So the ex isn't feeling good (tummy ache). I think he is also a bit depressed. He called me twice today, just to chat. He sounds pathetic and as much as I would have liked to just tell him to kiss it, I talked to him both times.
See I have a thing for the misfit, underdog, helpless type. Give me your sick, your tired. I will baby them, nurse them, nurture them. I'm pathetic that way. Call me a mother or a woman or maybe just nuts.
Once a upon a time, I was dating this guy named Craig. It was pre-marriage. We dated for about 3mths, broke up because we really didn't like each other enough not to see other people. Well anyway during this 3mths, he got really sick (like had to be in the hospital for a few days and then on bed rest for at least a week). I took care of him. One day when he was feeling better, he said, "You have a good bedside manner..... Thanks."
Anyway, the ex was babbling on and on about how he keeps making mistakes and he keeps missing things and just babble really. I have no idea.... that is why I think he is depressed but doesn't realize it right now.
Of course on some levels I care. I truly worry about his sanity. He isn't a bad guy in that I think he would go nutso on me or the kids, but I think he could definitely become a hermit. The crazy guy that just grunts at you when he passes you on the street. Snapping about the price of grapefruit. He is definitely the type to check out of reality.
Sooo anyway, for the sake of my kiddos (they do need a dad even a somewhat absent one), I talk to him. I get along with him and well heck, it is who I am.
I am a bitch... or I say I can be one, but mostly I am not.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Pretty good weekend
So what started off with a sad thing, ended very well.
Saturday we had a family reunion with my mom's side of the family. That was fun! I spend a lot of time with my aunts and cousins on my mom's side but not her cousins or their kids, etc. Some of the family I hadn't seen in a long time, some I had never met. It was fun! My mom and one of her sisters (she has 4 sisters). They did a great job.
Afterwards, a bunch of us went out to dinner. Good day. Also got to spend some extra time with my mom's oldest sister, as we (me and the kids) picked her up and took her to the reunion.
Then on to Sunday, went to my parents. Played cards, kids swam a little, had some lunch. Done.
Then Sunday night, got to see Goofball. We did dinner, his buddy's house and then headed to my house for some goodnight kisses. He is adorable but shhhh don't tell him! It will just feed his ego. (ha,ha). Seriously he looked great and I want to tell him because I don't want him to think he has to be anymore than himself with me. I like him as is. (Did ya get that? Just as you are)
Anyway, then I even got to work early this morning! Got a ton done and I am feeling really good..... except I'm sleepy. Sometimes I worry that I will not wake up for work (which never happens) so I kept waking up to make sure the alarm was set and to check the time. Duh!
Next possible match on the schedule wheel of fortune for Goofball and me is May 11th. Hope I can make it without exploding (lol).
Anyway, I can hopefully keep this momentum going all week!!!
Saturday we had a family reunion with my mom's side of the family. That was fun! I spend a lot of time with my aunts and cousins on my mom's side but not her cousins or their kids, etc. Some of the family I hadn't seen in a long time, some I had never met. It was fun! My mom and one of her sisters (she has 4 sisters). They did a great job.
Afterwards, a bunch of us went out to dinner. Good day. Also got to spend some extra time with my mom's oldest sister, as we (me and the kids) picked her up and took her to the reunion.
Then on to Sunday, went to my parents. Played cards, kids swam a little, had some lunch. Done.
Then Sunday night, got to see Goofball. We did dinner, his buddy's house and then headed to my house for some goodnight kisses. He is adorable but shhhh don't tell him! It will just feed his ego. (ha,ha). Seriously he looked great and I want to tell him because I don't want him to think he has to be anymore than himself with me. I like him as is. (Did ya get that? Just as you are)
Anyway, then I even got to work early this morning! Got a ton done and I am feeling really good..... except I'm sleepy. Sometimes I worry that I will not wake up for work (which never happens) so I kept waking up to make sure the alarm was set and to check the time. Duh!
Next possible match on the schedule wheel of fortune for Goofball and me is May 11th. Hope I can make it without exploding (lol).
Anyway, I can hopefully keep this momentum going all week!!!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Sometimes being a grown-up SUCKS
Plain and simple.
Short story: I do not have the dogs anymore.
Long story: I knew that I couldn't keep them. I just do not have the energy, the time or the money it would take to care for them. I had to make (or pick) a decision (whatever!). It was hard. I got the pups loaded up in the car. They were so good on the way there. No whining, no barking, no jumping around. I'm sure they were scared to be in the car but the trusted me. (whah!). I got to the SPCA. Got them out, walked in.... All three of us had racing hearts. Mine was beating so hard, I started to have ringing in my ears. I wanted to run out with them but too late I was committed. The lady took the first one..... I wanted to shout, "noooo he is mine!" but I let her. She came back for the second..... and then it was over. Thank Gawd I still had my sunglasses on. I was crying a little bit.
When it is a better time in my life, I will get a dog. I will be ready for that commitment. I know it isn't easy to care for a dog.... It is a mostly give relationship. Yes there is the companionship but come on, it can't do the dishes, mow the lawn or paint my toe nails..... so really, its me caring completely for it.
And, as I mentioned here..... I have had to give up a lot of pets. I just thought the next time I had a dog(s), I wouldn't have to give them up. These are not ones that I decided to get, they got me. But still....
The decision was to listen to my heart (keep them) or my head (give them up)....So if I made a decision or I just picked the smarter of the two, it doesn't matter because the point is I had to do the grown-up thing and that just plain sucks!
Short story: I do not have the dogs anymore.
Long story: I knew that I couldn't keep them. I just do not have the energy, the time or the money it would take to care for them. I had to make (or pick) a decision (whatever!). It was hard. I got the pups loaded up in the car. They were so good on the way there. No whining, no barking, no jumping around. I'm sure they were scared to be in the car but the trusted me. (whah!). I got to the SPCA. Got them out, walked in.... All three of us had racing hearts. Mine was beating so hard, I started to have ringing in my ears. I wanted to run out with them but too late I was committed. The lady took the first one..... I wanted to shout, "noooo he is mine!" but I let her. She came back for the second..... and then it was over. Thank Gawd I still had my sunglasses on. I was crying a little bit.
