Sunday, May 23, 2010

Lots of questions...

Will I be okay?
Will my child(ren) be okay?
Will he (or she) and I be able to get along (for the child)?
How will I date?

When you first start out separating or getting a divorce, these are some of the questions you have.

I will tell you in the best of situations all of those things are hard and can't be answered easily. Let's break them down one at a time.

Will I be okay?
The short answer is yes, you will. Not every day is easy. Not every night is full of sleep. But every morning the sun comes up and some how you put one foot in front of the other. You go through your day, you feed the kids and you hug them. You do the things you have to do and then the day ends and you face another night.... But at some point you stop doing it because you have to do it everyday, but because you are actually happy to do it and happy again and you smile and laugh and you notice the sun coming up and the birds and the flowers. The nights are the hardest for a while but even those will become easier and you will sleep through the night again.

Will my child be okay?
Yes. They will take cues from you. Are you laying in bed crying? Being withdrawn? Or are you getting out of the house, making the most of a sunny day? Or laughing and snuggling with them? It is okay to be sad sometimes because it does teach them how to deal with it and it shows that you are human. And when you survive all this, it will show them how strong you are and how far you have come. But the bottom line is they will take their cues from you on how to act and to a point how to feel. But remember they do have feelings too and as long as you validate those, they will be okay. They want to be heard and understood. Do not tell them their feelings are wrong, just listen and let them know they are important.

Will he (or she) and I be able to get along?
Yes but it won't be easy and you have to put your hurt aside for it to work. I didn't always WANT to get along with my ex but I had to make it work for my children. I had to for them. But it takes work and it takes wanting to do it. Not every step is easy. I mean there is a reason you aren't with this person anymore. But if you want what is best for your children, you will have to put yourself aside. If you don't, you won't get along. But there is another step in this process, they will probably meet someone else and that someone else will probably have a relationship with your child. That is hard. But again, I had to think about my children and I had to put my feelings aside. In my situation, I reached out to her. I thought it was best if I got to know her. I didn't want to at first. I really wanted to hate her but at the end of the day, I realized it was best for my kids and they are much happier.

One piece of advice, don't talk bad about your ex in front of your kids ever. Don't talk bad about their new someone in front of your kids ever. This will only hurt your kid(s).

How will I date?
This is harder to answer. If you want it, you will. But you have to think of your child now. It changes the type of people you will date. You have to ask yourself, "I like this person, but is he/she good enough to be around my child?" You shouldn't bring dates around your child either, not until you have been dating a while and not until you know that this is not some random person, but someone who will be around a while. That is my number one advice. Number two advice is have high standards and low expectations. Meaning have high standards for the type of person you date, but have no expectations about how this will go. Expectations led to disappointment. If you don't expect anything, you are never disappointed and always surprised. :)

I have to say my experience with dating after my divorce has been interesting. Not great, not bad and the boyfriend I gained from it has been amazing. I followed my own advice and it is amazing.

I have gotten a lot of emails and some comments that make me want to keep writing. I can't promise anything but I just can't seem to let this blog go. It seems to be helping people and that is my plan with all of this.

17 comments:

Bridgette said...

thank you so much for this post. I was logging on today with the plan to ask you a few of these questions. I personaly have not YET taken the sep to leave but because these topics are racing through my head...i know in the end what is best, to hear it from someone on the other side gives me boat loads of reasurance!! thank you!!

FXOpenIndia said...

check out 2nd income

KANSIREE said...

you are very strong mom. i very like ur post make me feel like I'm not alone thanks for gimme power for struggle :)

Pickel said...

We love your posts! Enjoy reading them to share with others!

Pickel said...

You are a blessing of a mom!
We love to read your stories.

iSEO Ranker said...

Nice post these kind of posts help single moms in their life ..

Unknown said...

I am just recently separated (about a week) and can't even imagine a life on my own. I have three children who are all small and no savings. I was a stay at home mom juggling school and the kid while my husband built his career. Now he is leaving me. I don't even know where to start. I just founf your blog but know that it will bring me much needed encouragement and strength.

