Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I don't like people

Okay not really... but I really don't like crowds. But, seriously, on Sunday I was "kidnapped" by Goofball and while out we ran up to the local fast food place, Sonic for those of you that know and those that don't, check this out....THIS..... so he parked away from other cars and said, "Because you don't seem to like to be around other people." No, No I don't!

I don't know when or why or how this started but I hate to be around a lot of other people, some yeah, and really there is no set number, it is about the moment. Sometimes 100 people is just fine but 101 could be too many, other times 1 person is too many. I like my space.... a lot of space! As much space as I can get in fact! (except when am I around Goofball, then there better not be a lot of personal space....) I was thinking about this today on the elevator when there were way toooo many people in it and I was squashed all the way in the back. As soon as it got to my floor, I darted out! Didn't even look back to see what had happened to my two co-workers that were left inside. Were they squashed by the 8 large guys that piled on two floors before? I didn't know, didn't care because I was out of there! They came off fine and laughing at me.

Anyway, I was reading this book about being an Introvert. It explains that as an Introvert, I need to be alone to recharge and being around other people can wear me out. True! Oh so true!

But, I also think most people are stupid. They are rude, don't realize there are other people on the planet aside from them and theirs.

Would it kill people to smile? Open or hold the door for someone carrying a baby or child? Yield to pedestrians? Not yak it up in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store and when you say "excuse me." they would politely move, not just ignore you or worse give YOU a dirty look!

I could go on and on but I will just step off my soap box and exit now.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Happy Birthday H-man

To my first son,

H-man, you were born 11 years ago today, 8 days late but better late than never! You were a surprise from day one, and I just knew you were going to be a boy. I wished and wished. And, your daddy wanted a boy so bad too. You see he was the last to carry on his last name. Then there was you. But it was more than that. You see, today is a special day because it was also the day your great-grandfather was born. You share the same name. He was someone very special to your dad but died long before you or I knew your daddy. Still it was a special thing to have you born on that day.

The first day I met you, I was in love. You were so much bigger than your sister was at birth and you looked so much like I did when I was born. While you were in the nursery, the doctor came to talk to me. You had a problem with your heart. They said it was common but just watch you very closely. I was so worried that maybe I had done something wrong while I was pregnant with you. I quickly learned that was not the case. For the next 4 months or so we took you to the doctor just about every week. Thankfully sometime around 4 months you were fine. The problem with your heart was gone.

Of course, after your sister we were spoiled because she was such an easy baby. You were quite the opposite and still prove to be a true handful today(as is your baby brother). You were far needier and wanting to be fed all the time. I didn't mind but my body did so I switched you to formula but you were so sick from the formula, just like your sister was . We finally found one, different than what she had, that didn't make you sick. I was so glad!

Shortly after you were 5 months old, no heart problem good on formula and eating baby foods, we moved to Virginia and then the ear infections and colds started. At 18 months, you had tubes put in your ears to held with the ear infections. It still didn't help. This would be a constant problem until you were 3 years old. It was around this time you had hand surgery for what was called a trigger thumb. Basically you couldn't bend your thumb anymore. Sometimes during all this you had 3 weeks worth of chicken pox. But, (knock on wood) you have been fairly healthy since. Only one ear infections and a few colds.

After having a girl, having a boy was a really adventure. I didn't really know how much toilet paper was on a roll. I didn't know how fast a toddler could climb a book case. You used to love to jump from the highest points of the house. The back of the couch, the counters, the stairs. You had no fear. I never heard a baby laugh quite so hard or feel my heart grow quite the way it did with you.

You got teeth really early and I just loved that little toothy grin.... and then when you knocked out your front 6 teeth (yes 6), I loved that toothless grin..... I thought for sure you would play hockey!

and, once I thought I had lost you forever. You disappeared for almost 2 hours and I had to get the police to help find you. I thought I had lost my baby. But, thankfully you were found unharmed and had no idea you were "missing".

