Don't try to push it by making up scenarios to make yourself look cool."

This reminded me that I have been called a cool chic recently. However, yesterday I feel like I blew it. All my coolness was gone with one single email, or at least that is how I feel today. I may be overacting which is so not like me..... (evil laugh).... Okay I overact a little bit! So sue me!

Anyway, on Sam's show they were talking about emails you regret sending.... (See how these all go together!)..... Umm, hell yeah I regret sending emails. Now don't get me wrong I do try to live by the whole "No regret" thing. But I can admit that I make mistakes. I'm not perfect, never claimed to be and except in jest would never say I was perfect. So when mistakes are made all I can do is say "Damn that sucks." and just file it under "What the hell was I thinking" crossed referenced to "Lessons Learned."

What's the point of this? Yesterday for whatever reason I had a panic or anxiety attack. This scared me a bit because I don't know why it happened. I felt fine, a bit overwhelmed by work but I love it. I love the adrenaline of it...... but I just suddenly went into an attack. Prior to July 2005 I used to get them pretty darn regularly but once I took control of my life and made a decision to get a divorce.... I felt good, happy and the attacks were almost non-existent....

I reached out to many people yesterday just to take my mind off of the attack. My life is pretty darn good and so I don't need to vent or have someone solve something. I just needed a distraction and I got it so no big deal at all.... But, one of those I reached out to has a full plate (this is a bit of an underestimate but I can't think of a better way to say that) and I understand that. I truly do. I don't want this person to feel bad for anything. I have a million (okay not a million but a lot) of people I reach out to in times of need. Not everyone can reach back and that's cool that is why I surround myself with so many supportive people because someone is always there. (I talked for close to an hour with a friend in Boston and then IMed with one of my best ever friends dating back to high school. He can see right through me.)

So to all my friends, just thanks for being my friend. It is all give and take. Sometimes there is more taking, sometimes more giving.... It is the balance of the two over time that counts. I get enough to make me happy and I have no intentions of changing any of my friends. :)

Enjoy the day!

Panic Attack

I am embarassed to admit this but I'm having a panic attack or maybe more of an anxiety attack. I haven't had one in soooo long it is weird especially because I do not know what triggered this one.

I have no way to calm myself right now either so I'm reaching out to the blogging world as a way to try and calm myself. If I write maybe I will relax. Music is not working.....

I can't stop shaking and it is freaking me out! Do I "sound" panicked? I am!

Okay enough of my weirdness. I just had to put it out there in the hopes that I can calm down. I want to but my mind and body are not in sync. Maybe I should revisit the whole Paxil or Zoloft thing again.

UPDATE: Still a few hours later, I'm still feeling not quite right though the attack itself is over. Ya know that feeling after you have worked out like crazy and you can feel fatigue in all your muscles even your hair hurts? Yeah that is what this feels like and I feel like crying now that the actual attack part is over. I think it is a combination of craziness at work and the fact that I was talking with the ex via email all day (ironing out details for the kids' visit this weekend/next week). I am sure I will feel better soon.... I will head to the bath soon and enjoy the stress reliever foaming bath that my wonderful friend gave me for my Bday! So panic attack over..... body will be back to normal soon....

My blog is worth .....

My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

I have been going to this website for months to see if my blog is worth anything and each time it says $0.00.... Well finally, yes finally it is worth something.

No, no, sadly nobody sends me a check but it is just an "if" type of thing. I just need to figure out how to market myself better.

Click the ads! Visit some of the links! Post some comments for me! I love to get the feedback and hear your reactions to my words. And, please feel free to add to link to me....

The Big Green Monster....

.... and no not jealousy.

My 1995 Chevy Suburban who has been a thorn in my side since the ex and I decided to get a divorce and I had to give up my love (Navigator) and had to take this on as my vehicle....

Well since then it has cost me an arm and a leg. Hindsight being what it is, I should have dumped it this past summer but now I'm just in too deep to go back now. We are stuck together like glue for at least 6 more months.... but probably more.

So last night I drove out to see Goofball (Yay!) and on the way home, the Sub died. It had been sounding funny all day so I wasn't surprised. Thankfully it started up again. Then it did it again this morning on the way to drop L off at day care. Off to the shop we go. My mom to the rescue in her newer Suburban. She let's me take it to work.

The call came in later. Now don't ask me what it is..... I just said "How much? How long do you have to keep it this time?" Not terrible but not good either. Around $300 for the part and labor. I told them to go ahead with an oil change, et al because it was waaaaaay overdue and I was secretly thinking I might have killed my car for good.

Well during the test drive, they found that the transmission was not right. It would go straight to 2nd gear. (I knew it!!! I'm not crazy!) Thankfully this was covered service because they had just replaced the transmission for me a few months ago.

So I'm in a rental for a few days (they are paying for it).

Definitely a Monday type of thing to happen and on one of the worst Mondays too. Work is beyond busy and I am dropping balls left and right. April could not get here fast enough for me! :)

The next few months....

Well tomorrow will start another busy workweek. I work in HR at a large Oil and Gas company. We smack dab in the middle of our Spring College Recruiting. This is huge for us and busy. The next three weeks at work will be maddening busy, just like the last two have been. But, then even after we get done with the Onsite Visits and getting offers out and tracking, tracking, tracking.... we will be gearing up for our Summer Interns. This is another huge part of my job. We have to plan the kick-off, activities and events plus the Intern end of summer presentations.

I love my job!!

So then personal life looks a bit like this for the next, I would guess 2 months or so.

This coming weekend, take the kids to their dad. We have agreed to start meeting halfway to do the "kid drop".

Hopefully the big schedule wheel of fortune will also land so that Goofball and I will get to see each other..... If not, this will probably be the last chance for me to see him for a while. No Fridays together this month, just as much my schedule as his. (April doesn't look much more promising)

So the weekend of March 9-11 should be a good weekend.

Then the next weekend, I have a family party at my cousin's, J, house. It is for me, our grandmother, another cousin and J's girlfriend. We are the March bdays.

Pick the kiddos up on Sunday.

Hopefully the next two weekends will be fairly quiet because I have to get ready for April.....

Of course there is Easter Weekend, then a cousin's wedding (other side of family), then a trip to Dallas to meet up with my awesome friends!!!, then a family reunion the next and then another cousin is getting married and then I think we are at mother's day. By then school is almost out! and the kiddos will be going to their dad's for most of the summer. But first they want to have an end of the year party (this is Party Central afterall).

But, ya know, during all this, the kiddos are signed up for Baseball (H) and Soccer (K & L). So I am sure there will be games on the weekends, practice during the week.

What did I get myself into! :)

Just kidding! I'm soooo not complaining. I like it, I love it!

Anyway, just sharing as I don't know if I will as much time to write but I definitely will try. I like having this outlet for my thoughts. It is my brain dumping ground for the most part.

Imagini Visual DNA

I got this from Aimee over at GreebleMonkey (formerly Schloobie)

Go to this website to create your own!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

What a difference a year makes!

I have been thinking about this all day. (This might be part of my mood today)...

I blogged about this over the summer but just to recap.

This time last year the ex and I had plans to move back in together. We had not lived together in about 8-9 months. We were looking at houses because this one is just too small for us. We are people that need space. Anywho. For my birthday last year, we all took a trip to San Antonio. Neither the kiddos nor the ex had ever been out there so off we went.

Good weekend. I thought for sure things had turned and we might be able to make it work but not just because of that weekend, it was months and months of talking and listening. We were looking for a counselor, looking for a house. Well about mid-March things changed. His voice, his mannerisms, etc. I knew that was it, no turning back. We filed. I don't regret it for one minute. He moved to Dallas and we, of course, stayed here.

The days got easier, the feelings went away. I tend to be a very jealous person.... VERY jealous. So hearing about his life was hard. He had so much.... and while I had the kids, I didn't have help and they don't have him. But, even that is gone. I feel nothing.... Today I was listening to some random music, Nick Lachey's "I can't hate you anymore" came on. I guess I kind of feel like that. There have been bumps to get to this point. I haven't shared them all but the good news the bumps get smaller and farther apart.

The latest bump is that we don't talk on the phone anymore. For a while we would have regular chats, just as friends which I thought was great. But, something changed, and now we only talk via text messaging and email. That hurt for a second but ya know, I guess it is the right thing.

But, really, for me, I'm happy with my life. I cannot complain about anything.... well I could but why? I have a really great life. Great friends. My kids are wonderful!

My fine is $380.60

Okay I stole this from Esmerelda.... No surprise there. I get a lot of good stuff from her. Anyway it is kind of fun! But, at the same time, I feel quite boring.

Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each offense and added up your total fine. When you are done, blog it. Title your post "My fine is $....."You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.


1. Smoked pot -- $10
2. Did acid -- $5
3. Ever had sex at church -- $25
4. Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
5. Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
6. Had sex for money -- $100
7. Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
8. Vandalized something -- $20
9. Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
10. Beat up someone -- $20
11. Been jumped -- $10
12. Crossed dressed -- $10
13. Given money to stripper -- $25
14. Been in love with a stripper -- $20
15. Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
16. Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
17. Ever drive drunk -- $20
18. Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
19. Used toys while having sex -- $30
20. Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
21. Went skinny dipping -- $5
22. Had sex in a pool -- $20
23. Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
24. Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
25. Cheated on your significant other -- $10
26. Masturbated -- $10
27. Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
28. Done oral -- $5
29. Got oral -- $5
30. Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
31. Stole something -- $10
32. Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
33. Made a nasty home video -- $15
34. Had a threesome -- $50
35. Had sex in the wild -- $20
36. Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
37. Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
38. Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
39. Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
40. Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
41. Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
42. Went streaking -- $5
43. Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
44. Been arrested -- $5
45. Spent time in jail -- $15
46. Peed in the pool -- $0.50
47. Played spin the bottle -- $5
48. Done something you regret -- $20
49. Had sex with your best friend -- $20
50. Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
51. Had anal sex -- $80
52. Lied to your mate -- $5
53. Lied to your mate a bout the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and post it in comments...please!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Its my birthday!!

So not too much planned (Go visit a friend of mine and her cutie little boy, then go to lunch tomorrow with my folks). But, I wanted to share something a bit silly I did..... I bought some things from Old Navy for myself but not only did I buy these for myself for my birthday, I had them gift wrapped and wrote myself a card! Yep, that is what type of girl I am! It seems silly maybe but ya know, it makes it all really exciting.

So in honor of my Bday, I wanted to share a few things about this day!

This day in history:

1836 - Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad interim government was formed.

1861 - The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada.

1866 - Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles.

1901 - The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened.

1908 - In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional color photography at the Academy of Sciences.

1933 - The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York.

1969 - In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its first test flight. 1974 - Postage stamps jumped from 8 to 10 cents for first-class mail. 1984 - The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL.

1998 - Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat.

2004 - NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past.

Birthdays
Sam Houston 1793 (which as a Texan, I find freakin' cool!)
Dr. Suess 1904
Desi Arnaz 1917
Jennifer Jones 1919
Doc Watson 1923
John Cullum 1930
Tom Wolfe 1931
Mikhail Gorbachev 1931
Al Waxman 1934
Doug Watkins 1934
Paul Dino 1939
Barbara Luna 1939
Jon Finch 1941
John Irving 1942
Lou Reed (Velvet Underground) 1942
Eddie Money 1949
Karen Carpenter (The Carpenters) 1950
Cassie Yates 1951
Laraine Newman 1952
Jay Osmond (The Osmond Brothers) 1955
Mark Evans (AC/DC) 1956
John Cowsill (The Cowsills) 1956
Kevin Curren 1958
Larry Stewart (Restless Heart) 1959
Jon Bon Jovi 1962
Casey (Jimmie's Chicken Shack) 1976
Heather McComb 1977
Chris Martin (Coldplay) 1977
Robert Iler 1985

Realistic, Optimistic, Pessimistic

I was going to say Realistic versus Optimistic versus Pessimistic but I think you can be Realistic and Optimistic and you can be Realistic and Pessimistic.

Why am I bringing this up? To be quite honest, I don't know. It has just been on my mind lately. Just some baggage and some current thinking and well just life in general.

I feel like I'm a very optimistic person... for the most part. I do think everyone can have a down in the dumps, mad at the world day, week or month BUT for the most part I try to see the good and try to have hope. I'm a glass is half full type of girlie!

But, I also think I'm realistic. I understand real life. Sometimes life is great. Sometimes life sucks. But, it is how you deal with life that matters. Am I right?

So I used to be married to a flat out pessimist. He could find very little good. But, he always said he was a realist, not pessimistic. Maybe but he still had a pessimistic side of realist.

Personally I think being a realistic, optimist is the best way to live. Not telling ya what to do out there but it just feels good!

A Public Thank You

I wanted to send a public thank you to Goofball. Yeah, I know I thanked you via the phone and email yesterday but you just don't realize how much I do appreciate you taking the time out of your day to make me feel special.

Sooooo yesterday, I came home to a rather large bag. It was balloons with a teddy bear and a card. It was a congrats for completing school.

Anyway, I just wanted to say a big huge THANK YOU!!!!!!

I am lucky

Lucky, lucky, lucky! And, I know it!

Lines are just a suggestion

Today at work, a co-worker asked me what the red line down the middle of the steno pad was for. Honest to gosh, I don't know.... I thought it had something to do with short hand but honestly I don't know and never really paid much attention to the line or any lines for that matter (except when the kids' school list says wide-ruled only and all I can find is college ruled.... but that's something completely different!)

See I think lines are just a suggestion. Why should I be confined to just this little bitty space, when I want to be so big!!!! At least in my words, at least in how I feel, at least in how I want to live.....

It is so weird because if you know me, I am quiet but this I guess is just one of my many contradications. I am quiet and I am loud! Just honestly depends on my mood and who I am around. Most of the time, I think I am quiet. And, you may also remember I don't like to be the center of attention so does being big really describe my personality?

Well I think it can. I want to see things, everything I can! I want to experience things, everything I can! I don't want to be held back or told I can't. I want to express myself and in some ways I want to make a difference.

I just don't think staying in the lines fits my plan for me.... Do you?

LAST DAY OF CLASS!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe I'm actually typing this! But, today is my last day of class!!!!

After just over 4 years, it is finally over! What am I going to do? Well no problem there, I have already started to fill my time with kid activities. They have been kind of on hold for so long so now it is their turn.

I won't have my final grade for about a week but I don't care! I'm done! Done! DONE!!!!

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

Since becoming a single mom, I have connected with other single moms. At some point talk always lands on guys and dating. What I have noticed is that we seem to classify them by "Mr. Right" and "Mr. Right Now."

This does not mean that Mr. Right is the "one" but just that this is a person that we can see ourselves with long term or that this person has certain things we are looking for. If it works, it does. If not okay.

For Mr. Right Now, this is more a fling or someone that maybe is just fun but if it got serious, it would be over. This might also be someone that we just keep in the "friend" catergory.

We also seem to have a "list" of things we want in the other person. There may be "must-haves" and then there are "Optional" or "bonus" items. For the most part, my list has stayed the same since high school. I'm not going to list them here or at least not right now. But most of my list is personality and character of the person more than looks. For looks, my taste varies so much.... From Kevin James to Dale Jr to Chris Daughtery (from last season's American Idol)..... But, really bottom line for me is how you treat me, children and animals. But, the other thing that really matters is kissing. I love to kiss. I could just do this forever with the right person.

So anyway, that is all I had to say on that. There was no true point to this, just something I was thinking about after several conversations with some of my friends.

NASCAR!!!!

Okay so it is Sunday again (okay I'm cheating and doing this on Saturday night!).

This means another race! This time the Auto Club 500 out at the California Speedway. I may end up missing a lot of this race because of plans I have tomorrow but we shall see. If I'm at my parents' house maybe I can talk them in to letting me watch it.

So I was checking out the NASCar website and saw that they had the commercials on there from the Daytona 500. My own personal opinion (could be a bit bias here) is that these were better than the batch from the Super Bowl this year which I normally like.

If you check out the commercials.... You have got to check out the Oreo Yum one. In fact, just check it out!!! It is soooo worth it. Page 2.

Oh and Dale Jr qualified 5th again. Let's just hope he has a better week. Finish this race without wrecking, Dale, please?

UPDATE: Okay Dale is out. Damn! Something is going on with engines out there because several of the top drivers are struggling. While others are doing really great. GO TONY!!!!!

Weight Issues

I guess this is the topic of the day. From the MILF checkin that many of my friends do to people that just have it on their minds.

So I guess I will jump on the bandwagon and share a few of my things.

First and foremost, I will not for one second post my weight, but let's just say.... yeah I need to lose big time.

Secondly, I am very educated in this area. I know what to eat, how to eat, how much to eat and that I should be eating far more meals in a day than I do. I know how I should be exercises, etc.... It used to be part of my job to stay in shape. And, except for some flabby spots from having the kiddos, I did really well. I ran 4 miles everyday. A few times a week I even did step aerobics. I also used to take my huskies running too...... or maybe I was just pulled. Never really checked to see if my feet were touching the ground. I used to bowl. I used to play volleyball. I used to just be a lot more active person.