Lynn said...

This is such a powerful post. Thank you for sharing because sometimes it's hard to share things that are so personal because quite frankly the issues are tough to face. I chose to be strong during/after my divorce for my son probably more than for myself. In the end we are both the better. I haven't gotten back into dating yet, but at least the idea of marriage no longer makes me cringe. Wishing you all the best.

skymum @Pursuit of Happiness said...

As a newly single mum, I just wanted to say 'thanks'! Personally I think the thing I am struggling with (at the moment) is the stigma I have attached to single-mumdom. It is very comforting and reassuring to read your messages, and I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog through a google-search! Thanks again, and I look forward to reading more in the future!

Anonymous said...

Do u have a blog button? I'm a little new to blogging but would love to keep up w u (inspiration) :)

Anonymous said...

Don't know if you still write/monitor this blog, but I wanted to say, Good for you! We all need to constantly reevaluate our relationships and how they affect us and our children. My daughter is my focus, but I also need to think about what is best for my emotional and mental health.

I would love your opinion of my blog! Find me at http://shelleyhallmark.wordpress.com. Thanks!

All Thing Viral said...

hi, i came accros your blogs. i was enjoy.
keep good posting story.

thanks.
_________________________
Blogging and reviews

aimhask said...

Being a single mother and fight every day for the rights makes me some time tired but when I see my son all the worries disappears.. Your post is a great inspiration for others.. grants for single moms

Mariam said...

I am Mariam used every single spell worker on the internet, spent untold amounts of money and discovered they are all fakes...i was the fool though; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In the end, I decided that I wanted a tarot reading to know what my future held for me; I contacted a woman who lives locally to me and she told me about a man named (Priests Irumole); he does not advertise on the internet, has another job for income, has no set prices, makes no false promises and refuses to help anyone that cannot be helped and even helps
for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn't mind me advertising his contact on the internet but I'm sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.contact him as spirituallighthealing101@live.com He travel sometimes.i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap,love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,HIV AIDS,it's all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
more.

Unknown said...

A couple of weeks ago I was in a dark period in my life, the man I love to bits had gone off with someone else, that was when I was told about this Esango Priest. Well he told me he could see that we would get back together that gave me hope, and he was right, because this week we have moved in with each other and we are so happy. A big thank you to Esango Priest. If you are in need of an angel please get in touch with my Esango Priest via email:esangopriest@gmail.com

Peter James said...

DO YOU NEED A LOAN TO START UP OR EXPAND YOUR BUSINESS? Zion financial services is a sincere and certified private Loan company approved by the Canadian Government, we give out international and local loans to all countries in the world, Amount given out $5000 to $10 Million. We offer loans with a dependable guarantee to all of our clients. Our loan interest rates are very low and affordable with a negotiable duration.

Available now are
MORTGAGE LOANS, CAR LOANS, STUDENT LOANS, PERSONAL LOANS, START-UP & EXPANSION OF BUSINESS LOANS AND DEPT CONSOLIDATION LOANS

Apply for a loan today with your loan amount and duration, Its Easy and fast to get 3% interest rates per annum and monthly installment payments. email us now to apply: zionloanfirm.ltd@aol.com

OUR COMPANY IS BASED IN CANADA.
But we give out international and local loans to all countries in the world. Email us now to apply: zionloanfirm.ltd@aol.com

Anonymous said...

It was a dream come through when a traveled 4,530 miles just to see Dr. Wakina face to face and to also witness how he does the spell work that got many people talking all over the planet.
I was happy for the reception I got in his spiritual temple. As a nervous woman, I was astonished the moment Dr. Wakina placed his hands on my forehead and showed me a vision and the future between me and my husband.
According to the vision, the future between me and my husband lasted for eternity withought any negative effect or external interference.
The reason why I am going public is because the visions and prophesies towards my entire house hold has already been manifested, today made it three months that Dr. Wakina proved himself to us and it is a thing of joy.
I humbly share Doctor Wakina email address where he can be reached dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com.
Eternally grateful.