You take after my grandfather so much. Early to bed, early to rise. Restless, has to be moving and when it is time to go, nothing will hold you back. You make me laugh, you make me cry.... and....whatever you do and wherever you go, I will love you. I think I love you more each day. I am just thankful to know you. You are very special but I don't think any of us know just how yet.

Happy Birthday, baby.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Actions speak louder than words

I have always subscribed to this thinking. Not just in dating but in all relationships. My family, my friends and with boyfriends, it doesn't matter. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they will show you through their actions. However, I am going to speak of this in the dating sense of it....

I often think of this book. It is called, "He's just not that into you: The no-excuses truth to understanding guys." by Greg Berherndt and Liz Tuccillo. I read it long before I was back in the "dating game." But, it was at a point I knew that I was going to end it and I was "getting ready" to enter that dating world again.

Basically what I got from the book is if someone wants to have a relationship with you, they are going to make the effort. If they want to talk to you, they will call, email you and just in general let you know they are thinking of you. They are never too busy. Well call just for a few minutes to say "Hi." and then basically everything I said in this blog entry right..... HERE!

Recently, I was discussing guys with Esmerelda over at Soon to be just me. I told her it sounds like "He's just not that into you." Which first of all makes him an idiot and he needs to be hit with a clue x 4. Because she does seem awesome, cool and fun! Wish I could go out and have a drink with her. She is my long lost sister or at least we were made from the same mold. Either way, I think she deserves to find someone (when the time is right) that is truly into her and gets her! But, I wish her all the fun in the search.

My question is this, what if someone is showing you all these signs that they are into you, yet still keeping you at arms length with their words? What do you believe? I know, it does seem a bit confusing huh?!

My only advise is to sit back and enjoy it, be patient and hope that one way or the other the actions and words will soon match.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Our First Junior High Party

And, I can see the future and it means I am never, ever, never EVER leaving these kids home if I go out of town!

We will be known as the party house.

Anyway, last night K and her BFF V threw a party in honor of their other friend T's bday. I think it was more of an excuse to have a party but whatever.

There were about 15-19 kids here. Wow! It was a bit crazy. You could see all the still kid traits/learning to be an adult in them. They were all flirty with each other but at the same time doing silly things like playing with lightsabers or playing kick ball. The girls would chase the boys. The boys would try to act cool. The girls would huddle around in whispering circles or would be dancing to the VERY loud music (yep, I must be getting old).

It was fun. K has been getting calls all day from other kids that didn't make it. "How was it?".... "The best party ever!"..... and taking other calls from kids that did come..... "That was so much fun!" "yeah!"

I see the future and it is scary...... and fun!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Holding it together

Who I am: Single mom who of course works and then I do go to school, and I have three kids. The ex lives over 4 hours away. I do get help sometimes from my family but I don't ask as much as maybe I should......

I belong to a group of mom's who are just the most amazing people I know! They have been nothing but supportive, understanding and just some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I have known them 5 years now. Catch is they are all online and while I have meet a good number of them in person, there are still those I just haven't. Why is this important? Well I'll tell ya.....

Recently I posted a message on our group's board about being in my last classs. I am so close! Someone replied with a statement.... "I just don't know how you have held it together." (meaning for 4 yrs, two cross countries moves, going through and getting the divorce and being a single mom.... all while going to school).

My reply was, "I hold it together with Superman band-aids."

But, it really got me thinking. I didn't think I did anything amazing or for people to respond the way they did. So much praise and "you are amazing." Am I??

I actually held it together very poorly. I almost quit so many times. I almost quit my whole life more times than I really would like to admit. But, I'm not a quitter. I don't give up easily if ever. I can admit defeat, I guess.... but it depends the battle.... So anyway, I just do what I do because I have to. It is my job. I made a commentment to my children the day I first knew they were coming (Nov 7, 1993, June 3 1995, Nov 4, 2001), that I would always do the very best I could for them. I would never give up. I would do everything I could for them if it meant putting me second. They are the only ones in the world (aside from my parents and brothers) that I would put first over me.