When it is a better time in my life, I will get a dog. I will be ready for that commitment. I know it isn't easy to care for a dog.... It is a mostly give relationship. Yes there is the companionship but come on, it can't do the dishes, mow the lawn or paint my toe nails..... so really, its me caring completely for it.
And, as I mentioned here..... I have had to give up a lot of pets. I just thought the next time I had a dog(s), I wouldn't have to give them up. These are not ones that I decided to get, they got me. But still....
The decision was to listen to my heart (keep them) or my head (give them up)....So if I made a decision or I just picked the smarter of the two, it doesn't matter because the point is I had to do the grown-up thing and that just plain sucks!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Climbing out of the fog
I have been living in the land of the Blahs for far too long. My head is finally feeling a bit clear. I realized, I have been walking around like this for a while. I found my motivation too. It was cowering in the corner whimpering! I gave it a cookie and it was back.
But, now that I am feeling more normal again, wow what a mess I have made of things!
Here is where I need to cut myself a break a little bit. I have been buried at work for a while now. Stress, pressure and the fear of not getting this job have taken their toll on me. I'm tired everyday when I get home... No wait, pass tired and head straight to pure exhaustion. I have been snappy with the kids, the cats, Goofball. Its just crazy!
The pressure at work is pretty bad. The guy I work with, J, keeps saying things like, "Why isn't this done yet?" Because I have a lot of things to do, I don't just support you... (Okay I don't say it like that but...) "Well you know that multi-tasking is a big part of doing this job, if you can't do it....." He gives me 90% of my work, the rest of my work doesn't stop at 10%..... No, no! I have several things that I do that are almost full time jobs in and of themselves. So I am basically doing 2 full time jobs.
A person can only multi-task so much. At some point things will fall. Things have fallen and I am now being micromanaged even more than I already was. Ugh!
However, I will say.... I am human. It happens. All I can do is admit the mistake, apologize and make an effort to correct it from happening in the future.
But, now that I am feeling more normal again, wow what a mess I have made of things!
Here is where I need to cut myself a break a little bit. I have been buried at work for a while now. Stress, pressure and the fear of not getting this job have taken their toll on me. I'm tired everyday when I get home... No wait, pass tired and head straight to pure exhaustion. I have been snappy with the kids, the cats, Goofball. Its just crazy!
The pressure at work is pretty bad. The guy I work with, J, keeps saying things like, "Why isn't this done yet?" Because I have a lot of things to do, I don't just support you... (Okay I don't say it like that but...) "Well you know that multi-tasking is a big part of doing this job, if you can't do it....." He gives me 90% of my work, the rest of my work doesn't stop at 10%..... No, no! I have several things that I do that are almost full time jobs in and of themselves. So I am basically doing 2 full time jobs.
A person can only multi-task so much. At some point things will fall. Things have fallen and I am now being micromanaged even more than I already was. Ugh!
However, I will say.... I am human. It happens. All I can do is admit the mistake, apologize and make an effort to correct it from happening in the future.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
I'm a sucker
for big puppy eyes.
So K came home from school and was all excited about some puppies that were at the bus stop this morning. And then that someone's uncle had just seen them. So off went the neighborhood gang to find them. The leader was my little darlin'.
No dice. Shwooo! (or so I thought).
K had to go to Youth Group. No bigs. No pups. Well about 30 mins later one of the boys drops the pups off and disappears.
Crap!
They are doll babies! (I will post pics later) They aren't really puppies. By the look of their teeth, I would guess at least 9 mths old. They are small, not much bigger than my cats. Both boys though at first I didn't see the thingy on the very hairy boy. Thank Gawd that they are both boys! No new puppies, right?
Well my Fave Aunt came to my rescue with some dog food and what I thought was good support. Let them back out, they are more comfortable there. So we tried that. Good they left.... or so we thought.
I went out to the back yard to check the lights, back door and shed (normal night routine). Well here they come! Just happy as can be... saying "Helllllooooo...."
Soooo now they are in my laundry room sleeping. Eek gawd what the heck am I going to do with them?
I would just let them back out but 1. my fence is broken and 2. we are in for some storms tonight. I will make a decision on them later. Keep them, keep one or take them both to the SPCA.
So K came home from school and was all excited about some puppies that were at the bus stop this morning. And then that someone's uncle had just seen them. So off went the neighborhood gang to find them. The leader was my little darlin'.
No dice. Shwooo! (or so I thought).
K had to go to Youth Group. No bigs. No pups. Well about 30 mins later one of the boys drops the pups off and disappears.
Crap!
They are doll babies! (I will post pics later) They aren't really puppies. By the look of their teeth, I would guess at least 9 mths old. They are small, not much bigger than my cats. Both boys though at first I didn't see the thingy on the very hairy boy. Thank Gawd that they are both boys! No new puppies, right?
Well my Fave Aunt came to my rescue with some dog food and what I thought was good support. Let them back out, they are more comfortable there. So we tried that. Good they left.... or so we thought.
I went out to the back yard to check the lights, back door and shed (normal night routine). Well here they come! Just happy as can be... saying "Helllllooooo...."
Soooo now they are in my laundry room sleeping. Eek gawd what the heck am I going to do with them?
I would just let them back out but 1. my fence is broken and 2. we are in for some storms tonight. I will make a decision on them later. Keep them, keep one or take them both to the SPCA.
Commercials
I have a heartburn with most marketing. I would love to get into Marketing myself and have always been obsessed with it. A lot of the times, I would rather watch the commercials than the show. The ex used to complain that I would always talk to him during the show/game but once the commercials were on I wouldn't talk. Yeah, its true. Ha, ha.
