Overwhelmed

I had a bit of a rough night and just need someone to talk to about it..... but then I don't want to talk about it either. It is too overwhelming and I actually rarely cry though I joke about it often.... I did cry a lot.

And, no nothing to do with the kids, not the ex, not work, nothing like that.

No what happened is something that isn't really bad but it feels like it. Something I thought I wouldn't do again, something I haven't felt in years and really never like this.

What is it that has me all tied in knots, crying my eyes out and just feeling horrible??

Oh just that I let myself fall in love but worse than that, I admitted it out loud to him knowing he didn't and can't return those feelings.... and before you all start saying mean things, its difficult. I understood going in and I took a risk, isn't that what all this is about anyway? Taking a leap of faith, taking risks and potentially getting hurt?

Anyway saying it out loud was what was overwhelming, letting myself actually feel it is overwhelming, knowing that he can't return those thoughts is overwhelming.... He does in his own way have some feelings for me and I understand that too.

I'll just enjoy what it is. I am glad that I said it, I just wasn't ready for the flood of emotion it would let out. I have been in love before or at least what I thought was love. This is different and I hope that he will accept that but know that I am not pressuring him for more than he is able and/or ready to give me. I just enjoy being with him and hope that I give him a little something to distract from his reality.

*sigh*