So how do I really hold it together? By looking at them and knowing I have no choice because they are counting on me.

Day Dreaming

I have started reading a book, okay I started it months ago and haven't picked it up since, called Stumbling on to Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. From what I have read so far, part of being happy is our ability to day dream and to anticipate things/events. This is what our brains do, basically.

So that's great because I day dream a lot!!!!! I must be really happy.

Anyway, I have been stuck in a lot of traffic lately. I think the number of cars on the road has doubled since pre-holiday to post-holiday. Why? I don't know. Maybe Santa brought everyone new cars and so there are less car-poolers.

Back to point, I got to thinking about where I live and where I would like to live. I live in one of the largest cities in the United States. It is huge! I will say of all the places I have lived (Texas, Florida, Virginia and North Dakota), this is the biggest and most spread out. I have also been to 26 states and have driven to or through most of those. I have driven from Virginia to Texas to North Dakota (not all at once but that is kind of the U shape of places I have been)..... I have been to Maryland down the East Coast to Florida (of course) as far west as New Mexico all the states up to Montana over to Minnesota.... Let me just list them really quick its probably easier.

North Carolina
South Carolina
New Mexico
North Dakota
South Dakota
And finally Hawaii

But of all these places I have been, where would I live? The Texas Hill Country. Now as much as I have travelled outside of Texas, I grew up here in Texas.... Love it! As a kid we didn't have a lot of money to take family vacations to Disney or the Grand Canyon. Nope, we did a lot of day trips or overnight trips all around Texas. See we have roots here. My great (5x) grandfather fought with Sam Houston during the fight for Texas' Independence from Mexico. The Declaration was actually signed on my Birthday which I used to think was really cool!

Where would I live in the Hill Country? I would love to have a ranch (maybe not a working ranch) between Austin and San Antonio. I have always loved that area and I was there last year for my Birthday. I want a house that just looks like it belongs there. Not really log cabin and not spanish style.... but something in-between. I want to wake up in the mornings and not hear the highway (I can hear one in my current house).... I want to be able to grab my morning drink and head out to the porch and just watch the day wake up. I want birds and wild animals to be my neighbors. I don't want to be woke up by my neighbors barking dog or the other ones' loud music or the one across the street working on his car. I also want some kind of water.... Pond, lake, creek, river.... something near by. I love the water. I want to go fishing. I want to go hiking. I want to do something besides sit in traffic all day.

Anywho, that is my day dream of late and I know I would never live again outside of Texas (I hate to say never, if the offer was just right, maybe but it would have to be damn good!). I wanted to just share a bit more of myself, not to mention sitting in traffic for an hour in the morning and in the evening tends to make a person have a lot of thoughts..... I need to get them out so I can have new ones!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Is this weird?

I think it is a little weird but hey its not something people talk about so maybe it is more normal than I think it is.

I associate people to smells. Is that weird? Each of my kids have a different smell. My grandfather will always be the smell of radio equipment and tools. My grandmother's perfume.

So sometimes I might have a trigger, like I will smell that scent or see a picture even, and I can almost smell that person.

But, it isn't just people. Summer has a smell, winter. Everything.

So there it is.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Quote for the day

The best things in life are unseen, thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Last Class!

So tomorrow I will get to start my last class! I cannot wait. It is cultural diversity which is a topic that I love!

On the first day of class, we are always asked to share our bio. I'm so excited to finally post my last and final bio! I thought I would share mine with you now. Of course I changed the names to protect the innocent. Ha.



Hello. My name is EJ, I’m a single mom to three children, K 12, H is 10 and L is 4. I also have 2 fur babies, ZoĆ« and Sebastian who are ragdoll cats.

