Voodoo Doll curses?

When we were in New Orleans in June for work, we had a scavenger hunt. One of the items was a Voodoo doll. Well most people, I think, didn't keep them or even attempt to "put a curse" on someone. However, one of my co-workers did. Why? Because she was drinking a bit tooooo much. She was also pushing my buttons all night but that's another story.

So fast forward to today.... All last week and so far this week has been kinda the whole Murphy's Law at work. If it was going to go wrong, it has.

One of my other co-workers and I decided it was B and her voodoo doll. So if that is the case, how the heck do I get rid of the spell?! Or at the very least, please just say a prayer, cross your fingers, say a chant.... whatever that the spirits that I pissed off, have found enough revenge that they move on to the next victim.

:)

They're BACK!!!!!

I was soooo excited to see them, I got the half way point almost an hour early. So I ended up driving up further to meet them.... Totally worth it!

They loved the balloons!

It is soooo good to have them back!

120 balloons later....

I bought a bag of 120 balloons. Guess how many I blew up?? 117 officially. Two had holes and one actually exploded in my face. That was not fun!

Sooooo I think I'm all ready for my babies to come home.

They did put in a request for some songs to listen to on the way home, so I'm going to whip up a CD really quick and then try really hard to get some sleep!

I'm sooooo excited!!!!!!

A partner

So this was inspired by a conversation with Goofball.... We were just chatting and as conversations sometimes do, it evolved and what it evolved to was our exes.

He said something like all he was looking for was a partner (with her). I didn't say what I was thinking because he was talking and then the conversation changed a bit before I could say, yeah me too.

I am not sure his definition of a partner but for me it was someone to share the load and life and memories. See me, I am a working girl. I like to work. I don't even mind being a Working Mom. Its a good thing for me and my family.

How do I know? Because I have done both. When I first became a mom I was in the Navy. The first two kiddos were Navy Brats. Born at Pensacola Naval Hospital. So when they were just 6 weeks old, they went to a home care provider. It worked for us because thankfully I had a good one (actually the first couple were a disaster but finally found a perfect fit.) Then they went to a day care later. I worked until they were almost 9 and 7 years old, and my new little one was 11 months old. He got lucky and was able to stay with his Nana for the first part of his life.

Well in 2003, we decided it was best for me to stay home for a little while. I had been laid off and the jobs I was finding would just barely pay the day care bill. It didn't make sense.

I thought "Wow staying home would be pretty easy after working." Not easy in that I would just be lazy but just easy in that I wouldn't have to do all the things I already did PLUS work. Because I did 95% of everything anyway. He pretty much washed the clothes. That's it. I still had to put them away (which I didn't do all the time). Anyway, I was surprised at how tough an adjustment it was. Going back to work later was a snap compared to the transition to staying at home..... Though I did enjoy my time at home and really it was easier than working and doing all the kid stuff and house stuff.....

So I stayed home for 2 year. What I did at home was.... everything. All I asked was that he made a mess, he would clean up after himself. Like if he decided to make himself a different dinner or maybe a snack. But, I made all the meals. I cleaned the house everyday. I did all the grocery shopping. All the kid care. Everything. That was the deal for staying home. Oh and we lived in Fargo so I shoveled the drive a lot..... He did sometimes too.

When I worked, he did the laundry and when we had a yard, he would do that too. But, we rented a lot so normally didn't have to worry about that. We did sometimes split the cooking when we both worked, but I still did pick up/drop off of the kids about 95% of the time too. A lot of times I would get home with the kids and he would just be at home half way through a football game on the Playstation. No dinner started. And, why couldn't he pick up the kids?

But yeah I think that is what we are all looking for; a partner. A relationship that is give and take..... and not just one person giving and the other taking.... but equal giving and taking.

Reality being what it is, relationships aren't always balanced all the time... Sometimes one person needs more because sometimes life circumstances cause the relationship to tilt a bit. That's okay, I think. Because I believe that if it is a good relationship, that it will balance out in the end.

