But, I'm not. I'm so freakin' lonely its not even funny. I'm depressed as hell. My kids really do keep me going.
I have been trying to force myself to get out. I have called people like my parents and my aunt and some friends so that I can just get out of the house from time to time. Not just be stuck in the house.
But, like right now, I have no one to go with me and I have to go to the grocery store. But, as you see, I'm not. I'm typing away saying nothing of interest. But, I will get myself together once I vent this and make my confession. I just have to then mentally talk myself into to driving to the store. I actually do have to mentally prepare myself to do things even things that I have done a hundred times. Don't even get me started on how much it takes for me to get myself to do something new.... Ack! Just bring me my "I love me" jacket now.
I know I'm weird. But this is all part of me. I have an anxiety disorder and I suffer from depression and I hear voices.... oh wait that's just because I left the TV on in the other room. Okay so just the first two.
When I am suffering from both an anxious feeling and depression, I can almost not function. Like right now, I'm almost paralyzed with fear of going out of my house. Wait, fear might not be the right word. But, I'm paralyzed into not doing it.
And I know when I do make it out of the house, I will forget much of what I wanted at the store. This means I will have to calm down and try again later. This also means taking a list will not help. I will actually not be able to read the list. It is the weirdest feeling. So I just wing it and hope for the best.
So wish me luck as I head out. I just wish that the grocery store would deliver. That is one of the few things I do miss about Fargo, ND! Grocery delivery!!! Whoohooo.
PS... I have a few posts that I need to do... Namely Rockin' Girl Blogger. Min, I didn't forget!!! Just sucked into a hole I can't climb out of.