To Shuttle Mom!!! and about my Bday

This is several days late but I did think of you on our Birthday! Happy Birthday to you! I hope you got spoiled and that you have a great year! (Thanks for the Bday wishes in the comments)

I had a great weekend and a great Bday. I took the kids to Target and they got me some gifts. They were soo cute about it. I parked myself in Starbuck's with a drink and a book (Jen Lancaster! Love her! If you haven't read her, get thyself to a book store pronto! I have my ex's wife reading them right now and she said her new hobby is to cyper-stalk Jen.... I said welcome to the club.... Wait, off point!) Anyway, K got me some new PJs, love them. H got me a picture frame and got my mom to take a picture of the three of them to put in it! Cute! and then my little L got me some shoes. And for a 6 yr old, he actually has good taste.

Then my parents made me a great Italian Dinner, got me a cake and gave me some things from Bath and Body works. Awesome.

I then took my bday off.... since it was Monday! and Goofball and I spent the day together. It was nice. Oh sooo nice!

Sooo I just have to say, it was a great way to start my 36th year.

Good or bad mom?? I am not sure

This weekend I went to the zoo with my kids, my aunt and her two grandchildren. It was a great day! Cool but not cold, just warm enough and not tooo sunny either. Just perfect.

The kids range in age from 14 to 2 yrs old. They all enjoyed it!!

So to back up a step or two, my daughter has never been very maternal, even for a child her age (now 14). I am not expecting her to be like all "Ooohhh babies!" and know what to do. However, I remember babysitting at age 11 and really knowing what to do most of the times... I mean as moms (and dads) we don't always know what is wrong for our kids.

Anyway, you know what I mean, some people just have a natural maternal/nurturing instinct.

Back to the day at the zoo. K was trying to keep up with her little cousin S. S is a typical 2 year old, busy and as a lot of new things to see and do. Now K, she likes little kids but like I said, no maternal instinct, very clumsy and looks to me like what the heck do I do? It was cute.

I mentioned to my Aunt my observation. She agreed but then said everyone used to say she would be a great mom and then she wasn't (or didn't feel like she was.... My cousin was a bit of a troublemaker. I love him but.... he got in some trouble. He is a great man now).

I said, I understand because I feel the same about me.... Not sure I am a good mom. I don't feel like I am. I get a lot of negative feedback. I have an ongoing self-esteem issue left by their dad. Many people comment how many boys are so loud or have to be kept very busy or they get bored, etc. I second guess myself all the time. I don't feel like I do enough or it isn't good enough and I am not as involved or they aren't.

I want someone, just one person, to reassure me. Someone that knows me, knows my kids, knows deep down, maybe, they are good kids. I mean really they aren't bad. There are some things I could do better but I am on my own against 3 so I pick my battles and it seems to work okay for us, and really isn't that what matters.... I just wish I could be so confident in my life and choices as I am writing this.

Me and my brother

This is a picture me and my brother (I actually have two). He is 2 yrs younger than me and we used to be close. Now, not as much.

Anyway, he is in the Army and is deploying this week for the second time to Iraq.

I am so proud of him but at the same time, I am scared for him, for us.

He has three children and a new wife. He has just come back into our life's in the past few years and now will be gone for another year. I am not sure exactly when he is leaving, he could be gone now. I just know it is this week. His oldest and only son's bday is on Thursday.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He said if we do pull out of Iraq this year, he will be there longer than a year.

Thanks.

Meet the parents

So for New Year's, Goofball came and had lunch with me and my parents. Yikes! I had a weak moment... balance a family tradition with seeing the most sexy man I know. What's a girl to do!?

Anyway, so he was an amazing guy about it (I was not surprised) and came along.

But that got me wondering, what people think when they meet my parents for the first time. The reason is that my parents now live in a really large, big expensive house but that doesn't define who they are or even tell you the story of them. I think people new to my life will just think that is how I grew up and it is soooo not the case. It was a bone of contention between me and my ex. He always thought that is the life I came from. He never felt comfortable with my family because he thought we were all these yuppie, rich folk. Whatever.

So the story goes....

My parents met in high school. Senior year and got pregnant with me near the end of the year. They got married a few months later and had me when they were 19 and 18. My dad worked very hard and went to college. My mom stayed home (but did work as needed). They then had my two brothers, the first 2 yrs after me and then 18 mths after that.... We lived in a little but very comfortable, cute house.

My dad slowly worked and worked his way up and into better jobs. They both made many sacrifices for us. We moved to a better house, yet still just a little bigger.