I just hope I get it next time around.

End of Summer.... sort of.

Okay so by the calendar, its not really the end of summer but it is for me.

My kids come back on SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And while I really can't wait, it also means that the already limited time that I have to see Goofball is now cut back again. While my kids have been gone these two months, he and I have enjoyed a lot more time together because I could fit my schedule to his. Now we will have to try to match schedules again.... which is really what we were used to and I will admit, I feel a bit spoiled by the time together. He just left and don't tell him.... okay I know he reads this.... but I cried when he left.... why? Because I'm a girl! Sometimes we do that.

I have really enjoyed this summer. My time alone, time with Goofball and just doing whatever I wanted to do. I was having serious financial issues before the summer. Now I am back on track. Very good in fact.

Well now I am going to start decorating the house for the kids return. Wow, do I remember how to be a mom?? I have to cook dinner and fed people other than just myself (and the cats)... so I am going to hang streamers and blow up a ton of balloons so that when they get home, they will know I missed them and that I am very glad they are back! I will get something special for dinner and maybe even get/make a special dessert.

So that's the end of my summer.....

Did you know.... Shift Happens

Something they showed in a meeting today as we gear up for our College Recruiting.

A case of the Mondays

Do you just wake up and think, this day is going to suck?

I almost never actually think that, and I didn't today either. While I do whine and complain sometimes, overall I see the glass as half full. I look at things mostly through Rose colored glasses and fully believe that I live under a rock. I hate conflict and drama and all things change. I like things to be even and steady, no surprises.

So my weekend started out great. I went over to my parents for a bit. Hung out. Got free dinner. Always a good thing.

Get home.... check my work blackberry..... WTF? I forgot to do something big! I didn't order catering for an Intern Event we had in our California office for the night before. And why did it take you all day Friday to tell me???? Not that I could have done anything about it but now I have to think about it all weekend.

The rest of the weekend was fine. Just didn't sleep much Saturday because I slept over at my parents so doggie sit for them. Hard to sleep in a "strange" place.

Sunday night was the highlight of my weekend and really my week, always.

Then Monday morning rolled around. I woke up with the worst headache ever. Not from a hang over, you have to actually drink alcohol for that, right? No just sinus pressure and maybe a little dread over the day.

I had to sit through Intern End-of-Summer Presentations, which actually I like. It is one thing I truly look forward to with the Summer Intern program. But, it meant being out of my office pretty much all day.

So I get there thinking that my worst problem would be that the room we were using for the presentations might not have a telephone for dialing in to the conference bridge that I had set up so that anyone that couldn't make it to the presentations in person could hear them and there is a link so they can view them (Meetingplace is the coolest thing).....

Well I get there. Telephone. Oh perfect. Oh look a microphone too, hadn't thought about that. Double perfect. Oh this is going to be GREAT!

Well it was time to get started so I dial up the meeting..... "This is not a recognized ID. Please try again." WTF? Are you kidding me? Okay don't panic, maybe you dialed wrong. Try again, smiling still. No dice. Crap, crap, crap..... Come to find out somehow my meeting got canceled in the system. How? I don't know. Usually I would get something, but nada.

From there things just got worse and worse. It was like Murphy's law.

But, ya know, none of the problems were in my control. I just had to laugh them each off. I survived. The presentations, themselves, were awesome. The Interns really rocked them out. Great, great job all of them! I thanked them for being flexible with the changes and problems. Thanked the managers, supervisors, mentors and co-workers that came out to listen.

Then I went back to my office. I got very little actually done.

But, the one thing I needed to do, check the phone bridges for all the rest of the Intern Presentations days (6 more days worth) worked. According to the Helpdesk, they are all present and accounted for. So crossing fingers that we don't have a repeat. I changed a few of the other problems we had (not enough food, not enough drinks, forgot to have a timekeeper)..... and then hope that the other problems don't come up either.

Soon the summer will be over. We will be back to College Recruiting and the Summer Intern program for 2007 will fade and the 2008 season will look so far away!

I can't wait!

