Thursday, August 21, 2008

What I miss the most

Pillow talk. You know the moments just before falling asleep or even the first moments in the morning, when you can just share some moments with your partner. Intimate moments of whispers in the dark, soft touches and gentle kisses. Great conversations with or without words, because sometimes there is no need for words as touches can do the same.

This makes my nights feel long. I often take forever to get to sleep. I stare endlessly at the other side of the bed. I try to spread out more to take up some of the empty space. I flip to my other side so I can't see the emptiness to my right.

Then I do fall asleep only to wake later upset and shaken by a dream. I desperately look for comfort but find the bed is still empty, as I knew it would be but in my frightened and confused state between reality and dream, I still hope to find someone there to comfort me. To put a strong, loving arm around me and pull me close, whisper that it was just a dream and that I was safe. I could then drift back to sleep.

Only that isn't what I get. Instead I toss and turn for another 30 minutes or so. I may get up and check the locks, just once more. Stumble to the bathroom and then to the kitchen.... maybe some cool water.

Then morning comes. I always linger in bed a little too long. I really crave that special morning time, sometimes more than the lonely nights. The good morning hellos, special kisses and maybe a wish for a good day.

This thing I miss, this pillow talk and intimate sharing, it will be in my future, I know it will but it is years away. I can wait.... I can but it still makes the night's long and the mornings not so cheery.

In the meantime, I look forward to good night wishes and good morning hellos via electronic form.

And there are always the kids.... we do share some special moments, snuggled in bed and I do truly enjoy those too because someday I will be writing how I miss those moments too.


shuttle mom/belinda said...

Wow. This is good.
I'd forgotten pillow talk. After 30+ years hubby and I have fell into the "old shoe" routine. And we keep different schedules. This post is a reminder for me to stop taking things for granted. Thank you.

lisaschaos said...

I am sorry but I haven't been reading you long enough to know if you lost your spouse or if you divorced either way the result is the same - you alone, with no pillow talk and for me the nights were always the hardest!

I spent about 5 years as a single mom of 4 kids and the first year or so was the hardest. I did finally find my routine although I think I still got jealous of the people on tv and in public - seeing couples together was always the hardest. And at night, I felt so alone and helpless and I wallowed in my misery for a time.

Eventually, I came to the realization that only I could change things. I made myself some goals and started working on those and got myself in order, without a man, while keeping my eyes open for a man, if that makes sense. By the time I met my husband I was ready and I think if I had met him sooner it might not have worked. But we've been together 7 years now. :)

lisaschaos said...

While looking for a quote for a card, I found a quote that made me think of you. :)

Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! ~Sandra J. Dykes

Charlene said...

I'm sorry you are missing it so much! I know Rich wouldn't mind missing it once in a while (I drive him nuts every night hahha).

Loves ya babe!