I am so frustrated, angry, sad, upset, hurt..... grrrr!!!!!
So tonight Goofball came over to hang out. Long story short, I don't have living room furniture right now so we were watching TV in my room. Door open, on top of the covers, completely clothed, not even sitting very close. I think we were holding hands, maybe.
This was around 9, so I started to get the kids ready for bed (well really just telling them because they are all big enough to know what to do, except maybe L.... but really he is 5).
Well an hour later and they were still not really settled. Giggling and kept coming in the room for stuff. So I went in the other room (they all wanted to sleep in the same room) to kinda fuss at them. Well K said, "I'm not comfortable going to sleep while Goofball is still here." I said (and maybe I shouldn't have but I did!), "You sleep at dad's with Ms. C there, what's the big deal? It isn't like he will be sleeping over, he is leaving shortly." She shoots back with, "Yeah but she lives there." (which I figured but didn't know for sure)
At this point I was getting pissed to all hell! What the f$ck does that matter!!! I have known Goofball much longer than the ex has been dating her!!!(17mths to his 6 mths) Why should I be held to a higher standard than their dad??? (If I really let myself think about it, I could figure it out but its not fair.... and yeah, I know how childish it sounds to say, "Its not fair." )
K has been saying stuff like this a lot lately. I swear some of it sounds like it is straight from her dad's mouth! She keeps saying how sarcastic I am. I mean hello, if you have known me all of 5 minutes you know I am sarcastic about 99% of the time. Why is she pointing it out now? I really know why because her dad always told me how sarcastic I was. Ugh!
I basically was very childish and said she had to get over it, he was staying longer and she had to sleep.
But, I'm just so .... ugh! Just why? I'm so mad. I'm so hurt. Why does he get to have a life? Why can't I? Do I have to start sneaking around to see Goofball? I do not think so. Damn it!!! I'm a grown woman.
I am really trying to be sensitive to them. I really am. But at some point, my dating is going to cross with them. They have got to understand.
I know (or at least hope) that someday she will understand. This is just one of those things I hate about being a single mom. Blah!