That kiss

Have you ever had that one just amazing kiss (or kissing session) that just sends chills through your body and you can barely hold yourself up so you just completely lean on him and you can feel it through your whole body from your head to your toes and for days after when you think about it your stomach gets that butterfly feeling and you get all warm and maybe a little giddy over it?

It has been a really, really, REALLY long time for me. So long in fact I can't even remember..... Maybe it was that first serious boyfriend that I mention sometimes, JJ. But, I don't think my ex-h and I ever had something like this..... and JD.... well really that was all lust so maybe, but I can barely remember what he looks like let alone what kissing was like.

But very recently I had the most amazing kiss(es). Like the kind I described. Just amazing. Still thinking about it. Hoping for a repeat.... or maybe something even better. Because I will admit that each time I see him and each time we kiss, it is just better than the last time. And, sex, well wow. After kissing like that sex is amazing because I already feel that all over sensation....... (sigh)......

So ya want to know a little secret. I never used to like guys to touch my face or near my face (like on the sides of my head) when kissing me...... though I have always like hands on the back of my head in my hair (I love having people touch my hair)...... However, now, I love having my my face touched, my hair touched.... just all over while kissing especially.

Gives me the chills again just thinking about it.

So anyway, just something I wanted to share because I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I don't always share everything but this, this had to be shared.

Alone versus Lonely

and yes there is a big difference!

Having just spent a lot of time being in both of these modes, I will just discuss from my view.

You can be lonely and still be with other people, but you really can't be alone with people around. Lonely is more of a feeling or maybe an emotion. While alone is a place or maybe a state of being.... as in you are the only one around.

Now I don't mind being alone. It really is a good thing. Everyone should have some private time. Time to themselves. Time with their thoughts. When I do have my kids, I do enjoy some quiet alone time. And even now with them gone, I have enjoyed some of my alone time. It is a very good thing.

However, being lonely.... well that just down right sucks ass! I hate feeling lonely. It makes me depressed or maybe I feel depressed sometimes because I'm lonely? (Interesting).

Like I have said, my kids aren't here. They have been gone for the summer. While they have been gone, I have been in a room full of people that love and care about me, but yet there was this huge lonely feeling. My babies weren't there. I'm very lucky though because I know I'm blessed.... just a few weeks and they will be back.

Then there is the single thing. First of all my marriage was nothing more than a legal bond between two people.... at least for most of it. There was some feelings and yeah I have love for him even now... We had history and memories, and I have known him about 14 yrs now. We have three kids together that we share many memories with. But, I was always very, very lonely in my marriage. There was little emotional connection. Happy couples have that emotional connection.

So I don't like being lonely. And, now that I am single and dating, yeah I am looking to fill that lonely void. I don't want to be lonely. I don't think many people do.... some? Yeah maybe.... so what are most single people looking for, you got it right and its no big mystery.... They want someone to be with so they aren't lonely.

The sad thing in my eyes is this. You can be lonely and be with someone. Some people just confuse being alone a lot with being lonely. I guess they think, if they are with someone else (not alone) then that equals not being lonely. Well I hate to burst that bubble, but it is very possible to being with someone and be lonely. I know that from first hand experience, as I mentioned.

Anyway, just my opinion... :)

To keep or not to keep that is the question

So I have never gotten around to going through my pictures to purge the ex from them. But, with kids, can I really do that? I mean I can get rid of the pics of just him, right? But what of the ones with him and the kids?? I should keep them for them, yes? And, what about pictures with the ex in-laws and the kids, keep too?

I mean some of this is really easy. I am making a stack of throw out and a stack of things he might want....I guess the plan is to go through and give him anything with him solo, then on things I have double on, give him the copy and keep one.

13 yrs of memories.... okay well maybe just the first 8, then we used digital exclusively.... so I have already taken care of the digital photos!

Bday cards, anniversary cards and everything in between. Wow!!!

Stacks and Stacks of pictures! Thank goodness for digital!

