Back to school Tomorrow

Well it is that time of year again. It just amazes me how I can check off another year just like that (snap)..... If you have school-aged children, years are not always run by the calendar but by the school year.

My babies are going in to 8th grade, 6th grade and surprise of all surprises, shock of all shocks.... Kindergarten. All three will be in school, all school-agers. Wow.

When did my babies grow up? When did they change into these people?

Ah well, I love it just the same because I get to be here. I get to watch them everyday and see how much they change and grow. I feel really lucky and blessed by that.

But back to school time does come with some stress....

We have been getting them all ready. Most years it has been fairly easy to get them ready. The school has provided pre-packaged school supplies. Not this year. I have been to 7 places and STILL cannot get all the things they need. Blah! I will have to send them tomorrow without everything. Oh well. Can't be helped and by the looks of many of the other shoppers, they will be doing the same.

See on Friday, there was a small group of us that kept running into each other at the different stores. I would see the parents looking much like I felt and we would half smile at each other with that silent understanding. "This sucks ass."

And, today, the day before, I still need clothes! In this district they have standardized dress code. This just means polo shirts and khakis. No big deal but the fact that I still haven't finished has me a bit on edge.

To make matters worse, Sunday is half way over and we are still in pajamas with no effort to get ready. I have piles of laundry to wash, school supplies to label and sort, and I'm running out of time. Surprisingly, though my words sounds stressed, I actually feel somewhat at peace with this. There is just something good about being lazy especially before a big day.

But, tomorrow will come and another year will start to tick by, before I know it I will be another empty nester. I can't even think that far ahead yet.

For now, I will be happy to have them back in school. I won't be getting phone calls all day because they just can't get along. I will be once again helping with homework, projects and cutting my work day short to run kids around to activities and friends' houses.

This is my life and I am really trying to enjoy the moments. Because after all, they are just moments in time.

Noise, Messy house and empty frig....

Ah the kids are definitely back and I remember why I needed the break! :)

My house is always noisy. More noise than I can take some nights. Not just the kiddos though, but me too. I seem to yell a bit toooooo much. Ack! But, read on....

When I get home after working about 10 hours going crazy busy from start to finish putting my heart and soul into my job because I love it!, I get home and the house is like.... nothing I have ever seen. It is disgusting some days (like today!). Now I realize they are home all day because school hasn't started but stilllllllll.................

I just went to the grocery store like less than a week ago. I have no food! Already! Okay that isn't completely true but I can see empty space in the frig and pantry again. Big.Empty.Spaces.

I wouldn't change this for the world!!!!

Stuff about the ex, kids and the summer

I just need to talk this out a bit as it has been bothering me a lot.

So since the kids have come back from their dad's, they have been telling me various stories about their summer. Most of it doesn't bother me or sound out of the ordinary. But there are little things that have me a bit .... I don't know...... bothered.....

One story that is bothering me is that one day K was really grumpy and ignoring her dad (she was upset with him and his girlfriend). So the ex told the boys that they could kick her..... so I guess she was hiding in the closest and the boys were kicking her. Hmm, WTF!?

All of them are talking about being overweight, which yeah true for at least one of them, BUT L is only 5.... and not overweight! Why should he have to hear that? And, I would never, ever, never tell my kids they were fat. I have just talked about better choices, getting exercise. He had them weigh in every week. Not completely a negative but you can't tell me that is positive either.

Then I guess the girlfriend slept over most nights. It is a one-bedroom apartment and the boys slept in the ex's room with him and the girlfriend.... They were on air mattresses. Now it doesn't bother me so much that he had his girlfriend around the kids, but what does bother me about it is that he hadn't dated her long before the kids came, maybe just a couple of weeks. She went to his parents' with them all too.... for two weeks. I don't know, just something about the situation bothers me. I am hoping it is just some jealously because that I can get over, but I can't help but feel it is just a bad situation. Read on....