Anyway, my oldest son is home sick. I am home with him waiting to take him to the doctor. There was a commercial for one of the Home Mortgage loan places. "Consolidate and save" or "Home Equity Loans and save"..... He said we should do that. I asked what, he said save money. Yes I agree but not that way.
Then there are the medical commercials for varies drugs/meds. Now don't get me wrong, I am all about medical research and glad we have so many choices to help people or at least get some relief for the moment. However, do we really need to have these commercials on..... all the time! My oldest used to say she needed all of them. She would just hear the commercial and now she needed it. If you watch TV, you know most of these commercials are for sexual problems.... either something you have or something you can't do. Ya know? Ummm, sweetie-girl, I don't think you have that problem.
And, do our children really need to know what a tampon does? I mean I didn't really know about them until I needed them and how did I learn about them then? The old-fashioned way of going to the store and buying them, reading the instructions and trial and error. Ouch....
There are things that should be advertised, like maybe new food items or events in the area but there are just some things that I don't want to see and I don't want my children to see. Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, my oldest son is home sick. I am home with him waiting to take him to the doctor. There was a commercial for one of the Home Mortgage loan places. "Consolidate and save" or "Home Equity Loans and save"..... He said we should do that. I asked what, he said save money. Yes I agree but not that way.
Then there are the medical commercials for varies drugs/meds. Now don't get me wrong, I am all about medical research and glad we have so many choices to help people or at least get some relief for the moment. However, do we really need to have these commercials on..... all the time! My oldest used to say she needed all of them. She would just hear the commercial and now she needed it. If you watch TV, you know most of these commercials are for sexual problems.... either something you have or something you can't do. Ya know? Ummm, sweetie-girl, I don't think you have that problem.
And, do our children really need to know what a tampon does? I mean I didn't really know about them until I needed them and how did I learn about them then? The old-fashioned way of going to the store and buying them, reading the instructions and trial and error. Ouch....
There are things that should be advertised, like maybe new food items or events in the area but there are just some things that I don't want to see and I don't want my children to see. Is that too much to ask?
Monday, April 23, 2007
Always a Mom
So we had the Girls Only Weekend. It was a blast! We always have fun. I'm glad I went and can't wait to start planning on the next one! (There is already some buzz and talk).
But, here is the thing, I am always in "mom" mood.... or so I have learned.
Exhibit one: We went shopping on Saturday. I noticed myself doing head counts all the time. Something I am always doing since I am always out numbered (3 kids - 1 mom).
Exhibit two: Not only was I doing a head count but I was usually one of the last in the group. I wasn't the only, thank gawd! or I would have felt really bad. The couple of us in the back commented about this.... We had to make sure nobody was left behind.
Exhibit three: We went to a bar Saturday night. It was great! I ordered a drink called Sex on the Street because I wanted to tell people that I went to Dallas and had Sex on the Street. Ha, ha! See not always a mom.... but here is the mom part. There was a live band. The guitarist's shoe was untied. Yes, folks, that's right. I had to fight the urge to go tie his shoe and no not because he was cute.... Just because as a mom if I see a shoe untied, I want to tie it.
Laugh its okay. I don't mind. At least I didn't try to cut any one's food or spit on a napkin to clean their face. Right? That's something, isn't it?
But, here is the thing, I am always in "mom" mood.... or so I have learned.
Exhibit one: We went shopping on Saturday. I noticed myself doing head counts all the time. Something I am always doing since I am always out numbered (3 kids - 1 mom).
Exhibit two: Not only was I doing a head count but I was usually one of the last in the group. I wasn't the only, thank gawd! or I would have felt really bad. The couple of us in the back commented about this.... We had to make sure nobody was left behind.
Exhibit three: We went to a bar Saturday night. It was great! I ordered a drink called Sex on the Street because I wanted to tell people that I went to Dallas and had Sex on the Street. Ha, ha! See not always a mom.... but here is the mom part. There was a live band. The guitarist's shoe was untied. Yes, folks, that's right. I had to fight the urge to go tie his shoe and no not because he was cute.... Just because as a mom if I see a shoe untied, I want to tie it.
Laugh its okay. I don't mind. At least I didn't try to cut any one's food or spit on a napkin to clean their face. Right? That's something, isn't it?
Friday, April 20, 2007
Heading to Dallas
But first had HMS! It is Friday, hello! Yes Goofball decided to come keep me company while I waited to go to Dallas. I'm so glad because I like him even if he now knows that I am crazy. I'm sure he will forgive me my craziness because I'm just that good. And, hey this is the first time he has seen me like this in 10 months..... I have been depressed before but he hasn't seen me like this. Big difference. I get real snappy and impatient. Otherwise I'm just quiet. Right?
Anyway, so I'm about to go pull the kids from school early so I can get to Dallas at a fairly decent time. I don't want to miss the drunk fest this evening with my girls!
I am, however, dreading the drive. As I am in this funk, it will make it miserable for me. I will be using all my "Sailor" words as I yell at other drivers, I am sure. The kids will be covering their ears in disgust (well H will be giggling and saying that's right dumbass!.... He takes after his mommy. I am so proud.)
Caught on the flip side.... or err, I mean back on Sunday.
Anyway, so I'm about to go pull the kids from school early so I can get to Dallas at a fairly decent time. I don't want to miss the drunk fest this evening with my girls!
I am, however, dreading the drive. As I am in this funk, it will make it miserable for me. I will be using all my "Sailor" words as I yell at other drivers, I am sure. The kids will be covering their ears in disgust (well H will be giggling and saying that's right dumbass!.... He takes after his mommy. I am so proud.)
Caught on the flip side.... or err, I mean back on Sunday.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
On the road again
..... I CAN wait to get on the road again. I'm so tired this week! I think I'm having a little bit of depression (could be the start of PMS?).
The problem with my depression is nothing really has to trigger it and I just kinda feel blah for a few days.... either some solid sleep or a good cry will make it go away. If it is PMS than there are a few things that will help.... sex or just having AF arrive.
