I'm leaving on a jet plane....

I am heading to Orlando on Friday for a girls only weekend! The organizer is probably my best friend in the world... or at least one of my top girls! I named K after her.... that is how much she means to me. We were in the Navy together and then got stationed at the same base for our first years. We partied together. We had our babies together and went through a lot of ups and downs. She sees me better than almost anyone.

Then there will be her SIL who I know. And then my friend's BFF from grade school. I feel like I know her and I can't wait to really meet her!

I only have one thing on my mind that is making me almost wish I wasn't going. I will miss Goofball very much. I am just crazy for that boy. We usually see each other 1-2x a week... usually Friday and/or Sunday (sometimes both days, sometimes only one).

I will miss our Friday for sure and not sure about seeing him on Sunday. I hope so!

But ya know, that isn't even all of it. I really wish that we could travel together but at this time in our life's we can't. Some of you know the story but some are coming here for the first time. I haven't shared it on my blog. Just due to privacy, I won't be.

The point is that sometimes I feel ... not guilty but... well like I just miss him more because I wish he was with me and enjoying things with me. That is pretty much it.

I do plan to have a great time. I have new clothes and I got some fun girls to hang with so it is all good.

In other news the kids' dad is coming in to stay with them. At first there was talk about his wife coming too and they would both be staying in my house. I was some what okay with this but like I wrote, my house is not always the cleanest place. Today he told me that just he is coming. Okay then, I am okay with that too and in fact I will feel less nervous about it.

Have a good weekend. I don't think I will write again until I get back...

Wordless Wednesday - New Camera!

If I had one wish....

Most people would make a wish for something out there.... A dream vacation, a lot of money, maybe even more wishes. Right? Some people might even wish for something like how they want to find true love, maybe a loved one getting well, something less selfish than the other wishes.

However, me? I wish for something maybe a little out there or hey maybe to other parents it isn't all the crazy. I wish for a clean house. Not just for one day but everyday. I guess really to back up, I just wish my children were as into the idea of having a clean house as I was. Or maybe I would wish for something like me being a better "housewife"... I am so not very domestic, I have other skills instead. :)

However, I really want my house to be clean. I really want to not be embarrassed by it any more. I really want to teach my children the importance of cleaning, being neat and how to clean. I think that is an important skill, don't you? Okay don't answer that.

I wish I could peek into other people's houses so I could just see if I am the only one or not. Some days I can't believe we live here like this. I expect Oprah's production team to show up at my house, saying my name/house was sent in as the dirtiest house in America and wow they are surprising me with a team of cleaning people.... but the catch is my house will be seen by millions! Hmm, yeah I don't even want Goofball to see my house or my parents. I cringe when the doorbell rings because I don't want people to see in!

And it isn't like I don't know HOW to clean, I do. But I will admit, I am a surface cleaner. I know I have talked about this before (but I am too lazy to look back through all the blog entries for just where).... If you can see it in my house, most of the time that is all that is clean. Just don't look behind anything, under, inside my closets are off limits. Okay?

The other thing is that we just have too much stuff for the size of my house. I have too many living things in the house (4 people, 3 pets). The house is around 1000 sq ft. I do have a huge yard which totally makes up for it.... Okay, almost makes up for it. The remodel we did last summer has made a huge difference even though it didn't add a lot more square feet. It used to be just less than 1000, now we are officially over it.

At any rate I just need less stuff in my house or people who are willing to help and even clean up after themselves or the Clean Sweep Team or a team of maids or a magic gene. I am not sure which would be better.

But that is what I wish for.... What about you?

Summer's coming!

Oh and I might have gotten a new camera too. :)

Oy!

I'm fine! :) The "Sometimes" entry was suppose to be more of an almost poetic type of writing. Do I feel that way? Yeah a little bit. I mean I do get really lonely being a single woman. Last night I was feeling it a bit more than normal. But I have been thinking about the below piece for some time.

I actually feel pretty darn good about life. Things aren't exactly the way I want them. I miss Goofball more than I see him but when we do hang out, it is great. I have my babies too! I have a wonderful family. I have a job.... tomorrow, in fact, heading out to California for a week. No blogging for sure this week....

So yeah, sometimes I get sad and lonely and throw a pity party for one. Really? It is just an excuse to write!

I know I am lucky. Very lucky.

Sometimes.....

Sometimes I get so lonely that it actually hurts.
Sometimes I feel like I could just burst into tears from the pain.
Sometimes I just want to crawl into bed and hide from the lonely.
Sometimes the pain of it is so overwhelming.
Sometimes I just wish it would go away.
Sometimes I run out of words because I just feel empty.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Yeah that pretty much sums it up! If it isn't one thing it is another. Usually it is my allergies in some form and I am almost 100% sure that I will have to find an allergist again. I haven't had to get shots for a long time. I just recently got an inhaler which I haven't had for at least 6 yrs, probably more.

I still battle fatigue and pains in my neck, back and shoulders. My doctor has said that is stress and yeah it is. I can tell because there are times when I have nothing to think about and I am pain free! It is soo nice.

And it is like a vicious circle because here is the thing... I know part of it is my weight but I don't feel good so I don't work out or eat right. I am tired all the time so I don't work out or eat right and because I don't do either I feel tired and feel crappy. Isn't that nice?

I mean I get it. I do but it is sooo hard to break that cycle.

However, I would like to report that I finally had a productive weekend. I finally felt good! All weekend. For two whole days! I got so much done!

And then today I am sore! and tired! and back to .... well my normal anyway. But also a bit different, why? because I feel good about all I got done that I overcame some of my "issues" and was able to do the things I have needed to for so long.

I am also doing Weight Watchers at work, taking the stairs to the 4th floor at work (and back down) and trying to take control of my life and health again.