To continue or really let this blog go....

That really is the question.

I have thought about this over the last few months. I don't know what to do. I know that I will miss blogging as I have these last few months of not doing it. I don't just want to let my blog name go either. I love that name and it really is who I am.

But I also wonder this, would another blog/blog name fit me better at this point? I have come so far from Finding myself to having found everything.

I am comfort with myself and who I am as both a woman and mother. I have found closure where there was pain and wounds. I want to help others though and that right there stops me from moving on.

Given the divorce rate in the country (and others)..... there are newly divorced/divorcing families everyday. Very sad but reality is what it is. And like me, there will be mothers looking for the person they feel they are and trying to find the person inside of them that was lost or bring out that strenght from within to be the best single mom they can be.

There are unique and not so unique things about being a single mom, and I know hearing from others who had been there, done that, really helped. Having a place to vent and just say whatever I wanted helped too! Best therapy ever.

Soooo if you still read me, if you still care, know I haven't forgetten either but I am just trying to decide if I should relaunch as Single Mom finding or find myself a new niche. :) Until then know I haven't abandoned ship.... just took a much needed step back.

Just very random stuff

I have a lot on my mind so I haven't been doing great (again) at blogging. I keep wondering if I should give this up. I found myself a long time ago but at the same time there are always new things I find challenging with my role as a single mom. *sigh* I hope I can keep this going because honestly I do love it.

Anyway.... All my Christmas shopping is finally done! I got a later start than I wanted but today I bought the last of it. We have a tradition that "Santa" leaves Candy Canes on the tree. I had to buy the candy canes and I thought for sure that would be pretty easy. Not! My kids have been spoiled by the different flavored ones, not peppermint. They don't even eat those! So I have to buy the different flavors. I did find some but not the requested ones. Oh well. They are good enough.

Speaking of traditions, another one we do is on Christmas eve I give them pajamas. When K and H were little, I used to match them. But now it is just whatever looks good at the store. They each got two this year because they all need PJs. Plus I couldn't decide! I love PJs. Wish we could wear that to work.

Then tomorrow I do another book review. I am excited about this book. I love it. I think most of the people that read my blog would love it! No hints or giving it away but just check back tomorrow for the review. I need to find my notes that I wrote.... Hmmm....

The kids all went with their dad and stepmom to her mom's house in Austin. At first K wasn't going to go but about an hour before they got her, she changed her mind. We have all been sick this week so I was also worried they wouldn't go. I hate to be like ungrateful but I needed a break really bad. I love them to pieces! Can't live without them but I just need a break.... or really what I need is more help with them and from them but that is a whole other blog post.

Oh and look in my sidebar! I have a new widget.... It is my baby brother's band!!! He is the singer. I got goosebumps when I heard him. Not that I think they are superstars but I think they have a really great sound and with some more practice and the right breaks, they could good go far.

My other brother is in Iraq. I have emailed his wife... well just once. She is sad. I don't often like to wish away time, but I hope for her and him that the time seems to fly. I have been crying again too. Mostly when I think of him or something reminds me of him. Even when I think of her, I get choked up.

In other news, have you seen the commerical with the little boy that is yelling at his dad for eating the last cookie? "He's gonna leave! He's gonna leave!" (see video below)..... Cracks me up EVERYTIME! I love it. Not sure why but a few others loved it enough to put it on YouTube.








Soooo anyway, I wish you all a Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate). I will more than likely post more this week! I will actually not have to fight for the Computer!

Privacy, oh how I crave it!

I think I have talked about my house here before but I am not going to go back and look through the 360+ posts to find out.

But it is small! It is just about 1,000 sq ft.... it is a 3 bedroom, 1 bath and no garage house. However, it has the biggest yard! I love that part. You could almost build this same exact house right on the lot.... it is that big.

It is also owned by my parents and I rent it from them. Yes I do pay them.

With that said, we are currently having plans drawn up on a remodel. To most it would like we aren't doing a lot to the house. It is true. We aren't really adding much square feet or more bedrooms or more kitchen space..... all the things I need. But, what we are doing is adding a bathroom.... in fact it is going to be MY OWN BATHROOM!!! A more private master suite is what we are going for.

The current house has a bathroom between two bedrooms. My room has a door to the bathroom and the other door opens to the hallway.

I hate it! I can't really lock my bedroom unless I lock the bathroom door to the hall. This means that if a kid needs the bathroom, they are locked out. I also hate at night when the kids get up and turn the light on in the bathroom. Even with the door stuff from my room to the bathroom, it creeps under the door and wakes me.

The new plan is to close that door with a wall and put the new bathroom and a walk-in closest in my current bedroom and then push the exterior wall out to create my new bedroom. One door into it. A bathroom and closest buffer between the kids and me! My bedroom will be outside of the 'main' house... I get a lot of say in the design but my parents have the final say as it is their money. :)

I am just tried of sharing with little kiddos. In fact just now I went to the bathroom and before I could lock the doors, in walks L.... He is 5 and keeps forgetting the knocking thing. "Hmmm hello." He was like, "I have to go potty." So I left but not before reminding him to knock.