Either way I'm Dallas bound tonight for a Girls Only Weekend. I will drop the kids with their daddy-o and I will be free for a few days. Not a work trip, just a fun trip!
UPDATE: Not on the road yet! I may still go tomorrow but for now, not.
The problem with my depression is nothing really has to trigger it and I just kinda feel blah for a few days.... either some solid sleep or a good cry will make it go away. If it is PMS than there are a few things that will help.... sex or just having AF arrive.
Either way I'm Dallas bound tonight for a Girls Only Weekend. I will drop the kids with their daddy-o and I will be free for a few days. Not a work trip, just a fun trip!
UPDATE: Not on the road yet! I may still go tomorrow but for now, not.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Horoscope for today
I just thought this was kind of cool. Kinda like a fortune cookie. Does this not totally speak to me or what?!?!?!
Past heartbreak has given you a strong mental clarity. You know what you need.
I know exactly what I need! Someone that is respectful, thoughtful and doesn't treat me like dirt. No wait, that doesn't treat me lower than dirt! Someone who is interesting and actually likes to do things even if it is nothing (like just drive around or go for a walk just because it is something!).
I need someone who is just the completely opposite of the guy I was with. And, now I know that.
Past heartbreak has given you a strong mental clarity. You know what you need.
I know exactly what I need! Someone that is respectful, thoughtful and doesn't treat me like dirt. No wait, that doesn't treat me lower than dirt! Someone who is interesting and actually likes to do things even if it is nothing (like just drive around or go for a walk just because it is something!).
I need someone who is just the completely opposite of the guy I was with. And, now I know that.
First my motivation, now my mind!
Has anyone seen my brain? I have misplaced it. Maybe if I get it back, I will find my motivation.
I have been crazier than usual. I am having trouble remembering my children's names. I recently called L by K's name, Sebastian our cat was called L and when telling H that I wasn't talking to him that I was talking to L.... I actually said, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to H." Umm, totally duh moment! He couldn't control his laughter. It was in front of my parents. My dad looked worried, my mom was laughing so hard I thought she was going to choke on her food. And really a lot of that is normal. Comedians often joke about it but still!!!
Things that used to be easy decisions are 20x harder. 1% milk or 2?? I always buy 1%, why the question in my mind? Why is it so hard? Just pick one that isn't expiring soon! Go to Dallas or not? Ummm, should be easy, right?
Then there are things like forgetting my watch. I never, ever forget to put my watch on. I did yesterday. Not putting mail in my mail box, even though it is laying right there in plain sight, with my keys, with my purse.
When I got home from NOLA, my dad asked if I could run by my house really quick to pick something up for him. I walked in the house and started straighting up and then started to leave. Almost completely forgeting the whole reason I was there in the first place.
If there was ever a question that I just need a down weekend. A weekend to just escape, this is the weekend! I will not hop back on the "am I going/not?" fence. I am firmly on the going side.
If you are a praying person, please pray for my brain to come home. Please?
I have been crazier than usual. I am having trouble remembering my children's names. I recently called L by K's name, Sebastian our cat was called L and when telling H that I wasn't talking to him that I was talking to L.... I actually said, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to H." Umm, totally duh moment! He couldn't control his laughter. It was in front of my parents. My dad looked worried, my mom was laughing so hard I thought she was going to choke on her food. And really a lot of that is normal. Comedians often joke about it but still!!!
Things that used to be easy decisions are 20x harder. 1% milk or 2?? I always buy 1%, why the question in my mind? Why is it so hard? Just pick one that isn't expiring soon! Go to Dallas or not? Ummm, should be easy, right?
Then there are things like forgetting my watch. I never, ever forget to put my watch on. I did yesterday. Not putting mail in my mail box, even though it is laying right there in plain sight, with my keys, with my purse.
When I got home from NOLA, my dad asked if I could run by my house really quick to pick something up for him. I walked in the house and started straighting up and then started to leave. Almost completely forgeting the whole reason I was there in the first place.
If there was ever a question that I just need a down weekend. A weekend to just escape, this is the weekend! I will not hop back on the "am I going/not?" fence. I am firmly on the going side.
If you are a praying person, please pray for my brain to come home. Please?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Not surprising
The ex and his girl broke up. Well he says they are still friends but he has moved back into his apartment. I am not surprised by this at all. He had text messaged me last week just as I was heading to the airport. I knew something was up. Well he just called me at work and we talked for a while, almost an hour. About my trip, work, his work, the kids, the kids' schedule for the summer, this coming weekend and he also told me that he was back in his apartment. She wanted more than he wanted to give.
I guess that he wasn't completely on board with the whole getting married thing, from what he says. He just wanted to move in with her to have a little more financial security. Uh-Huh.... Right. But, that's his story and he is sticking to it. Actually, just knowing him like I do, I am sure that is part of it, a huge part of it but not all.
Here is my predication though..... They will get back together at least one more time if not start a whole cycle of this break up/get back together thing. This is the second time so far that it has happened. I fully expect them to marry someday too.
For my children's sake, I hope I'm wrong. I hope that he can actually meet someone that better fits him and he actually falls in love with her. The reason I don't like this girl is she just seems too immature and I want my children's stepmom to be a support in raising them.
Same if they ever have a stepdad. They don't need a dad or a mom. They have one of each but the person I pick for myself had better know that he is my partner and is partnered in guiding my children in the same ways a teacher would be.
And, to all you single moms out there, like my ex's "friend", do not rush into a relationship because you think you need a man in your life. Men are great! I like the one I see but I'm not rushing anything.... But, I am a strong person. I know I was complaining about needing help in my blog recently. Yes, I totally do! But, it is more of a "nice-to-have", not a must because I can do these things. I have been doing them for a while now. And the few things I can't do, I can ask for help
Oh and on that note, it reminds me of a conversation with K lately. She and my niece were comparing things. (S's dad is my brother, the one in Iraq) S said, "My dad taught me to tie my shoes." K said, "My mom taught me" S said, "My dad taught me to ride my bike." K said, "My mom taught me".... and on the conversation went. Then K said, "I can't think of much that my dad taught me." I said, "There were things but he worked a lot and wasn't home a lot. It was mostly me." She said she remembers that and she said thanks.