And, here is my issue..... I was never, ever accepted for who I was and how I was. Well here let me back up a step more. After having K at age 21, I was able to fit right back into to my size 7 jeans. Still looked pretty damn good too! Then I had H at age 22 (19mths later).... I gained so much. He was so big for me. It settled mostly in the flab of my stomach, bigger hips and thighs. But, this is when I started really working out. Up to this point, no problem.

The ex started putting me down. Telling me he was going to divorce me for gaining weight. Oh really? F$%^ you.... So my weight bounced a round but for the most part I stayed around a size 10. Not too bad!

Well on one of my runs, I stepped funny and hurt my foot really bad. I didn't realize it until the next day. I tried to run but it was so bad. I got home from that day-after run and I could barely get my shoe off. Military doctors aren't always great..... but nobody really could figure out exactly what was wrong. Even now if I walk a lot, it will hurt that bad again so though I have tried to run in the years since, I can't or I will not be mobile for days after. I miss running so much! I tried everything. New shoes, different surfaces.... everything I could think of. Even a treadmill doesn't work..... but to me that's not the same. I love to run outside. Hot, cold, rain, snow! Love it! Anyway......

Well I got out of the Navy and got an 8-5. No opportunities with commuting and my work schedule and now his new work schedule. I couldn't seem to fit my work out in. I tried but it was harder than being in the Navy when I was granted time during my work day to do it.

So I slowly got bigger.... size 12, size 14..... this is where I stayed most of the time (now too)..... Well at some point I got pg again.... got huge again! Huge, huge! Well that was it. My stomach is a mess now. Oh well!

Anywho, I have lost a lot of weight over the years and done great things but I was still told the most horrible things. A person that is suppose to be in love with you should not say those things to you. Period. And please if someone is actually trying as hard as the can. Working out, doing the whole lifestyle changing diets, etc..... do not tell them they are ugly and do not tell them they are fat. They know it. They feel bad about it. They really want to change but life happens.


So if you are wondering. I am happy as is. I love me!!! I would love to lose weight NOW. But it took me a long time to get like this and I am slowly working on it. It is on my mind every freakin' day. I do think about what I eat even when I eat something "bad" for me. I do think about the exercise that I can do. And, as a small milestone for the week, I did wear a smaller size of dress pants to work this week. This is probably my true size but I have been wearing ones that are a tiny bit larger. But, hey good is good!

And, yeah if you were also wondering, I almost don't want to lose the weight right now because if someone doesn't like me, than too f$%^ bad! This is who I am. And, when the time is right, that person will love me and accept me as is and than who knows!?

That's me! Happy as a duck. :)

Gotta get out of my head!

Because I can't hear the other voices anymore... just mine. (Just kidding! or am I?)

I am overthinking everything, stressing about everything and I just need to chill the F#$% out!

At least I received my tax return so now I can FINALLY get caught up on bills. I can go buy the kids some clothes that they need for school and maybe, just maybe I can get a few new things for work. But, here still, I need to be very careful, I will get behind again quickly if I'm not careful. But, honestly, we all need just a few items.

So current stressors:

1. SCHOOL - only a few, just a few more days!
2. Kids - Its mostly over the clothes. They need them, I haven't had money... problem is now solved!
3. The ex - Can't do much about this but I chewed his butt out about not seeing his kids more.... so it might help. But, it is probably more of a band-aid, didn't resolve the true problem.
4. WORK! - We are soooo busy and I'm still waiting to hear about a permanent position. Ugh!
5. Car - It is falling apart slowly.... I need a new(er) one. Gotta wait on the job situation.
***(update below)6. Something I don't really want to talk about but I'm sure it will be fine..... If its not..... I can't even let myself think that because that is what is TRULY driving me crazy.
7. My house - Its a mess. Its just a plain wreck. Not much to do about it until the weekend.

So mostly petty stuff. All of it is either something I will deal with or it will go away so no bigs.

But, ya know, sometimes ya just gotta lay it all out there to make yourself feel better.

And, if that doesn't do it, have fun with the kids. We were blowing bubbles...... but not outside! Nope, right in the house. Second night in a row too. My kids think I'm so cool, okay well sometimes.


UPDATE: #6 is no longer a problem so that is just another stressor that can be checked off the list! Whoohoooo! TGIF!!!!!

Bumper Sticker - Quote of the Day

I am posting this one especially for some.....


Sex is like a pizza. When its good, its very good. When its bad, its still really good!



And, I'm just going to add that if he could some how combine the two or have them in the same day.... I bet he would be in heaven. :)

When life hands you lemons.....

I think I had this ine on my dating profile... when I had one. But, nobody would know where I got it or why I say that. But, when I hear this I think of this.....


1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. (I still don't get this one! but I do like the idea of being loved!)

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.


And always remember..... when life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!



Okay so this was just an email chain once upon on a time. And, yeah the end is just funny and if you know me, you would know tequila and I probably wouldn't mix well. I think it just means to celebrate what you do have rather than dwell on the bad things.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you today. I read this everyday when I'm at work. It is posted in my office, currently it is hanging out with some Mardi Gras beads so it looks festive!

6 Odd things about me

Tagged by Esmerelda to do 6 odd things about me. I have been thinking about this for a few hours now.... It actually took some thinking about I think I have picked the best odd things. Enjoy!

1. My favorite part of boot camp was going in the gas chamber. Yes really. They march us into a room where we are actually wearing gas masks. They start the gas and then make us take the masks off!

2. When I was 4, I cut my finger off by pulling a table saw over on myself. They were able to put it back on....

3. Until now, I haven't dated a guy with brown eyes. I have dated roughly 30-ish guys. 2 with green eyes and 1 with gray but the rest were blue.

4. I was in the Navy for 8 years and except for visiting my best friend on her ship, I was never on a ship.

5. I was in Girl Scouts until I graduated high school. I was a good cookie pusher!

6. When I'm in the car, I get bored.... so I play a game with myself. Here is how it goes. I try to make words out of license plates, well really what ever pops in my head first..... Today I saw one that was ### - TYL..... So I don't do anything with the numbers but the letters I said "Thank you letter."


So those are my 6. Now, guess what? Tag you're it!!!! You now have to do 6 of your own.

Thanks Es, that was actually kind of fun!

Celebrate the day

Yesterday I was having a crappy-a$$ day! I even went to sleep frustrated.....

But, today is a new day and I tried to wake up with a smile and a new attitude. I was told once that we will never get this day back. There will be only one Feb 19, 2007 so I need to make the best of it. The weather looks amazing. My children are happy and healthy. I have a lot to be thankful for!

I hope that anyone reading this will try to do one thing today to make yourself happy but not only yourself, but do a random act of kindness today. Just something as simple as holding a door for a stranger. Greeting everyone with a "Hello" and a smile.

You just never know what that person has going on in their life's that they can't share with others. (and, before you ask, I'm fine! Just money and school stress.... as always! both will be better soon.)

DAYTONA 500

Today is the DAYTONA 500!!!! This is just the biggest race of the year!

I have been trying to decide who I think will win.... and honestly, I don't care! As long its a good race!

I'm sooooo glad it is race season again!!!! Whoohooo.

UPDATE: The race is nearly finished. Most of the drivers that I would like to have seen win are out. Most recently Dale Jr, my fave all time driver. Tony Stewart is out. Even the Nextel Cup winner for 2006, Jimmie Johnson is out. And, so many more. The race is now red flagged, which means they will stop until they clear the track of the debris from the most current wreck that took Dale Jr out. At this point, I am cheering Mark Martin to win! He is a veteran of the sport and has been driving amazingly well. So once they green flag the race, it will be 3 laps to go.

FINAL UPDATE: Kevin Harvick won. Mark Martin second. Damn! There was a wreck just before the final turn..... Kevin won just by a tiny bit. He became the driver in place of Dale Sr. when he passed away Feb 18, 2001.

Next week at California Speedway.

Girls Rule and Boys Drool

A new Nick show is on right now called the Naked Brothers Band. The current episode is about one of the main characters, Nat Wolfe, having a crush on a girl that is part of their band, Rosalina. He is trying to figure out how to get her attention. He mentions to her, "Remember that night in Chicago when you kissed me?" She says that wasn't a real kiss it was just on the cheek, it doesn't count. There is a whole theme around this. She goes around and starts kissing all the boys on the check. One of the other boys says, "Why is she doing that?" Nat says, "She is proving a point." "What point?" "That girls rule and boys drool."