I grew up just south of Houston, TX. After high school, I went to a local junior college. However, in 1992, after only one year, I needed a change, so I joined the US Navy. I was stationed near Pensacola, Fl at a helicopter training squadron. This is where I had my first two kids. Then we were transferred to Norfolk, VA where I worked for NATO. I served 8 years total before returning to my hometown with my new family.

In 2002, shortly after returning from maternity leave, I was laid off. I was able to find a job rather quickly but the pay cut was huge though I took the job, we could no longer afford for me to work due to the expense of day care. So in May 2003, I left my job after 10 months with the thought of staying home being temporary until I could get a higher paying job. Shortly after my then husband applied for and was offered a job, he couldn't refuse in Fargo, ND. We packed and were moved in 3 weeks. We lived there for 2 years. But, Summer 2005, I decided to move back to Houston with the kids. Now we have been back in Houston for just over a year. Hurray!

For work, I'm a HR Assistant for an Oil and Gas Company. We stay very busy as you could imagine! We just finished are Fall college recruiting and are just gearing up for our Spring recruiting.

This is my 36th and last class towards my Business Management degree. What jump started me to get back to school was my layoff and looking for a new job was just disappointing. I would like to work at a higher level and feel that my experience needs an education to back it up.

When I am not reading for school, I love to read just about anything I can get my hands on. I also love spending time with my kids and watching Animal Planet. I also love baseball and NASCAR.

Work Stuff

If you don't know, I have been working a temp job since mid-June. This was after a kinda bad year of getting turned down (for permanent positions) and used as a temp at other places.

Well since the start of this, the plan has been for them to turn it into a full-time, permanent position.

Today I found a position that I would like to apply for with the company (a different part, its a big, big company). I talked to one of my co-workers about it and she said I should apply and not wait. Well then another co-worker mentioned that the job might be available very soon. Turns out he is pushing hard for me to get the job. We didn't get time to finish talking about it so we are talking about it more tomorrow. I'm also going to talk to him about this other position.

So it looks like I am going to start the job hunt. Time dust off the ole resume and update it. I am down to one class before I will get my degree. I am so excited! This is going to help.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Three in one day

I had to write another blog entry for today because I noticed that I had 13 for January. I can't have the number 13 or its bad luck.

Yes, yes I'm superstitious. Of course I am! I can't have 13 on my radio dial for the volume nor the Television. When on message boards, I try not to be the 13 person to post. If I see one with 13, I will post something to it.

So I noticed 13 for January so just had to post one more to make 14 for the month of Jan.

Thanks for humoring me!

Me in the mirror

I often look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "What do others see when they look at me?"

Now I don't think I'm super-model pretty, heck I have nowhere near the body for it. In fact three kids and a lot of emotional eating, my body is just plain a mess. I do, however, think I’m cute. Love my hair most of the time.

Anywho, what do I see when I look in the mirror? A mom first. I love this job. I love being a mom. A good mom, not great but good. Her kids look up to her and think she is funny. She would do anything for them, anything in the world.

Next, there is the daughter. This role she has played since birth and its kind of weird because though she is nearly 34 years old, she often still just feels like that little girl. Sometimes she wants her mom, sometimes her dad. And, because she is a daughter, she just happens to be a sister too. She loves her brothers so much. And because of this, she is an aunt too. She has 3 nephews (soon to be 4) and 2 nieces. She is a granddaughter, a niece and a cousin. I'm sure all these people look at me different too.

She is a friend. She doesn't really know what her friends think of her but she has been told she is a good listener and a good friend. Most of them know she is there for them in a heartbeat.

Then there is the girl she has always been. She likes to laugh, is kind of funny and is a bit goofy. Generous almost to a fault. Caring and takes on other's problems as her own. Often putting other's feelings and needs above her own. Good in a crisis, bad after the crisis. Loves animals and children. Loves music and art, though she can't do either. Tries to find good in every situation, and tries to keep her humor even when stressed. Sometimes she seems more stressed than she feels but I think that is because it can be pushed out rather than being kept inside.