H usually credits his dad for things but really a lot of it was me or when it was his dad, it was me saying, "You need to play with him." Sad but true.
Most of L's memories are going to be of us separated/divorced because I left his dad when he had just turned 3. He is almost 5 now.
Back to my message to women, single women.....
Be strong women. Be strong for yourself. Be strong for your kids. If you can do those things, then men will be a nice to have and you can enjoy them a whole lot more.
I guess that he wasn't completely on board with the whole getting married thing, from what he says. He just wanted to move in with her to have a little more financial security. Uh-Huh.... Right. But, that's his story and he is sticking to it. Actually, just knowing him like I do, I am sure that is part of it, a huge part of it but not all.
Here is my predication though..... They will get back together at least one more time if not start a whole cycle of this break up/get back together thing. This is the second time so far that it has happened. I fully expect them to marry someday too.
For my children's sake, I hope I'm wrong. I hope that he can actually meet someone that better fits him and he actually falls in love with her. The reason I don't like this girl is she just seems too immature and I want my children's stepmom to be a support in raising them.
Same if they ever have a stepdad. They don't need a dad or a mom. They have one of each but the person I pick for myself had better know that he is my partner and is partnered in guiding my children in the same ways a teacher would be.
And, to all you single moms out there, like my ex's "friend", do not rush into a relationship because you think you need a man in your life. Men are great! I like the one I see but I'm not rushing anything.... But, I am a strong person. I know I was complaining about needing help in my blog recently. Yes, I totally do! But, it is more of a "nice-to-have", not a must because I can do these things. I have been doing them for a while now. And the few things I can't do, I can ask for help
Oh and on that note, it reminds me of a conversation with K lately. She and my niece were comparing things. (S's dad is my brother, the one in Iraq) S said, "My dad taught me to tie my shoes." K said, "My mom taught me" S said, "My dad taught me to ride my bike." K said, "My mom taught me".... and on the conversation went. Then K said, "I can't think of much that my dad taught me." I said, "There were things but he worked a lot and wasn't home a lot. It was mostly me." She said she remembers that and she said thanks.
H usually credits his dad for things but really a lot of it was me or when it was his dad, it was me saying, "You need to play with him." Sad but true.
Most of L's memories are going to be of us separated/divorced because I left his dad when he had just turned 3. He is almost 5 now.
Back to my message to women, single women.....
Be strong women. Be strong for yourself. Be strong for your kids. If you can do those things, then men will be a nice to have and you can enjoy them a whole lot more.
Monday, April 16, 2007
No motivation
Did someone steal my motivation? Maybe I lost it on my trip? Where ever it is, I need it back!
I think my problem is I'm still tired from my trip, from my weekend and well just trying to get back in the routine of it all. Ugh!
I am sure once I get some more sleep and get fully in my routine (I'm a routine girl!), then things will fall in place but until then, if you find my motivation, could you kindly send it back to me?
Oh and I'm still smiling today, maybe even a little giggly too. Just thought everyone would like to know that!
Only bad thing today, one sick kid possibly another. I am going to call and see how that one is doing. He just seemed extra sleepy this morning so I'm hoping that is it and nothing else.
I think my problem is I'm still tired from my trip, from my weekend and well just trying to get back in the routine of it all. Ugh!
I am sure once I get some more sleep and get fully in my routine (I'm a routine girl!), then things will fall in place but until then, if you find my motivation, could you kindly send it back to me?
Oh and I'm still smiling today, maybe even a little giggly too. Just thought everyone would like to know that!
Only bad thing today, one sick kid possibly another. I am going to call and see how that one is doing. He just seemed extra sleepy this morning so I'm hoping that is it and nothing else.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Beads!
Sometimes you don't have to flash your boobs to get them! Sometimes you are just cute enough to get them.
I had a great night and even though I started out cranky and whiny. I am smiling and probably (or is it prolly) will be for a long while.... Which is good considering I might not get to see him for a few weeks. The next "match" on the schedule wheel might be April 27th..... Not 100% sure his schedule.
That is if I don't make it to Dallas this weekend. If I don't make it, then I have available the 20th and 22nd.
Decisions, decisions, decisions.
And, here is a confession, I'm sure he will feel bad but I have to remind him, I made a choice. It was my choice and I decided what I wanted. Him (you). Anyway, I was so cranky this afternoon because I was bone tired. I ached to my core I was so tired. But, I wanted to see him so very badly.... and I cursed myself the whole way, "What the f$%# am I doing?" The other side of me answered, "You need to see him." and it was right. As soon as I saw him, all of that melted away and I wasn't tired anymore.
Well since the tired is catching me now that I'm home, I am going to hit the bed.
I am going to put my beads in a very special place and when I see them I will smile and remember tonight.
I had a great night and even though I started out cranky and whiny. I am smiling and probably (or is it prolly) will be for a long while.... Which is good considering I might not get to see him for a few weeks. The next "match" on the schedule wheel might be April 27th..... Not 100% sure his schedule.
That is if I don't make it to Dallas this weekend. If I don't make it, then I have available the 20th and 22nd.
Decisions, decisions, decisions.
And, here is a confession, I'm sure he will feel bad but I have to remind him, I made a choice. It was my choice and I decided what I wanted. Him (you). Anyway, I was so cranky this afternoon because I was bone tired. I ached to my core I was so tired. But, I wanted to see him so very badly.... and I cursed myself the whole way, "What the f$%# am I doing?" The other side of me answered, "You need to see him." and it was right. As soon as I saw him, all of that melted away and I wasn't tired anymore.