This brings me to another thought. My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Maria, the mom, is telling her daughter, Toula, about men and women. "Men are the head and women are the neck. The head thinks it is in charge but the neck tells the head where to look." (Or something like that) Basically just means that women are in control though they make the man think he is.

Just a follow up to a recent conversation I had. No true point, just some thoughts on why girls rule and boys drool! And, why even though us women want men to think they are in charge and making decision..... We are really in control! :)

Or maybe I'm just full of it.... Afterall, I am about to get my BS!

Hot Monkey Sex Friday

So I keep wanting to post in celebration of Fridays as Esmeralda does.....at Soon to be just me. Each week I either forget or last week I was going to post some very personal stuff about myself but chickened out!

This week I am not only going to post in celebration but I got to celebrate it as well! (But that's all I'm saying!!!! No deets!)

Today was a good day for me! It was a Friday off, which means I get to sleep in, spend a little extra time with the kids in the morning before they head off to school. I get to go to the store (Target and Petsmart today) without the "I wants" of the children. It also means that I got to see Goofball. (maybe that's why I'm still smiling even though L just wrote all over the wall and K has her BFF over and there is all kinds of crazy girl stuff going on. Giggling and squealing and the cell phones!)

First while I was out shopping a good friend of mine called. I'm so glad to be back in touch with her!!! And, so amazingly happy for her. She has the cutest baby! He was in the background just making all kinds of happy baby sounds!

So then met Goofball for lunch and just general hanging out.... After lunch, I picked up L at day care and took him to speech. After that, we grabbed some drinks and a snack and headed over to the park! A little chilly but not too bad a day at all. We blew bubbles, rolled down a hill (seriously!) and I learned my little baby can do the monkey bars.... without help! He is 4.... er 4 1/2! When did he get so grown.

Wrapped up with taking the kids out for dinner and then ice cream. Oh and a phone call from Goofball just to say Hi.

So to all, I hope you had a good day and if you didn't, that's okay. The sun will come out tomorrow.....

Quote of the Day

Normally when I do the quote of the day, I will just give you the quote and not say anything but OMG! this one is just sooo perfect for me from the past year-ish. I say it all the time, "Why did I waste so much time being unhappy?" It wasn't until I made the decision to get a divorce, that I truly realized/felt what happiness was again.

Enjoy the quote. I really hope it helps someone out there!!!!



Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there cause you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. Then one day you feel something else, something that feels so unfamiliar. Then you realize you are happy!

Valentine's Day

I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I think it was created to sell greeting cards, like a few other holidays that we celebrate…..

I think celebrating love and relationships/friendship is GREAT, but do we really need a separate day for this? Shouldn’t it be something you do everyday? Do we really want to make single people feel like they are almost not worthy because they ARE single? That they must be in a relationship to be happy? Ya know, its all about couples.....

I know, just speaking of my marriage, had we put love first and celebrated it more often, things might have been different. Maybe not, but that was really my one complaint in my marriage. I didn’t feel like he was into me, like I meant anything to him, he didn’t make me feel like I was an important part of his life.

It is from this lesson that I have grown though. I try to make sure that I tell people “I value you. It means a lot having you in my life.” People aren’t mind readers (okay some give the illusion of mind reading) so you have to tell them and not just tell them but show them! I have said it before and I will surely say it again, Actions Speak Louder than WORDS! Words are great because it just gives confirmation of the actions but actions, baby, actions are the key. Anybody can give lip service, but not everyone can actually do the action. Walk the walk AND talk the talk. Not one or the other but both!

So I just give this advice to anyone reading, celebrate your relationships and friendships everyday. Make those people in your life, no matter how big or a small a role they play, know you value them. Use your actions AND words.

Happy Valentine’s Day, all.

Randomness

Stealing this from Esmeralda. But, I am deleting the last two questions about who will respond. I just did this for fun so don’t care if you reply or not, just hope you enjoy reading about me.

Not sure if I will do any type of follow-up on things but if you want to know, ask! I would be happy to answer questions.


Copy and Paste.Put an X in front of all the things you have done.Remove the X from the things you have not.
This is for your entire life:
( ) Smoked a cigarette
(x) Drank so much you threw up
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
(x) Been dumped
(x) Been laid off/fired
() Been in a fist fight
( ) Been shot at
( ) Been stabbed
(x) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) Gone on a blind date
() Skipped school
() Seen someone die
() Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Recently colored with crayons
() Sang karaoke
() Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't...
(x) Made prank phone calls
() Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about or love
(x) Blown bubbles
() Made a bonfire on the beach
() Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
() Ice-skating.

1. Do you have any nicknames? EJ, Eri (like Airy), Mommy Erica
2. What is your favorite drink? Dr Pepper
3. Tattoos? No
4. Any piercing? Two in each ear.
5. How much do you love your job? Stretching arms way out to sides and saying, “This much….”
6. Favorite vacation spot? Texas Hill Country
7. Ever been to Africa ? No, would love, love, LOVE too
8. Ever steal any traffic signs? No
9. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
10. How many doors does your car have? 6
11. Salad dressing? Italian or Ranch
12 Favorite number? 9
13. Favorite holiday? The one that celebrates me! Ha, just kidding. I love Thanksgiving.
14. Favorite food? Mexican
15. Favorite Day of the week? Anyone that I get to see Goofball on.
16. Favorite brand of body soap? Dove
17. Favorite Tooth Paste? Crest, I guess?
18. Favorite smell? Anything clean and fresh
19. What do you do to relax? Color or play with play-doh or play video games or scream.
20. Message to friends/family reading this? Take Risks. You only live once.
21. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Wow, I have no idea. Happy, I hope.
22. What do you do when you are bored? Sleep
23. What’s the farthest you will send this? Space the final frontier.

The Weekend Update

Well I am sure everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting for the big weekend update... Right? Oh come on, throw me a bone here. Say, "Yes we have been waiting all weekend to know how it went!" Much better. :)

So the ex got here mid-day Saturday and immediately took the kids out! I sat in silence for a bit and then got the heck out of here! Did some running around (bought Vodka for Sunday Night) and then came home for the race.

Sunday woke up, hopped in the car and took a ride down to the beach. It was awesome! It was really windy and the water was choppy. There was almost no one around. I just drove down the beach a bit and parked.... Sat with my eyes closed just breathing in the air and listening to the waves and the birds. Aaahhhh. I was feeling really relaxed. Recharged. I was also able to make a lot of notes for future blog entries!

Headed home after that to pack up. Had a hotel room for the night and a date with Goofball. Kissed the babies and head on my way.

Had a few hours before Goofball would get there. So chilled with some Lemonade and Vodka, and watched TV. By the time he got there, I was pretty giggly. Amazing, amazing night. Thankfully I didn't get all sad when it was time to say good-bye. 1. Because I will see him again on Friday (barring any schedule problems/changes). 2. I was about to puke my guts out. Niiiice.

So the weekend is over and I'm exhausted but smiling ear to ear.

A few things I did realize this weekend:

Well first the obvious and I actually knew it but still..... Vodka and Smirnoff Ice should not be drunk in the same night.

The next thing is that I do not have not one feeling for the ex anymore. The last time I saw him there was still some hurt and jealousy, though it was just a tiny bit. This time.... nothing. Cooooool!

So there you have it. Great weekend. Mom is recharged and ready for the little monsters! I love them babies.

"Boogity, Boogity, Boogity! Let's go racin' boys!"

This phrase was heard again tonight as NASCar kicked up its season with the Budweiser Shootout! (It just started!)

Boogity, Boogity, Boogity is the catch phrase of Darrell Waltrip one of the retired drivers turned announcer! I love him. Miss his racing but he is an awesome announcer. Fun, fun, fun.

So my boy is moving and groovin'. He really sounds more motivated for this year so I'm hoping for a good year for him.

Just had to make the announcement that NASCar is back!

Whoooohoooo! Go Dale Jr!

Break day!

The Ex is coming today!!! Whooohooo. This means I get a break! I can just hop in the car and take off. I'm tagging him in when he gets here and I'm out! Plus I get to get out with Goofball tomorrow night. And, that is probably the bestestestest part about the ex coming!

Though it does mean my space is going to be invaded for a few days. This part kind of creeps me out. I feel like I have to "hide" stuff. My computer especially. My Yahoo Messanger opens automatically, though signs in invisible so nobody would know but STILL!!!!! What about the "surfin" history? Do I want him to see that? What about all my favorites, will he look through my list just to see where I go? I'm not saying he will snoop, he normally isn't that type but if its r.i.g.h.t there, would he look? And, it isn't like I'm wrong or I owe him a damn thing but its my life now and I don't want him to know or be a part of it.