And really there is so much more. But, no one knows her as well as she knows herself….

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror and say, "I love you more than anyone else loves you." Then send a kiss to the mirror me. Smile and try to make the best of yet another wonderful day.

More dating stuff....

Over the years I have dated many different guys. Most of these of course were pre-marriage and now a few post-marriage. In these different relationships, I have played many different roles. Clingy girl, stalker girl, clingy-stalker girl, fun girl, the best friend girl.... etc....

But one thing that I do try to stick to (except for 2x in my life) is that I am loyal to the man I'm with. Whether we have said "exclusive" or not. I do not like to be with more than one at a time. Period.

So I have been dating goofball for about 5-ish months, talking for 7. If you don't know the story, we meet online.... here.... That was back in June. We chatted mostly via email and then met up in August. We have seen each other a few times a month since and still chat via email (daily), IM (at least once a week) and phone when we can.

Well I saw him this past Friday. We had a good time. But, when it comes time to say good-bye, I hate it because I don't know when I will see him again. Though I know I will see him again but sometimes a lot of time goes by between "meet-ups." Why do I get bummed out? There are so many reasons but I guess the main one is that since most of our communication is email and while this can be a good way to share personal things, be goofy and share daily tidbits of our lifes. We don't get those mannerisms, body language, and tone that you get in person. So it just kind of bums me out because here is this guy I like a lot that seems like an amazing guy but it is almost like when we do get together, it is almost like we don't know each other as well... Weird, but true. Anyway due to life circumstances this is just the way it is. Fine but.... I just really enjoy when we get to spend time together and miss him in between. So sue me!

Anyway, on Friday as we were getting to the good-bye part of the day, I said, "I hate the good-bye part.".... which lead to a conversation that just makes me almost sick to my stomach to think about. While I consider us friends, I am also not ready to walk away from him and be without him in my life... Not yet. I do not want to find or look for some one else to be with right now. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself. His reply to me was(paraphrased here) to not wait for him, to not pass up someone else and he hopes that I'm still out dating. Hell no! I got really sad at this point. I just want to be with him whatever that is.... and once it ends, I will decide how and when I will move on.

He said he just doesn't want to hurt me. That's fine, hell I don't want to be hurt but let me worry about getting hurt. That is all life and love and relationships and everything is anyway, isn't it? A gamble, a leap of faith. Take a risk or sit on the bleachers watching the world go by, missing out. Which would I choose? I choose to live, take a risk.

Moving on from my marriage was easy. It was time for that to end. But if he tells me that he doesn't want to continue this.... Well I know it will be a while before I jump back into dating again. But, I will just walk away with a smile and a thanks for the good times, memories and just for being my friend.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Random Friday

Today was my Friday off! Hurray. Have I mentioned lately that I love my job?! No? Well I do. Love the every other Friday off thing for sure.

So what did I do today? Went for the annual (well it has actually been longer than annual) PAP Smear. Lovely. Actually I think these appts get shortly each time. About the time I realized she was in, it was over. Ha! Getting on new birth control. I have tried pills, I have tried the depo provera shot but I do not do well with hormones.... So what did I choose? This.... I'm pretty excited about this. Now I just have to wait to find out how much insurance will cover and gotta wait for the pap results. But if all is good come Feb 2nd I will be getting it. Coooool.

Then let's see... Saw Goofball. Went to the Galleria. It was fun but we didn't see any stores we were interested in but still fun! I did see a ton of shoes I wanted but that is neither here nor there.... Then did lunch and just some hanging out time. It was really nice. Unfortunely, I don't know when we will get together again. Its great when we hang out.... He makes me laugh! And I like when he kisses me. Ummm, nice! Anyway, I think I can be patient enough to wait until possibly Feb 16th to see him again. If not, well there really isn't much I can do about it! Ha...