Well since the tired is catching me now that I'm home, I am going to hit the bed.
I am going to put my beads in a very special place and when I see them I will smile and remember tonight.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
I'm back!
Trip was good. Event was very successful! I can't wait to get back on Monday so that I can hear what others thought.
Some things I know about myself after this trip.
1. Even though I don't see Goofball too often (about 3x a month.... during a good month), I still missed him like crazy while I was gone. I think it was just not having a lot of internet time and knowing I was miles and hours away.
2. I'm a bad mom. Okay not bad but a bit selfish. I didn't call the kids the whole time I was gone! I did the same this past summer when they were gone for a couple of weeks and did the same at Spring Break. I like my time off from being a mom. It doesn't happen often so when it does, I try to take advantage.
3. I have a good sense of direction!
4. And, well I'm a stronger person than I thought I was. I mean I knew I was strong in many ways, but I haven't traveled for work before and I was worried I would have an anxiety attack or wouldn't be able to sleep. No anxiety attacks. Didn't have trouble sleeping. I had a great time.
Anyway, more blogs to follow soon. I'm just happy to get back in to my routine!
Some things I know about myself after this trip.
1. Even though I don't see Goofball too often (about 3x a month.... during a good month), I still missed him like crazy while I was gone. I think it was just not having a lot of internet time and knowing I was miles and hours away.
2. I'm a bad mom. Okay not bad but a bit selfish. I didn't call the kids the whole time I was gone! I did the same this past summer when they were gone for a couple of weeks and did the same at Spring Break. I like my time off from being a mom. It doesn't happen often so when it does, I try to take advantage.
3. I have a good sense of direction!
4. And, well I'm a stronger person than I thought I was. I mean I knew I was strong in many ways, but I haven't traveled for work before and I was worried I would have an anxiety attack or wouldn't be able to sleep. No anxiety attacks. Didn't have trouble sleeping. I had a great time.
Anyway, more blogs to follow soon. I'm just happy to get back in to my routine!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Hello from New Orleans
Hey y'all!
So I'm here in NOLA and so far having a great time! We didn't work yesterday because our flight was delayed a bit, then shuttle to the hotel took a while and then traffic. So we got to the hotel, chilled for a little bit and then grabbed some lunch. Back to the hotel for a bit.... late dinner.
It was fun just walking around the French Quarter yesterday.
I have only been here once and it really shouldn't count because we only kind of drove through. The ex had looked at a transfer here versus Fargo in 2003..... We didn't care for it then and decided Fargo was the winner.
Anyway, loving it! Missing having internet 24/7 though..... It is weird how much I miss it, but I think it is the people I miss not so much the internet. Some people I talk to daily and is my main form of communication with them. Sad but true!
Oh and I'm totally going to gain 10 pounds before I get home! Goooood foood! Had fried oysters last night.... Wish I could have had a whole plate of those babies! Then gumbo was lunch. Totally yum-o.
Well that's my NOLA update. Be back soon!
So I'm here in NOLA and so far having a great time! We didn't work yesterday because our flight was delayed a bit, then shuttle to the hotel took a while and then traffic. So we got to the hotel, chilled for a little bit and then grabbed some lunch. Back to the hotel for a bit.... late dinner.
It was fun just walking around the French Quarter yesterday.
I have only been here once and it really shouldn't count because we only kind of drove through. The ex had looked at a transfer here versus Fargo in 2003..... We didn't care for it then and decided Fargo was the winner.
Anyway, loving it! Missing having internet 24/7 though..... It is weird how much I miss it, but I think it is the people I miss not so much the internet. Some people I talk to daily and is my main form of communication with them. Sad but true!
Oh and I'm totally going to gain 10 pounds before I get home! Goooood foood! Had fried oysters last night.... Wish I could have had a whole plate of those babies! Then gumbo was lunch. Totally yum-o.
Well that's my NOLA update. Be back soon!
Monday, April 09, 2007
Out for the week
I will not be blogging this week! I will be out of town for work. Whoohoo.
Kids with my mom and the cats.... well the kids and my mom will go over twice a day to check on them. This is mostly because the kids will still be riding the bus each morning and afternoon.
Soooooo don't miss me too much! I doubt I will be back writing until Sunday of next week.
Have a good week, readers. Oh and wish me luck! We have a huge event happening on Friday that just has to go great (not perfect, nothing is perfect!)
Kids with my mom and the cats.... well the kids and my mom will go over twice a day to check on them. This is mostly because the kids will still be riding the bus each morning and afternoon.
Soooooo don't miss me too much! I doubt I will be back writing until Sunday of next week.
Have a good week, readers. Oh and wish me luck! We have a huge event happening on Friday that just has to go great (not perfect, nothing is perfect!)
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Happy Easter
I thought I would share our Easter Eggs with everyone. The kids had fun. L especially enjoyed it and he colored the most.We have done not much today. Just been lazy and its been perfect! We were planning to go one of my cousin's houses but nobody else was going so we didn't go.
The kids each got a new beach towel, a stuffed bunny, chocolate bunny and then some misc stuff.
I got a lecture from my dad about religion. My boys don't know the story of Easter. Well I don't expect L to remember from last year but H should know because we have talked about it. So later today, I will be telling them all the story. Maybe with K for help. I'm not a church person. I prefer my religion more personal.
L had a party at day care on Thursday (school was closed on Friday). Someone made those eggs with confetti in them. L, being 4 1/2, had never seen them before. So being the mom I am.... I let him bust them in the house.
As you can see it was quite a mess! This is just a small part of it. He threw them at a wall in my room.
And this is Big Bear. He had to get in on the fun too! L thought he would look good like this.I think he does!
Most of the confetti is cleaned up but there are still bits of it here and there. I keep vacuuming but it is still there.
Oh well, I made a memory and made my boy smile. That is all that matters to me.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
I need a "wife"....
or at least a domestic helper or a stay-home-husband or something! ACK!
