Sunday, May 18, 2008

Lack of friends discussion.... again....

Not sure what to say. I am feeling a bit depressed at the moment. Not sure if it is because I have been sick for a week now and haven't been sleeping well but tonight (or really early this morning), I am feeling particularly lonely.

And lately I have been thinking about friends a lot, again. I have talked about my lack of friends, or at least in the immediate area and my lack of.... gosh, I don't know. Just friends.

So yesterday K and I were talking about friends, and what makes a best friend. She said it was time she has known them is the first factor, then how they treat her, etc.

I have one friend that I rarely talk to that I have known since 5th grade. I give her the credit for teaching me all the bad words and how to use them. Love her! But sadly our life's just don't cross as much as I would like and she has expressed the same. She lives about 30-40 mins from me which might as well be on the other side of the world. She has 3 small children and I, of course, have mine. It is just kind of sad because when we have been able to get together, it is great, like time had not passed so much.

Then I have another friend. She is one I will always consider my best friend because she just gets me like nobody else ever has. K's middle name is for her. I haven't seen her in person since 2000.... How sad is that? I miss her a lot but have a funny way of showing it because I rarely email her anymore. I don't call. I don't text. I suck!!!! She is just the best person though and I know that if I need anything, I can just say the word and if possible, she does it. Usually I just need to talk because like I said, nobody gets me like her.

I also have another local friend who I used to share an office with in my first post-Navy job. I love her a lot!!! Our life's have taken different paths but we have tried to stay in touch. She is just a sweet person and I love having her in my life because I think in some ways she is so different from me and I admire her for that. But in others, we are so much alike. She has one little boy (just turned 2!!!) and a little girl on the way soon. She also lives about 30-40 mins from me. Hard to get together.

Then I have all my Internet Friends.... I just don't even have the words to describe what they mean to me. They have gotten me through some very tough times because they are always there. The Internet is never closed. It is on even in the middle of the night. There are select ones that I have been closer to at times than others and some I am not close to at all but I know that if I need a slap back to reality someone will do it or if I need a pick-me-up, they will do that too. We live all over and have been part of a group for over 6 years now. I would soooo be lost without them.

I would mention Goofball here but this is really about female friends. He is awesome despite the fact he wanted me to write about what an ass he is, just to see what the reaction is from my readers. Even if you can be an ass, you haven't been to me!!! (yet?) You are so amazingly sweet to me, more than any guy has ever been. I can't believe a person like you exists and that you are into me??? It just blows my mind to think about it. I have had some really crappy dating experiences, let me just tell you.

So back to the post......

I guess I have always been kinda a social butterfly in that I never really stay in one "group" or with one set of friends. I don't really get super close to any friend(s) for long and just kind of flit around. One person might fill my current need in my life and then another. I don't spend much time on the phone with people (except my mother and youngest brother). I don't have regular email chats with anyone besides Goofball. I guess it just isn't who I am to have just a long time friend that is just .... I don't know. I can't seem to express it and maybe that is why I don't have it and sometimes I think, am I really missing anything since I have never had this??? But then there are times like now that I feel that missing piece and wonder, should I try harder???

I like having friends but I guess I am not the all the time social type. I guess that is the way to say it.

I would rather hang out with my kids and my guy (oh and don't forget my dog). I would rather spend time with that one special person, that guy in my life and be happy with that. If we have friends around from time to time, awesome. I love to entertain or to go out with friends. But I just guess I am not the on the phone all the time, emailing daily, over each week, shopping pals kinda girl. It is great in spurts but that's it.....

Does that even make sense???? I will probably read this later today and say, What the heck was I talking about!!!!????


Karen said...

I can identify with all you say. Sometimes I think we should be more like the guys. They can go months without talking to their friends but when they meet up it's as though no time has passed. They don't seem to be hung up on the guilt like us girls do. I think sometimes our present view is based on how we were treated in the past. I was one of those kids that people liked one minute, then without warning they'd just up and go off with someone else. I learnt to build up a wall. And I'm the only person who can knock the bricks down.

I can understand your loneliness. Some days I have a day off work and nobody to spend it with, but then at Christmas I send out over 100 cards!! Makes no sense!

shuttle mom said...

I spend most of my time with hubby and the kids. I like it that way. I have many friends and they are like us. Family first. Moms get busy and friends are on the back burner. They don't mind cause they do the same thing to us. It's always good to hear from an old friend no matter how long it's been. Give them a call (or email), you'll be glad you did.