Sunday, January 07, 2007

Cryin' for nothin'

Now I have been saying that I have been happier than I have been in a long time and it is true. But, from time to time I seem to suffer from depression. The past 18-19 months it has been very mild and only rearing its ugly head every few months.

So last night I was surfin' the net, just hopping from message board to message board and it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I felt this sudden feeling of sadness, loneliness and well I wanted to cry. My girl was spending the night at a friend's house. My boys were both asleep. My Schoolwork was done. Housework pretty much done, etc, etc. So I was just playin' and that is when I missed one thing in my life.... a partner, a companion.... someone to love me, to hold my hand while we watch tv or listen to music or just sit in silence because we are just that comfortable that words aren't always necessary. Someone that will take care of me and make me feel special and someone I can do the same for.

I started to write this blog entry last night but it wasn't what I wanted to say.

Since last night was just a moment and today I do not feel exactly the same, this blog entry is written from a different view than the one last night. I am happy and while I could complain about my life, the stressors are temporary things. Job, finances all fixable and temporary so why complain? Life is just too short and I really have a good life. I have things that many people only wish for.

And afterall, today is a new day and I have special people in my life that make me happy. They make me feel special and loved. I'm willing to be patient and wait for that right, special person to fill that last little void. I'm willing to work for it, slowly and enjoy every second with getting to know that person. It took one of my aunts over 20 years to find that and I'm willing to wait that long to have what she and my uncle now have. I'm not in a rush. I just have moments from time to time where I miss having that relationship and I know that is normal.

I also know that I will have that someday..... and it will be great because I waited and was patient and took my time getting to know that special person.... whoever he is, wherever he is....



Mama Drama Jenny said...

Crying for nothing. I know the feeling, sister. Sometimes the lexapro doesn't work enough I end up bawling over nothing...and everything. I just remind myself that it'll pass. And it always does eventually.

You're not alone.

TxGambit said...

Thanks Jenny!

I am feeling MUCH better today. I used to take Paxil and later switched to Zoloft but going it solely these days.

I hope you come back and see me again soon.