And, then took Lil' L to his first speech therapy session. He was accepted to attend through the elementary school that he will be going to in the Fall (Yikes!). He did good. Well about what I thought he would for the first time. He talked a little, tried a few of the exercises but mostly he just listened and watched. There is another PreKer in there with him. She is just a doll! Anyway, I'm excited about this for him. He will get a good start on getting to know the school before Kindergarten so hopefully the change won't be so big come Fall. And, he is getting help for his speech problem. It is a lot more mild than Big H's. H has been in speech for about 4 years now with some improvement but still has a lot to go.

Finally, I just took Big H over to a friend's house. K is waiting for a friend to come spend the night. I'm sooooo glad that she is having a different friend over. I feel like she is always just hanging with one girl and she needs to branch out a bit.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Minor set back with school

So today I was suppose to start my last class. Well mix up, mess up, craziness.... I can't start this week.

To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. I am completely crushed.

But, it will be okay. I just need to come up with the tuition money that I don't have but might have had if they would have told me before today!!! So now I have to figure that out and once I can pay them, I can start again. (Scream).

And, this brings me to the often mentioned topic of "something I miss".... While I can tell myself all day long, "it will be okay, this really isn't a big deal," blah, blah, blah..... I want someone else to tell me and not just someone else, but a boyfriend or a husband type...... neither of which I have at this time. Well I have someone who I would love to lean on right now but we aren't an official couple, just friends which is fine but still..... And, anway, I am saying this as something I miss now as a "single" not a "couple." I want someone who will just tell me all the things I could tell myself. I want that hero person that wants to make everything okay. Strong arms, heartbeat, warmth, just that feel of a man who loves you holding you making all the bad go away if only for that moment!..... Ya know what I'm talking about ladies, don't ya?

My ex was never good with the crying and that's good because I don't really do it often but when I do, its serious and I need serious comfort.

Today is that day.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I want that!

I found this on the web. I WANT THIS!!!!!!! This is exactly what I am looking for..... Someone to be my hero, to spoil me and make me feel like I'm the most important, special person.


The smallest action can have the biggest impact in someone's life.

Give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.
Leave her cute text messages.
Kiss her in front of your friends.
Trust her over everyone else.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Look her in the eye when you talk to her.
Let her mess with your hair.
Mess with her hair.
Just walk around with her.
Forgive her for her mistakes.
Look at her as if she's the only girl you see.
Tickle her even when she says stop.
Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.
When she starts swearing at you tell her you love her.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Get her mad, and then kiss her.
Tease her & let her tease you back.
Stay up with her at night when she’s sick.
Watch her favorite movie with her.
Kiss her forehead.
Give her the world.
Write her letters.
Let her wear your clothes.
When she’s sad, hang out with her.
Let her know she's important.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Kiss her in the rain.
Call her every night.
And, when you fall in love with her, tell her.
And when you do tell her. Love her like you never loved before.

Run, mom, run!!!!

What am I still doing here? I am suppose to be on my way to the grocery store right now! But, why am I still sitting here?

Well, I am so used to taking at least a kid with me but today they don't want to go. Wow! I should have just run for it before they change their minds (I still might once I write this!).

But I had a weird feeling, kind of sad. They are getting so grown that they can actually stay here. My middle son is close to the age that I was when I started babysitting and not at my house babysitting but of other people. That makes my daughter older than me.

Now granted I have left them to go to the store before but after all my complaining about needing a break, today I don't want one. I want to be with them because they are being awesome kids today. Really fun!

Oh well.... I guess I better head over to the store and quick..... before THEY DO change their minds! Because when it comes right down to it....I really I do need that break!

Someone's in the kitchen with.....

For months and months, I haven't found a way to really balance things as a newly single mom. Because of school and work, I tend to let the house duties go a bit. Mostly I don't cook as often as I would like. Instead we do a lot of take-out, drive-thru or very convenient meals.

