Thursday, May 15, 2008

The greatest love and the biggest heartbreaks

are caused by the same thing..... Kids. I love my kids so much and what I tell first time parents, you cannot believe how much you can love another person until you have a child. It is true. It is such a different kind of love. The kind that you just cannot describe, you just have to experience it.

When they give you that first "I know you" smile. When they walk to you for the first time, reach up for comfort, kiss you or say "I love you, mommy." for the first time. It is huge stuff. Huge love. True love. Parent to child love.....

With that comes the vulnerability to heartbreak that you cannot imagine. When your child first gets angry at you, or says "I hate you" for the first time. Heartbreaking.

Well my daughter knows my buttons more than anyone else. She can tear me in two.

Her latest is really nothing new and I honestly don't think it is coming from a mean place, or so I hope cuz that would suck. She is talking about moving in with her dad. She has done this before but after weeks of talking it out, discussing pros and cons, she came to the conclusion she was better her. Her dad agreed and I honestly think he was relieved not to have to deal with her except via phone and the occasional visit.

She is now talking about it again and saying it is best for me. What? No it isn't for me, it is for her. She is trying to runaway from things here. I know that, she knows that but she is using other excuses.

She will be in 9th grade this next year and because of this, the Junior High is being split up for High school. Half of her friends will go to the other HS and the others will be with her. I think rather than deal with this, she wants to run.

Also she and her brother don't always get along. Leaving is her solution. Siblings fight but I blame my ex for pitting them against each other over and over. He would compare them to each other, negative flaws to good traits. This has made them competitive beyond what you could imagine. It sucks.

Soooo anyway, I am trying to deal with this the best I can. Of course I won't stop her if she really feels like this is what she wants. I will also put my foot down that once she is up there, she cannot move back (if she wants to) until the end of the school year. Not in the middle, period. I must stay strong on that and even if she decides to stay another year, she cannot move back until the end of a school year.

It will be tough but it is the only way to stop the back and forth.


shuttle mom said...

My neice did this (12). She begged to go live with her Dad and after a few weeks changed her mind. My sister made her wait out the rest of the summer.
Turns out she thought living with Dad would get her more attention and she also missed her siblings. Dad works many hours and neice found herself alone most of the time having to prepare her own meals and do her own laundry.

TxGambit said...

Seeee, that is what I keep trying to tell her. Her dad works long hours and he is far more strict than I am about .... everything!

I have already told her no matter what that she cannot come back after a few weeks. If she goes, she has to stay a year. Hard on me? Yes but tooo bad. I am not going to play games.