We didn't have the best of everything but we made the best of everything we had. We never went hungry and we never wanted for anything. We didn't go on expensive vacations. Our vacations were day or overnight trips around Texas. We learned history. I could not have asked for better vacations.

I know how expensive kids are, how expensive a house is, how expensive everything is....

Anyway, they pulled themselves up and made good choices (and of course some bad) but they are where they are today because of hard work. I didn't grow up in a house like they have now but I know that one day I will be able to live in one because I have good examples and I know it can be done.

I love Texas

I have never really been able to explain just why really. It is just a Texan thing, I guess. Or maybe it is because I have a strong historical background with Texas. First my great (x a few) grandfather was part of the fight for Texas Independence. (Here is another link about him!) I have other ancestors that had a mark on Texas. Then I was born on Sam Houston's Birthday and Texas Independence day. And, my parents made sure that we knew Texas History. We would take day trips or overnights all over Texas. One because it was all the vacation we could afford back then but two because I think they took great pride in our history as well.

This song by George Strait is great and in my opinion is a great song about Texas. This slideshow someone put together to go with the song is great too! I got goosebumps when I watched it and I already get choked up when I hear the song.

Enjoy it!

Overwhelmed

Now let me start by saying I'm not complaining, okay maybe a little but, hey, I'm human!

So April is shaping up to be quite a month. Let's just start with this. I signed the kids up for sports. K and L both in soccer and H in baseball. Practice for H and L is on Tuesdays at 6:30 -7:30 but on opposite sides of town. How does one mom split herself between two? Doesn't happen of course. I call in back up. Nana helps and so does H's friend's dad. So every Tuesday is just crazy! Then K's practice is on Friday. Games on Saturdays until June 2nd unless they have playoffs.... Then I don't know but it starts cutting in to their summer with dad. Keep in mind games on Saturday, okay?

So starting this coming Saturday (the 7th). Bridal Shower for my cousin (mom's side). Sunday Easter at another cousin (mom's side). Then the 10th go out of town for work, mom has kids (Have fun mom!)..... Come back from NOLA on Saturday morning the 14th. Try to get to all the kids' games we can before yet another cousin's wedding (dad's side). Its in Galveston at 7:00 pm. Ugh! Also that day I have been invited to a 1st bday party for a good friend's son and a baby shower for another friend (her 3rd but this one is a girl!). Can't do it all and this is really where my anxiety is right now. What do I do on Saturday? I really want to blow off the wedding because it is just too much. Over an hour away, we have no clothes for it, the boys are not going to behave at that time of night and then over an hour home at night, in the dark with cranky kids who will probably go to sleep but still! Ugh! What to do?

Thankfully the 15th NOTHING! Except my parents will have my oldest newphew and nieces so we will probably end up over there unless my parents have had enough kids and noise.

The next week..... Practice on Tuesday for the boys. I plan to take Friday off and head to Dallas on Thursday night. Got a crazy Girl's Only Weekend planned! The kids will be with dad. Sooo they will all miss games, they will probably miss games the week before too.... maybe not all the kids but at least H if we do go to the wedding. So anyway, crazy but good weekend.

Then back to practices on Tuesday and Friday..... Saturday the 28th we have a family reunion in Galveston, over an hour away, mom's side of family.... it is in the middle of the day on Saturday.... Game day so yep either miss the reunion or miss more games. My mom has put so much into making this reunion happen and since I have one brother in Iraq and one in Colorado, I should really go to represent my mom's kiddos. Ya know?

Then May.... First weekend, my cousin that is having the bridal shower on April the 7th will be getting married the first weekend in May. Its an evening wedding and I think on Friday. I'm so happy for her!!!! I can't wait!

So then in May, practices on Tuesdays and Fridays, games on Saturday. Right now we can make all of them, and except for Mother's day there is nothing else planned this month.

Oh and did I mention I'm waiting to hear if my job will become perm or if I will have to move on and find another?.... I hate waiting.

Then L has speech therapy every Friday (except for this past one and not on Good Friday either).

Oh and also my 4th nephew will be born sometime in May!! That is big news but he will be in Colorado so it won't have the same type of time impact that it would if they lived here. But still big news.

Anyway, as I think of all I have to do, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Its not really bad but it is a balancing act for sure. If only I could decide what to do the weekend of the 14th. That is going to be a really rough day. I really want to blow off the wedding. I'm already not on my aunt's "good list."

Decisions, decisions, decisions.....