Saturday, December 09, 2006

December 9th, 1993

This was my wedding anniversary. The day I thought I was going to marry this great guy, have our baby and live happy forever. Now it is December 9, 2006 and I am divorced, have three children and living very happy. It is amazing how life changes.

Let's rewind time for a bit, I want to reflect on my marriage.... It might get long, it was nearly 13 yrs.

We were both in the Navy stationed at NAS Whiting Field in Milton, FL.... that is near Pensacola, FL on the border of Alabama.

It started when I first saw him in August 1993. He came to my office to deliver a student's record. Not to me but when I saw him, I had this weird feeling. I turned to my friend and said, "Do you know him?" She said, "Not really." I said, "Can you find out about him?" She said, "Yeah, why?" I said, "I'm going to marry him.".... We both laughed. But, what is funnier is that I really knew I was going to.

We met officially Sept 23, 1993 and a very whirlwind relationship I was about 10-11 weeks pregnant when we married on Dec 9th. That was a great weekend. It was a Thursday and on Friday was my command's Christmas party. It was at a hotel on Pensacola Beach. My command and his got together for different wedding gifts, mine was a night in the hotel. At this point we weren't able to live together. Our house (base housing) wouldn't be ready until Monday.

Then came Christmas. My parents had already bought me a plane ticket home so I went home and he went to his folks'. When we got back, we decided we would not spend another Christmas apart.

This feeling of love was short lived but his change of heart in mid-January. He said that we rushed and we should divorce and date to get to know each other better. To this I simply said, "I married you once and if I divorce you it will be once." Basically I am not going to do the back and forth thing. No way! I respect myself too much.

This "off" period lasted for a few months but then I don't know what happened but maybe it was the baby coming. He finally seemed like he wanted to be married to me. We bought all the baby stuff, put it together, washed and folded the clothes and we were all set. One day we were walking down the hallway and he paused by the baby's room. He said, "I'm going to be a dad."

We had the baby and things were great! She was the perfect baby. We were a nice little family.

Then we got pregnant again, and had our first boy! Shortly after this, we moved to Norfolk, VA. It was our first change of duty stations.

The first year was great. But, things went down hill not too long after. Ex-h was put out of the Navy for medical reasons. He had to have hernia surgery in FL, not once but twice. It had caused a lot of nerve damage.

He started going to school 5 nights a week, and working 5 -6 days a week. We never saw him. But, I also think he was very depressed and upset about having to get out of the Navy. Military Service was his dream and what he wanted to do. Now what would he do?

This was the start of our trouble. We really started to grow apart and towards others, friends and just in general it really hurt our marriage.

In 1998, I announced that I wanted a divorce. We went to counseling, it didn't stick. We were just so different now. But, some how we stuck it out, and late 1999 we were back to almost normal (you never completely recover, I still hadn't from the first troubles). We talked about having another baby.

In 2000, I got out of the Navy and we moved to Houston, TX. Where I'm from of course!

No baby. No baby. No baby. But all along I thought we were doing great and working for the same thing.

I started going to a new doctor. We were going through my medical history and she asked a simple question about birthcontrol and I started boo-whoing! She knew there was an issue here. I explained and she gave me some meds to help. I went home and told him about it, he didn't hear me. Because a week before I was suppose to start taking the pills, he said he didn't want a baby anymore. WTF? So the meds were to help regulate my cycle too so I told him, "I am going to take these and if you don't want a baby, wear protection." He didn't and we got pregnant again.

I was so happy!! So happy! Nov 4, 2001 is when I found out! I couldn't believe it. When I told him, he said "I hate you." then packed a bag and left. For a few months it went like this and finally, I guess the shock wore off. We bought a house and were doing great.... but we never fully recovered from this "fight" or trouble either. We had a beautiful baby boy.

Then in Dec 2002, he had enough again, moved out. So here I was a single mom for three. Wow! The house was clean, everyone was feed and I was working and going to school at this time. I was actually happy!!!

But, what did I do.... let him move in because bottom-line, I was scared of being alone, of the financial burden it really was. He moved back in and we had determined that his job was more the source of his problems. So the job search started. My eye started twitching because all the jobs were out of state.

In May 2003, I quit working to stay at home to try and save money and my marriage.... but I also knew the end of living in Houston was coming to a close....

In May/June 2003, Fargo, ND called him and we moved. Had to sell our house, our first house. I was so sad. I had painted each child's room with love and patience, with each of them in mind while doing it. I started to hate him. I had stopped saying "I love you" months before. In fact, maybe about the time he moved back in. I resented him a lot.

We lived in Fargo for 2 yrs. I wasn't happy. I had to take meds for depression. I tried but I never loved him again.

In the Summer of 2005, I left with my babies and moved back home.

The last year was hard. Having to find a job, change jobs again and again, being out of work for 5 weeks. Going to school. Etc, etc.

And, here is it Dec 9, 2006..... and I think I have final found myself again. I am so happy with my life. You have read about it! Getting up, waking the kids and hopping in the car to the Beach, the zoo, the park. They love it.

Ahhh, it feels good.


Builder Mama said...

I'm glad you've found peace with everything. You deserve it, chica!


TxGambit said...

Thanks Builder Mama!!!

I truly am happy.

HUGS back at ya.

PS I can't believe you read that whole thing. Or maybe you skipped to the end. :)

Builder Mama said...

Girl, you KNOW I read the whole thing. ;-)

Sometimes it's sifting through the shit to find the sweetness, right?