When the kids were there for spring break, he introduced him to his last girlfriend and while they were with him, he asked her to marry him. They liked her kids and her nephew, who K still talks to. Well three weeks after the kids left, they split up and he moved back to his apartment. That was mid-April..... Then the next time they go to visit him, he has a new girlfriend? I don't know. Maybe I am just jealous.

I have introduced them to Goofball, but not for months and months after we started dating. I don't want to just bring random people around them. But, I guess what works for me and what I am comfortable with isn't what is comfortable for the ex. It just bothers me that he doesn't see them often and then when he does have them, he can't just put his girlfriends off for just a short time. Okay 2 months is a long time but still.... Did he have to see her everyday? Did she have to go with them to the grandparents'? Did she have to do everything with them? Did she really have to sleep over? Have dinner every night? Again, I am probably just jealous but something is still just nagging me about it....

There are other things like yelling at L for having an accident. Making them eat over towels. Threating to spank them if the apartment was even the least bit messy. They said if even one toy was out when he got home, he would go nuts (I completely believe it as he was like that here). Most of the summer, they were alone a lot because I guess the girlfriend had trouble controlling them and she was asked to babysit them. Also once he was stuck in traffic and decided to drive off the road, up a hill (like by an overpass) and around the traffic. What the.....? How is that safe? And, leaving them alone at the pool! when L can just barely swim! Telling K to lie about her age while she is watching the boys at the pool so the ex knew it was wrong to leave them like that, yet he still did it!

And, while none of these things alone really bother me (okay the safety ones do bother me), it is all of them that just grate my nerves.

I know I am not perfect. I know I have trouble controlling them sometimes but I really try to protect them, be a good mom. Everything I do in life, I am thinking about them. I mess up... but I don't know.... I just don't know.

I guess I am just jealous. Why? Not sure.... but that is the only conclusion I can come up with why these things are bothering me.

Feels weird....

I am home on a Sunday night. Actually I was for the last 2 weeks but tonight is a little different. Goofball is going out and I'm not going with him. It was my choice not to go but it still feels a bit weird.

Oh background, he gets out of the house on Sunday nights. Before the summer, I would go out and meet him most Sundays. Over the summer with the kiddos gone, we went out together for all of them.

Tonight I could get out. Tonight he is out and yet I decided not to go because I have a thing for guy time. He deserves it! He works really hard all week and really deserves to just be free.

So, Goofball, I hope you have (had) fun and yes I do want you to miss me a teeny, tiny bit but not enough not to enjoy yourself. (which I'm sure will NOT be a problem!) I do miss you.

No more sexual frustrations....

At least for tonight.

So Goofball and I were able to get together tonight. It was sort of an anniversary. One year ago on this date, we got to meet for the first time. Call it our "Meet-n-Greet-iversary" (Ha, ha, actually thought of that over dinner but missed the opportunity to say it then!)......

Last year was my Friday off so we met over milkshakes after chatting online for almost 2 months. It was a really nice meet and greet. He seemed nice and well the rest is history as they say.

We went to dinner, ice cream (of course!) and sex. Niiicee. The last was a surprise thing we hadn't planned on. But, oh so good and oh so needed.

So anyway, it was a great night and the sexual frustration is lessened. Thanks, Goofball.

Blogging Naked

As requested by Jenny at Mama Drama. Though I'm not sure she wanted a whole blog entry dedicated just to this idea probably just a link to one entry that I had already written. Well since I'm not really great at following directions, at least not word for word, I wrote this.

The idea of blogging naked is to be completely open, talking about your deepest, darkest secrets or things you might not want the world to know. I mean this is the Internet after all. Anyone can read this.

I am pretty open and do not hide much. Also, I feel I have blogged naked before, in the figurative form only, of course. Any other way, I wouldn't tell! Just use your imagination.