Maybe when I get organized I will share a few of the really good pics of the kids! And maybe even some of me! ;)

Horoscopes

Typically I look at these as for fun! But do you ever read it and just on that day, at that moment the horoscope writer just got really lucky and wrote exactly what you needed to hear or it spoke directly to your life on that day....

Yeah that happens to me from time to time. How do you feel about it?

Here is mine today:

Overview: Are you having a case of cold hands and warm heart -- or just the opposite? Whatever the symptoms, you're feeling one way but thinking another. It's a good idea to give yourself a timeout until you're more in sync.

And, to answer your question, yes I am crazy. I have never claimed to be otherwise. :)

Spiderzilla!

I may have mentioned a few (hundred) times that I can't stand spiders. I may have also mentioned that I have be seeing them everywhere! (Jenny at least your squid are in the ocean not your car, house or yard.... *shutter*)

Well last night I had the Granddaddy of all the in my house last night!!!!! It was huge for a "house" spider. I haven't had bananas imported in from South America or anything so where did Spiderzilla come from!??

I don't know and no I don't have a picture of it! Though he is in my vacuum cleaner right now, dead, thanks to my cats! I forgive their bad behavior lately for killing it. Good kitties!

They got a nice treat from me this morning.

All the world's a stage.

Yesterday I went to a baby shower for my cousin's wife. So what is she my cousin-in-law? Anyway, sweet and very cute couple! He wasn't there but to hear her talk about my baby cousin, it was cute. They are having their first and its a little girl. Sweet.

So I have four male cousins on my dad's side of the family. This was just one of them. All are fairly newly married couples. L&M have been married since 2004 but live in Cali so we don't see them much. Then there is J&J, they are the ones having the new baby. They were married in 2005. Then M&L married just this April.... and lastly, M&A married in June of this year.

They are all like those perfect couples. They did the away from home college thing, got professional jobs making good money. Got engaged, bought the house and now, at least J&J (the oldest of my cousins at just 30) are starting their family.

They are living that "American Dream" or whatever. Like this is the way you do it..... "Step 1.... Step 2...."

This is sooo not how my life has ever gone and sometimes it makes me upset. Not for any other reason than I thought my life was suppose to be like theirs. It is kinda like when you see Super Models in mags and you think this is how real women look. If that is the case then why is my size always sold out at the stores?

I just remind myself that life is not a script to be followed. Yeah all the world's a stage and we are merely players (Thanks Shakespeare, this is not the exact quote); however, it doesn't mean we have to follow the same script. We can improvise a bit, right?

I just have moments that I need to realize this and I do sometimes envy them their life's but that is their life, their choice. My choice was this: Go to college, hate it, go in the Navy, love it. Find my husband (now ex) in just a week... get pg, get married (yes in that order). Fight my way through the first year, have another baby 19 mths later....... well and you know the rest, I think.

Anyway, it ended but that doesn't mean that my life has ended. Hell no! Just because life isn't the way I thought it would be, I can embrace this new twist and wait for the excitement of my new role!

I can't wait!

Tag your it!

Tagged by Jen at Chaos Among Us.

Here's what I have to do for this tagging game:

1) I must post 7 random things about me:-

• I share a bday with Sam Houston, Dr. Seuss and it is also Texas Independence Day.
  


• I love magazines. It is hard for me not to buy most of them.... even the ones that don't apply to me, my lifestyle or anything I have interest in. I just like them.
  


• I used to collect business cards. I had them for all kinds of things.
  


• I am pretty close with most of my family including my extended family.
  


• I love Butter Pecan Ice Cream but bought Mint Choc Chip recently instead.... Its my second fave.
  


• Sept 9th is a special day to me. It may seem odd to celebrate something that was so simple and that is no longer in my life, but it changed me in so many ways that I will always have a special place in my heart and memory for this day.... The day I entered Boot Camp.
  


• I have always had sleeping problems. I have tried sooooo many different things. Recently tried counting (Thanks Margaret... its such a simple idea!) and it WORKED! I just had to keep reminding myself not to think of anything but the number.
  