Plus I'm sure he will make comments about my house being messy or the cats or a million other petty shit that he really doesn't have to worry about because he left, he made a choice so he will just have to fucking live with how I live.

But, ya know, as always the good of the situation far out weighs the bad!!!! When he does come and the kids ask for something, I say "See your Dad..." or "Its daddy time. Go ask/tell him." I still have to be here because I have school and no laptop, otherwise I would soooo not be here! I'm guessing next time he comes I will be able to just up and go since I only..... 2 wks and 2 days left of schoooooooooool!

I have plans. Lots of plans. The two things I am looking forward to is going for one of my long drives and of course, like I said in the beginning, getting to Goofball tomorrow night.

Have a great weekend y'all!

I want cake!

Today I didn't bring my lunch. Okay let's be honest, I almost never actually bring my lunch. Our office has a cafeteria in it. So I usually end up over there because they have a pretty large variety but it is starting to get boring and well gross.

So today, I got some baked fish, green beans and broccoli. Healthy, right? Well it might have been healthy but it was not good. The fish was okay. It had some kind of lemon seasoning on it, fine. But, the green beans were way under cooked. They may have washed them and then set them out. I don't think they even warmed them. The broccoli was overcooked and just gross!

In my way of thinking, since I tried to make healthy choices at lunch but it backfired and was gross..... I want cake!

What do you mean it doesn't work that way? Damn! Oh well..... I tried.

Center of Attention

Due to the Questions/Answers that Esmeralda posted, there has been a small discussion around women being the center of attention. So over the last few days I have been thinking about it.

Now, I’m not typically the center of attention type. I don’t like a fuss made over me. I don’t like to be in the spotlight. I mean there are times when this is okay, like when I finish school. I want to be the center of attention with my family because this has been such a large chunk of my time so hey let’s celebrate it! But, like I said, I really don’t like the spotlight.

But, I do like to be made to feel special and important by the man in my life. So yeah in a way I want this person to make me the center of his attentions and not because I necessarily want it or ask for it or expect it but because he wants to give it to me. Wants to let me know I’m just that important or special. And, how?….. Well pretty much everything I posted here but I will explain a bit more.

I want to be the center of attention in a much more passive way, than “the spotlight is on me.” So say we are out with friends, maybe in honor of a friend’s birthday or something that I wouldn’t be the center of attention for. However, my guy would maybe hold my hand and just give it a little squeeze to let me know we are “connected” in a way. Almost like saying “Hi. I’m here, thinking about you.” Or maybe he is across the room talking to other people, I’m talking to people, he catches my eye and just smiles…. Again saying “Thinking about you. Cant’ wait until we are on the same side of the room.”

And I’m not expecting someone to remember everything about me, but if he remembers little special things about me, like what I like to drink or if I mention a book, song, movie, TV show that I like…. Maybe he makes reference of it or if the song is on the radio, he turns it up just a tiny bit before I even realize it’s on. He would just show me that he was not just hearing me but really listening.

So basically I am saying that I want to be the center of his attention but not the world’s. And, just in small but meaningful ways that make me smile when nobody is around. It keeps those butterflies dancing around my stomach at the thought of seeing him.

And, really I think that is what most ladies want. Right ladies?

Edit: I wanted to add that if a man did all this for me, he would be repaid more than he could ever imagine. It is a give and take situation.

Confession of a single mom of three

I have been feeling like a bad mom lately. I feel like a lot of the times I’m just there but not really there for my kids The other night (and last night) L was so whiny and I just had it and snapped! I didn’t yell but I definitely was not nice either. Then all night K kept asking me to look at the video game she was playing. Again, I just finally snapped at her. “Why do I have to look every 5 seconds? I have no idea how to even play that one so I have no idea what I’m looking at!” She said, “Gee I just don’t know where I got my drama from?” and points a finger at me. Niiiice.

Please don’t get me wrong. Anyone that truly knows me knows I love my kids. They are really my life. I would be so lost if I didn’t have them. However, I have just been feeling the strain lately. Very little help with them, except for when I’m at work and they are at school, I’m always with them. The dad has little “in person” contact with them. He is coming this weekend but hasn’t been here since Christmas (22nd- mid morning on the 25th). Before that it was before Thanksgiving and before that it was Labor Day weekend. So you could say about every 6-8 wks he makes his appearance. Does the fun dad stuff and then goes home to his bachelor lifestyle that frankly I think he enjoys. He just tells me otherwise to make himself sound better. Whatever!

And, if you have been reading my blog for a while, you know I go to school fulltime, online but it really is a big commitment of my time. I’m almost done, just a few more weeks. And, I recently had an unexpected break from school. That one week was soooo nice. I actually felt good about my role as mom but now just two and a half weeks later, I’m back to that horrible feeling.

I have been in school for over 4 years like this. Thankfully for 2 years of that, I was a stay-at home mom and could commit more time to the kids because I wasn’t at a job for 10-11 hours (including commute) everyday.

So my confession is said with this in mind: I’m worn out. I’m at the end of my rope. I really need a break and to recharge. Plus I think we don’t let moms just vent! (or dads). We just say they have to love these people without being able to say they can’t do it everyday!

Confessions:
Sometimes I don’t want to be the mom.
Sometimes I’m not even sure why I became a mom.

There I said it! And ya know what, it feels pretty damn good! Still love those kiddos though.

Questions-Answers

Esmeralda over at Soon to be just me posted these questions today inspired by Over Heard in the ladies room.... She asked that we all anwer them so ....

My answers....

Favorite article of clothing (to wear or take off)? Pajamas! I would live in them if I could. I prefer an Old Navy Perfect Fit Tee with some type of pajama pants.

Fashion trend you would never be caught dead in? I am so fashion stupid that I have no idea how to answer this.

Most embarrassing date moment? I’m sure, I’m sure there is something!

Name one celebrity that would be your perfect boyfriend? I’m with Esmeralda on this one. Someone funny so I would go with Kevin James. He is a cutie too. If not someone funny, I would have to say Dale Jr!!!!!! Boy is hot! Or maybe Ty Pennington…. He builds, is a huge dork and he is hot! but, really, funny would be better than Hot... Hot fades, personality is there forever.

What would you consider a guilty pleasure for you? This might sound silly but hopping in the car, driving to the beach and then along to coast with the music up! Now that is definitely something I enjoy and yeah, I feel the tiniest bit guilty about it.

Biggest turnoff? Stupidity. If I can’t hold a conversation with you or if you can’t even get the simplest ideas/thoughts…. Well then just move along babe. And, I’m not expecting someone to remember everything about me but remember something!

Best date? Let’s see. Best date? I would have to say it was in September 2006…. Going to the zoo and walking around the park. Fun and the company was great too.

What do you sleep in? Well I would love to sleep naked again but I have to wait until the kids are much older or better yet gone. Until then I love my pajamas!

Favorite pair of shoes? I have several but my fave work ones are a pair of short heeled brown-ish colored pumps.

What do you like best about blogging? I love having a place to dump all my random thoughts and I can sort out my brain. I also love reading other’s blogs and “meeting” new people.

Quote of the Day

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there is a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Catching fireflies

There are few things that I have truly going for me!

One, I am finally in the place I have needed to be for YEARS! Divorced. Also, hey I live in Texas, what could be better than living in your hometown/state. Oh and HAPPY! Did I mention that one?

Two, my kids. I love those little spoiled brats more than I could even imagine possible. They are spoiled, they are brats but they are mine!

Three, I have a job, though this is also something negative too since it is just a temp job.

Four, almost done with school. But, also another source of heartburn.

Five, I have GREAT friends! Both in real life and online. I would be lost with out them.

Six, Goofball. I have met this person that makes me laugh and that I just really am enjoying getting to know.

Past those things… everything else is a flat out mess! Chaos, chaos, chaos! House, car, job, school, finances…. All of it just crazy. Heck I'm not even that great of a mom.... Good but not great (read that blog entry later).

You know how people will often mention how we juggle things. Everything is a ball and we juggle them.... Well I imagine all these little fireflies and I’m trying to catch them. Say each thing like house, car, kids are represented by a firefly and I have to catch them and put them in a jar. Here is how I feel..... When I catch one, I put it in the jar. Then go after another, catch it, put it in the jar but I wasn’t careful enough and let the first one out. And the fireflies are everywhere so I’m chasing one but then see another is closer, so go after it….. and it just continues!

