Open letter to my ex

Dear M,

I want to discuss this drama between you and K. You have never seemed to understand that the kids need you. You seem to think that being in the same state as them is good enough. That seeing them 2-3x a year and for an extended summer visit is enough. You seem to think calling a few times a week is good enough. But Mister, it is not. They need you. Your daughter is dramatic and seems to have an attitude with you as a front to her real feelings. Don't you get that? She misses you and you barely even consider her feelings in anything you do.

And while I realize that my way of handling things isn't always right. I know you don't agree with my laid back style, it seems to get fairly good results. She trusts me. I validate her feelings. I never tell her she is wrong in how she feels. If that is how she feels, great. Let's talk about it. And, yes again, you don't agree with me on a lot of things. But right or wrong, I think about the children in every decision I make. Every decision. Some of my decisions may not look like it but I try to make smart decisions with them in mind.... of course I can't always. Sometimes I do have to come first and so do you.

However, when you do only see them a few times a year, why ruin those few moments by being a jerk. I see your point in not wanting her to come this week because you know she is going to make things more challenging with her drama and moodiness. But, let me tell you, I do not and would not choose to basically disown her because of some petty drama. She is 13. Do you know what that means? Life sucks to a 13 yr old. It just does. And then in her mind she is not treated well when she is with you. She feels like she should be important to you, that you would almost drop everything to spend time with them. Personally I don't think it is too much to ask when they are with you just a few times a year that you make them the center of attention in a way. I am not saying stop your life completely but hey take an interest. And yes she does close up and get stubborn, don't be a baby and clam up yourself. That is counter productive.

More than anything I just wish you would have a good, positive relationship with all your children. Maybe I am expecting too much. Maybe I should listen to the "no expectations" theory of thinking on this. I just don't think it is too much to ask that you have a good relationship with them though. Is it?

Well I guess that is all I had to say on the matter.