My house feels like chaos. The kids need more structure than I can give them alone and dinner needs to be .... well better.
I am not opposed to being the sole breadwinner in a relationship. I like to work! Of course we all have days we don't want to but overall I enjoy working. I would love to be the one to go off to work and then come home to a clean house, supper and happy kids who aren't out doing who knows what and me being one step from the edge with worry that I'm going to get *that* phone call. (of course I wouldn't mind being a dual-income household either but still.... an extra set of grown up hands would be nice!)
And anyway, I'm so not a good housewife. I'm not very domestic. I mean I can clean my house and do but I'm not organized enough to keep it that way all week plus the kids are working against me. I think they are on a mission or maybe they just like the mess.
Also, I can't seem to get organized enough to cook dinner for us every single night. Well I do okay with it and I try really hard but I don't always make good meals. It is usually something easy and convenient. I use shortcuts as often as possible (boil in bag rice because I don't have to measure which equals thinking). I would love to cook from scratch more and I would like to good better foods.... but conveniences wins every time.
I am also a bit worried about my kids too. It would be nice to know that someone was here when they got home from school. This way there is some one here to make sure they get home, get homework done, and when they go outside, someone knows they aren't just running wild all over the place. Currently things are just chaotic in this department. Sometimes they will come straight home, sometimes they do their homework but mostly they are just running wild in the neighborhood.
Now granted I can't afford to hire a nanny or domestic helper of any kind right now. And, I'm not even in the market for a new husband..... I'm opposed to it someday and for the right reason, love not convenience. But by then the kids will probably be grown.
I just need to break the chaotic feel of the evenings and days. Get more organized and hope for the best. Until then we just do the best we can and we get by. The kids know I love them and I'm here for them. In many ways, I'm a great mom and in others.... well I just need help is all! :)
My house feels like chaos. The kids need more structure than I can give them alone and dinner needs to be .... well better.
I am not opposed to being the sole breadwinner in a relationship. I like to work! Of course we all have days we don't want to but overall I enjoy working. I would love to be the one to go off to work and then come home to a clean house, supper and happy kids who aren't out doing who knows what and me being one step from the edge with worry that I'm going to get *that* phone call. (of course I wouldn't mind being a dual-income household either but still.... an extra set of grown up hands would be nice!)
And anyway, I'm so not a good housewife. I'm not very domestic. I mean I can clean my house and do but I'm not organized enough to keep it that way all week plus the kids are working against me. I think they are on a mission or maybe they just like the mess.
Also, I can't seem to get organized enough to cook dinner for us every single night. Well I do okay with it and I try really hard but I don't always make good meals. It is usually something easy and convenient. I use shortcuts as often as possible (boil in bag rice because I don't have to measure which equals thinking). I would love to cook from scratch more and I would like to good better foods.... but conveniences wins every time.
I am also a bit worried about my kids too. It would be nice to know that someone was here when they got home from school. This way there is some one here to make sure they get home, get homework done, and when they go outside, someone knows they aren't just running wild all over the place. Currently things are just chaotic in this department. Sometimes they will come straight home, sometimes they do their homework but mostly they are just running wild in the neighborhood.
Now granted I can't afford to hire a nanny or domestic helper of any kind right now. And, I'm not even in the market for a new husband..... I'm opposed to it someday and for the right reason, love not convenience. But by then the kids will probably be grown.
I just need to break the chaotic feel of the evenings and days. Get more organized and hope for the best. Until then we just do the best we can and we get by. The kids know I love them and I'm here for them. In many ways, I'm a great mom and in others.... well I just need help is all! :)
Friday, April 06, 2007
Took kids to work
Today was Good Friday, schools closed, day care closed but mom had to work. I figured since this company does a 9/80 schedule (half the office is off on Friday) and it being Good Friday, that few people would be in the office. So I decided I would take just L to work... well that turned into taking both boys and just as we were leaving this morning, K woke up and said she was going.
Okay fine.
Then turns out my supervisor brought in her oldest daughter so thank goodness that I wasn't the only one and actually I saw a few other people with kids there today.
And even though we were there from 7:30 - 3, they were surprisingly good. There were moments I was almost regretting bringing them in but in the end it worked out great!
I don't know that I would do it again anytime soon but it wasn't the disaster I was sure it was going to be.
Then a job update. You may or may not remember this is a temp job for me and I have been hoping for it to go perm..... The process is that they have to post the job, meaning that it is open and anyone can apply. Then they do the interview process and then the selection. Meaning I have to do all of that and meaning that I could lose this job. I found out today that one of the other contractors (different department) was just replaced. She applied but didn't get the job. Yikes!!!!
So anyway my supervisor was working on getting the job in the system yesterday and today she was finishing up the last steps. So I will be applying and hoping for the best. All I can do at this point is my best. I have worked really hard and a lot of people recognize that and compliment me. But, in the end, someone could come along that "looks" better. This job has also had a lot of turnover and they said I am the longest person to stay. That could be a good sign, right?
Then this coming week, I will get to travel for work! To NEW ORLEANS!!!! I cannot wait. I'm hoping this means that they want to keep me but again, no guarantees. Just wishing and hoping.
I will keep you all updated.
Okay fine.
Then turns out my supervisor brought in her oldest daughter so thank goodness that I wasn't the only one and actually I saw a few other people with kids there today.
And even though we were there from 7:30 - 3, they were surprisingly good. There were moments I was almost regretting bringing them in but in the end it worked out great!
I don't know that I would do it again anytime soon but it wasn't the disaster I was sure it was going to be.
Then a job update. You may or may not remember this is a temp job for me and I have been hoping for it to go perm..... The process is that they have to post the job, meaning that it is open and anyone can apply. Then they do the interview process and then the selection. Meaning I have to do all of that and meaning that I could lose this job. I found out today that one of the other contractors (different department) was just replaced. She applied but didn't get the job. Yikes!!!!