I won’t really go into toooo much details about all the chaos I feel though because I really do hate to complain. I truly do have a good life and sometimes I just need a reminder of that!

Watch out for flying pigs....

.... My children are all asleep and it is just barely 8:30! This does not happen, ever!

My two June babies (K & L) are night owls. L is still little so I can sometimes trick him into sleeping but K will be up much later than even I am awake. Typically I head to bed around 10:00.... asleep anywhere between 11 - 12:30, depends on the night. Now, some nights I do get to sleep earlier I think from exhaustion.

Speaking of sleeping it reminds me, I have been having very vivid dreams lately. The kind that, while not scary exactly, leave you shaking and confused. I have been waking up more and more at night. Dazed and confused, wondering what woke me up and then remembering my dream. Was it real? Was it is a dream? I almost want to ask people, "Did I talk to you last night?" It is weird.

Anyway, homework is done, house is actually clean, kids are asleep..... so what should mom do?? Ummm, ENJOY THE QUIET!!!!!

Yet Another Party from Party Central

And not for the Super bowl. I may be one of the few that is neither having nor attending a Super Bowl party. I may or may not watch the game.... I guess I need to make a decision on that soon it starts very shortly. But just wait, in 2 weeks for the Daytona 500! Probably no party but I will be REALLY excited about it.

Since H-man's b-day was on Monday, we waited until today to do his party with his friends. I only served cupcakes, ice cream and Kool-Aid.... yes 6 11 year old boys hyped up on sugar. Oh the fun! They were sword fighting with anything that looked like a sword and even some things that didn't.... like a coat!

There were actually 11 kids total: K, two of her friends, L and another sibling so it was good. The girls stayed hyper longer than the boys.

They played kickball, me too! and played in the yard for the first half. Then the call of the video games was just too overpowering.

H got an Air Hog Rocket. I couldn't find it online but it is sort of like this toy. Now if Johnny Knoxville from MTV's Jackass every retires, H could totally take his place. See the premise of this toy is you pump it full of air and then launch it. And the thing goes HIGH! Well H thought it would be a good, no great idea to stand over it before it launches. Basically jeopardizing my future grandchildren. I warned him as any good mother would, then laughed my head off, tears running down the face after he was doubled over in pain. He is fine by the way, thankfully it mostly hit his thighs.

Now all the children are at home. The house is more or less clean. K went with a friend to a Super Bowl Party so its just me and my boys.

I guess I will turn on the game. Do I cheer for the Bears or the Colts? I really don't care but if the Bears win, will they do a remake of the Superbowl Shuffle?

Ah the smell of play-doh

Today I bought a 24 pack of play-doh. It was on sale for $7.99, which really isn't a huge, huge savings since originally it is $9.99. However, it was enough for me to say, "hell yeah, let's splurge" Plus mom felt the need to get high on the doughy smell! Ah, just like Kindergarten.

So we spent an hour or so playing with it. Twisting, cutting, rolling, and shaping it..... but the favorite was poop. Nice. K was playing with the brown and decided this would be a fun game. L, being 4 and 1/2!, didn't totally get it because before long all the colors were poop!

Being 12, almost 13 almost 30, she thought making poop was funny but didn't like that I told her to pick up the play-doh boogers. Ya know the little crumbly pieces that fall off the play-doh and are left on the table. She kept telling me to call it something else. "Okay, sweetie, but poop is okay, right? Just gotta get what is acceptable and what isn't down." She also doesn't like my singing or dancing. Sheesh, I just can't have any fun!

Well gotta go enjoy the last of my play-doh buzz.

My kids are smarter than me.

I used to have back up. Kind of a tag team thing. I did most of the parenting but when I got frustrated I would tag in Dad, and when he was actually at home and not in front of the TV, he would tag me in as necessary. But, now its just me.

My kids are getting smarter than me. Its scary. I keep trying to be firm and well the mom but they are starting to figure out that they out number me. I think they are forming a union. They have figured out that if they stick together and make enough noise, I usually get overstimulated and end up in the bottom of my closet in fetal position, rocking back and forth, sucking my thumb, humming rock-a-bye baby. Okay maybe not that bad but I usually get very frustrated and just unload the dishwasher myself.


Not good. But, really to save my sanity, I just do it. What am I teaching them? Gang up and you win? Seriously not good. And I know it. But, like I said, I'm not as smart as them!

With two nearly teens and very alert, sponge-like 4 year old, whoops 4 1/2 years old.... can't forget the 1/2, I must get a little smarter and I really need to get a good system down or I will be wearing an "I love me" jacket before ya know it and this blog will be written by voice-recognition software.

Quote of the Day

Success is not measured in how hard you can work, but how long you can work hard.

Lifelong Learner

I am a lifelong learner. If you don’t know what that means then maybe you should go back to school! Okay just kidding! But, I actually took a class called “Skills for Lifelong Learning” but not just one class, oh no. There were two classes part 1 and 2.

What classifies a Lifelong Learner? From my classes (I got an A in each, thank you), it is just about being open to learning, willingness to learn new things and to just always seek opportunities to learn.

This is me to a T. I am very open to opportunities to learn, never pass a chance to learn something new. I think I’m curious but I wouldn’t say nosy because to me that is a snoop. I don’t like snooping because you usually have a reason to be doing it and then you usually find something you DON’T want to know. Curiosity is, in my opinion, healthy. If I don’t know something, I research it. I research a lot of things because I don’t know a lot of things.

There are just things I haven’t experienced, things I may never experience but I still want to know about them. I am a very caring, sympathetic person and open-minded. I feel like all of these help me to “put myself in your shoes” so to speak. If you have read my past blogs though, you know I don’t really care for that turn but basically just trying to see things from another’s point of view.

Some things I would like to learn are photography. Okay I know HOW to take a picture but I would really like to know more about it, more about cameras, more about angles and different lens and how to manipulate pictures and using different lighting. I want to know more about how to do home repairs and remodeling and landscaping and just all kinds of things that they do on HGtv and DIY and all those home improvements shows/channels. I want to know more History. I love history… .Especially (can you guess?)…. Texas History. I want to know more Science, more Zoology, and more Biology. I want to know about illnesses, why do people not want to donate their organs? My Aunt is only here to day because of her “previously owner” liver! But, that is another blog story all together. There are so many jobs I would love to do because I want to know HOW to do them! Real Estate is one job I would love to get into but I just don’t have the time to do it now. I would love to go to culinary school but at this point it seems a waste because why spend all that money when I really don’t want to be a chef. Just want to know more about how to cook.

I could really go on and on. I really want to know everything there is to learn, except maybe Math. I really could do without anything Math related or at least the really tough stuff which would be anything I can’t do with a very simple calculator!

So I want to challenge all the readers of this blog to learn something new today. Anything. Just Google something. Read a new word in the dictionary. Open a book that you haven’t opened before.

Just be a Lifelong Learner!

Me – A contradiction Part 1

So the other day I posted about not liking people. Then while driving to work the next day, I got to thinking about what I had written and jobs I have had/those I want.

Most all of my jobs have been customer service related. I love this. I mean during my “downtime” I want to have peace and be away from people, at work I thrive on this. I want to work with people, help them and talk to them. I just don’t want to be stuck in a crowded room or elevator with them.

I’m good at this type of job too. I have been told that I’m a good listener, show caring and urgency as well as multi-tasking and just so many more things that fall under customer service skills.

Currently I work in Human Resources. I have worked in HR before and love it! Love my current job and if I could just stay in a HR role forever, I would be a happy duck.

I mention this because I think I am just one big, huge contradiction. This is just one of many things. So if you want to keep track, I don’t like people during my downtime but I love people when I’m working, even the stupid ones (because sometimes I get to unstupid them)

Quote of the Day

We don't see things as they are.
We see things as we are.

Life is a Highway....

I have that restless feeling, deep down. I need a break from life, from reality and what I need to do is get away….. FAST! I need a fast car, a tank of gas, a bunch of CDs full of my favorite songs and an open road.

The only one of these things I have right now is the music.

My car is not a car but a 1995 Chevy Suburban. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I call it the “Tank” or the “Big Green Monster”…. It was bought for my Ex to have a car when he took a new job with his company and would no longer have a company car. But, in the divorce, I got the one without a payment and he got my beautiful Lincoln Navigator. It was big but it drove amazingly! It was a great, almost better than sex feeling to drive it. Six disk changer, great sound, sun roof….. It drove like I drive. Make sense? No? The way it handled fit my driving style.

