Monday, November 26, 2007

Single mom and the double standard

I am so frustrated, angry, sad, upset, hurt..... grrrr!!!!!

So tonight Goofball came over to hang out. Long story short, I don't have living room furniture right now so we were watching TV in my room. Door open, on top of the covers, completely clothed, not even sitting very close. I think we were holding hands, maybe.

This was around 9, so I started to get the kids ready for bed (well really just telling them because they are all big enough to know what to do, except maybe L.... but really he is 5).

Well an hour later and they were still not really settled. Giggling and kept coming in the room for stuff. So I went in the other room (they all wanted to sleep in the same room) to kinda fuss at them. Well K said, "I'm not comfortable going to sleep while Goofball is still here." I said (and maybe I shouldn't have but I did!), "You sleep at dad's with Ms. C there, what's the big deal? It isn't like he will be sleeping over, he is leaving shortly." She shoots back with, "Yeah but she lives there." (which I figured but didn't know for sure)

At this point I was getting pissed to all hell! What the f$ck does that matter!!! I have known Goofball much longer than the ex has been dating her!!!(17mths to his 6 mths) Why should I be held to a higher standard than their dad??? (If I really let myself think about it, I could figure it out but its not fair.... and yeah, I know how childish it sounds to say, "Its not fair." )

K has been saying stuff like this a lot lately. I swear some of it sounds like it is straight from her dad's mouth! She keeps saying how sarcastic I am. I mean hello, if you have known me all of 5 minutes you know I am sarcastic about 99% of the time. Why is she pointing it out now? I really know why because her dad always told me how sarcastic I was. Ugh!

I basically was very childish and said she had to get over it, he was staying longer and she had to sleep.

But, I'm just so .... ugh! Just why? I'm so mad. I'm so hurt. Why does he get to have a life? Why can't I? Do I have to start sneaking around to see Goofball? I do not think so. Damn it!!! I'm a grown woman.

I am really trying to be sensitive to them. I really am. But at some point, my dating is going to cross with them. They have got to understand.

I know (or at least hope) that someday she will understand. This is just one of those things I hate about being a single mom. Blah!


notfrommars said...

Hang in there. As THE mom, you're definitely held to the higher standard by your children. Not fair, but it is what it is. She'll eventually come around, especially if Goofball's around more. And I'm sure jealousy of your time is playing in there somewhere too. Good luck.

TxGambit said...


BeautifulDisaster said...

She is a) just trying to get a reaction out of you and b) fearful of what it means that you seem to be getting serious because your house is the "safe" house that should provide stability. They accept instability from their dad and expect it, which is why they demand it even more from you. So yah, not fair, but it just reinforces how much they love and need you :) So if you are calm and confident in what you're doing, they will be too.

Margaret said...

I dunno...I'm not a mom so my thoughts may not be worth a wooden nickel, but it seems to me that you can't protect them forever. And like you said - your dating will come up eventually.

Builder Mama said...

I suspect that K is acting this way because you are the one constant in her life that is always there, unchanging, unwaivering. I remember you saying that the X has been all over the place with the dating thing, and since they don't see him as often it doesn't impact them on a daily basis. I think she's scared how Goofball will impact her life, worried about what the future brings, and all the stuff that teenagers worry about.

Honestly, though, if she didn't care about you and love you to pieces she wouldn't be acting this way.

Good luck, EJ. It's tough to balance all that, but as a person you deserve happiness beyond being just a mom!

g-man said...

You could ask her if she would be more comfortable if he did move in? I don't know if you or he are in that kind of place or not, but the question might spark some discussion.

TxGambit said...

Thanks everyone! Great advice.

G-man, Actually I thought of asking how she would feel about that but since Goofball and I are sooo not at that point, I decided there was no point.

Really, I think she is upset about sooo many other things and that was just the excuse of the minute. I can see that now but at the time.... well I was just reacting how she wanted. She wanted to get under my skin. It worked, but not next time.