Saturday, September 08, 2007

Fighting, fighting and more fighting

I can't stand fighting. I hate it. I don't like doing it and I hate it being around me.

My kids fight more than any people I know. It wears me out. I am actually physical ill right now over the fighting. Each day, each week, each month as they get older, it gets worse and worse.

There is a lot of frustration with the age gaps. K&H are 19 months apart, L is 6/12 and 8 yrs younger than the other two....Not planned it just happens. The older two are competitive thanks to their father (yes, seriously). I know a lot of exes will blame things on the other but ask the kids too. He used to compare them with each other when disciplining them. "H why did you do that? K would have never done that, would you K?" Seriously a conversation that was had all the time when they were growing up. It drove me crazy. There was other things like this. With friends, grades, toys, clothes. He could turn everything into comparing them and he did it in front of them. It was usually H being the scapegoat if you will and yet this kid turns to the dad every time something happens.

L as just always tried to keep up with them. He is so far behind and right now he is at an age that he can almost do things but still a little physically and verbally behind. He is getting there slowly.

So today for example. I'm asleep. L and H were awake. L comes and asks me if he could eat some pepperonis that we had. I think I mumbled "Whatever".... he turned to H and said that means yes. H said no it doesn't and then they started arguing. But at least left my room to do it. Next thing I hear is L yelling out in pain and crying. I get up and L is doubled over holding his stomach. He is 100 pounds lighter and almost 7 years younger than H. So of course I ask H what happened and he starts in, "you always blame me!" and so then we start fighting.

I walk off because well 1 I had to pee and 2 I wanted to put my glasses on so I could see! (I can't see without my glasses.)

I come back and H is on the phone with his dad. WTF?! I didn't even have a chance to talk to them both. Yes both because I know L is just as much to blame for the fighting.

I'm pissed. I'm seeing red pissed. Now wait don't get me wrong, he has every right in the World to talk to his dad. I just feel like dad gets to be the good guy and I have to be the bad guy. I guess I signed up for this but .... wait a minute! He did too when we become parents. When we decided we would have unprotected sex so we could have a baby...... both being naive not really thinking it would happen the very first time.... but I'm just sayin', he had a commitment same as me. And where is he? 4-5 hours away. See he gets to be the fun dad, that sees them a few times a year and for a long visit in the summer. He gets to telephone parent. Be the Popsicle Dad.

But, I made a commitment to these kids, these people that I will be here for them. I will be here when they are sick. When they need to talk, need a hug, need school supplies or money or a ride somewhere. I get all the hugs and kisses and "I love you"s.....

If it means I have to endure more fighting to have all the other things, I will do it. I just need to vent sometimes because I soooo can't stand fighting. :)


Mayberrys said...

(((BIG HUGS)))

BeautifulDisaster said...

I hear ya sister. Nothing makes me grumpier. Mine are 20 months apart and everything is a freakin battle between them. When it gets out of hand I confine both in their rooms!!

Gretchen said...

I wish I could make it all better...

Right now (granted, my kids are 7, 5, and 3) at the very, very start of the bicker - I send them to his/her own room. Not in a freaked out you're in trouble kind of way, more of a 'Hey, if you can't be nice you can go to your room.'

Part of it is 'normal,' but they're also getting old enough to know better. KWIM?

Could you sit them down, let them know how much it bothers you, and let them know the consequence for bickering?

Stay Strong said...

It is nice to see that I am not the only one arguing with her children all of the freaking time. I am a single mom of two who are 4 and 2. My boy is the oldest and thinks he knows everthing. I know he is only 4 but sometimes I feel like I am talking to his father. He is exactly like him. I get so frustrated because I feel as if it is a reflection on me as a parent. Unfortunatly dad is only in the pic when it is convenient for him and we don't have the financial support to make life easier. So on top of that stress I feel like a raging B if you know what I mean. I have tried sitting down with J and talking with him one on one to see what is bothering him at that moment and he laughs in my face and says I want my daddy. That hurts! Hang in there you are not alone.

Stay strong