The most recent is this one about my childhood. Now I have no regrets about posting this. None whatsoever, but I would feel a bit of guilt if anyone in my family saw it, read it and was upset by it. It is not meant to hurt but to heal me. It is history. It is done. It has made me me. I like me. But, this is something did also happened to my family. They suffered too. I just wonder do they have the same types of scars and fears that I have. Maybe not but I am sure they have some.

Then I shared my emotional meltdown. It was a bad day but reading it again today, I wonder was I really that stressed because it just doesn't come through to me. At any rate, I felt exposed, vulnerable. At the moment I wrote it, I was really weak, broken and upset.

Well and at one point I discussed my sex life and likes/dislikes....

My "failed" marriage.... here and here and here..... and many other places too.

And, really just so many others I am sure.... I hope that I continue with as much honesty and integrity as I feel I have in this blog so far. I plan to continue to blog naked because it makes it real, something people might be able to relate to and something for me to look back on and see just how far I have come in this journey of mine.

From married with kids to single mom finding herself and beyond!

Personality

Okay last one for the night.... but I thought this was interesting too.

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Are you an easy girl???

Okay I couldn't help it, had to post this one too. For every one I post on my blog, I have probably taken 3 other quizzes.

Don't ya feel special!?

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Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You An Easy Girl?

Only 33% Bitchy

I'm at it again. I can't help myself, I just keep doing these.....


-----------------------------

You Are 33% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts. Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

How Bitchy Are You?

I have cool kids

Wow. I cannot believe how much my kids have changed over the summer. Really they were always this much fun but oh how I appreciate them a lot more this time.

So the older two and I just got done with a few hands of Uno. It was a blast! We were just cracking each other up! They are getting to be more like people, not just little kids. It is really great.

Even the little one is just really neat to hang out with. He says the funniest little things. He is also finally old enough to start really playing video games and that is what the three of them are currently doing. This is something that was always a part of my family growing up: games. Both board games and video games.

My dad has always been big into technology so we always seemed to have gaming systems even before they were mainstream. We had some weird thing back in the late 70s. I can't remember the name.... Fairchild? maybe or maybe that is some secret government mission. But, anyway, I just remember something about a machine that my dad hooked up in the TV shop that my grandparents owned and you used a joystick thingy and it drew colors all over the TV screen. Not really a game but when you are somewhere between 5-7 (I can't remember how old but I know it was in this time frame) that was a cool thing.

And we always had board games and card games or we were outside inventing games which my kids do as well. We still play games at almost all family gatherings.

And over the course of the years, I have packed and moved 3 very large, large boxes all full of games. It has been reduced since then but we still have a ton of games in our house.

Sooo anyway, I just had a great, great night hanging out with my kids and it was awesome!

I know that they are older now and as they get older this will not always be the case, so I figure, celebrate when I can.

Oh and as I have been writing this, they have started to fight. But, I'm still smiling because I know that I am still raising really great kids.

My life is....

Well almost perfect! That is about what I would have guessed too. (last one for the night! Promise!)

Your Life is 85% Perfect

You truly have the perfect life. And you probably feel like the luckiest person in the world. You have a great career, family, and personal life. You have it going on!

How Perfect is Your Life?

My eyes should be....

Exactly as they are. Though mine look almost nothing like the ones in this pic, mine are just the same color... sort of... brown.

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Nice Sunday Afternoon

So today was a really nice day. We had a pretty relaxing weekend in general, except for Saturday evening which involved a lot of running kids around.

Anyway, so Saturday night I was let in on a little secret. Goofball was going to visit us the next day. He told me in a way that made me smile and get that giddy feeling in my stomach. He was going to come hang out with me and my kids. Wow. It may seem like a little thing but its not. To me, well this is kinda big. I mean I really appreciate him coming all the way out here just to hang out with us.

It turned out to just be me and my boys. K had spent the night at a friend's house and the mom called to ask if they could all go to a movie. SURE! I'm glad she has a good friend to hang out with. Actually she is quite popular but whatever....

So Goofball, the boys and I played Phase 10. The little on got bored and went to watch a movie. The rest of us continued to play.... Until he won.

