So this was inspired by a conversation with Goofball.... We were just chatting and as conversations sometimes do, it evolved and what it evolved to was our exes.
He said something like all he was looking for was a partner (with her). I didn't say what I was thinking because he was talking and then the conversation changed a bit before I could say, yeah me too.
I am not sure his definition of a partner but for me it was someone to share the load and life and memories. See me, I am a working girl. I like to work. I don't even mind being a Working Mom. Its a good thing for me and my family.
How do I know? Because I have done both. When I first became a mom I was in the Navy. The first two kiddos were Navy Brats. Born at Pensacola Naval Hospital. So when they were just 6 weeks old, they went to a home care provider. It worked for us because thankfully I had a good one (actually the first couple were a disaster but finally found a perfect fit.) Then they went to a day care later. I worked until they were almost 9 and 7 years old, and my new little one was 11 months old. He got lucky and was able to stay with his Nana for the first part of his life.
Well in 2003, we decided it was best for me to stay home for a little while. I had been laid off and the jobs I was finding would just barely pay the day care bill. It didn't make sense.
I thought "Wow staying home would be pretty easy after working." Not easy in that I would just be lazy but just easy in that I wouldn't have to do all the things I already did PLUS work. Because I did 95% of everything anyway. He pretty much washed the clothes. That's it. I still had to put them away (which I didn't do all the time). Anyway, I was surprised at how tough an adjustment it was. Going back to work later was a snap compared to the transition to staying at home..... Though I did enjoy my time at home and really it was easier than working and doing all the kid stuff and house stuff.....
So I stayed home for 2 year. What I did at home was.... everything. All I asked was that he made a mess, he would clean up after himself. Like if he decided to make himself a different dinner or maybe a snack. But, I made all the meals. I cleaned the house everyday. I did all the grocery shopping. All the kid care. Everything. That was the deal for staying home. Oh and we lived in Fargo so I shoveled the drive a lot..... He did sometimes too.
When I worked, he did the laundry and when we had a yard, he would do that too. But, we rented a lot so normally didn't have to worry about that. We did sometimes split the cooking when we both worked, but I still did pick up/drop off of the kids about 95% of the time too. A lot of times I would get home with the kids and he would just be at home half way through a football game on the Playstation. No dinner started. And, why couldn't he pick up the kids?
But yeah I think that is what we are all looking for; a partner. A relationship that is give and take..... and not just one person giving and the other taking.... but equal giving and taking.
Reality being what it is, relationships aren't always balanced all the time... Sometimes one person needs more because sometimes life circumstances cause the relationship to tilt a bit. That's okay, I think. Because I believe that if it is a good relationship, that it will balance out in the end.
I just hope I get it next time around.