Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Brainstorming.....and stuff

I have been trying to come up with a new name but I just can't. I love Single Mom Finding Herself.

So for now the blog stays. I am a bit discouraged by the random comments. I guess I might have to fix some things to get that to stop. Blah, boo-hiss. I hate spam. I hate trolls and I hate crap on my blog!!!

In other news, tonight is a bad night. I have been feeling very down lately. Overall I am extremely happy with my life but I still have moments. I think that is normal and most people feel this way.

But my biggest problem remain maintaining friendships. I really struggle with this. I have so many friends but they are mostly casual friends. Or I have bursts of "close" friendships but they don't last long because I struggle to maintain them and we drift apart.

I don't know if this is a mom thing and it is magnified by the fact that I am a single mom.

Again I have very little help locally and it is all I can do just to get us to work and school each day. How can I maintain a friendship?

I do maintain my relationship with Goofball. He is so amazing but I think it is different with someone you are dating. Or it is for me.... Not sure.

I feel guilty (lots of mommy guilt.... working, single, my kids are from a "broken" home guilt).... so when I even think about going to do something outside of the house, I just can't. I hate to be away from them. Plus with two teenagers now, I worry. Worry about what they are doing when I am not there. Worry about if they can handle things if an emergency comes up.

I wonder would life be different if I was married? I would have a partner here so that when I go out, that person is here to ... well I hate to use the word watch them but kind of. I could go out with friends and not worry about them being "alone", "neglected" or that they had a wild party or something equally as teenager-like.

Well that is my ramble for tonight. Thanks for reading....


Fairy said...

I think alot of women in our age group struggle with the friend thing. It seems like everyone has their own lives and no time to mingle with anyone else.

Are you friends with any of your kids' parents? Maybe you could do things as a group--kids and parents--and that would alleviate the kid guilt of it.

As for being married making it easier, maybe and maybe not. I am married and I still go through incredible bouts of loneliness. Unless you do every single thing with your man, then you are still lacking that friend to do things with. Hubby and I rarely do things together.

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