This may sound like I am a bad mom. That is a chance I am willing to take. I just have to purge this from my mind, get it out and hope that one person, just one tells me this is okay, that this is normal or at least I am not a bad person for thinking this. Plus I know when I get the bad out, I feel better. If you have something negative to say, I do not want to hear it. This is not that type of post, this is not that type of situation nor is it wanted on this blog.
I know I was so happy and excited to have my babies back, but something seems to have overshadowed my joy.
I am not sure if it is depression or just me being crazy or both.
Basically today I realized that I felt weird, different towards them. I have been thinking about it all day. I was feeling like they weren't real or weren't mine or were just strangers in my house. Or maybe I am the stranger. I do not know.
I have never felt like this before. Does it have to do with the new girlfriend? Or is just something else? Like my very negative feelings I have for my ex. I resent him so much. Each time the kids are with him I just hate him more, and I do mean hate him.
I have spells when I am depressed so I continue to wonder if it just one of those moments.
I want to feel happy, connected and loving towards my kids. I really do and in many ways I still do.
This evening I am feeling a bit better and hugged them a lot. Tried to really be connected, or is it reconnected?
I am just hoping it is depression because I can't deal with feeling this way each time they come/go to their dad's. Depression seems to be just part of my life.....
EDIT: I do not mean this to sound like I don't want them or that I don't love them. I do want them and I do love them more than anything! It is just they seem different a little bit. And also I am feeling much better. I just needed it out!