Monday, June 16, 2008

Overwhelmed

I had a bit of a rough night and just need someone to talk to about it..... but then I don't want to talk about it either. It is too overwhelming and I actually rarely cry though I joke about it often.... I did cry a lot.

And, no nothing to do with the kids, not the ex, not work, nothing like that.

No what happened is something that isn't really bad but it feels like it. Something I thought I wouldn't do again, something I haven't felt in years and really never like this.

What is it that has me all tied in knots, crying my eyes out and just feeling horrible??

Oh just that I let myself fall in love but worse than that, I admitted it out loud to him knowing he didn't and can't return those feelings.... and before you all start saying mean things, its difficult. I understood going in and I took a risk, isn't that what all this is about anyway? Taking a leap of faith, taking risks and potentially getting hurt?

Anyway saying it out loud was what was overwhelming, letting myself actually feel it is overwhelming, knowing that he can't return those thoughts is overwhelming.... He does in his own way have some feelings for me and I understand that too.

I'll just enjoy what it is. I am glad that I said it, I just wasn't ready for the flood of emotion it would let out. I have been in love before or at least what I thought was love. This is different and I hope that he will accept that but know that I am not pressuring him for more than he is able and/or ready to give me. I just enjoy being with him and hope that I give him a little something to distract from his reality.

*sigh*

5 comments:

Karen said...

I know you've been agonising over this for a long time but at least now you know you've been true to your feelings and he knows where he stands with you. The hard part now is evaluating whether there is any chance in the future he will reciprocate it to you and if not, whether you'll be happy to go on like it.

I'm glad you took the plunge - it's great to be in love but so hard if it's unrequited. I hope he realises what a treasure he has in you.

TxGambit said...

Thanks Karen, you know I love you!!! Just wish I could get over the pond to give you a hug.

Someday....

Sizzle said...

That can be really overwhelming. I hope things work out for you. :)

Margaret said...

Hugs, my friend. Hugs.

I'm sorry I iddn't check my blog reader this morning and see this.

I agree with karen. I think you need to do whats best for you.

And I agree - I think its best that you said it. Had to be the hardest thing for you to do.

Hug Hug Hug.

TxGambit said...

Thanks Ladies!

We have gotten to talk a bit and it is all good. I am feeling much better. He cares about me and is very sweet, respetful, etc so right now I am happy with that.