We then hung out a bit, fought the obvious sexual frustrations we were both having and then we said good-bye.

And so here I sit, smiling with appreciation that he would just come to hang out. Smiling because I enjoyed the afternoon with him and my boys. And smiling even more knowing at the end of the month (or sooner if I can find a way), we can deal with this mounting sexual frustrations. That should be a lot of fun.

I love Texas

I have never really been able to explain just why really. It is just a Texan thing, I guess. Or maybe it is because I have a strong historical background with Texas. First my great (x a few) grandfather was part of the fight for Texas Independence. (Here is another link about him!) I have other ancestors that had a mark on Texas. Then I was born on Sam Houston's Birthday and Texas Independence day. And, my parents made sure that we knew Texas History. We would take day trips or overnights all over Texas. One because it was all the vacation we could afford back then but two because I think they took great pride in our history as well.

This song by George Strait is great and in my opinion is a great song about Texas. This slideshow someone put together to go with the song is great too! I got goosebumps when I watched it and I already get choked up when I hear the song.

Enjoy it!

The lotto dream

Okay admit it, we all have one. I do. You do.

But, I used to kid myself, make myself believe that I would continue to work after I won. I would need to stay busy after all, right. And, no matter how much I won, I would work.

Bhahahaha! (laughter heard round the World)

Yeah, maybe, just maybe that would be true.....But, I seriously doubt it and especially not after the last couple of weeks at work.

I seriously have been coming home emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Not to mention my drive home is plagued by the most horrible traffic known to man. Okay it isn't thaaaat bad but it is very near close.

And, now that my babies are home, I don't want this kind of feeling. I want to come home and enjoy them. I don't want them to have a tired, stressed out mommy to deal with and then wish they were back with their dad and his girlfriend who both had far more time for them then I have in a loooooong time! (And no I am in no way jealous, I'm just saying they were able to be home for them and make dinner and be a "family"). K made dinner tonight!!!! I was sooo thankfully to her. She is a good girl.

And, then there is a day like today, I got to see Goofball at lunch. Oh that was nice to see him. Yeah and I'm acting like I haven't seen him in weeks when really it hasn't even been a week yet since the last time. Anyway, he looked amazing! even more than usual. Could I separate work and him for even an hour? Not very well and I feel a little bad, not completely because I know he understands but crap, I didn't even tell him he looked nice. Have I mentioned he is the first guy that actually makes me all over hot?! No, I haven't? Oh well, I have a hard time keeping my hands off of him, but whatever.

Sooooo anyway, do you think it is a good thing that work has me so drained? Would you call that a good day at the office? I know I will have to get to bed earlier tonight or I will NOT wake in the morning. Plus I want to have breakfast for a change that isn't a bar. No not alcohol but like a nutritional bar thingy.... I think I will need the fuel to get through the day.

Voodoo Doll curses?

When we were in New Orleans in June for work, we had a scavenger hunt. One of the items was a Voodoo doll. Well most people, I think, didn't keep them or even attempt to "put a curse" on someone. However, one of my co-workers did. Why? Because she was drinking a bit tooooo much. She was also pushing my buttons all night but that's another story.

So fast forward to today.... All last week and so far this week has been kinda the whole Murphy's Law at work. If it was going to go wrong, it has.

One of my other co-workers and I decided it was B and her voodoo doll. So if that is the case, how the heck do I get rid of the spell?! Or at the very least, please just say a prayer, cross your fingers, say a chant.... whatever that the spirits that I pissed off, have found enough revenge that they move on to the next victim.

:)

They're BACK!!!!!

I was soooo excited to see them, I got the half way point almost an hour early. So I ended up driving up further to meet them.... Totally worth it!

They loved the balloons!

It is soooo good to have them back!

120 balloons later....

I bought a bag of 120 balloons. Guess how many I blew up?? 117 officially. Two had holes and one actually exploded in my face. That was not fun!

Sooooo I think I'm all ready for my babies to come home.

