Sunday, August 19, 2007

Stuff about the ex, kids and the summer

I just need to talk this out a bit as it has been bothering me a lot.

So since the kids have come back from their dad's, they have been telling me various stories about their summer. Most of it doesn't bother me or sound out of the ordinary. But there are little things that have me a bit .... I don't know...... bothered.....

One story that is bothering me is that one day K was really grumpy and ignoring her dad (she was upset with him and his girlfriend). So the ex told the boys that they could kick her..... so I guess she was hiding in the closest and the boys were kicking her. Hmm, WTF!?

All of them are talking about being overweight, which yeah true for at least one of them, BUT L is only 5.... and not overweight! Why should he have to hear that? And, I would never, ever, never tell my kids they were fat. I have just talked about better choices, getting exercise. He had them weigh in every week. Not completely a negative but you can't tell me that is positive either.

Then I guess the girlfriend slept over most nights. It is a one-bedroom apartment and the boys slept in the ex's room with him and the girlfriend.... They were on air mattresses. Now it doesn't bother me so much that he had his girlfriend around the kids, but what does bother me about it is that he hadn't dated her long before the kids came, maybe just a couple of weeks. She went to his parents' with them all too.... for two weeks. I don't know, just something about the situation bothers me. I am hoping it is just some jealously because that I can get over, but I can't help but feel it is just a bad situation. Read on....

When the kids were there for spring break, he introduced him to his last girlfriend and while they were with him, he asked her to marry him. They liked her kids and her nephew, who K still talks to. Well three weeks after the kids left, they split up and he moved back to his apartment. That was mid-April..... Then the next time they go to visit him, he has a new girlfriend? I don't know. Maybe I am just jealous.

I have introduced them to Goofball, but not for months and months after we started dating. I don't want to just bring random people around them. But, I guess what works for me and what I am comfortable with isn't what is comfortable for the ex. It just bothers me that he doesn't see them often and then when he does have them, he can't just put his girlfriends off for just a short time. Okay 2 months is a long time but still.... Did he have to see her everyday? Did she have to go with them to the grandparents'? Did she have to do everything with them? Did she really have to sleep over? Have dinner every night? Again, I am probably just jealous but something is still just nagging me about it....

There are other things like yelling at L for having an accident. Making them eat over towels. Threating to spank them if the apartment was even the least bit messy. They said if even one toy was out when he got home, he would go nuts (I completely believe it as he was like that here). Most of the summer, they were alone a lot because I guess the girlfriend had trouble controlling them and she was asked to babysit them. Also once he was stuck in traffic and decided to drive off the road, up a hill (like by an overpass) and around the traffic. What the.....? How is that safe? And, leaving them alone at the pool! when L can just barely swim! Telling K to lie about her age while she is watching the boys at the pool so the ex knew it was wrong to leave them like that, yet he still did it!

And, while none of these things alone really bother me (okay the safety ones do bother me), it is all of them that just grate my nerves.

I know I am not perfect. I know I have trouble controlling them sometimes but I really try to protect them, be a good mom. Everything I do in life, I am thinking about them. I mess up... but I don't know.... I just don't know.

I guess I am just jealous. Why? Not sure.... but that is the only conclusion I can come up with why these things are bothering me.

8 comments:

trappedintime said...

Dude! That's not jealousy, that's anger! No reason to confuse the two.

TxGambit said...

Anger, really? Wow, I honestly do not feel angry, but could be. I mean letting the boys kick her because she was mad at him.... that is something to be angry about, but strangely I'm not. I'm just glad they are home.

I don't feel jealous either but it was the only thing I could come up with.

Margaret said...

I don't think you are jealous at all.

You are mad at stupid, stupidity.

hell, I'm peeved just reading this stuff.

BeautifulDisaster said...

its not jealousy. Its frustration that your kids are being exposed to unhealthy things and you have absolutely no control over it. But the positive way to look at it is that you can set the positive example and show them what positive life choices can do. Oh but its frustrating to read that. Hang in there girly.

aimee / greeblemonkey said...

I don't think jealousy either. A lot of that bothered me because it was inappropriate (in the case of the new girlfriend sleeping in the same room as the boys), hurtful (in the case of the weight remarks), or downright abusive (letting the boys kick K). I am not sure what to do, but do not feel like you are overreacting.

Mayberrys said...

Ditto!! I don't know what to say.....but it doesn't sound like jealousy to me, either.

g-man said...

Those things made me uncomfortable too. Maybe not so much the time with the GF, because after my wife and I split I wanted to spend all the time with my GF (granted she became my wife) and my kids. Plus I had my kids every other weekend plus a day during the week.

I hope that you can work out your feelings of what was inappropriate with your ex.

Mitzi Green said...

you're not jealous, your ex is a shithead who has no business having those kids for an extended period of time like that.