Friday, February 23, 2007

Weight Issues

I guess this is the topic of the day. From the MILF checkin that many of my friends do to people that just have it on their minds.

So I guess I will jump on the bandwagon and share a few of my things.

First and foremost, I will not for one second post my weight, but let's just say.... yeah I need to lose big time.

Secondly, I am very educated in this area. I know what to eat, how to eat, how much to eat and that I should be eating far more meals in a day than I do. I know how I should be exercises, etc.... It used to be part of my job to stay in shape. And, except for some flabby spots from having the kiddos, I did really well. I ran 4 miles everyday. A few times a week I even did step aerobics. I also used to take my huskies running too...... or maybe I was just pulled. Never really checked to see if my feet were touching the ground. I used to bowl. I used to play volleyball. I used to just be a lot more active person.

And, here is my issue..... I was never, ever accepted for who I was and how I was. Well here let me back up a step more. After having K at age 21, I was able to fit right back into to my size 7 jeans. Still looked pretty damn good too! Then I had H at age 22 (19mths later).... I gained so much. He was so big for me. It settled mostly in the flab of my stomach, bigger hips and thighs. But, this is when I started really working out. Up to this point, no problem.

The ex started putting me down. Telling me he was going to divorce me for gaining weight. Oh really? F$%^ you.... So my weight bounced a round but for the most part I stayed around a size 10. Not too bad!

Well on one of my runs, I stepped funny and hurt my foot really bad. I didn't realize it until the next day. I tried to run but it was so bad. I got home from that day-after run and I could barely get my shoe off. Military doctors aren't always great..... but nobody really could figure out exactly what was wrong. Even now if I walk a lot, it will hurt that bad again so though I have tried to run in the years since, I can't or I will not be mobile for days after. I miss running so much! I tried everything. New shoes, different surfaces.... everything I could think of. Even a treadmill doesn't work..... but to me that's not the same. I love to run outside. Hot, cold, rain, snow! Love it! Anyway......

Well I got out of the Navy and got an 8-5. No opportunities with commuting and my work schedule and now his new work schedule. I couldn't seem to fit my work out in. I tried but it was harder than being in the Navy when I was granted time during my work day to do it.

So I slowly got bigger.... size 12, size 14..... this is where I stayed most of the time (now too)..... Well at some point I got pg again.... got huge again! Huge, huge! Well that was it. My stomach is a mess now. Oh well!

Anywho, I have lost a lot of weight over the years and done great things but I was still told the most horrible things. A person that is suppose to be in love with you should not say those things to you. Period. And please if someone is actually trying as hard as the can. Working out, doing the whole lifestyle changing diets, etc..... do not tell them they are ugly and do not tell them they are fat. They know it. They feel bad about it. They really want to change but life happens.

So if you are wondering. I am happy as is. I love me!!! I would love to lose weight NOW. But it took me a long time to get like this and I am slowly working on it. It is on my mind every freakin' day. I do think about what I eat even when I eat something "bad" for me. I do think about the exercise that I can do. And, as a small milestone for the week, I did wear a smaller size of dress pants to work this week. This is probably my true size but I have been wearing ones that are a tiny bit larger. But, hey good is good!

And, yeah if you were also wondering, I almost don't want to lose the weight right now because if someone doesn't like me, than too f$%^ bad! This is who I am. And, when the time is right, that person will love me and accept me as is and than who knows!?

That's me! Happy as a duck. :)


greeblemonkey said...

good for you! :)

Esmerelda said...

You go!! I'm sort of afraid to lose my baby pooch because that's still my little connection to know?