2) Tag 7 other bloggers

Well I would tag people but I am not sure who I would pick!

Maybe Trapped, Esmerelda, Everyone at Mama Drama, Kyla, Margaret, GuyGM, Gman.....

I don't know. But, I'm not officially tagging any one just a suggestion!


3) Post Rules & the bloggers I tagged here.



4) Leave tagged bloggers comments on their web sites so that they know they have been tagged

Here and There

So I thought I would do a quick random all over the place post! Here goes.

1. Thanks Mindy for giving me this!








Isn't it pretty! Now I get to give this to other Rockin' Girl Blogger. Many of the ones I would tag have gotten it. So anyway, here are the folks I give it to.

Aimee - You rock! You are always there with a kind word, support or to help me out with great Sun protection info.

Esmerelda - You rock! Keep on rockin'. (No link)

Mrs. Wheezer - You rock! Again, always there when I need support and just a great, great friend. I'm soooo glad I finally got to meet you. Can't wait to see you again.

Beautiful Disaster - You rock! From one single mom to another! Great blog and we are sooo *right here*....

And last but not least Jen - You rock! You don't blog much but you have been an amazing friend through the years. You bring the humor in most situations but can be right down to the point and serious in others.

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2. I FINALLY talked to the kiddos! It was sooo good to talk to them but just as I was getting off the phone with the ex (we had to talk business), I started to get choked up and almost cried when I got off the phone. I think it was part relief to finally talk to them and partly just plain mama sadness. But I do try to be thankfully. No I don't just try, I am! They will be home soon and I will surrounded by their voices, their laughs, their smiles, their screams, their yelling, their door slamming, and loving every minute of it.

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3. Got out last night with Goofball and a friend of his. I almost didn't go but really glad I did.

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4. I have reconnected with a few of my very good friends lately. Two on the same day! And, one today. It is always great when old friends call or email. I just wish I could fly out to Green Bay to see my one very best friend even after almost 7 yrs apart. She and I go waaaaay back to Jan 1993-ish at least when we first met but we truly started hanging out a year later when we were both pg with our first children! Both girls! My other two friends I meet 7 yrs ago this month. We worked at the same place for 2 yrs and have stayed in touch off and on since.

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5. Have you seen the commercial for the depression meds that says, "Depression Hurts." Yes it does. As you would expect mentally but it also hurts physically.

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6. Watching the Home Run Derby! It rocks!!!! It is like the best part of baseball and all the best players doing it. I probably won't watch the All-star game tomorrow though. Unfortunately, the Astros do not have many players this year. Just two.... Carlos Lee and Roy Oswalt!

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7. I am still not completely up to speed with my computer. I am now using Firefox so I have to get it all set up like I like with all my faves bookmarked and then I will be back to making my rounds around the blogosphere. If I haven't commented on your blog for a while, its not that I don't love you anymore, its I just haven't had the time just yet with trying to get my computer up to speed.....



Well I guess that's it! Lucky 7, though my fave number is 9. Hey I could write 9. This should count as #8, yes?

9. Please check out Jenny of Mama Drama fame at her home away from home!
I want her to be my new best friend! She is awesome.

My Computer seems to be working!

But, I'm not. I'm so freakin' lonely its not even funny. I'm depressed as hell. My kids really do keep me going.

I have been trying to force myself to get out. I have called people like my parents and my aunt and some friends so that I can just get out of the house from time to time. Not just be stuck in the house.

But, like right now, I have no one to go with me and I have to go to the grocery store. But, as you see, I'm not. I'm typing away saying nothing of interest. But, I will get myself together once I vent this and make my confession. I just have to then mentally talk myself into to driving to the store. I actually do have to mentally prepare myself to do things even things that I have done a hundred times. Don't even get me started on how much it takes for me to get myself to do something new.... Ack! Just bring me my "I love me" jacket now.

I know I'm weird. But this is all part of me. I have an anxiety disorder and I suffer from depression and I hear voices.... oh wait that's just because I left the TV on in the other room. Okay so just the first two.