So anyway my supervisor was working on getting the job in the system yesterday and today she was finishing up the last steps. So I will be applying and hoping for the best. All I can do at this point is my best. I have worked really hard and a lot of people recognize that and compliment me. But, in the end, someone could come along that "looks" better. This job has also had a lot of turnover and they said I am the longest person to stay. That could be a good sign, right?
Then this coming week, I will get to travel for work! To NEW ORLEANS!!!! I cannot wait. I'm hoping this means that they want to keep me but again, no guarantees. Just wishing and hoping.
I will keep you all updated.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Love the Skin you are in!
Thanks Aimee, at GreebleMonkey for posting this on your blog! Love ya! And, this chic is so speaking my language!
Batman is human
I am human. You are human. However, humans can do great things.
Batman is considered a superhero, yet he was just human and had no super powers. Despite that he did great things. The story goes that he saw his parents murdered when he was a child. He went on to become a crime fighter. No super powers, just pure human willpower.
Batman has always been one of my favorites because of this. Sure Superman could fly, Iceman could make enough ice for a party, Wolverine could slice and dice..... But, Batman, now Batman was the man!
So next time you are thinking, "I'm just human." Think of Batman and know that we just have to have strength, willpower and a really cool car to get through it. Okay maybe not the car but hello the BatMobile?!?! And, don't even get me started on the BatCave!
"Same Bat time, Same Bat Channel"
Batman is considered a superhero, yet he was just human and had no super powers. Despite that he did great things. The story goes that he saw his parents murdered when he was a child. He went on to become a crime fighter. No super powers, just pure human willpower.
Batman has always been one of my favorites because of this. Sure Superman could fly, Iceman could make enough ice for a party, Wolverine could slice and dice..... But, Batman, now Batman was the man!
So next time you are thinking, "I'm just human." Think of Batman and know that we just have to have strength, willpower and a really cool car to get through it. Okay maybe not the car but hello the BatMobile?!?! And, don't even get me started on the BatCave!
"Same Bat time, Same Bat Channel"
Monday, April 02, 2007
My kind of dessert....
Now don't get me wrong, I like ice cream. I like cake. I like cookies, brownies, candy but given a choice.... I would pick fresh berries with either yogurt, cottage cheese or maybe some fat free whipped cream any day. Sometimes I will even put a few walnuts or almonds over the top. Yum! This bunch of strawberries was yum-o.
Watching the storm
My cats watching the storm on Saturday. Aren't they pretty!? He is actually bigger than her but you can't tell in this picture. He is the lighter one, she, of course, is the darker one.
Just Sebastain as it started to clear....
Just Zoe....
Just Sebastain as it started to clear....
Astros Opening Day
Its Baseball season!!!!! And, the Astros play their season opener today. Oswalt is on the mound against the Pirates.
I won't be home in time to see the game from the beginning but hoping I can get settled in for most of it.
I usually don't get home until 6:00-ish anyway.... and today gotta go to the store for cat food. Thankfully what I feed them doesn't have the wheat glutten in it so hopefully we are good for food.
Soooo anyway, go Stros!!!!!
And, just an update on the NAScar season. Dale Jr. has not won a race yet but has done well. He has moved up in the points to 11th which is really good. Jimmie Johnson, who I don't care for great driver but not my fave, has won 4 out of the 6 races..... or something like that. They are talking about changing the name of Victory Lane to Jimmie Lane. Okay not really but ugh! So the next race is the 15th at Texas Motorspeedway. I cannot wait! I just wish I could go! Some day I will. Someday. (Its on my list.)
I won't be home in time to see the game from the beginning but hoping I can get settled in for most of it.
I usually don't get home until 6:00-ish anyway.... and today gotta go to the store for cat food. Thankfully what I feed them doesn't have the wheat glutten in it so hopefully we are good for food.
Soooo anyway, go Stros!!!!!
And, just an update on the NAScar season. Dale Jr. has not won a race yet but has done well. He has moved up in the points to 11th which is really good. Jimmie Johnson, who I don't care for great driver but not my fave, has won 4 out of the 6 races..... or something like that. They are talking about changing the name of Victory Lane to Jimmie Lane. Okay not really but ugh! So the next race is the 15th at Texas Motorspeedway. I cannot wait! I just wish I could go! Some day I will. Someday. (Its on my list.)
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Happy April Fools Day
I am not a fan of this day, not that I dislike it completely... Just not a fan. I have never played a really good joke or prank. I have never really had a really good one played on me (mean but not good).
Talking with H this past week, we were discussing the history of April Fool's day. I didn't know it so we were going to look it up.
Here are some pranks. Some are funny. I love the story of the Taco Liberty Bell.
The only thing I can really remember doing for a joke was when I was about 9 or 10. I had one of those plastic spider rings from halloween. How I still had this thing, I don't know. Anyway, I went to my parents' bathroom and I put it in the toilet paper in such a way that when you unroll it, out pops this spider. Then I waited. Later, my mom screamed then laughed.
Mindy, over at Mama Drama, had a good post today. If you haven't read it or have never visited Mama Drama (who has not read this blog!!?? Its awesome).... check it out!
Anyway, be nice, y'all... Paybacks are hell!
Talking with H this past week, we were discussing the history of April Fool's day. I didn't know it so we were going to look it up.
Here are some pranks. Some are funny. I love the story of the Taco Liberty Bell.
The only thing I can really remember doing for a joke was when I was about 9 or 10. I had one of those plastic spider rings from halloween. How I still had this thing, I don't know. Anyway, I went to my parents' bathroom and I put it in the toilet paper in such a way that when you unroll it, out pops this spider. Then I waited. Later, my mom screamed then laughed.
Mindy, over at Mama Drama, had a good post today. If you haven't read it or have never visited Mama Drama (who has not read this blog!!?? Its awesome).... check it out!
Anyway, be nice, y'all... Paybacks are hell!
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