Well for New Year's I set a goal (no not a resolution to easy to break a goal is realistic and doesn't feel like as much pressure). The goal was to cook more. This would not only save money but would hopefully snap the kids out of being so picky. I blame the ex for part of this, they seemed to have gotten his pickiness over foods. But, I also blame myself for giving them the fast foods. I also don't buy the whole Gerber thinking of giving them veggies and a variety as babies and they will grow up this way. No! Mine would eat just about anything and everything that I made until.... they turned 4 years old. Now the little one has never really eaten well since he was made 2..... I made his baby food, homemade! Everything you could imagine and he ate it. But, around 2, I guess he realized that bro and sis didn't eat what he was so why should he.

So anywho, the goal is more dinners cooked at home.

The update on this is all last week I cooked at home!!!! We started writing out a menu and this is what we go off of for the week. I know, I know. You are thinking, "Well duh. That is so easy. Why didn't you think of that before?" Well I'm glad you asked. I have done this before but I couldn't stay on top of it. Plus the kids weren't on board with it because I was making the menu, and because I was doing all the work. Now they help with the planning, they help with the prep work and they help with cooking and cleaning up.

I just made menu #2 and I am really excited about it!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

100th POST!!!!!!

This is my 100th post! Whoohoooo. Be the first to comment and win bragging rights. Ha! And I will start a "Wall of Fame" list so I can record the bragging right winners..... (more contests to come!)

Anyway, I was just going to post a message about all the changes going on here at Single Mom.

I have changed my template and finally found one I like. However, I would LOVE to know more about templates because I really would rather make my own. Anyone know? Want to help me?

I have also added various links: friends' blogs, random websites I go to (just a small portion) and also the online news papers for the places I have lived. I still read those for the places I no longer live.

And, lastly, even though I feel like I have found me again, I know that my journey is far from over. There are things that happen daily as well as many topics I want to discuss. So stick with me and watch the evolution here at SINGLE MOM FINDING HERSELF!!!!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

My favorites

Here are some of my faves that I have written.... in no particular order.... There are more but this is really the ones I like the best. Many of them just give you a look at who I am. If you haven't read them, please enjoy. If you have, I'm glad you have been with me for so long.

December 9, 1993

The Stapler


Writing my obituary

My brothers

Six Flags Astroworld

Celebrity on my blog!!!! (Mama Drama!)

Okay maybe not a true, on Television, movies, radio celeb but I still feel very honored to have Jenny from Mama Drama post a comment to my blog! Whooohooo, now I have hit the big times. Long story short, she posted a call out to lurkers the other day to post comments. Long time reader, never made a comment.

Now if I could just get Wil Wheaton to post on here like he did on Mama Drama, then I would really make it big!

Thanks, Jenny for the comment. I was really surprised to see you. Love your blog, read daily. And, I hope you come back and visit me soon!

Some of my faves..... (I am hoping the links work... but if it takes you straight to the comments, just scroll up a bit)

Haunted Dollhouse

Why she thinks they can't adopt!

Oscar the Grouch

and finally, this place I pass almost daily! and have wanted to stop at oh so many times over the years......

PS I really hope the links worked. I have never done them before but a friend told me how and so I'm hoping I can follow directions.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Cryin' for nothin'

Now I have been saying that I have been happier than I have been in a long time and it is true. But, from time to time I seem to suffer from depression. The past 18-19 months it has been very mild and only rearing its ugly head every few months.

So last night I was surfin' the net, just hopping from message board to message board and it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I felt this sudden feeling of sadness, loneliness and well I wanted to cry. My girl was spending the night at a friend's house. My boys were both asleep. My Schoolwork was done. Housework pretty much done, etc, etc. So I was just playin' and that is when I missed one thing in my life.... a partner, a companion.... someone to love me, to hold my hand while we watch tv or listen to music or just sit in silence because we are just that comfortable that words aren't always necessary. Someone that will take care of me and make me feel special and someone I can do the same for.