They did put in a request for some songs to listen to on the way home, so I'm going to whip up a CD really quick and then try really hard to get some sleep!

I'm sooooo excited!!!!!!

A partner

So this was inspired by a conversation with Goofball.... We were just chatting and as conversations sometimes do, it evolved and what it evolved to was our exes.

He said something like all he was looking for was a partner (with her). I didn't say what I was thinking because he was talking and then the conversation changed a bit before I could say, yeah me too.

I am not sure his definition of a partner but for me it was someone to share the load and life and memories. See me, I am a working girl. I like to work. I don't even mind being a Working Mom. Its a good thing for me and my family.

How do I know? Because I have done both. When I first became a mom I was in the Navy. The first two kiddos were Navy Brats. Born at Pensacola Naval Hospital. So when they were just 6 weeks old, they went to a home care provider. It worked for us because thankfully I had a good one (actually the first couple were a disaster but finally found a perfect fit.) Then they went to a day care later. I worked until they were almost 9 and 7 years old, and my new little one was 11 months old. He got lucky and was able to stay with his Nana for the first part of his life.

Well in 2003, we decided it was best for me to stay home for a little while. I had been laid off and the jobs I was finding would just barely pay the day care bill. It didn't make sense.

I thought "Wow staying home would be pretty easy after working." Not easy in that I would just be lazy but just easy in that I wouldn't have to do all the things I already did PLUS work. Because I did 95% of everything anyway. He pretty much washed the clothes. That's it. I still had to put them away (which I didn't do all the time). Anyway, I was surprised at how tough an adjustment it was. Going back to work later was a snap compared to the transition to staying at home..... Though I did enjoy my time at home and really it was easier than working and doing all the kid stuff and house stuff.....

So I stayed home for 2 year. What I did at home was.... everything. All I asked was that he made a mess, he would clean up after himself. Like if he decided to make himself a different dinner or maybe a snack. But, I made all the meals. I cleaned the house everyday. I did all the grocery shopping. All the kid care. Everything. That was the deal for staying home. Oh and we lived in Fargo so I shoveled the drive a lot..... He did sometimes too.

When I worked, he did the laundry and when we had a yard, he would do that too. But, we rented a lot so normally didn't have to worry about that. We did sometimes split the cooking when we both worked, but I still did pick up/drop off of the kids about 95% of the time too. A lot of times I would get home with the kids and he would just be at home half way through a football game on the Playstation. No dinner started. And, why couldn't he pick up the kids?

But yeah I think that is what we are all looking for; a partner. A relationship that is give and take..... and not just one person giving and the other taking.... but equal giving and taking.

Reality being what it is, relationships aren't always balanced all the time... Sometimes one person needs more because sometimes life circumstances cause the relationship to tilt a bit. That's okay, I think. Because I believe that if it is a good relationship, that it will balance out in the end.

I just hope I get it next time around.

End of Summer.... sort of.

Okay so by the calendar, its not really the end of summer but it is for me.

My kids come back on SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And while I really can't wait, it also means that the already limited time that I have to see Goofball is now cut back again. While my kids have been gone these two months, he and I have enjoyed a lot more time together because I could fit my schedule to his. Now we will have to try to match schedules again.... which is really what we were used to and I will admit, I feel a bit spoiled by the time together. He just left and don't tell him.... okay I know he reads this.... but I cried when he left.... why? Because I'm a girl! Sometimes we do that.

I have really enjoyed this summer. My time alone, time with Goofball and just doing whatever I wanted to do. I was having serious financial issues before the summer. Now I am back on track. Very good in fact.

Well now I am going to start decorating the house for the kids return. Wow, do I remember how to be a mom?? I have to cook dinner and fed people other than just myself (and the cats)... so I am going to hang streamers and blow up a ton of balloons so that when they get home, they will know I missed them and that I am very glad they are back! I will get something special for dinner and maybe even get/make a special dessert.

So that's the end of my summer.....