The Tank doesn’t have a full tank of gas either. I had $10 to spare for gas this morning. So it got 5 gallons. I’m so glad tomorrow is pay day! But, I can say I survived a really bad financial …. Well I was going to say week but really month! February has got to be better, right?

Open road is missing too. This is Houston. There are millions of people here and of course traffic. Now yesterday talking to the Ex, I was stuck in traffic and I said something about traffic. He, by the way, hates Houston. He said, “I’m glad you are actually saying something bad about the traffic in Houston. I didn’t think you knew it existed.” Or something like that. I said, “Umm, hello. Of course there is traffic. Who really likes it? But, I can still like Houston but not the traffic. Duh!”

So I should rent a Ford Mustang, fill it up, grab all my CDs (or maybe burn a few new ones) and head out West. I love everything Texas but especially San Antonio, Austin, San Marcos, New Braunfels and really just anything West of Houston or the Texas Hill Country.

I just want to go and not have a destination or a plan. I don’t want to have a set amount of time I will be gone…. Just come back when I feel better. If that is a few hours or a few days.

Sigh…. For now it is a day dream. Maybe this summer while the kids are with dad, I can make part of this come true. I don’t know about the fast car, it might be the tank and there will be no open road until I get heading out of Houston but until then I will have to ignore the call of the highway, the Hill Country and my restless soul.

I don't like people

Okay not really... but I really don't like crowds. But, seriously, on Sunday I was "kidnapped" by Goofball and while out we ran up to the local fast food place, Sonic for those of you that know and those that don't, check this out....THIS..... so he parked away from other cars and said, "Because you don't seem to like to be around other people." No, No I don't!

I don't know when or why or how this started but I hate to be around a lot of other people, some yeah, and really there is no set number, it is about the moment. Sometimes 100 people is just fine but 101 could be too many, other times 1 person is too many. I like my space.... a lot of space! As much space as I can get in fact! (except when am I around Goofball, then there better not be a lot of personal space....) I was thinking about this today on the elevator when there were way toooo many people in it and I was squashed all the way in the back. As soon as it got to my floor, I darted out! Didn't even look back to see what had happened to my two co-workers that were left inside. Were they squashed by the 8 large guys that piled on two floors before? I didn't know, didn't care because I was out of there! They came off fine and laughing at me.

Anyway, I was reading this book about being an Introvert. It explains that as an Introvert, I need to be alone to recharge and being around other people can wear me out. True! Oh so true!

But, I also think most people are stupid. They are rude, don't realize there are other people on the planet aside from them and theirs.

Would it kill people to smile? Open or hold the door for someone carrying a baby or child? Yield to pedestrians? Not yak it up in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store and when you say "excuse me." they would politely move, not just ignore you or worse give YOU a dirty look!

I could go on and on but I will just step off my soap box and exit now.

Happy Birthday H-man

To my first son,

H-man, you were born 11 years ago today, 8 days late but better late than never! You were a surprise from day one, and I just knew you were going to be a boy. I wished and wished. And, your daddy wanted a boy so bad too. You see he was the last to carry on his last name. Then there was you. But it was more than that. You see, today is a special day because it was also the day your great-grandfather was born. You share the same name. He was someone very special to your dad but died long before you or I knew your daddy. Still it was a special thing to have you born on that day.

The first day I met you, I was in love. You were so much bigger than your sister was at birth and you looked so much like I did when I was born. While you were in the nursery, the doctor came to talk to me. You had a problem with your heart. They said it was common but just watch you very closely. I was so worried that maybe I had done something wrong while I was pregnant with you. I quickly learned that was not the case. For the next 4 months or so we took you to the doctor just about every week. Thankfully sometime around 4 months you were fine. The problem with your heart was gone.

Of course, after your sister we were spoiled because she was such an easy baby. You were quite the opposite and still prove to be a true handful today(as is your baby brother). You were far needier and wanting to be fed all the time. I didn't mind but my body did so I switched you to formula but you were so sick from the formula, just like your sister was . We finally found one, different than what she had, that didn't make you sick. I was so glad!

Shortly after you were 5 months old, no heart problem good on formula and eating baby foods, we moved to Virginia and then the ear infections and colds started. At 18 months, you had tubes put in your ears to held with the ear infections. It still didn't help. This would be a constant problem until you were 3 years old. It was around this time you had hand surgery for what was called a trigger thumb. Basically you couldn't bend your thumb anymore. Sometimes during all this you had 3 weeks worth of chicken pox. But, (knock on wood) you have been fairly healthy since. Only one ear infections and a few colds.

After having a girl, having a boy was a really adventure. I didn't really know how much toilet paper was on a roll. I didn't know how fast a toddler could climb a book case. You used to love to jump from the highest points of the house. The back of the couch, the counters, the stairs. You had no fear. I never heard a baby laugh quite so hard or feel my heart grow quite the way it did with you.

You got teeth really early and I just loved that little toothy grin.... and then when you knocked out your front 6 teeth (yes 6), I loved that toothless grin..... I thought for sure you would play hockey!

and, once I thought I had lost you forever. You disappeared for almost 2 hours and I had to get the police to help find you. I thought I had lost my baby. But, thankfully you were found unharmed and had no idea you were "missing".

You take after my grandfather so much. Early to bed, early to rise. Restless, has to be moving and when it is time to go, nothing will hold you back. You make me laugh, you make me cry.... and....whatever you do and wherever you go, I will love you. I think I love you more each day. I am just thankful to know you. You are very special but I don't think any of us know just how yet.

Happy Birthday, baby.

Actions speak louder than words

I have always subscribed to this thinking. Not just in dating but in all relationships. My family, my friends and with boyfriends, it doesn't matter. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they will show you through their actions. However, I am going to speak of this in the dating sense of it....

I often think of this book. It is called, "He's just not that into you: The no-excuses truth to understanding guys." by Greg Berherndt and Liz Tuccillo. I read it long before I was back in the "dating game." But, it was at a point I knew that I was going to end it and I was "getting ready" to enter that dating world again.

Basically what I got from the book is if someone wants to have a relationship with you, they are going to make the effort. If they want to talk to you, they will call, email you and just in general let you know they are thinking of you. They are never too busy. Well call just for a few minutes to say "Hi." and then basically everything I said in this blog entry right..... HERE!

Recently, I was discussing guys with Esmerelda over at Soon to be just me. I told her it sounds like "He's just not that into you." Which first of all makes him an idiot and he needs to be hit with a clue x 4. Because she does seem awesome, cool and fun! Wish I could go out and have a drink with her. She is my long lost sister or at least we were made from the same mold. Either way, I think she deserves to find someone (when the time is right) that is truly into her and gets her! But, I wish her all the fun in the search.

My question is this, what if someone is showing you all these signs that they are into you, yet still keeping you at arms length with their words? What do you believe? I know, it does seem a bit confusing huh?!

My only advise is to sit back and enjoy it, be patient and hope that one way or the other the actions and words will soon match.

Our First Junior High Party

And, I can see the future and it means I am never, ever, never EVER leaving these kids home if I go out of town!

We will be known as the party house.

Anyway, last night K and her BFF V threw a party in honor of their other friend T's bday. I think it was more of an excuse to have a party but whatever.

There were about 15-19 kids here. Wow! It was a bit crazy. You could see all the still kid traits/learning to be an adult in them. They were all flirty with each other but at the same time doing silly things like playing with lightsabers or playing kick ball. The girls would chase the boys. The boys would try to act cool. The girls would huddle around in whispering circles or would be dancing to the VERY loud music (yep, I must be getting old).

It was fun. K has been getting calls all day from other kids that didn't make it. "How was it?".... "The best party ever!"..... and taking other calls from kids that did come..... "That was so much fun!" "yeah!"

I see the future and it is scary...... and fun!

Holding it together

Who I am: Single mom who of course works and then I do go to school, and I have three kids. The ex lives over 4 hours away. I do get help sometimes from my family but I don't ask as much as maybe I should......

I belong to a group of mom's who are just the most amazing people I know! They have been nothing but supportive, understanding and just some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I have known them 5 years now. Catch is they are all online and while I have meet a good number of them in person, there are still those I just haven't. Why is this important? Well I'll tell ya.....

Recently I posted a message on our group's board about being in my last classs. I am so close! Someone replied with a statement.... "I just don't know how you have held it together." (meaning for 4 yrs, two cross countries moves, going through and getting the divorce and being a single mom.... all while going to school).

My reply was, "I hold it together with Superman band-aids."

But, it really got me thinking. I didn't think I did anything amazing or for people to respond the way they did. So much praise and "you are amazing." Am I??