I am ready. I am soooo ready. I just have to wait until the plans are drawn and then find out how much to see if it is doable. I am trying not to be toooo excited yet because there is still a chance it won't happen.... but I am very hopefully! I think if the price is right, it will because my parents are all about making this house/living situation work well for us.

Until then, I will have to continue with the one bathroom and lack of privacy.... It has worked for 3 yrs now but still.

Happy Easter and....

I am feeling a bit better than last night. Last night was crazy. I don't know what happened. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Sad. Sleepy from the meds..... etc, etc, etc.....

Today, at this moment, I do feel better. I hope that as the day wears on me, I just roll with it, which is more my style than the other but sometimes a girl has got to cry. It is almost like girl law or something.

Soooooo today is about purging my house which symbolises purging myself.

The kids are doing well. They are just enjoying being home with me. Even H saw some things this time that have him a bit upset and thinking that his dad is inappropriate and that he puts his relationship first before their feelings. Asshole!!! He is soooo going to alienate those kids and I hate it for them all. Even him because he may not realize it now but some day he might. I can only hope that it isn't too late.

So we are enjoying the outside right now and playing with our puppy..... and wishing you all a HAPPY EASTER or if you don't celebrate it, just another great Sunday!

I love to read

I love reading. I love books. I love words. But, ya know the only thing I hate about reading..... when I get to the end.

I just finished up two books this weekend (actually one just 2 minutes ago). I loved them both. Since I could read, I have. Everything I could get my hands on. Funny thing, it used to drive my ex crazy! We would be at home watching a movie, maybe even something I really wanted to see, but yet I would also be sitting there reading a book. I told him I could do both! I was a good multi-tasker.

Anyway, to my dismay, my children never picked up this habit. I used to read to them. I always made sure they had books. Made sure they saw me reading and enjoying my books. And, when I say I am always reading..... I am.

Well lately my children have started reading. I could not be more thrilled!!! In fact, K is going to a book club party thing tomorrow for the book Twilight. H loves the Magic TreeHouse Books! And L is just starting to read, but he is my only one that has always been able to sit forever and look through books.

So while I don't have very exciting interests and hobbies, I do love to read and the best part of reading is that I can be anyone, anywhere and at anytime. It is great! It is like I have a very interesting life, full of adventure without every leaving my house.

Life update or just random crap

So I haven't written here for a week now and really my blogging has all gone down hill.

I have a ton of notes and ideas, but that is as far as my brain will let me go.

I have been amazingly stressed, busy and physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I'm disappointed with my life and happy at the same time. How can something be so right and so wrong at the same time?

It is really hard to live life. Even harder being a single parent. Even harder when the other doesn't help. Even harder when the support you thought you had suddenly disappoints you.

And don't get me wrong, I do not for one second regret getting divorced. My life, though hard at times without that partner, that support, that companion, it is 100% better than it was with him. he was just the wrong person for me.

Anyway, with the kids showing all kinds of signs of distress and my own fragile feelings right now, I contacted our Employee Assistance Program representative and got the ball rolling for some family counseling. K is resistant to the idea. I said if she resisted that I would beat her with it. She said, "with IT".... yes I know what I said and I did mean that. I would beat her with her resistant attitude. See I always say dumb things that. It keeps the kids guessing.

So anyway, taking steps to right the wrongs, fix the owies of our hearts and hopefully I can shake off this funk!

So that's life right now. Wish us luck at therapy! We need this right now.

New Year! 2007!

Well it is officially the new year. In this year something amazing will happen.... I will finish school!!!!! I am very excited about this.

This means tons of changes. I first need to make some decisions about my career. Where am I going to go with it? This of course depends on what happens with the current job. Will it become permenant? Will it end? Will I have to look for another this year? Now if this one is offered to me as a permenant job, I will take it and make a new decision later on. If not, I will start the job hunt but this time with a degree in hand! I really hope it offers some new opportunties for me.

Then on to other things for the year. I can't wait to finish school so that I can regain some life back too. Like making dinner, spending time with my children in the evenings. Hopefully having more time to do hobbies: painting and reading! I want to teach my oldest son about amateur radio.... not that I know much about it now but I plan to learn. I have already started to look for books and websites that will help me learn. I'm going to teach my youngest how to ride his new two-wheeler. I want to take my daugther to get a pedicure and manicure, do some fun girl stuff with her.

Other things I want to do is try to take better care of myself. Baby steps, baby steps. I need to make some doctor's appointments. I need to learn more about this herniated disk. I want to be able to workout again. I have gained so much weight because I can't right now. So once I understand my limits or whatever, I can do this. I could probably walk, right? But, maybe very careful with the sit-ups and push-ups, etc. But I just don't know!

I also want to get my debt under control too. My student loans will come due this year. I have debt from my broken car. I would also like to replace that car this year. It will need more repairs and I just don't know if I want to put more into it. I may keep it though for another year because..... I want to do some things around the house. New blinds (stupid cat! broke them!). New flooring in my bathroom and maybe even the kitchen/dining room and laundry room. I would also like to do some painting, get new bedding for my room, get some art or somethings for the walls..... and a lot of landscaping.

So I made no resolutions for the year but I have goals and things I am looking forward to.

Happy New Year to you all! I hope that you have some goals that you will keep and have a great year. Happy, healthy and fun 2007.