This was the name of a blog on IHeartSingleparents.com that really caught my eye. It was written by a guy named Jordan (I hope he doesn't mind me using his name but just giving credit)
I have been reading a lot that he has written and I can't say I disagree with him on much of any of it. He is younger than me but in a lot of ways older because of his level of thinking. I always admire people like this..... the ones that make me think.
Anyway, I replied to him but wanted to write about it because it was so thought provoking that I can't stop thinking about it.
So here is how I took what he wrote: He was saying that our culture has become very disposable in thinking. We have plastic water bottles, but throw them out when they are empty, only to get a new one. The bags we take home from the store - disposable.
Then he said as single parents, (either by choice or not) are we showing our kids that relationships are disposable.... Okay sort of he said I'm really not trying to incite guilt, but to shine a light on the issue that people in general are too quick to change what doesn't fit perfectly.
Wow. That says a lot to me. I started to reply right away but the words didn't form up. So I clicked off and thought about it. Came back read it again. Clicked off.... and after a while I finally came back and replied to him.
My reply was that I hope that my actions do not show my children that relationships are disposable. My ex and I spent a long time trying to work it out. It was 1998 when I knew it had to end and that things with us would not be the same. 8 years later we were both finally able to walk away for good.
You often hear, "Don't give up." "Try and try and then try again".... things like that. (More on this to be published tomorrow)
I didn't give up for a long time. It wasn't something that either of us took lightly. We wanted to make it work as much for the kids as for each other and for all those that say "Marriage is hard."
But at some point you just have to admit that it is okay to walk away. It is okay to give up and it is okay to throw away so to speak. Not in the disposable way but in the "I tried my best but this is a no win situation" kinda way.....
For me, I didn't want my kids to think THAT type of relationship was okay to be in either. I would rather them learn to dispose of rather than sit in a very unhappy to the point of very mental ill relationship. Had I not got out at the point I did, I have no idea if I could be a productive member of society today. I might be locked up in a very soft room where I would mumble to myself in a completely made up world just happy because reality does not exist to me anymore.
Our relationship was very toxic. I am still unpacked and purging emotional baggage from it or finding pieces that still hurt. So are the kids. But each day we get better and the baggage and leftovers gets lighter and fewer.
They see me now, happier, healthier and not rushing into a relationship just for the sake of it. I hope that the choices I am making are showing them that relationships are not disposable. People are not disposable. Our emotions are not disposable.
As for plastic bags and bottles, well it is on my list of things for us to work on.
Recycle, reuse, reduce