Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Divorced mom or single mom?

What is the difference between a divorced mom and a single mom? (or you can use parent instead of just mom) I'm not sure. I guess it is just a matter how you look at it.

I am a single mom as in I do parent pretty much alone though the dad isn't a deadbeat. He just isn't here for the daily stuff. But, then that makes me think of the difference between being "divorced" and "single"....Read on.... but be warned, I am just opening my mind and what falls out might not all make sense at once.

Some that are divorced have regular custody orders. If you know me and/or have read this blog for a while, you know we don't. He lives 4 - 5 hours away and sees them a few times a year with an extended visit in the summer. Fine.

I make most of the day to day decisions. I get the hugs. I get to discipline them. The school stuff, the extra activities, the missed buses, the sick kiddo needs to be picked up early... etc. I have to do these things on my own. I am also the type that picks my battles and sometimes I just get worn out and can't be firm. Sometimes I do give in and ya know what? Most of the time it works for us. Are they sometimes bratty? Yes. Do they know how to push my buttons? Yes. And I know I give in too much and I know I give them more than they probably deserve and yes some of that is guilt!!!! They know it and they also know when to stop because they have gone too far. Again, it works for us.... most of the time.

So yes, I am a single mom.... errr, divorced mom?

I say that because I feel far from single. So maybe I am a divorced mom?? Since I haven't really thought of myself as single for a very long time now. Goofball and I have been dating a while. Though we haven't gotten super serious, I care about him very much and feel VERY lucky to have him in my life. So as far as single goes.... I don't really feel it.

With that said, I don't expect him to be in a role of "step-dad" or I guess more like "step-boyfriend".... or I don't know, whatever. I just don't expect that though I like that he doesn't mind hanging out with them from time to time. I also don't mind when he gives me his thoughts, advise or opinions on situations with my kids, just so he knows I will do what makes sense for us, be it his idea or mine. I just like having that grown-up to bounce ideas off of and to vent too. But bottom line is he is my hang out guy, my friend, my boyfriend.... not my children's.

And why is this important? I have been trying to define who I am in this whole crazy single, divorced, parenting world. I know that I am far from alone but at the same time, each situation is different. I think a lot of single parents struggle with defining who they are and what they want.

And that was the main reason for this blog.


Margaret said...

Great post, my friend...great post.

Karen said...

You're a Mum. Simple! And a damned good one at that.

Heartfelt post - thanks for writing it. :0)

BeautifulDisaster said...

I guess I don't truly consider myself a single mom because my kids are with their dad 3 days a week and he supports them financially. In that respect, I'm not doing it all on my own, the way the term "single mom" implies. But I don't like "divorced" as primary in my description of myself. So, just mom I suppose.

trappedintime said...

Single Mom, like someone would call into question the idea of 3 Immaculate Conceptions. Divorced is a given.

Endeka said...

My ex only spends 4 hours each week with the kids because they are 17 months I'm a single mom.

Just The Two of Us said...

I know exactly how you feel. I am still figuring out what I am.

aimehaskett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aimehaskett said...

Single parents everyday fight hard for the survival so that they can give best to the child and don't feel alone.. I appreciate their affords..
Single mother grants