When I am suffering from both an anxious feeling and depression, I can almost not function. Like right now, I'm almost paralyzed with fear of going out of my house. Wait, fear might not be the right word. But, I'm paralyzed into not doing it.

And I know when I do make it out of the house, I will forget much of what I wanted at the store. This means I will have to calm down and try again later. This also means taking a list will not help. I will actually not be able to read the list. It is the weirdest feeling. So I just wing it and hope for the best.

So wish me luck as I head out. I just wish that the grocery store would deliver. That is one of the few things I do miss about Fargo, ND! Grocery delivery!!! Whoohooo.


PS... I have a few posts that I need to do... Namely Rockin' Girl Blogger. Min, I didn't forget!!! Just sucked into a hole I can't climb out of.

Crossing Fingers! (random post)

Do you have then crossed? I think my computer might be working.... for the moment. I have been online now for a few minutes and it hasn't crashed..... Yet....

So I have moved all my photos and music and anything else I don't want to lose to my extra hard drive. My computer has two. So just in case this one dies, I won't lose everything. (crossing fingers)


Nothing excited from me though so you aren't missing anything in my life. Just missing my kids like crazy, hanging out a bit with Goofball, working a lot and cleaning. How fun does my life sound?!?! :)

Monday was my brother's Bday. He is the one in Iraq. Won't be home from there for another 6 mths because they got extended for a few extra. In September, it will be a year that he has been gone....

And it is the 4th of July. I have no plans at all. How sad is that? I feel so pathetic and lonely but ya know, it is what it is. Actually my parents are having me over for dinner and we will hang out. Nothing exciting but still better than being here alone. But everyone else I know has plans or I would try to hang out with someone else. Normally my family is very organized and in to doing these big parties for every thing! Seriously! (Goofball thinks we are weird and yeah a little but I love my family a lot! and miss the parties)

My mom had surgery. Since just before that, no parties. What's up? No June bday parties this year, nothing for Mother's day, nothing for the 4th..... When is our next party?? I have no idea. We would often get together because it was just a good day for a party. My memories is getting fuzzy on when our last one was.... Our family reunion at the end of April, I think? (which was a much more extended version of just my mom's sisters and their kids and their kids....)

I think I might go take a nap or watch a movie and then call my parents.

HAPPY FOURTH!!!!!!! Hope you all have a good, safe holiday.

What a year!

To Goofball,

What started out with a simple email has turned into a year of memories. I feel really lucky to have met you, though some days you keep me wondering why! Just kidding! :) You make me laugh and smile even on the days I don't always want to. And, while I don't have expectations of mind reading, you have this knack for it, like emailing or calling just when I need you too.

You are thoughtful and respectful. You make me think in ways I have never before or of things I knew nothing about. You are patient with me and well a damn good kisser too!

I don't know the future nor do I want to. I want to enjoy these moments for the moments they are.

Anyway, thanks.

Happy Birthday teenager!

(Computer problems have delayed this posting)

To my teenager and first born baby.

Wow, I cannot believe it has been 13 years since I meet you. In some ways, it seems like I have known you forever and in others, it seems like we have just met. You are very special to me. You are the first person to make me a mom. You were such a good baby and that works to both of our advantages because I had no idea what I was doing! I only thought I was ready for a baby at age 21. Oh I was soooo wrong! There is that commercial that says, "A Baby changes everything." Boy does it!

You were born early. We had a few "Is this it" moments and not knowing better, I would call the nurse and she would send me to Labor and Delivery. But, on June 24, 1994.... I knew you were coming soon even if you weren't due for another 2 weeks. I finished packing my bags, got the car ready and silly as it seems, I put plastic on the bed... under the sheets, just in case.

The morning of June 25, 1994, I woke up at 4:00 and my water had broke. Just a little, just enough that I knew you were really coming. I tried to wake daddy but he had had enough false alarms that he said, "Okay but can you wake me later." back to sleep in went. Thankfully I knew Grandma would be awake (my grandma, your g-grandma). I talked to her and she said to go wake him up! Then she said call the hospital so I did. They said take a shower and then come in. Good call on the shower.

