Lots of questions...

Will I be okay?
Will my child(ren) be okay?
Will he (or she) and I be able to get along (for the child)?
How will I date?

When you first start out separating or getting a divorce, these are some of the questions you have.

I will tell you in the best of situations all of those things are hard and can't be answered easily. Let's break them down one at a time.

Will I be okay?
The short answer is yes, you will. Not every day is easy. Not every night is full of sleep. But every morning the sun comes up and some how you put one foot in front of the other. You go through your day, you feed the kids and you hug them. You do the things you have to do and then the day ends and you face another night.... But at some point you stop doing it because you have to do it everyday, but because you are actually happy to do it and happy again and you smile and laugh and you notice the sun coming up and the birds and the flowers. The nights are the hardest for a while but even those will become easier and you will sleep through the night again.

Will my child be okay?
Yes. They will take cues from you. Are you laying in bed crying? Being withdrawn? Or are you getting out of the house, making the most of a sunny day? Or laughing and snuggling with them? It is okay to be sad sometimes because it does teach them how to deal with it and it shows that you are human. And when you survive all this, it will show them how strong you are and how far you have come. But the bottom line is they will take their cues from you on how to act and to a point how to feel. But remember they do have feelings too and as long as you validate those, they will be okay. They want to be heard and understood. Do not tell them their feelings are wrong, just listen and let them know they are important.

Will he (or she) and I be able to get along?
Yes but it won't be easy and you have to put your hurt aside for it to work. I didn't always WANT to get along with my ex but I had to make it work for my children. I had to for them. But it takes work and it takes wanting to do it. Not every step is easy. I mean there is a reason you aren't with this person anymore. But if you want what is best for your children, you will have to put yourself aside. If you don't, you won't get along. But there is another step in this process, they will probably meet someone else and that someone else will probably have a relationship with your child. That is hard. But again, I had to think about my children and I had to put my feelings aside. In my situation, I reached out to her. I thought it was best if I got to know her. I didn't want to at first. I really wanted to hate her but at the end of the day, I realized it was best for my kids and they are much happier.

One piece of advice, don't talk bad about your ex in front of your kids ever. Don't talk bad about their new someone in front of your kids ever. This will only hurt your kid(s).

How will I date?
This is harder to answer. If you want it, you will. But you have to think of your child now. It changes the type of people you will date. You have to ask yourself, "I like this person, but is he/she good enough to be around my child?" You shouldn't bring dates around your child either, not until you have been dating a while and not until you know that this is not some random person, but someone who will be around a while. That is my number one advice. Number two advice is have high standards and low expectations. Meaning have high standards for the type of person you date, but have no expectations about how this will go. Expectations led to disappointment. If you don't expect anything, you are never disappointed and always surprised. :)

I have to say my experience with dating after my divorce has been interesting. Not great, not bad and the boyfriend I gained from it has been amazing. I followed my own advice and it is amazing.

I have gotten a lot of emails and some comments that make me want to keep writing. I can't promise anything but I just can't seem to let this blog go. It seems to be helping people and that is my plan with all of this.

Change is good!

I changed my blog template (just another random one.... need to custom that more). I have changed my tag line to better fit me but I am keeping the name.

Final decision!

Wow I can't believe how long it has been since I really, really posted much other than my random "Should I keep or dump the blog" thoughts.

The past year has been both very sad and very good at the same time. Funny how things change and how life just kinda passes by.

Nothing really big has happened in my life though. My kids are still the same, though growing more and more independent and into grown ups everyday. Even the little one has changed so much in the past year. He is so funny and is learning so much! My daughter is nearly driving age which I just can't even imagine at this point but it is coming faster and faster. My other son is so smart and so funny but so misunderstood by his peers and even some adults. He is very special and very unique.

I guess that was a little backwards in posting about them but it was how it came to me.

Goofball and I are good. He is so amazing. Such a great person, treats me so well and I just can't imagine that this was missing from my life for.... well ever until June 2006.... and it just seems like it is better everyday. We don't live together but we get together often and just hang out. My kids think he is great and they are starting to try more foods because of him. I can't take credit at all!

My pup is not really a pup anymore. He is over 2 yrs old and is so smart which is awesome and frustrating at the same time. He has learned our morning routine and knows the days we are going to school/work meaning he will be in his kennel all day. He gets so sad on those mornings. He isn't allowed in my room on work day mornings because he hides under the bed.

I still struggle with daily things (as you read in my below post) but time doesn't stop so I just deal and move on.

For those going through a divorce now, new to the single mom thing, just give yourself a break. Do what you can, know and understand you can't control everything and try to be civil for the kids. It has made a world of difference in my life. I still have road bump moments but overall, life is good.

Brainstorming.....and stuff

I have been trying to come up with a new name but I just can't. I love Single Mom Finding Herself.

So for now the blog stays. I am a bit discouraged by the random comments. I guess I might have to fix some things to get that to stop. Blah, boo-hiss. I hate spam. I hate trolls and I hate crap on my blog!!!

In other news, tonight is a bad night. I have been feeling very down lately. Overall I am extremely happy with my life but I still have moments. I think that is normal and most people feel this way.

But my biggest problem remain maintaining friendships. I really struggle with this. I have so many friends but they are mostly casual friends. Or I have bursts of "close" friendships but they don't last long because I struggle to maintain them and we drift apart.

I don't know if this is a mom thing and it is magnified by the fact that I am a single mom.

Again I have very little help locally and it is all I can do just to get us to work and school each day. How can I maintain a friendship?

I do maintain my relationship with Goofball. He is so amazing but I think it is different with someone you are dating. Or it is for me.... Not sure.

I feel guilty (lots of mommy guilt.... working, single, my kids are from a "broken" home guilt).... so when I even think about going to do something outside of the house, I just can't. I hate to be away from them. Plus with two teenagers now, I worry. Worry about what they are doing when I am not there. Worry about if they can handle things if an emergency comes up.

I wonder would life be different if I was married? I would have a partner here so that when I go out, that person is here to ... well I hate to use the word watch them but kind of. I could go out with friends and not worry about them being "alone", "neglected" or that they had a wild party or something equally as teenager-like.

Well that is my ramble for tonight. Thanks for reading....