I started to write this blog entry last night but it wasn't what I wanted to say.

Since last night was just a moment and today I do not feel exactly the same, this blog entry is written from a different view than the one last night. I am happy and while I could complain about my life, the stressors are temporary things. Job, finances all fixable and temporary so why complain? Life is just too short and I really have a good life. I have things that many people only wish for.

And afterall, today is a new day and I have special people in my life that make me happy. They make me feel special and loved. I'm willing to be patient and wait for that right, special person to fill that last little void. I'm willing to work for it, slowly and enjoy every second with getting to know that person. It took one of my aunts over 20 years to find that and I'm willing to wait that long to have what she and my uncle now have. I'm not in a rush. I just have moments from time to time where I miss having that relationship and I know that is normal.

I also know that I will have that someday..... and it will be great because I waited and was patient and took my time getting to know that special person.... whoever he is, wherever he is....


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

"I Wanna Do it All" Performed by Terri Clark

I Wanna Do It All
Written by Giles Godard, Rick Giles & Tim Nichols

I'm sitting in traffic
For the 5th year in a row
Wasting my time
Just to get
Where I don't even wanna go
I started jotting things down
On a krispy kreme sack
Everything I'd do
If I could leave this place
And never look back

I wanna do it all
Visit Paris in the fall
Watch the Yankees play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads
Down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all

I want to drink tequila
Down in Tijuana
Say why not
When somebody says
Hey do you wanna
I wanna get my heart broke
Once or twice
Settle down with the love of my life
Rock little babies to sleep at night

I wanna do it all
Visit Paris in the fall
Watch the Yankees play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads
Down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all

I wanna spend a day
Every now and then
Just doin what I want to do
When I wanna do it
Anytime I wanna do it

I wanna do it all
Visit Paris in the fall
Watch the Yankee's play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads
Down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all

See Niagara falls
Fight city hall
Feel good in my skin
Beating the odds
With my back to the wall
Try to rob Peter
Without paying Paul
I wanna do it all
I wanna do it all
I wanna do it all

New Year! 2007!

Well it is officially the new year. In this year something amazing will happen.... I will finish school!!!!! I am very excited about this.

This means tons of changes. I first need to make some decisions about my career. Where am I going to go with it? This of course depends on what happens with the current job. Will it become permenant? Will it end? Will I have to look for another this year? Now if this one is offered to me as a permenant job, I will take it and make a new decision later on. If not, I will start the job hunt but this time with a degree in hand! I really hope it offers some new opportunties for me.

Then on to other things for the year. I can't wait to finish school so that I can regain some life back too. Like making dinner, spending time with my children in the evenings. Hopefully having more time to do hobbies: painting and reading! I want to teach my oldest son about amateur radio.... not that I know much about it now but I plan to learn. I have already started to look for books and websites that will help me learn. I'm going to teach my youngest how to ride his new two-wheeler. I want to take my daugther to get a pedicure and manicure, do some fun girl stuff with her.

Other things I want to do is try to take better care of myself. Baby steps, baby steps. I need to make some doctor's appointments. I need to learn more about this herniated disk. I want to be able to workout again. I have gained so much weight because I can't right now. So once I understand my limits or whatever, I can do this. I could probably walk, right? But, maybe very careful with the sit-ups and push-ups, etc. But I just don't know!

I also want to get my debt under control too. My student loans will come due this year. I have debt from my broken car. I would also like to replace that car this year. It will need more repairs and I just don't know if I want to put more into it. I may keep it though for another year because..... I want to do some things around the house. New blinds (stupid cat! broke them!). New flooring in my bathroom and maybe even the kitchen/dining room and laundry room. I would also like to do some painting, get new bedding for my room, get some art or somethings for the walls..... and a lot of landscaping.

So I made no resolutions for the year but I have goals and things I am looking forward to.

Happy New Year to you all! I hope that you have some goals that you will keep and have a great year. Happy, healthy and fun 2007.