I guess Daddy knew at this point I was serious because he got up. It was pouring rain! And was still dark when we left. It was a long drive to the hospital but we didn't feel rushed because I felt fine.

Got to the hospital, sure enough, you were coming and we still didn't know if you were a boy or girl... I just knew you had to be a girl! I just knew it. Either E or K would be your name.... I kept saying them in my head.

Labor and delivery was really easy for me. You were a small baby. 6 lbs 8 oz and about 20 inches long (I think). So tiny. I was so scared of you. They handed you to me and I just thought they were crazy. I can't hold that, I will break her!

But, I looked at you and just knew you were my K baby.

You grew up so fast. I always talked to you like you were older, more grown. Nana had to remind me often that you were a child but I never listened because you always responded better when I treated you like this.

Sadly you didn't get to be the baby for long. I got pregnant with H when you were just 10 months old. I had a lot of first time mommy guilt over that one but was happy by the second child.

I just enjoyed you everyday and often miss that little girl. But, I am so proud of the person you are becoming each day. You are so special to me and I know I would not be able to get through the last few years without you. You are my rock and that is such a burden for a child to have but its true.

I hope that you had a good day with your dad. I missed you very much but was glad to hear the joy and happiness in your voice on Monday.

Happy Birthday, my girl!

Happy Birthday my big 5 year old!

Dear L,

Happy birthday, big boy! I cannot believe you are 5 years old today. You have changed so much over the years and you amaze me everyday. I wish I could see you today but it is your time with your dad. Hopefully I will get to talk to you soon. I miss you very much.

You are a very special boy to me because I never thought I would have you. It took so long for me to get pregnant with you that I just knew that was it. No more. And, then surprise! I didn't even know because I had gotten so used to the "fake" pregnancy symptoms that I just thought I was getting the flu. But, no, oh no. It was you. I nicknamed you bug the day I found out you weren't the flu! Grandpa hated that I called you bug but Nana and I loved it.

You were to be due July 1. Very close to Daddy's birthday, K's birthday and Uncle B's too! (as well as many others in our family.... Tons of June/July bdays). Since you were due near K's bday, we decided to move her party to the beginning of June. A month early, right? Well you decided to start messing with me. You kept me on my toes wondering from Mid-May, would you come early?

But, you didn't, and given your size, the doctor and I decided to help you come early. So I picked the day..... June 24, 2002...... I went to the hospital to be induced. Of course the report was I was 5 cm dilated..... so you would have come on your own very soon anyway.

Meds started at 8:00 am by 1:30 pm, you were cleaned up and in my arms. Labor didn't really start until around 10:30.... water broke at 12:30, you were out shortly after 1:00.

8 lbs 11 oz and 21 inches tall.

Unfortunately, you broke your collar bone being born. Despite that you were a really good baby. Very laid back. Ate well, slept well, very alert and could hold your head pretty well.

You changed so much that first year. You really wanted to get up and run with the big kids! You loved K and L (and still do of course!). You crawled at 5 mths, walked by 10. One time you were about 12 months old and you were running around with H playing war or guns or something..... I remember this because you were making the machine gun sounded and I thought how strange it sounded for a little 1 year old to be playing that game and you knew how to make that sound! It was amazing!

You have learned everything so fast. And, on one hand that makes me so proud and on the other so sad because I really didn't get to enjoy you as a baby.... You never really were a baby exactly. You were always trying to be older. I guess that is why I hold on to anything that is "baby" like with you. That is probably why you get away with so much and why I give you pretty much everything you want.

You start Kindergarten this year, my baby. I am going to be so proud of you because you are so very smart. I know you will love going to school. You won't even be home to me for another month. I miss you so much. You make me smile and laugh everyday.

Anyway, baby, I love you and can't wait to talk to you to tell you Happy Birthday!!!!!