I actually held it together very poorly. I almost quit so many times. I almost quit my whole life more times than I really would like to admit. But, I'm not a quitter. I don't give up easily if ever. I can admit defeat, I guess.... but it depends the battle.... So anyway, I just do what I do because I have to. It is my job. I made a commentment to my children the day I first knew they were coming (Nov 7, 1993, June 3 1995, Nov 4, 2001), that I would always do the very best I could for them. I would never give up. I would do everything I could for them if it meant putting me second. They are the only ones in the world (aside from my parents and brothers) that I would put first over me.

So how do I really hold it together? By looking at them and knowing I have no choice because they are counting on me.

Day Dreaming

I have started reading a book, okay I started it months ago and haven't picked it up since, called Stumbling on to Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. From what I have read so far, part of being happy is our ability to day dream and to anticipate things/events. This is what our brains do, basically.

So that's great because I day dream a lot!!!!! I must be really happy.

Anyway, I have been stuck in a lot of traffic lately. I think the number of cars on the road has doubled since pre-holiday to post-holiday. Why? I don't know. Maybe Santa brought everyone new cars and so there are less car-poolers.

Back to point, I got to thinking about where I live and where I would like to live. I live in one of the largest cities in the United States. It is huge! I will say of all the places I have lived (Texas, Florida, Virginia and North Dakota), this is the biggest and most spread out. I have also been to 26 states and have driven to or through most of those. I have driven from Virginia to Texas to North Dakota (not all at once but that is kind of the U shape of places I have been)..... I have been to Maryland down the East Coast to Florida (of course) as far west as New Mexico all the states up to Montana over to Minnesota.... Let me just list them really quick its probably easier.


Maryland
Virginia
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Florida
Alabama
Mississippi
Louisiana
Texas
New Mexico
Colorado
Wyoming
Montana
North Dakota
South Dakota
Nebraska
Kansas
Oklahoma
Arkansas
Missouri
Iowa
Minnesota
Illinois
Tennessee
And finally Hawaii


But of all these places I have been, where would I live? The Texas Hill Country. Now as much as I have travelled outside of Texas, I grew up here in Texas.... Love it! As a kid we didn't have a lot of money to take family vacations to Disney or the Grand Canyon. Nope, we did a lot of day trips or overnight trips all around Texas. See we have roots here. My great (5x) grandfather fought with Sam Houston during the fight for Texas' Independence from Mexico. The Declaration was actually signed on my Birthday which I used to think was really cool!

Where would I live in the Hill Country? I would love to have a ranch (maybe not a working ranch) between Austin and San Antonio. I have always loved that area and I was there last year for my Birthday. I want a house that just looks like it belongs there. Not really log cabin and not spanish style.... but something in-between. I want to wake up in the mornings and not hear the highway (I can hear one in my current house).... I want to be able to grab my morning drink and head out to the porch and just watch the day wake up. I want birds and wild animals to be my neighbors. I don't want to be woke up by my neighbors barking dog or the other ones' loud music or the one across the street working on his car. I also want some kind of water.... Pond, lake, creek, river.... something near by. I love the water. I want to go fishing. I want to go hiking. I want to do something besides sit in traffic all day.

Anywho, that is my day dream of late and I know I would never live again outside of Texas (I hate to say never, if the offer was just right, maybe but it would have to be damn good!). I wanted to just share a bit more of myself, not to mention sitting in traffic for an hour in the morning and in the evening tends to make a person have a lot of thoughts..... I need to get them out so I can have new ones!

Is this weird?

I think it is a little weird but hey its not something people talk about so maybe it is more normal than I think it is.

I associate people to smells. Is that weird? Each of my kids have a different smell. My grandfather will always be the smell of radio equipment and tools. My grandmother's perfume.

So sometimes I might have a trigger, like I will smell that scent or see a picture even, and I can almost smell that person.

But, it isn't just people. Summer has a smell, winter. Everything.

So there it is.

Quote for the day

The best things in life are unseen, thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream!

Last Class!

So tomorrow I will get to start my last class! I cannot wait. It is cultural diversity which is a topic that I love!

On the first day of class, we are always asked to share our bio. I'm so excited to finally post my last and final bio! I thought I would share mine with you now. Of course I changed the names to protect the innocent. Ha.

Enjoy!!

---------------------------------------------------------

Hello. My name is EJ, I’m a single mom to three children, K 12, H is 10 and L is 4. I also have 2 fur babies, Zoë and Sebastian who are ragdoll cats.

I grew up just south of Houston, TX. After high school, I went to a local junior college. However, in 1992, after only one year, I needed a change, so I joined the US Navy. I was stationed near Pensacola, Fl at a helicopter training squadron. This is where I had my first two kids. Then we were transferred to Norfolk, VA where I worked for NATO. I served 8 years total before returning to my hometown with my new family.

In 2002, shortly after returning from maternity leave, I was laid off. I was able to find a job rather quickly but the pay cut was huge though I took the job, we could no longer afford for me to work due to the expense of day care. So in May 2003, I left my job after 10 months with the thought of staying home being temporary until I could get a higher paying job. Shortly after my then husband applied for and was offered a job, he couldn't refuse in Fargo, ND. We packed and were moved in 3 weeks. We lived there for 2 years. But, Summer 2005, I decided to move back to Houston with the kids. Now we have been back in Houston for just over a year. Hurray!

For work, I'm a HR Assistant for an Oil and Gas Company. We stay very busy as you could imagine! We just finished are Fall college recruiting and are just gearing up for our Spring recruiting.

This is my 36th and last class towards my Business Management degree. What jump started me to get back to school was my layoff and looking for a new job was just disappointing. I would like to work at a higher level and feel that my experience needs an education to back it up.


When I am not reading for school, I love to read just about anything I can get my hands on. I also love spending time with my kids and watching Animal Planet. I also love baseball and NASCAR.

Work Stuff

If you don't know, I have been working a temp job since mid-June. This was after a kinda bad year of getting turned down (for permanent positions) and used as a temp at other places.

Well since the start of this, the plan has been for them to turn it into a full-time, permanent position.

Today I found a position that I would like to apply for with the company (a different part, its a big, big company). I talked to one of my co-workers about it and she said I should apply and not wait. Well then another co-worker mentioned that the job might be available very soon. Turns out he is pushing hard for me to get the job. We didn't get time to finish talking about it so we are talking about it more tomorrow. I'm also going to talk to him about this other position.

So it looks like I am going to start the job hunt. Time dust off the ole resume and update it. I am down to one class before I will get my degree. I am so excited! This is going to help.

Three in one day

I had to write another blog entry for today because I noticed that I had 13 for January. I can't have the number 13 or its bad luck.

Yes, yes I'm superstitious. Of course I am! I can't have 13 on my radio dial for the volume nor the Television. When on message boards, I try not to be the 13 person to post. If I see one with 13, I will post something to it.

So I noticed 13 for January so just had to post one more to make 14 for the month of Jan.

Thanks for humoring me!

Me in the mirror

I often look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "What do others see when they look at me?"

Now I don't think I'm super-model pretty, heck I have nowhere near the body for it. In fact three kids and a lot of emotional eating, my body is just plain a mess. I do, however, think I’m cute. Love my hair most of the time.

Anywho, what do I see when I look in the mirror? A mom first. I love this job. I love being a mom. A good mom, not great but good. Her kids look up to her and think she is funny. She would do anything for them, anything in the world.

Next, there is the daughter. This role she has played since birth and its kind of weird because though she is nearly 34 years old, she often still just feels like that little girl. Sometimes she wants her mom, sometimes her dad. And, because she is a daughter, she just happens to be a sister too. She loves her brothers so much. And because of this, she is an aunt too. She has 3 nephews (soon to be 4) and 2 nieces. She is a granddaughter, a niece and a cousin. I'm sure all these people look at me different too.

She is a friend. She doesn't really know what her friends think of her but she has been told she is a good listener and a good friend. Most of them know she is there for them in a heartbeat.

Then there is the girl she has always been. She likes to laugh, is kind of funny and is a bit goofy. Generous almost to a fault. Caring and takes on other's problems as her own. Often putting other's feelings and needs above her own. Good in a crisis, bad after the crisis. Loves animals and children. Loves music and art, though she can't do either. Tries to find good in every situation, and tries to keep her humor even when stressed. Sometimes she seems more stressed than she feels but I think that is because it can be pushed out rather than being kept inside.

And really there is so much more. But, no one knows her as well as she knows herself….

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror and say, "I love you more than anyone else loves you." Then send a kiss to the mirror me. Smile and try to make the best of yet another wonderful day.